Kim couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  Gerald was proposing to her!  And she just stood there, speechless.  She looked at him and found him staring at her, waiting for her answer.

          “Ge….hindi ba masyado naman yatang maaga para dyan?  I mean, alam natin pareho na sigurado na tayo sa nararamdaman natin para sa isa’t isa, pero pa’no na yung mga pangarap natin?  Ikaw, yung business na gusto mong itayo.  Ako, di pa tapos yung bahay…Sa palagay mo ba ito na yung right time para dyan?”

          “Kim, I understand what you’re trying to tell me.  I just want an answer.  I guess you already gave it to me…Don’t worry, di naman kita pipilitin eh.  Nag-bakasakali lang ako.”

          Gerald returned to his seat and resumed eating the rest of his dinner.  Kim followed and sat in front of him, not knowing what to make of his reaction.

          “Babe, galit ka?”

          “Hindi ako galit.  Wag ka mag-worry.  I guess I was just as afraid as you were.  Nung makita ko kasi how affected you were when I passed out, na-realize ko how short life is.  We never know how long our time is in this world.  I thought I’d make the best of what we have right now.  Kagaya ng sinabi ko, you don’t have to stop with your career if you don’t want to.  Just to have you as my wife, wake up next to you in the morning, hear people call you Mrs. Gerald Anderson, come home to you at night… masaya na ako.  But I guess nabigla kita.  Hindi ka pa siguro handa sa klase ng commitment na hinihingi ko.  Ok lang yun, wag mo na isipin.  Sige na, finish your dinner.  Medyo malamig na rin, we should be getting back inside.  Baka magkasakit ka pa.”

          The rest of the meal was consumed in silence.  Kim kept looking at Gerald, afraid to say anything that might further aggravate the hurt she knew he was feeling.  But she couldn’t find it in herself to agree just yet.

          After dinner, Gerald led her back to the house.  He asked her if it would be ok for him to wash up first because he had something to discuss with Big brother later.  She agreed and busied herself with cleaning the mess in the kitchen.

          Half an hour later, Gerald came out of the bedroom, gave her a sad smile and motioned that he would be going inside the confession room.

          “O, baka mag-alala ka na naman.  Saglit lang ‘to.  Wag mo kukulitin si big brother ha.  Ako ang pinapagalitan eh.  Freshen up and rest.  I’ll join you in a while.”

          “Sige.  Basta, saglit ka lang ha.”

          “Oo, sige na.”

          Gerald went inside the confession room, locked the door from the inside and proceeded to the secret room where Zoe, Joven and Ali were still waiting for him.

          “O, ano, pumayag ba?”  Zoe asked.

          He shook his head before lying down on the bed, rubbing his chest.

          “Bro?  Masakit pa rin?”  Ali was suddenly nervous as he looked at Gerald’s pale face.

          “Konti lang, bro.  Ate, anong developments ng treatments ko?”  He asked without saying anything about the subject of Zoe’s inquiry.

          “Ali, Joven, pwede nyo ba kaming iwan sandali?”

          The two nodded in agreement before stepping out of the room through the secret entrance.

          “RJ, I want to be completely honest with you.  The treatment isn’t doing well.  Your body’s not responding to it as much as I hoped it would.”

          “What do you mean?  Do you need to operate?”

          “I’m afraid I might have to.  I’m still waiting for the results of some tests I ran yesterday.  I will let you know as soon as I get them.  If we have to do an operation, it has to be done in the States.  I don’t want to take the risk.  I hope you understand.  Don’t worry, I will talk to Ms. Charo and Mr. M so that you won’t have any problem with your contract.”

          “I’m not worried about the contract, Ate.  I’m more worried about how I’m gonna tell Kim.”

          “Do you want to?  Tell her, I mean.”

          “I don’t know.  I feel so empty and rejected.  But I couldn’t very well admit that to her, could I?  I told her I understand, in fact, I really do.  But it doesn’t lessen the pain.”  And he broke into tears as Zoe rushed to him and hugged him.  She couldn’t say anything because she felt the pain in his voice and saw how deep the hurt was in his eyes.

          “I guess it just isn’t the right time yet, RJ.  Besides, it would be unfair to Kim if you get married then you up and leave for the operation.  Just give it some time, I’m sure everything will fall into place.”

          Zoe stood up and took a vial of ampicillin and injected it to his arm.

          “Rj, please try to rest tonight.  I am just waiting for the result of the cardiac cath that we did this morning.  I will see you again tomorrow morning, ok?”

          “Thanks, ate.  Goodnight.  Mag-rest ka na rin.”

          Zoe watched as Gerald slowly made his way out of the confession room.  Her heart goes out to him because she knows how much he really loves Kim.

          “In God’s time, RJ…in God’s time…”

************************************************************************************************************************************************

          Gerald found Kim lying on the bed, waiting for him.  He slid next to her and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.

          “Goodnight, Kimmy… I love you.”

          “Ge…”

          “Please?  I really don’t want to talk about it.  Mag-pahinga muna tayo ha?  It’s been a very long day.  Happy Valentine’s, baby.  Sleep tight.”

          And he closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears from streaming down his face.  He could still feel Kim’s eyes on him.

          Kim reached up and gave him a kiss on the lips before lying on her back.  She felt so guilty, but she knew in her heart that she really wasn’t ready yet for that kind of commitment.

          “I’m so sorry, babe…I’m so sorry…”  She muttered under her breath as tears coursed through her cheeks.  It took her some time before she was able to sleep.

          Gerald woke up to the sound of single chimes sounding off every 2 minutes.  His head throbbed and the chest pains were becoming intolerable.  He turned to see if Kim was already awake.  He found her looking at him, an awkward smile on her lips.

          “Hi baby…good morning.  You want to take a stroll along the beach?”

          “Teka lang, kanina pa yata ako tinatawag ni big brother sa confession room, di mo ba naririnig?”

          “Pakinig ko.  Kaya nga ako nagising eh.  Bakit kaya?  May problema ba?”

          “Wala naman siguro.  Wait lang ha?  Mag-toothbrush muna ‘ko then puntahan ko sya.  Tulog ka ulit, maaga pa.”

          Gerald went to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.  As he looked at the mirror, he realized why Kim was asking him if there was anything wrong with him.  He looked as white as a ghost.  He tried pinching his cheeks to urge some color into it before going out of the bathroom.

          “Kimmy, dyan ka muna ha?”

          “Sige, magluluto ako ng breakfast natin.”

          He nodded before continuing his way to the confession room.

          As soon as he entered the secret room, he knew something was very wrong.  His mom was there, so was Mr. M and Ms. Charo. 

          “Ma?  Ms. Charo, Mr. M, good morning po.  Ate Zoe, bakit sila nandito?”

          “RJ, I have to tell you something very important.  I got the results of the cardiac cath this morning and I’m afraid I have some bad news.”  Zoe inhaled deeply before proceeding with her announcement.  “You’re not responding to treatments because your Aortic Stenosis is already in the advanced stage.  This means we have to do a valve replacement.  For young patients, we usually recommend valves from human cadavers to avoid the need for anticoagulation medication.  That means blood-thinning medications to prevent blood clots from forming on the valve surfaces.”

          “How long will it take?”

          “The operation?  8 hours minimum, 12 maximum.  But that is not my major concern.  Right now, you’re the 7^th in the waiting list for the aortic valves.  We have to wait until then before we can do the operation.  I’m just afraid it might take too long.”

          “Ate, what do you mean?  If the valve doesn’t get replaced in time, I might die?”

          “I’m afraid so…”  And Zoe embraced him as sobs got caught in .  Mommy Vangie was already crying buckets since he entered the room.  Mr. M and Ms. Charo were also in tears.

          Gerald took a deep breath before he spoke again.  “It’s ok, everyone, I’m ready for this.  Whatever happens, I know I’ve lived my life the way I wanted to.  Besides, I’ve already shown the world how much I love the people closest to my heart.  There’s really no need to be afraid.  If it’s my time, then it is.  Just be happy that I have once touched your lives.  I just hope I made a difference somehow.”

          Nobody dared speak after what he said.  He nodded at them, and left the room.  Inside the confession room, he let the tears flow freely.  He took the pen and paper on top of the table and wrote some instructions for Ali and Joven.  He also wrote a letter to Ate Nhila. 

Gerald stood up and looked at the other door on the opposite side of the room.  It had the same appearance as the door of the blue room, but the color was pink.  He stepped inside and looked at everything he has worked so hard to put together in such a short time.  Feeling quite pleased with how it turned out, he smiled.

Before going out, he checked his appearance and tried to look happy so that Kim wouldn’t notice.

          ““This is really ironic.  It's Valentine's Day and my heart is my problem, figuratively and literally. Now, I really understand why Kim did not agree to my proposal.  Lord, thank you for saving her from this ordeal.  I just hope she remembers me once in a while.”