“Where have you been?” I ask, looking at him tensely.

Baekhyun don’t even look at me once. He keeps on avoiding my stare while sipping on his cup of coffee. I can’t really understand the situation. It’s 12 in the morning, while I was sleeping, I heard a loud knock and there he was, standing at the front door soaking wet. I didn’t spoke a word from the moment he walked into the house. I didn’t even make a single sound.

And so does he.

I keep all my curiosity aside, letting him clean himself up. Now, all he does is avoiding me.

“Baekhyun, talk to me! You’ve been gone for almost a week. Then, you suddenly show up this late. Just say something, please,” I beg.

I can’t handle the silence treatment anymore. He left. I didn’t see him for quite a while without any news or a goodbye, at least. And somehow, when I was in the middle of my dreams, he showed up. He can’t expect me to understand anything. I need explanation and Baekhyun isn’t good at it.

I heave a heavy sigh, sitting on the stool around the kitchen island while Baekhyun is standing on the other side, facing me but never do look at me.

“I saw Victoria. She is one of my lecturer,” I whisper.

Baekhyun hit the table with his hand, producing a loud thud which make me jump a bit.

“You talk to her? You tell her about me? So, you’ve found out about everything. About my past without asking my permission first. Great,” he smirk.

“No, no. I didn’t mean it in that way. I didn’t even talk to her. Why’re you getting mad at me?”

He place the mug on the kitchen island, stare into my eyes. “You wanna know why I left? Let me tell you something, I still love her,” he says in a meaningful way. And I can see a mix of sincerity and anger in his eyes.

And suddenly, my heart ache so much. I don’t get it. Why he change so much? He isn’t the Baekhyun I know, or perhaps, knew.

I hold in the tears, “Look, I can understand that she is your first love. And she mean so much to y--”

“You don’t understand anything. She left me for that man because I was just a student to her. Everything about my life changed when I met her,” he explained.

I fake a smile, “Just let it out Baek, let it out. I’ll listen.”

“And the best part is, I don’t even know why I’m feeling this way. I thought I’m already over her,” his voice is getting calmer than before.

I embrace myself, finding all the courage that is still remain in me and walk next to him. His hands is on the kitchen island, head hanging low. I touch his shoulder, patting it slowly, trying to calm him down. Even though he hurt me as much as Victoria hurted him, I still can't help it but to comfort him. And losing him is the last thing I want to do.

Baekhyun cry. And it kills me in the inside to know that he is crying over someone which isn’t me. Am I selfish? Am I suppose to feel jealous? But what if loving him isn’t the right thing to do. What if he doesn’t love me and will always love her?

I hate insecurities.

Suddenly, Baekhyun pull me into his arms, hugging me tightly. I gasp. I miss his warmness. A small smile drawn on my face. I wrap my arms around his waist, drawing a circle with my thumb on his back. “It’s ok. It’s ok. Everything will be ok,” I say.

“I’m sorry Yuni. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It just happened and I didn’t know what to do. She is still in my mind. She is my first love.”

“I understand. First love is hard to forget,” I whisper.

He bury his head next to my neck, kissing my expose collar bone gently, “Your first love must hurt you too, right?”

I press my lips together and nod my head, “Yes.” You’re my first love.

Night turns day. Three days have passed. And that moment is still playing in my mind like it just happened an hour ago. The pain in me somehow couldn’t get rid of as if it wants to remain in there, torturing me, making me crawl and shout in silence. I wish I could cry, I wish I should have but who could I reach to? Baekhyun? The damage himself is hard to bear. Mom? I don’t even know her whereabouts. Friends? I couldn’t even trust myself and trusting someone from the outsider sounds impossible.

“Are you ok, Yuni? You look so pale,” Krystal ask.

I raise my brows and shook my head abruptly.

Her lips curve upwards. “I know you’re lying. Based on my observation, people tend to deny faster than usual when they aren’t telling the truth.”

I stare on the empty page of my notebook on the table. The quiet atmosphere of the library is making it even worst. I wish I could escape this moment and evaporate into the thin air.

“Come on, Yuni. Tell me. I thought we’re best friend,” she whined with her puppy eyes.

I close my notebook and put down my pen. I look at her with a straight face. “I’m ok Krystal. There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“Is this about Baekhyun?”

I gasp. How can she read the situation so fast?

“It is about him isn’t it?”

I clear my throat and nod my head hesitantly. “But I’ll be fine.”

“Stop acting like you’re strong. If you need me, I’ll be here for you, always,” she smile brightly.

“Alright. I promise.”

“So, what happened actually? Did he hurted you or something?”

I shook my head. “No, nothing like that. Krystal…”

She hum while zipping her pencil case. “You’ve been Baekhyun’s best friend since forever right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Can you tell me something?”

“What? Straight to the point. You’re making me full of anticipation!”

I let out a sigh and say, “What happened with Baekhyun and your aunt, Victoria?”

Krystal’s mouth slightly agape. She force a smile.

“Something really bad happened. And Baekhyun was on the verge of killing himself.”