December 18, 2009 – Location shooting, Paano Na Kaya

          “CUT!  Kim, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yes, Direk?  Did I do anything wrong?  Sorry, I didn’t realize we’re already shooting the same scene seven times already. Promise, I’ll do it right this time…”

“Iha, what’s the matter?  Did you forget your lines?  You seem distracted.  This is the 3^rd shooting day in a row that you’ve been committing constant mistakes, forgetting your lines and missing your blockings.  What is it?”

“Don’t mind me, Direk.  I’m just tired.  I’ve been shooting everyday for more than a week now.  All I need is to rest and get some shut-eye and I’ll be good as new.”

“I hope so, Kimmy…I hope so….Anyway, just finish this scene and we’ll call it a night, ok?  You can go back to Manila right away if you don’t feel like joining the rest of the cast and the crew for a last night gimik and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Direk, I appreciate it.”  And with a slight nod of her head, Kim went back to the set, feeling as sad as ever.

After 2 more takes, Direk Ruel was finally satisfied with her last scene.  Kim slowly walked towards the tent where Ate Tata is fixing her things.  She already told her earlier that they’ll be leaving for Manila immediately after the shoot.

“Ate Ta, are my things all packed up?  Can we go now?  Where’s Kuya Fredo?,”  Kim sounded more frantic than tired.

“Kimmy, why don’t you rest for a while?  You haven’t eaten anything since lunch.  Would you like to eat first?”

“No, I just want to go home,”  she replied.  “Do you need any help with the bags?”

“No, go ahead.  Fredo’s already in the van, waiting for us.  I’ll tell everybody that we’re leaving.  Here, bring Ge’s pillow and get comfortable.  I won’t be a minute,” quips Ate Tata, looking as worried as ever.  She watches her ward slowly make her way to the waiting van before picking up Kim’s bags and wardrobe.  Tata couldn’t help but mutter to herself, “she’s been like this since Ge left for Missouri…poor girl, she must really miss him a lot.”

Kim took the seat at the back of the van.  She touched Ge’s pillow lovingly, as if it was the owner’s face she was holding.  Before she knew it, she was already shedding silent tears.  Hugging the pillow to herself, she closed her eyes and tried to remember what happened in the last 2 weeks.

….after her interview with Tito Boy (Abunda), she had to go straight to the set of I Love You Goodbye.  Her call time was 7:30 and since she finished early with the Buzz, she still had a good half an hour to spare before the shoot.  When she arrived at the location, she asked Ate Tata to inform Direk that she was already there, but would rest for a while inside the van.  When Kim was finally alone, she took her cellphone out to check if Gerald called or texted her.  She was slightly disappointed to find neither a missed call nor a text message from him.  Kim looked at her watch to check the time while trying to remember Gerald’s schedule for that day.  Suddenly, she realized it was Sunday, the 29^th of November, and Gerald may already be at the 23^rd PMPC Star Awards.  Feeling a little bad that she couldn’t accompany him to such an important occasion in his career, she tried calling his cellphone to wish him luck on his Best Actor nomination but it was out of the coverage area.  He was probably inside already, she thought.  With a firm resolve that she would call him right after the shoot, she stepped out of the van and made her way to the bright lights just a mere distance from where she was.

It was 2:00 in the morning when the taping wrapped up.  Kim was really tired and sleepy already that she completely forgot about Gerald being at the Star Awards.  When she got home, she went straight to bed without checking her cellphone.

Kim was already at the set of her Paano na Kaya taping at 9am the next day.  Ever since she woke up an hour earlier, she had been trying to reach Gerald’s cellphone, but to no avail.  She sent several messages asking him to text her back. 

Since they have to shoot at different locations, she thought that maybe he was already taping.  But several hours later and still no response from Gerald, Kim was already getting worried.  She texted Ate Nhila, who reported that Gerald was indeed taping and that he forgot his cellphone at his house.  Kim asked her to inform him that she texted.  

By late afternoon, during her break, Kim was getting restless because Gerald still hasn’t called.  To appease herself, she wanted very much to believe that the shoot was indeed taking longer than it should.  Pushing the thought from her mind, she went to her van, closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep.  Thirty minutes later, she woke up to Ate Tata’s gentle nudge.

“Kimmy, wake up.  You’re about to start.  Direk is looking for you.”

“Ate Ta, can you hold on to my phone for me, in case Ge calls?  Can you ask him where he is and if he’s picking me up tonight after the shoot?  Thanks!”  With that, Kim went to where the scene was to be shot.

After her last scene, Kim quickly grabbed her canvass bag and ran to where Ate Tata was waiting for her.

“Ate, did Ge call? Did he send a message?,”  were Kim’s incessant questions when she reached Ate Tata.  Kim’s shoulder sagged when Ate Tata told her that he hasn’t called, before reluctantly handing over her cellphone.

“Kimmy….” Ge called her attention.  Her face immediately lit up like a light bulb inside a dark room.  She ran to where he was and hugged him tightly, then she looked around them to see if anybody’s watching, and finding there was no one in sight, she kissed him hurriedly on the lips .

“Where were you, handsome?  I was already thinking that you forgot you have a girlfriend waiting for you tonight,” Kim whispered in his ear.  “Didn’t you miss me, hmm?”

“Of course, I missed you, Kim.  That’s why I’m here to pick you up.  I might have left my cellphone at the house that’s why I couldn’t call you.  Ready?”

“Uh-huh…Just let me go over to Ate Tata to tell her I’m going with you and that you’re taking me home later, ok?”  As she retraced her steps to where her van was parked, Kim couldn’t help but be puzzled with the way Gerald was acting.  He called her KIM.  He only does when he’s serious or in an “offended mode”.  She also knew that he was just faking his smile because it didn’t reach his eyes.  She knows him too well.  It’s been almost four years since they met at the PBB house and they have been inseparable since then.  When she couldn’t find any reason for his seemingly cold reception, she dismissed it as a sure sign of fatigue.

When Kim finally came back, she saw Gerald leaning on his car, waiting for her.  She stopped a few steps from where he was and watched him as he seemed lost in his thoughts.  He looked so sad.  Suddenly, he looked up and found her watching him.  He smiled his best pin-up boy smile.  But Kim couldn’t be fooled.

“Let’s go?”  Gerald took her canvass bag from her and opened the passenger door so she could get inside the car.  He then leaned over to fasten her seatbelt.  Kim blushed a little as she thought he was bending down to give her a kiss.  He then went to deposit her bag in the back compartment before getting in at the driver’s side.  He slowly eased his way out into the busy street.

“So, where do you want to go?  Ate Tata told me you haven’t eaten yet.  Want to grab something to eat?”  He asked her without looking at her.  He could feel her gaze, but decided to concentrate on the road instead.

“Baby, is something wrong?  You’ve been like this since you came to the set.  Are you sick?”  Kim placed her hand on Gerald’s forehead to see if he was coming down with fever.  Realizing he was not, she settled her hand on top of his.

“I’m good.  Don’t worry.  Just a little hangover.  Besides, I’m tired because the shoot took longer than necessary.  So, where to?,” Gerald tried to sound eager but Kim knew better.

“Hangover?  You partied last night?”  Kim pouted.  “You choose.  I don’t feel hungry.  I was worried when you didn’t call earlier,”  Kim answered, still looking at him intently.  “Look, why don’t we just get some take-outs and eat at your house?  I can call Kuya Fredo to pick me up later so you won’t have to bring me home.  You need to rest, I know you’re tired.”

Gerald pretended not to hear her first two questions.  “It’s ok.  I want to spend as much time with you before…”  Ge stopped in mid-sentence and looked at Kim. 

“Before what?,” Kim asked.

“Nothing.  I said I just want to spend more time with you as much as possible since we didn’t see each other the whole day today.  Come on, let’s buy you some Crispy Pata and Siomai,”  Gerald fleetingly caressed her cheek before turning his attention back on the road.

An hour later, Gerald sat on the huge sofa in front of the tv in his entertainment room, while Kim was lying beside him with her head on his lap.  Kim the tv and coursed through the channels, without looking for any show in particular.  She settled for PBB Double Up, with the hope that they could go down memory lane.  That has always been a feel-good bonding activity that they never get tired of.

Kim knew that Gerald wasn’t asleep although his eyes were closed.  She watched his face as varying emotions manifested right in front of her very eyes.  She knew something was very wrong.

Kim let go of his hands and sat up before moving a bit to sit on Gerald’s lap.  He opened his eyes to find her face inches from his.  She looked at him lovingly, cupped his face in between her hands and asked, “What is bothering you?  Don’t tell me it’s nothing.  I know you too well, baby.  Please tell me.  Did I do anything wrong?” 

When she heard SNN host Boy Abunda’s familiar voice crackle on the tube to signal the start of the show, it suddenly dawned on her.

“Oh my God, you watched the interview!  Baby, I’m so sorry…Please forgive me…I was so tactless.  I didn’t know how to get out of it so I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.  Baby, please say something…” were Kim’s apologetic mumblings as she tried to catch Gerald’s eyes with hers.

She saw that tears were already streaming down Ge’s face, but he kept his eyes closed.  Kim couldn’t help but feel the pain that she saw on his face.  It was unbearable.  She embraced Gerald tightly, trying to comfort him, thinking how careless she had been.  In no time, she was also crying, repeatedly asking for his forgiveness, not only for that interview but for the countless times she’d denied him in public.

Gerald didn’t move.  He didn’t embrace her back.  He didn’t say anything. He just sat there silently crying the way Kim has never seen him cry before.  She wished that the pain would go away. 

Slowly, Gerald pulled Kim’s hands from his neck and shifted her legs so she was straddling him on his lap.  He drew a very deep breath before he tried to speak.

“Kim, I know, that you know, why I’m feeling so depressed right now.  I’m not blaming you, nor am I mad at you.  You know very well that I try to understand you each and every time something like this happens.  I just don’t know why this particular interview hit me where it hurts the most, but it did.  I’m sorry.  I had no plans of telling you, but I can’t pretend with you because you know me too well,”  Gerald explained while trying to stop the tears from coming.  “Don’t worry, baby, I still won’t put any pressure on you.  Take your time for as long as you want, I will still be here waiting for the time when you’ll be ready to tell them about us.  But…”

Kim was looking at him intently, feeling his pain with every tear that was streaming down his face.  “But what?  You want to break up with me?  NO!!! Please baby, don’t do this…I’m sorry.  If you want, I will call a presscon tomorrow and tell the world how much I love you, that I always have, since PBB…please?  Don’t leave me.  I love you so much.  I don’t know how I’m going to get through each day without you…”  Kim buried her face on his neck and sobbed uncontrollably.

“Kimmy, Kimmy…..sssshhhh….listen first.  Didn’t you hear what I said?  I’m NOT breaking up with you, nor am I leaving you.  At least not the way you think.”  Gerald tried to explain.  “I know that you love me, and I love you more.  You don’t need to call the press to tell them anything.  I’m pretty sure you’re going to regret it anyway the minute our relationship gets revealed.  I don’t want you to get hurt when the tabloids get nasty.  Right now, the mills are already buzzing with intrigues as to why you didn’t go to the Star Awards with me, and of course, your interview yesterday,” Gerald replied, his voice shaking a bit.  “So, I thought I might go back to the States for a while…” 

It was almost a whisper but Kim heard him as if he was using a microphone.  “Ge, baby, you’re leaving me?”  Kim looked at him with painful realization in her eyes and her voice broke as fresh tears ran down her face.  “I thought we were going to spend Christmas eve together just like last year?”

 “Please try to understand, Kimmy.  My heart is broken into shreds, has been for quite awhile, and I just need some time to mend it back so it can love you even more.  I won’t be gone long, just a couple of weeks or so.  We still have a movie and a teleserye to finish, remember?  I’ll be back before you know it.  Besides,” Gerald tried to smile through his tears as he lovingly looked at Kim, “it’s not as if we won’t call each other everyday.”

It’s been exactly 10 days and 17 hours since Gerald boarded his plane to Missouri and Kim felt so miserable.  She was on her way to the airport that morning, hoping she could get to talk to him before he could get past the immigration, but an accident along Sucat prevented her from doing so.

          She knows that Gerald needs some space and she’d gladly give him that if that is what it will take to have him back.  But, boy, does it hurt!