Chapter XXXV:

A New Rule

Breathe.

There were only two verbs needed to breathe;

Inhale and exhale.

And I try. I tried to follow the pattern—in and out—to calm my nerves and regain my composure back, and wished my heart would just shut up shut up shut up shut up.

But still…I could hardly breathe.

“That jerk,” I hissed silently while grumbling a whole lot of other incoherent profanities.

“Wait,” I gasped.

 What kind of foolishness is this, Sandara Park? Why did you let such a trivial matter disgruntle you like this? You are a bold sophisticate, a woman with high education, a well-respected lawyer and such thing flustered you?  It was just a kiss, for God’s sake. You still have your dignity.   Why? What’s the big deal?

He kissed me—that’s the problem. 

Did he do it on purpose? Yes.

Did I kiss back? Yes.

Did I enjoy it? Oh my god, ye—no.

No, no, no.

It wasn’t the actual kiss which aggravated me. That’s right, it wasn’t.

Then what? Maybe, it was the fact that he violated our rules by kissing me. Yes, that’s it.

I never tolerate people breaking the rules, and that freaking Lee Donghae clearly crossed the boundaries.  

But—but why do I still feel weird?

 “Hellooo?” A sudden voice.

I blinked, gasped, and my face flinched away from the pads of my palms as the familiar white walls of the Hospital room came back into focus. I glanced to my side.

Bom was staring at me; confused and surprised at the same time.

“What?” I said, a little too panicky.

“Couz, if you continue mumbling to yourself while kneading your head as if you have a plan to rip all of your hair out,” she titled her head, “then the nurses might transfer you to the ‘mentally disturbed’ ward.”

I shrugged, hiding my face, unwilling to admit that I must really be crazy. Fortunately, Donghae wasn’t in the room to witness my disgraceful state. This is so not me. But—but why do I even care?

“So,” she started once again, her pitch jumping high, and so were her well-shaped eyebrows, and I might have the hunch of where this is going. “You and Donghae, huh?”  And I was right.

She was looking at me in a way high school girls looked at each other when they start talking about their crushes; her eyes wide and sparkling, lips curled in a tight and pouted smile, blinking a little too much. In normal occurrences, I am supposed to squeal in response and flail around due to the gushing love jitters. I should act like I was caught up in a romantic euphoria while talking about how majestic Donghae’s lips were, how divinely handsome he was—but I didn’t. Instead, I lifted my eyes at her, feigning a smile, too slack I might say, but enough to conceal my discomfort.

“Yeah,” I lied, “and I’m sorry again for not telling you right away. The past few days were really hectic that I failed to contact you.”

“No worries, tokki.” She waved a hand in front of her. “What’s important here is you’re happy. It has been a long time since I have seen you this happy.” The smile lingered on her face as Bom looked at me wistfully. Relieved, calmed and reassured. Then she glanced upwards, staring at nothing in particular when she sighed.

“Jaewon would also be happy to see that you’re moving on.” Bom mused.

One word. One simple and unintentional reminder of him startled the butterflies sleeping in my stomach.

Sadly, the truth was I wasn’t moving on, and sadly, I wasn’t exerting any effort to move on.

I looked away, reveled my gaze at everything except for Bom’s inquisitive eyes then I remembered something.

“Jaejoong was here a while ago,” I said—in attempt to divert the topic.

From the corners of my eyes, I saw her stiffen. “The two of you already met?”

“Yes,” I responded, “About month ago.”

“So, how was he?”

“He’s fine; still the same Jaejoong we knew.” I said and dismissed the thought to admit that honestly, I wished it didn’t happen so soon and unexpected.

“I mean, how was he after knowing about you having a boyfriend?” she sounded curious—concerned even—and her worried voice brought back the image of JJ’s resentful eyes. I remembered the way how life deflated in his eyes the moment I said those harsh words. I remembered the deep undercurrent of disappointment in his voice, and guilt slapped my face hard once again.

I sighed. “He was upset about it.”

“Reasonable.” Bom mumbled, shaking her head and I shifted on the mattress so I’m better seated to look at her.

 “It’s expected, you know.” she went on, eyes assessing the bright paints on her fingernails. “First, you left our hometown just days after Jaewon’s death without saying anything and Jaejoong was really devastated that time. He just lost his brother and at the same time he lost you.” She turned her eyes on me, paused briefly to pierce a sharp stare at me while I drowned in a pool of guilt and shame. 

 “Then, after almost four years, he finally saw you,” she continued, “only to discover you’re entangled in a scandal with a celebrity, looking all happy and madly in love. Heol, it’s like you’ve become the Kate Middleton of South Korea; people are crazy about your relationship with Donghae—and this observation is coming from a girl who just returned to the country just hours ago. What do you think Jaejoong felt after learning all of this?”

I opened my mouth but clamped it shut again. Thought of a response but too ashamed to voice it out.   

“Betrayed.” Bom said.

My eyes dropped. I said nothing for a moment then sighed. “I know.”

I looked at her. “You really don’t have to rub it on my face, couz. I know how useless and unfaithful I was as a friend; a selfish coward who only thought of herself.” Tears were threatening to fall but I fought the urge to cry. I knew my voice was shaking but I went on, “I know that. My conscience has been reminding me of that every single night.”

I was biting my lip so hard when Bom spoke, “oh, no, dear,” she said, startled and guilty all at the same time. “I am not spatting this this on you. Honestly, no one could blame you for leaving. It’s hard to remain in a place filled with so many memories. And Jaejoong…” she paused. Hesitated. Thinking. Sighed. “He’ll eventually understand you and accept your relationship.” But then she gasped all of a sudden.

 “Unless—”she looked at me, wide eyed and I raised my eyebrows expectantly.

“Unless what?” I asked.   

“Unless he likes Donghae. Maybe there’s a JaeHae OTP happening here!” my dear cousin squealed while grinning, a musical lilt of delight in her voice and I rolled my eyes.

Oh, of course.

What else could I expect from a delusional girl who had a weird ?

“Whatever, Bom.” I said and slumped back onto the cushions of the bed.

I just want to go home right now.

“Hey, babe?” Donghae uttered beside me.

But I ignored him and kept my eyes glued beyond the glass panels of his car because right this very moment, everything seemed more interesting than him. I was eating and drinking and absorbing every infinitesimal detail along the road, in the skyline, everything except for the guy beside me.

Oh, look at that, even the passing line of trees looked fascinating.

Yes, very fascinating...

“Babe?”

Oh, and that little shrub—which I didn’t see very clearly—seemed intriguing. I wonder what kind of brownish herb that was. Hmm…

“You’ve been giving me a cold shoulder since we left the hospital. Oh, come on, babe, how long are you going to ignore me?”

Wait, have you ever realized how wonderful the sky is? Especially when the sun is setting? Look at that. It’s marvelous! It was a spectacular canopy of various colors; blue, orange, red,

“Aisht. Why are you being like this?”  

White, gabardine, yellow, bla—

“Is it that time of the month?”

My lips twitched. I almost responded but held it back.

You heard nothing, Dara…No, nothing at all.

“Oh,” he suddenly gasped and my eyes betrayed me because it took a peek at the guy beside me. “Is that why you were wet on that part earlier?” 

“I was not!” I snarled before realizing that I should’ve ignored him. Too late, though. I was already flustered because of that stupid remark.

 Damn this guy.

My face was bright red and I was fuming while Donghae only wore a wide grin in his seat; amused at the pathetic theory he came up with. “So that was it, right? Should we pass by a store for your sanitary pads?” he asked and I was seriously considering the thought of strangling him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I punched his shoulders. Punched and punched and punched.

“Yah, stop that!” he yelped, jerking to his side but I didn’t stop.

“Seriously, stop it! I’m driving!”

After giving him one last punch, I sunk back to the seat, crossed my arms and whipped my head away from this guy while I ignored his irritated grunts.

“That hurts, you know!”

 “Serves you right.” I hissed, rolling my eyes.

 “Oh come on, I was just joking. No need to switch that sadistic persona on.”

“Shut up.”  

And he did, but only for a matter of seconds before I heard him heave a sigh and asked, “Is this about what I did?”

 “What did you did exactly?” I asked back with my face still hidden from his gaze, feigning the ignorance.

“Kissed you?”

“And?”

“Pleasured you?”

“Pleasured?!” I huffed exasperatingly and snapped my head back at the insolent creature with a heated glare. “You broke our agreement! Kissing without any person watching was strictly prohibited and you clearly violated that!” My voice was thick with anger but I didn’t saw any hint of guilt in his face. Instead, he just lifted a hand from the steering wheel, wiggled a finger once, twice, before responding.

“No, I did not.” he said, clearly unfazed by my rage. “You provoked me to kiss you. And murder with provocation is not a murder after all, isn’t it, babe?” The guy added with an impish smile.

“When did I ever provoke you, huh?”

 “You insisted that I was gay. I only proved what was needed to be proven.”

“And you think you proved something out of that?” I grumbled.

“Yes.” Donghae nodded with confidence. “I am quite sure that I have successfully demonstrated and given you an amazing kiss which only straight men could offer—not once, but twice, milady.” He replied smugly and smirked.

For a full second, I stared at the guy, baffled, and then I burst into a sarcastic laugh…and stopped. 

“Wrong.” I said in a deadpan expression; my voice, flat. “You only showed the kind of a sly and indecent ert you really are, Lee Donghae.”

“Indecent?” he gasped.

“ert?” another gasp.

“If I am really  the kind of ert you think I am—which I am not—then I should’ve done something nasty way before when I had the chance.” he reasoned. “Do you even realize how much I am provoked to do some things to you all the time?” Then he threw me a look, scanning his eyes along the silhouette of my small frame and I cautiously brought my hands over my chest. He smirked again, glanced away and added, “But good thing I have a great sense of self-control.”

“Wow, geez, thanks for controlling yourself. I am truly grateful.” I scoffed, tearing my gaze from the guy and hissed under my breath. “ert.”

He didn’t respond at that and the car stopped. I turned to look outside, instantly recognizing the infrastructures around the entire street. Of course, I should know. This was where I live, after all.  But when I was about to step out of the car, the door won’t open.

“Yah, unlock this.” I frowned.

“Actually, I have something to add in our ground rules.” he randomly muttered, ignoring what I’ve just said.