A dim fire was lit in the middle of the night, with the white smoke dancing in the air. I tried to make another smoke ring but apparently I lost my touch. Another inhale and puffs of graying white smoke dancing again in the air like some kind of little cloud.

In this kind of hour I start to think.

Think of anything. Mainly about myself. Then after couple of minutes I feel like a jerk because why on earth I only think about myself but not other? I sound so selfish. Too selfish. So I start to think about Sooyeon.

Sooyeon was different from Jessica.

I mean they are the same person, but Sooyeon was different.

There’s some kind of vulnerability and innocence in that name. And sound too dependable. I mean I’m not complaining, why would I? What’s better than feel needed from people you love? But Sooyeon hate that name. or rather Jessica. Jessica hate that name, because it reminds her of that time where she couldn’t even decide for herself. Couldn’t decide what should she follow, her heart or her head because it’s too confusing at times and society tried to whisper to her to follow her head instead. Or rather follow what society always does. So Jessica hates that name.

But then, I love that name. It shows me how much she struggled, how much fight she’s gone through, how much pain she forced to feel.

I love that name. That name which show how strong she is as a person.

But then, Jessica was come like a warrior in shining armor, only she’s not a warrior, just an armor trying to protect Sooyeon’s heart from another deep cut. Jessica build extra protection around it, taller wall than any other friends she had, bigger hollow spot inside, and make it colder place to live.

Then, I wonder, how did I enter that sacred place?

How did I break through all that?

How did I do all of that, even before I know she interested in me?

All I ever do is.. what? Loving Tiffany. Nothing else. Like asylum patient. Like crazy person. And all I ever seen is.. Tiffany. Nothing else. Anything else just a blur to me. Like a speedy car in the highway. Like a light bulb in the sunny day.

But Sooyeon saw something in me that I’m not even sure I have it anymore. I mean, Jessica said Sooyeon always fall in love with the wrong person too easily, and I start to think that Sooyeon fell in love with the wrong person once a