Chapter LXIII:

Her Happiest

Dara looked like a lost child.

Scowling, she threw a look around her, wary of her unfamiliar surroundings like she was just tossed to the other side of the world and she had no clue as to what she was doing there. On her other side, oblivious of her confusion, Donghae sank on his seat with a delighted sigh, enjoying every second of simply being able to sit peacefully while doing nothing.

“Why are we riding a bus instead of your car?” she asked while staring beyond the glass panels of the window. Raindrops pelted on its surface. A slight drizzle outside. It has been years since Dara rode a bus, and by years, that meant a decade because the last time she rode one was when she was still in high school. Everything felt strange to her. But then again, why did Donghae decide to ride one when it was obvious that he brought his car with him? She saw it when they left her office.

 “I can’t look at you properly if I’m driving.”

Dara snapped her head at his reply, and saw the man staring at her. Smiling.

Ow, my heart! That’s cheating!

“Then I could’ve driven my own.” Despite the spasms of her heart, by some miracle, Dara was able to say that without stuttering. It was unfair! How can this gorgeous son of a gun sneak up on her like that?

But then Donghae shifted on his seat, leaning closer to her until there was nothing between their shoulders, interlocking their arms and taking her hand in his. “Then, I won’t be able to hold you like this,”—he squeezed her hand in emphasis—"and l can’t stick to you like this If you’re driving.”

Every inch of her body was blushing.

On the outside, Dara was snorting and rolling her eyes, saying, “Geez. What are you a leech?” But on the inside, her poor heart was already convulsing, mouth foaming and writhing. Practically dying.

Unfair unfair unfair!

Just what the hell was this man planning to do?

Whatever it was, Dara could only hope she could endure it.

By 4:45 in the afternoon, the drizzle outside stopped and the sky was a curdled gray burdened with lumps of clouds.

Dara still looked like a lost child. Lost and impatient.

Did buses run this agonizingly slow?

How in the world were they still on the road? She already felt like months zipped by while sitting there like a statue, unmoving and barely able to think because one man decided to use her shoulder as a pillow, while practically hugging her in her seat. Lee Donghae, despite his blatant implications of wanting to “stare” at her while they rode the bus, fell asleep! Much to her dismay. What the heck was that? But Dara should be grateful though, because despite her numb buttocks and dead shoulders, she could breathe normally again, away from his lethal gaze and fatal words.

If only he didn’t cling to her like a koala.

And his shampoo smelled so good. What the hell?

Resisting the urge to sniff at him like a creep, Dara opted to stare ahead, recognizing the road that continuously stretched on the horizon. It’s the same area she passed by every time she went to work. Dara narrowed her eyes at the passing posts, buildings, and other landmarks. Yeah, she certainly knew this area. But why here, though? She was to ask Donghae then, but the man was already snoring on her shoulder by the time she opened . So, she was left there, sitting awkwardly without even knowing if they already passed by their intended location.

To make things more awkward, Dara and Donghae weren’t the only ones inside that bus. People recognized them. That didn’t come as a surprise, though. This was a public transportation after all. However, it was starting to become a nuisance. She noticed some of them stealthily taking pictures while the others were shamelessly gawking at them that her face started to itch.

Dara could only sigh her exasperation, leaning her head back on the seat. Yet despite her growing discomfort, a part of herself, that part of her which was in love, wanted to revel in these stolen minutes. Succumbed to the simple need to be by his side. She closed her eyes, tuning out the world until the reality was nothing but a hushed backdrop and all that mattered was the man sleeping beside her. Not her past, nor the future; not her fears, nor even the walls she had built around her—but only Lee Donghae who sat close to her in this small enclosed space, breathing the same air she breathed.

It was beginning to terrify her. These nuances—so ordinary and so simple, were no longer just fleeting moments. It was the kind of memory that never leave your bones, like salt in the sea; they become a part of you—and you carry them for the rest of your life, and that scared her. Dara opened her eyes. Stared at their intertwined fingers, wondering how her hand looked so small compared to his but seemed to fit perfectly into his palm—just as how her frame molded perfectly into his arms whenever he hugged her close to his chest. And it was strange because she could feel a tightening in her chest as she kept staring at it. As much as she wanted for the bus ride to end, Dara wished for time to stop. if that meant she could stay longer with him like this.

However, life was cruel because that was when the bus halted to a stop. Her heart dropped. The screech of the rubber tires on the pavement and the slackening of the engine was like a harsh punishment. Taking a sharp intake of breath, Dara abruptly swallowed her sad thoughts, and wore her mask of indifference once more while Donghae stirred awake beside her, lifting his head from her shoulder. For 5 seconds the man simply stared ahead, dazed, until he gasped.

“I fell asleep?!”

“We have to go down now. This is the last stop,” she stood up, ignoring him as she walked out of the bus. Behind Dara, Donghae followed suit, grumbling expletives as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

By 5:30, the sun began to set.

As it turned out, the bus stopped on their intended location. Donghae only chuckled when Dara threw a puzzled look at him after panning her gaze around a familiar playground. A cool breeze blew through them, rustling through their hair. Although Dara could still feel the dampness in the air and a few miniscule drops of rain on her forehead, she was relatively dry. Around them there was music wafting from a boy busking from the nearby park and the giggling of children as they scurried inside the playground.

Now, she looked more like the lost kid she was, idly staring at a blue teddy bear that was half her size. There were vendors selling toys along the street, and among them, one was selling stuffed toys and dolls where children flanked, adoring the colorful display. Dara was among them. Though, Donghae wouldn’t use the term ‘adoring’ to describe the way she observed the toys.  

“Do you want one?” Donghae asked as he watched Dara scrutinizing the stuffed animal in the same way on how she would interrogate a witness in court. She had been staring at it for more than ten minutes already that the vendor began looking at her suspiciously. “Babe?” She didn’t hear him. His fingers found hers again, a small intimacy that had her over b. Dara whipped her head at his hand, then looked at him. Raised her brows.

“I asked if you want one. You’ve been staring at it.” Donghae gestured at the teddy bear. She shook her head, frowning.

“No, thank you,” uttered Dara, her voice a dull monotony.

Nodding his head, Donghae couldn’t help but notice the way she held herself stiffly yet again, deceptively cold. The ramrod stance and her impassive behavior. She was back to her old self, he realized. The woman he found in the island was nowhere to be seen in her dull eyes. Then, as his thoughts went back to the island, Donghae recalled the weirdest thing he encountered, and that was the bear that helped him find Dara. Staring at the stuffed animal reminded him of that grizzly beast. He forgot to ask the management about it, nor the authorities who helped them. What was that? Maybe he was already feverish that time that he was beginning to hallucinate.

“You know, bears are said to carry the message of the dead.” Dara blurted out of the blue. She was holding a small plushie toy now. Donghae snapped his head at her, while she shrugged. “It's an ancient belief. Before it became toys, dolls which looked like bears were used to comfort grieving families. They believed the spirit of their loved ones stayed inside. Since it attracts souls. Perhaps, it’s also the reason why most humans love stuffed bears since our souls gravitate towards them.”

Silence.

“What?” Dara titled her head, setting the plushie down in its spot. She gave them a look as though it was the most basic knowledge in the universe, just as how water was wet and fire was hot. Both Donghae and vendor gaped at her, their mouths hung ajar.

A child began crying.

Donghae barked a nervous laugh.

“My girlfriend has the weirdest humor,” he said. But more kids began crying.  “Excuse us,” he bowed before whisking Dara away.

“That was so random.”

Donghae huffed as he turned to give Dara an astonished look. He could still hear the cries of the children behind them, pitied the vendor because the woman might had just ended his business right there and then. But if Dara was the least bothered, it didn’t show on her face. Instead she merely returned his look with that same indifferent gaze, careful to keep herself neutral.

Clicking his tongue, Donghae chanced a glance at his watch. 5:45pm

“Why are we here, anyway?” Dara asked, folding her arms as she gestured towards the swing behind them. Conveniently, it was the only thing unoccupied by the tittering kids who were playing around, stomping and jumping and running on the soggy grass. Dara noticed the puddles of mud scattered on the ground near it and under it. She scrunched her nose. No wonder the children didn’t play near here.

 “You don’t remember this place?” Donghae responded with another question. His hands tucked inside the back pockets of his pants, ignoring the anxiety—which had been his companion the whole week—while it expanded within his chest, tightening around his heart as he mentally noted;

15 minutes left.

“I do. Of course. I pass here every day every time I go to work.”

Donghae gave a small sigh as if he already knew her response. “I didn’t mean it that way. But I guess you still don’t remember that night clearly.”

Dara quirked an eyebrow. “That night?”  

Was he talking about—

“That winter night. You were talking to a drunken guy—”

“That’s actually Taeyong,” Dara interrupted, having a hazy recollection about their meeting.

Donghae’s mouth fell at the revelation. “Taeyong? You mean my dongsaeng?”

Dara nodded.

“No wonder he kept on raving about her,” Donghae mumbled to himself, looking both surprised and displeased as he recalled how the boy called Dara, ‘Angel’. But he shook his head and looked at her once again.  “Well, anyway, I thought this would be the perfect place to end our contract.” 

“The perfect place?” With a frown, Dara eyed the muddy ground, the coffee-colored water on it, the rusty chains of the swings, and the wet metallic panels of its seat; scowled further upon the noise coming from the melee of children behind them, barely convinced by that remark.

My office is far better.

“I first saw you here,” said Donghae, taking her off guard. She glanced back at him, stunned. “Although, it was in Club Eli. But the place was dark and crowded. It was here”—he motioned toward his exact spot, two steps away from the first seat of the swing, which slightly swayed and groaned against the soft blows of the wind. A towering light post beside it— “when I first saw you clearly. Actually, it was also the darkest part of my life, but knowing that I met you on that same night, I realized maybe it wasn’t that bad at all.” He gave a small laugh. “Sadly, you didn’t remember. And I felt like it wasn’t right that I was the only one who remembered that moment. It was as though, I saw you, but I haven’t met you.”

Dara remained silent. She didn’t do more than blink as she stood perfectly still, a statue in the wind. Within her chest and around her heart, behind her walls, Dara curled into herself, hiding from his sincere gaze and the soft, loving inflections of his voice.

Not this. Please, not this.

“That’s why I brought you here.” Donghae gave her a smile, shy and anxious and sweet all at the same time. “I wanted to meet you again. Properly. With no contract binding us, no scandals forcing us to meet each other, nor an image I needed to maintain. Just me, Lee Donghae meeting Sandara Park for the first time. Not as my lawyer, nor as my fake lover. But just you, the woman I held back in the island.”

Dara tried, really really hard, not to falter at the tone of admiration and innocent affection. She had been ready for the contract termination, had de-briefed herself over and over again as to how she would tell him the apology she had drafted in her mind—ready to tear papers and burn bridges. To run away from her feelings. But Dara wasn’t prepared for this…this breaking of barriers and new introductions. She found herself utterly helpless. And she tried to stay inside. But everything was falling apart. Brick by brick.

In front of her, Donghae raised his hand. Eyed his watched. “It’s almost 6,” he whispered.

But Dara was still struggling to stay rooted on her spot, curbing the strong desire to run away from him. She swallowed her stomach. was a reptile, covered in scales. “Just why,” she croaked, frustrated at his guilelessness, cracking with every word. “Why do you want to meet her?” After witnessing her side that was filled with unstable energy, with the remains of the dark matter from her destroyed universe. The ugly, miserable, her. “Why?”

Donghae lifted his eyes from his watch and looked at her like really looked at her, while she was barely breathing, nervous and petrified but somehow st