“Taeyeon, please just stop with the smoking” Jessica tapping my window frame from the inside. I’m on my balcony. My new packs of cigarettes I just bought were all nearly emptied.

“Jessica” I inhale and make smoke rings. “Why do you want to keep up with me?”

“Taeyeon, get, the hell, inside”

“I screw up my life, I quit my well-paid job because I can’t stop imagining Fany would knock on that damn door and apologize to me and we get back together. I move out from my nice apartment because I can’t seem to forget about her, like she’s there everywhere I look. No matter how hard I tried, she always there. I’m not complaining, I love her, I love her Jessica. I ing love her!”

“Taeyeon! If you don’t get your in ten seconds I will just go there and push you out of the railing with my own hands!”

“Jessica, I think you should just do that. Tiffany was beautiful there in the club. She’s look happy. Where her husband is? Oh, maybe a girls’ night out. Although if I’m her wife—“

“Tae—“

“Wife. If she is my wife—well, that never gonna happened anyway—but if we get married I will just accompany her like a little lost puppy, you know, like some sick koala. Like a newly hatching baby duck, like—“ I balled my cigarette into my palm and throw it as hard as I could “!”

I press my face hard with my palms.

“Taeyeonie?”

“Hm?”

“Let’s go back inside”

“Kill me, Jessica, please kill me”

“You know I won’t do such thing”

“It’s been five years. Five ing year after she got married, Jessica. And I still this pathetic”

“Let’s talk inside, Taeyeon, please”

“Okay”

She insisted me to lay my head on her thighs. I sighed.

“Why you don’t just get married, Jessica, you’re pretty, everyone loves you”

“Not everyone, there’s you”

“I like you, but—“

“I know, you don’t have to explain. I just don’t find someone who worth it”

“I’m clearly not worth it”

“Sigh. Taeyeon”

“Jessica. How is she?”

“She has two dogs and one daughter”

I balled my fist.

“She got miscarriage on her second child”

I gasp. “WH- what?!”

“Her husband kind of gets mad of her, blame her that it’s her fault for not taking care of herself when she’s pregnant”

I sat up furiously. “ THAT BASTARD! I WILL HUNT HIM DOWN”

“That happened nearly two years ago, Taeyeon. She lost her husband too in car accident”

“!” I cried this time; the floor feels cold, but not as cold as my tears against my cheek. “You must be so hurt, Fany. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I broke my promise to make sure that you’re happy

I’m sorry I’m not there for you”

“That’s not your fault, Taeyeon, she already let it go. You should too”

“That’s my fault” my burnt palm was hurting, but I don’t care “Give me her number”

“What you gonna do, Taeyeon?”

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