Chapter LIX:

The Last Day in Paradise: Part III

09:03 KST 

Approximately 37 minutes and 10 seconds had already passed since the painstakingly long breakfast and still an elusive Sandara Park blatantly avoided the clueless Lee Donghae. 

By each passing minute his thoughts started piling up, thinking of all the possibilities which led her to act like this--from the most probable and sensible causes, down to the ridiculous, nonsensical things.  Heck, he even thought maybe his morning breath scared her away!

The man had enough of it. To ease his mind, and spare his poor self esteem from more damaging 'maybes', Donghae must talk to her. Ask her what was wrong. Come hell or high water!

But he had to find her first. 

After the breakfast he had with the others in the gazebo, they decided to lounge by the ocean. Since it was their last day in this paradise they might as well spend their remaining hours idly basking in the natural light of the sun and swim in the ocean. 

Well, at least, that's what the others wanted. Not Dara though, who seemed to plan on switching into incognito mode and hide herself like a vampire detesting the sunlight as though it could kill her. And not for Donghae whose mind was only filled with thoughts of this certain vampire. 

Donghae was about to go back to her bedroom thinking she went back to sleep but when on his way, a sight caught his attention. 

Found you.

There, at the farthest side of the almost isolated part of the beach, inconspicuously lounging on a recliner, was his beloved lawyer, hidden under the canopy of an umbrella. Brooding and alone. The only frown in an island of smiles, looking like the antisocial vampire who hated the sun and anything that was breathing. 

Sighing, Donghae approached. 

Lawyers were given at least ten days to prepare for their cases, five the least but never on the spot.

Do you know why?

Because they needed time to think. To analyze every single detail in order to construct flawless and persuasive  arguments. 

But when a lawyer is suddenly confronted with the rattling realization of being in love with her client, how many days would it need for her to wrap her head around it? Five? Ten?  

How many days would it need to come up with the perfect argument on why she should invest in these feelings instead of ignoring it until it dies a natural death? Twenty? A month? A year? 

Or probably forever. 

Because Dara couldn’t convince herself to entertain this emotion. She had isolated herself from love so long that the sensation now felt unfamiliar, like a forgotten melody that was once your favorite song. Lawyering was way easier than this. Wearing the skin of her profession and carrying that four-lettered title on her name made it seem like she had a new identity, a different person, and she had lived the four years in this persona. It was easier reacting as Atty. Sandara Park, but not as the real Sandara. 

And now that Donghae met her, Dara could no longer keep her facade. And it scared her, realizing how she actually hated her real self, her scars and her weaknesses. 

"A woman like you doesn't deserve anyone."

An echo of two voices stabbed in heart, one honeyed and cunning while the other was dark and reminded her of nothing but Hell. Maybe Jessica and the monster were right.  

With her like this, what could Dara offer Lee Donghae? Why would he want an unstable woman beside him when he could easily get any girl who was normal, with a sunny disposition in life. Not someone like Dara who could only offer her dark, desolate heart that could easily shatter by the slightest touch. 

A long, resigned sigh escaped her lips as these thoughts sprung to life, forming a foreboding atmosphere which enveloped Dara like a fog. Thick and smothering that she failed to notice the presence of a man beside her. Not until his voice startled her out of her trance.  

“That’s one hell of a sigh.”

She shot her head to the owner of that familiar voice and found Donghae crouching on the sand beside her, elbows on his knees as he used his hands to prop his head. Titling his head, the man regarded her with a curious look as though he had been studying her for quite some time. 

At the mere thought of being watched, Dara flushed beet red, caught between running away or faking her nonchalance. The latter won. “How long have you been there?”

“For a while,” he replied  “You’ve been frowning while in deep thought, do you know that? It almost looked like you were planning some grand criminal design. It’s scaring a few tourists, see?” Dara noticed the curious glances cut their way, the murmurs from passersby, an implication to Donghae’s words. Yet she ignored them. 

When she looked back at Donghae, the man was still staring at her as he added, “What were you thinking about?”  

"A pathetic monologue about my mortifying insecurities and why I should not fall in love with you." 

But she didn't say this, instead she dropped her eyes on the sandied floor. The cool breeze blew past her hair, rustling it off her shoulders in soft waves. Dara tucked it behind her ears, wishing she could be as invisible as the wind. 

Then she mummed, “A lot of things.” Her words were expressionless, they carried no hint of anything he could read. 

Donghae frowned at that, displeased as the air, which had grown comfortable between them, now felt suddenly taut. 

He rubbed the back of his nape, unsure as to why he suddenly felt nervous. “May I talk to you?”

“Well, you’re already talking to me,” was her reply as dry and coarse as the sand.

Ah, this woman. 

Donghae resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Well, like a proper conversation with another human being.” he retorted. “Because right now, I feel like I’m talking to a statue.” 

He waited until she finally looked back at him again, and when their gazes met, he mustered the gentlest smile and the softest voice as he offered her a hand.

 “Walk with me?”

Hesitation was evident in those brown almond eyes as she looked back between the face of the man and his outstretched arm, but when she saw that Donghae had no intention of leaving her alone, Dara sighed in defeat. 

“Me, too, actually. I need to tell you something,” she said and took his hand. 

The damned sun was bright and blazing above them that Dara instantly regretted leaving her shadowed spot. But more than the sunlight, Dara damned the universe for throwing the very subject of her conflicting thoughts right beside her, walking with her, barefooted and completely oblivious of the inner struggles she had been suffering due to his existence. 

Forget about the five or ten days period for preparation. The world wanted it now, on this island, under the heat of the sun. 

Dara wasn’t sure if her heart was ready for it, though. Wasn’t entirely sure if she would ever be ready to tell Donghae about her feelings. 

So, at the very least, she acted like she was fine, indifferent and cool as a cucumber as though she was not the least bothered while the back of her hand brushed ever so lightly against Donghae’s own as they prodded the shoreline side by side. She itched to wrap her fingers around his hand, to feel the rough yet soft pad of his palm.

She shook her head, shoving the thought away.  Stop! Stop it for goodness sake! 

While Dara struggled to keep her wits intact, the man, of course, was unaware of it as he studied her, testing the edges of her senses and believing she didn’t notice his lingering stare. He watched her as she rubbed her hands together, fidgeted on her fingers and shifted her heels ever so slightly away from him thinking he would not notice it. Even a blind person would know that something was troubling her, but Donghae brushed that thought away as they continued walking silently, passing by a huddle of dawdling people who were enjoying their own time at the beach; some turned to look at them in recognition of a celebrity while a few called his name. Donghae merely smiled and waved at the fans who recognized him. Other than the occasional glances, and blatant staring, no one dared to interfere with his private time with Dara and Donghae was grateful for that.
 

Soon, he found them standing on a stony ledge at the end of the shore line where the sandied floor stopped and the big rocks began, rustic and rough. There were no tourists idling by, and the huge rock formations effectively hid them from prying eyes and intrigued spectators. Here, there were just the two of them; no ridiculous shenanigans of his friends, no paparazzis, no dogs chasing them, nor pesky competitors vying for her attention. Just him and his lawyer and the cool ocean breeze rustling through their clothes and hair.  They could scream at each other here, or kiss each other passionately and no one would notice.  

“So, this is our last day here, huh.” Donghae breathed, tasting salt in the air. Tomorrow he’d be inhaling the gasoline-infused air of Seoul. Today, fine sand sifted through their toenails as they stood; tomorrow they will be welcomed by the concrete pavements of the city he knew so well. “This place, though I will not miss it, will surely stick to my memory. A lot has happened here.” 

Good things, bad things, the memories would be a mixture of laughter and tears, fury and jealousy, but most of all, for Donghae, this island would be filled with memories of Dara. The same woman who now stood beside him, staring at the vast expanse of the ocean ahead of them, at the skyline that glowed orange under the burnt sky. Her eyes glazed over, seemingly recalling the same memories Donghae had shared with her and the others.  

And whatever she saw there, she didn’t particularly like it. 

She shook her head. “I'd rather not come back here,” she said without hesitation. “I did a lot of  unpleasant things here. I’ve hurt Jaejoong, I made Bom and everyone worry. And I--” a pause. “I’ve been nothing but a burden to you these past few days.” 

The honesty in her response startled Donghae. He had been accustomed to her curt “I don’t knows”, “nothing,” or “whatevers” that this fluid train of thoughts outpouring from her lips without any filter sounded so strange and he wasn’t sure how to react. But he was sure about the pang of disappointment he felt after hearing those words. 

For the woman, all of his fond memories were nothing but fragments of meaningless interactions. Though he understood because those little insignificant moments pale in comparison to the events that followed after he so recklessly punched Kim Jaejoong's face and lost himself to a fury he was not entitled to feel. He, too, have hurt Jaejoong. However, that intense emotion seething through him at that moment was nothing more now but a dull throb he barely felt in his knuckles. 

"You said you wanted to talk," Dara added, pulling him out of his thoughts. Donghae turned to face her and she looked at him now, face calm and unreadable beneath the soft light of the sun above them. "What's up?" 

Donghae hesitated for a second as he struggled amidst the clutter of words in his head. 

“I was wondering why you had been avoiding me since this morning,” he managed to say, voice low but clear against the crashing noise of the waves. 

Before him, standing like a stubborn child caught red-handed, Dara feigned ignorance with an innocent expression. "I wasn't ignoring you," she uttered, but more to the invisible wind rather than Donghae. 

With a frown, Donghae leaned closer, folding his arms. "There's no point in lying to me now." he said, accusation coloring his tone. "You were obviously avoiding me while we were eating breakfast. I tried talking to you but you didn't give me the chance. You're acting strange ever since I kissed you earlier. Did you--" he faltered then, the frown deepened as his brown eyes searched Dara's own--twitched with the barest hint of ache. 

"Did you hate it so much that the sight of my face repulsed you?" 

"No, " Dara shook her head in an instant and regretted it the next second  "I didn't hate it. I--" 

"So, did you enjoy it?" the man mused. 

"Yes," the word escaped her lips even before she could reconsider, and she damned herself for that. "No, I mean..no. I wasn't ignoring you beca