Ultimately short update this is sad.

He's in Japan. 

..and I am here, working my off with my eonnies. 

A comeback was scheduled for us and knowing that, I can't remember the last time I actually met him. This is literally eating me from the inside. 

"Mokja, Hyo Mi aa.. Chebal.." Sa Rang eonnie begged me. 

I have not eaten for the past 2 weeks. I just cannot. I cannot swallow food. But I've been keeping myself hydrated with juices and smoothies. Despite all this, our dietician and health instructor are not please by the rapid rate I lost my weight. It's not something I can control. I seriously cannot consume food and I have no idea why. 

"I know you miss him, Hyo Mi aa.." Sa Rang eonnie continued to try to break through. "But you have gotta eat, girl. You cannot be too skinny. It won't be y for our comeback, dear, please cheballyo~!" 

I just blinked at her and the rest of the eonnies in frustration, when a tear decided to roll down my cheeks. 

"I don't know whats wrong with me.. I tried.. But as soon as food goes in, it comes back out.. I feel sick, eonnie.." and the rest of the evening was spent with me crying because of I don't know why. 

Our comeback was something like Sistar's Touch My Body, even the dance. It was a super y dance but oh so catchy and energetic. So our bodies being incredibly y is really important. The attire are all summer inspired. Short shorts. Like really short they're almost illegal oh lord! A bit of fat will be just perfect and my loss of appetite isn't doing me any good. Not only in term of appearances, I also feel tired and exhausted. This is not good. 

My company decided that sending me for a checkup in the hospital is vital at this point. No risk should be taken. Our comeback is in two weeks time. I cannot afford to be sick and I do agree. 

"Kyung.."

"You sound really week, hunny. " 

It was Kyungsoo calling me on my mobile. That's merely it. That's the only thing that mediates the two of us. Both of our companies know that we're dating by now. But not everybody from the company knows. Not all the artists knows. Our managers said that this is very important and so many measures are taken to protect us. We aren't allowed to use social media to contact each other. Only through the traditional way of calls using private numbers. No face time, no video calls. No text messages, because this could be traced by telco companies.

"Extra extra careful," that's what we were always reminded of. Some of the EXO members still have no idea we are dating, although all of my eonnies are in the know. 

Our companies and managers decided to let us discreetly date, because of the amount of trust they have in Kyungsoo and I. At one point, the two of us decided to just let our managers know and this made the managers feel amazed at how quiet we were about this. 

"Oh yeah, about that. I just wanna let you know that--*sniffles* I'm at the hospital for a checkup.."

"Wait. Just that?" 

What did he expect? I so want to give him a kiss, but that's almost impossible. I so want to hold him in my arms, you have no idea. I want to touch his hair. I want to stare into his eyes. I just want him. *sighs at the realistic frustration*

"Bogoshiposoyooo~" I cooed and heard him chuckle in reply. Ergh.. I hate that Kyungsoo is able to bring this side of me out. Trust me when I say I tried very hard to act tough when I'm with him, but the inner aegyo of me just loves Kyungsoo so much and just had to make an appearance once in a while. 

"Just remember that I am always here. Mmkay?" Why do you make it sound easy, bae?

"But you're not.." I pouted a little as I said that, because it was certainly a sad and hard situation for me. We just dated and all these strict schedules are between us now. 

"Don't pout so much, hunny."

I paused and thought for a while. How is he--??

Wait. A. Minute.