A/N: Please don't mind my chapter title. I just put whatever I feel LOL

Chapter LXII:

New Brain

13:15 KST:  Somewhere in Seocho-gu, Seoul

Sandara Park swore she would never taste alcohol in her life ever again.

No more hard liquor, no more beers, no more wine!

Well, maybe the wine could be compromised. She could downgrade the alcoholic content, perhaps to 7% or--

No! No more alcohol, you irresponsible drunkard!

She reprimanded herself for the umpeeth time, mortified and hardly believing the atrocities she committed the past night back in the Island. When she woke up earlier, Dara found herself alone in her room, blissfully ignorant for a couple of seconds before realizing she was wearing her nightgown the other way around as though someone—who had no knowledge about night gowns or anything about feminine wear, at all—clumsily put her in it while she was sleeping. Only one person came to her mind, and just as when the image of his face flashed in her mind, an avalanche of memories came crashing before her eyes.

Then she wasn't blissfully ignorant anymore.

Refusing to accept everything she did, Dara tried to convince herself it was all a dream. A drunk hallucination, perhaps, but then she just had to see a small note on her tabletop; the hurried scribbles and smiley face beaming knowingly at her.

 “See you after one week. :)”

A subtle reminder on how her hormones went haywire last night, and that everything was—unfortunately for her—very real.

Holy .

When people said ‘hangovers are temporary, but drunk stories are forever,’ Dara thought they were referring to fun and happy moments of reckless abandon, not stupid drunken memories that lead to a steamy wild night and blacking out in the middle of doing something explicit! The lawyer damned and feared the accuracy behind the adage, because right now, even after hours since waking up and leaving Dongbaek Island, every single scenario of last night’s episode was imprinted in her mind. Worse, she had voices—her voice in specific—incessantly whispering in her ears, painting pictures before her eyes and narrating a story about one foolish woman who drank, harassed and all but the poor man named Lee Donghae.

She usually didn’t remember things when she was intoxicated but why did her brain decide to function and memorize everything now? Why?!

And her hands! Her hands!

The cursed wayward pair were all over his body, exploring and touching and him…there.

"What have you done, you shameless thing you! What have you touched? Oh my gosh." Dara berated inwardly, eyeing her palm in second-hand embarrassment (no pun intended) as though it was the only responsible culprit for her distress.

Yet, like a sly reminder, the echoes of her drunken voice began whispering yet again, breathy and husky inside her brain, forming words she could not believe she had uttered in front of the man. Her heart began pounding hard.

“What do you want?” he had asked her.

"You."

"I want to kiss you."

“I want to taste you, Hae.”

"I want you, Donghae."

"Touch me."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Dara exclaimed and gasped at the reminder of her mortifying remarks, slamming her fist on the table as though she could crush the memory with her hand.

And people around her gasped as well.

Dara froze.

"Excuse me?" A deep female's voice caught her attention. "Do you have a problem with me, Atty. Park?"

She snapped her head toward that voice; panic wide in her eyes as she returned the indignant look on the wrinkled yet hard expression of an old woman wearing a black robe. She was sitting behind the elevated oakwood table in front of the lawyer.

"Oh no, your honor!" Shaking her head, Dara denied vehemently, racking her brain for any excuse. "I wasn't referring to you. I...Uhhm, I was talking about the weather!” She coughed. “I mean, it's been so hot lately, don't you think so?" 

In front, Judge Kim Yehwa arched an ashen brow, staring down at her through the brim of her eyeglasses.

"It's raining," she deadpanned. 

Dara blinked twice, glanced toward the window and laughed humorlessly at the sight of the heavy downpour outside that looked everything but warm.

You, pabo! Think!

 "Ahm...Exactly! It's raining yet it's still so hot. Gosh. What the hell is wrong with this weather?" 

To prove to her point, Dara fanned her hands on her cold-blushed face and smiled awkwardly that made her look like she was cringing. The elder did not respond though. Judge Kim simply adjusted her glasses then glanced away, muttering a disinterested, "Pay attention, please."

Feeling like a student reprimanded by her professor, Sandara's face flamed.

"Yes, your honor," she answered meekly, bowed then sank on her seat.

Dara could only hide her face behind her manila folder, burrowing her nose on the pages of the documents inside, and pretending like it was the best time to review her client's case while she avoided the odd looks from the people around her. Beside her, she heard Youngbae snorting as he tried to stop himself from bursting in a fit of laughter. She jabbed his side with her elbow, but the man simply kept on shaking on his seat, snickering silently while she marinated herself in shame.

Damn it.

For the first time in her entire lawyering career, Dara was caught spacing out. As if thinking of indecent things while in court wasn’t bad enough, she just had to shout at the presiding judge while they were in session.

Oh, God, take me now.

Well, at least she wasn't held in contempt.

"I can’t believe I’ve lived to see the day the great Atty. Sandara Park made a mistake inside the courtroom!"

Youngbae's words and laughter echoed within the walls of Dara’s personal office as he walked inside, wiping the tears from his eyes. Her dear secretary had been laughing his off since they left the courtroom, and Dara had to resist the strong urge of strangling him right there and then. If killing was legal, Dong Youngbae’s body would’ve been buried six feet underground by now.

“Damn, you’re really daebak, boss. To think that you shouted at Judge Kim Yehwa—the infamous Judge Kim Yehwa—and still won the case. You’re amazing!”

Knowing that humoring Youngbae would be only a waste of time and breath, Dara ignored him as she slumped on her chair, throwing her bag and other folders on the table all the while grumbling a string of incoherent curses. She pressed a palm on her forehead, heaving a sigh. Of course, she’d win the case. She already knew she would win it the second she accepted the case because she was brilliant like that. But did that offer any consolation to smother the embarrassment still burning on her cheeks?

Certainly not.

"What's wrong, Atty?" Youngbae asked, suddenly serious that she thought he was finally done teasing her. "Your face is so red. Are you perhaps feeling…under the weather?"

Then he guffawed once again.

"Oh, shut up, Youngbae!" Dara hissed with a glare, hurling a bunched-up paper at him. "Be quiet or consider this your last day at work."

Youngbae threw his hands in defeat. "Okay, geez. No need to sound so threatening, maam." He rolled his eyes, but he was still grinning. Then he folded his arms, jutting his chin defiantly. "As if you could fire me. I'm the best paralegal slash legal assistant slash confidant slash friend you ever had."

Dara scoffed. Opened to rebut yet had nothing to say because, in truth, Youngbae was right. Damn him. Her frown only deepened, and she clicked her tongue at him. “Just get me something to eat.”

“Slash slave,” he grumbled under his breath, but obeyed her anyway. He turned and stomped his way towards their office’s pantry. 

When Youngbae was finally gone, and she was free from his irritating presence, Dara dropped her head on her table, her cheek flat on the wooden surface. She glanced at her grandfather clock. It was only 2 o’clock in the afternoon and she was already feeling listless, distracted and pathetically bothered. God, what was happening to her? She was supposed to deal with her emotions in a careful and sensible approach while considering all possible variables in the matter at hand. But what the heck was she doing? Like a ridiculous hormonal spinster, she had been thinking of one thing, and one thing alone and it wasn’t a bit wholesome. She came to Dongbaek Island as a cool, uptight lawyer but left the damned place as a erted wrench.

Great. Just great.

And did she see Donghae before leaving?

Of course not. How could she face him after the shenanigans her alcohol-induced self had initiated the past night? Dara even feared she could never face Donghae again after that. But then, she wasn’t the only one to blame here. It was partially his fault for offering that cursed “free taste,” while looking delectable himself.

“Something to help me while I think about my answer?” Dara grumbled, glowering at the memory of Donghae’s wide smile as he offered himself to her. “Help me know my partner better?” she scoffed as Bom’s jovial voice followed Donghae’s words.

“Scammers,” she sneered at the harmless paperweight in front of her. Heck, if anything, Dara only discovered that Donghae was a damn good dancer. And that he looked divine when he was ...and how surprisingly good he was with his to—

“Oh, God, stop thinking about it!” she scolded her traitorous brain once again, bolted upright, and shaking and smacking her head as if that could dispel the dirty thoughts away. This attraction, damn it to hell, was hindering her from thinking straight. How in the world could she properly manage her feelings now when her mind has become a useless space where nothing but unhealthy thoughts fluttered around?

Dara was already clawing at her head in frustration when Youngbae materialized in the doorway. He was holding a tray filled with cookies and sandwiches. “Your food is here, master.” He placed it on her table and playfully skirted a bow. “Do you need anything else?”

“I need Jesus.”

“ Dope. Which brand do you pre--wait. What?” Youngbae did a double take. He gaped at the latter who looked distraught while gripping her head.

She turned to him. “Or maybe I need a new brain.”

Youngbae made a face, seemingly conflicted whether to pity his employer or call an ambulance because his friend just lost her mind. What the hell happened in Dongbaek Island? But before he could say another word, her phone started ringing.

Dropping her hands with a grunting noise, Dara begrudgingly reached for the phone, while Youngbae excused himself quietly, eager to escape from there as soon as possible. Dara merely glared at his retreating back. However, her eyes widened instantly when she glanced at her phone, reading the name on the screen.

Confusion and panic swelled in her chest.

Why was he calling? Why now?

Swallowing her hesitation, Dara answered the call.

“Hello?” Her voice was calm, but Dara’s face was a mishmash of encompassing emotions when she heard the familiar raspy voice of her childhood friend. 

“Ahm, hello, Dee? It’s me. I hope I didn't interrupt anything.”

Other than interrupting her from almost pulling all her hair out? “No, you didn't.” replied Dara. “I was on break.”

“Oh? That’s good.” Jaejoong, to her surprise, sounded...normal, cheerful even that she felt foolish for panicking.

“What’s up?” she added.

There was a short interlude of silence before he responded.

“Coffee?”

A single word, yet it brought her a lifetime of memories. Despite the palpable discomfort she felt, Dara found herself smiling. She could already see the awkward smile on his face.

“Sure. Where can I meet you?”

Jaejoong chuckled. “I’m outside.”

“My gosh, your coffee is truly the best, JJ!”

Sighing in awe, Dara held up the cup of brewed coffee, practically worshipping its existence. “No wonder all branches of your cafes are always full. This right here is your ultimate money-maker.” she added and took another sip, savoring the hot bitter taste on her tongue. They were at a park near her office, sitting at a wooden bench that faced the hazy sunlight, while traces of the rain hovered around them in the form of petrichor, and a few puddles of mud scattered on the ground.

Beside her, Jaejoong snorted. He took a sip on his own drink before giving Dara a sidelong glance.  “So, are you saying I’m better as a barista than I am as a singer?”

Dara met his stare. Grinned. “Yes.”

The man’s mouth fell open but caught the teasing lilt in her voice and in response he laughed.

“Then I guess I should change my career, and be the iest barista in town.”

At that, Dara scoffed but soon joined her friend as she laughed with him.

When the laughter subsided, Dara inhaled the scent of the wet earth mixed with the aroma of her coffee and sighed once again, delighted to be free momentarily from her preoccupied mind. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Jaejoong mirror her and sighed as well, staring off into space with a slight frown. Then, she saw it; the crack in his optimistic façade, the way how his mask was slipping away, inch by inch, as his shoulders began dropping, and the smile wavering from his lips. The awkward ambiance thickened once again, pushing her miles away from him despite the small space sitting between them.  

If Dara wasn’t thinking of anything, Jaejoong seemed to have a lot in his mind, and she was hyperaware as to what kind of thoughts plagued within him. But instead of saying anything, she allowed the silence to join them. This meeting was bound to happen anyway, sooner or later, she had to confront Jaejoong about it.  

Honestly, Dara had been scared. She thought she wasn’t ready to talk to him again, especially after what happened on the island, but then her anxiety was gone the second she saw Jaejoong beaming at her as he waited outside her office. Coffee in hand. For a second, she saw the young version of her childhood friend again, the Kim Jaejoong that enjoyed pestering her to no end and would later apologize with a bribe when she’d get mad at him. Of course, his bribes consisted of food and coffee and a sheepish grin on his remorseful face. Given that Dara practically has caffeine flowing within her veins, Jaejoong knew it did the trick to successfully gain her forgiveness. It was funny how this habit didn’t change. Although he was doing a lousy job at faking his grins now, Dara found herself smiling back at him, because even after how many years, it still did the trick.

Only now, in Jaejoong’s mind, he didn’t deserve to be forgiven that easily. The remorse he had faked in the past became genuine.

“I’m sorry, Dee,” he mummed suddenly.

“Are you apologizing for that uberly egotistic remark just now?” Dara smirked, but knew what he meant by his words. When Jaejoong didn’t respond, Dara playfully tapped him on his shoulder.

He turned to look at her, his eyes were tight, his forehead pinched, his lips were 2 pieces of frustration forged together.

She was no longer smiling.

“I’m really sorry,” he repeated, a slight shake in his voice. “I never intended to disrespect you like that nor did I ever thought of disregarding our friendship. I was just so…” Jaejoong shook his head at the memory of his stupidity. “I was just so drunk and selfish. I can't even face you properly after that so I left as soon as I can. I was so stupid. I'm sorry.”

With Jaejoong staring at her like that, with his gaze and full of raw vulnerability, a sunken feeling overcame Dara. She could see the visible lines on his face, the shadows beneath his eyes, and the bruises on his cheek hidden underneath the make-up; all reminding her of that night. She couldn’t escape this. The harsh truth on how her friend had revealed his feelings for her, after years of hiding it. He took his heart from his chest, offering it to her, only to see it get crushed right before his eyes. She caused him pain and yet there he was, the one who was apologizing.  

Dara felt constricting with a surge of guilt. 

“But I was never angry with you,” she uttered softly. “I hoped we could talk properly but things didn't turn out well. I was shocked, yes. But I wasn’t mad. I wanted to apologize as well.”

“For what?”

Dara dropped her gaze, shuffling her legs on the floor. She struggled to string her words together, plucking verbs and nouns in her pocket, cautious of picking up a bullet that could hurt her friend all over again.

“I’m sorry for all the years that I was unknowingly stomping on your feelings. I was a dense fool for not noticing it. And because of that, you were in constant pain. If…if I had only known then—”

“Then will you love me back?” Jaejoong interrupted with a sad smile curling his lips. “If you had known would you choose me instead of my brother?”

Dara lifted her eyes at him. She opened but couldn’t find her voice. And in her silence, Jaejoong found his answer.

“Well, I guess I never had a chance. We were never meant to be.” He chuckled dryly like he already expected this. The man’s head tipped skyward and sighed, his breath forming a cloud in front of him. It was getting colder, but his throat burned as he was forced to swallow the bitter truth of his reality. “Unrequited love big time,” he joked, shrugging with the same smile but it became illusory.

Beside him, Dara was still staring. He could already see her forlorn expression even without sparing a glance, but Jaejoong refused to look back. He knew more than anything that those eyes could break him all over again, and so he kept looking above, at the blue skies where no stars could be found. His star.  

“I'm very sorry, JJ. I truly am.”

“You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault that I fell in love with you,” he said, turning to face her. When their gazes met, Jaejoong saw traces of his ch