I grab all of our things that left on the table. Jessica is in the car, I force her so. She’s pressing a cool towel I get from the bar on to her palm.

Mark asked me about Jessica and I shot him a glare. Touch her, I’ll slit your throat. Treat her bad, I’ll hunt you down.

I rolled up my sleeves and leave them alone. I don’t care if Jessica be mad at me because I threaten her clients or workers or whatever. I do hope my tattoos scared them a little more. Maybe it’s not a really bad thing to inked myself after all.

--

“Hey, wait long? You okay?”

“Yea”

“Good”

I start the engine and glance at her. She’s not wearing her seatbelt.

“Can you wear your seatbelt?”

“Maybe, I’ll try”

I inhale a lot of air, “No, I’ll help you”

I lean to her and reach for her seatbelt. I don’t dare to look at her face; she’s too close for my comfort right now.

“Taeyeon” her small hand cups my face and turns it so she can see my face. “You don’t have to feel like you’re responsible for me. I’m a big girl”

I lean closer to her and hug her. I don’t feel that way, Sica. I just want to protect you. “I know. You’re a big girl. I got it” I broke the hug and flash her a smile, then fasten her seatbelt securely.

I grip the steer wheel. “But you can always lean on me too”

--

The hospital gives us a lot of stuffs to use. Pills, antibiotics, ointment, bandages, others that I forget what they are because I lost my concentration, I bet Jessica remember all that. She’s smart that way.

“So, what do I need to do?” I sit on her living room’s sofa, rummaging the bag contain all hospital things.

“Just let me take a shower first”

“Oh, right. Okay. Need any help?”

“God, Taeyeon, I don’t break any bone, you see?”

“Haha. Kidding…? Sorry. Sure, go ahead. Huh?”

“Are you drunk or high or something?”

“Of course not. I drive perfectly back then. Drive you to the hospital then to this apartment then—“

“You just go babbling”

“Okay. Right. I’ll shut up”

She pats my head and walks to her room.

What’s wrong with me? I hardly go babbling to her. It’s just crazy right now. Maybe I just lack of sleep. I should just take a nap. Or maybe drink something.

Sica must be hide a beer or two inside her fridge.

I really hate myself right now. My heart feels so heavy and complicated. My mind is no better. Everything falls out of the place.

Just like being a teenager again, running through crisis identity phase.

Scoff.

What a joke.

--

“Come here, let me help” she’s holding her towel, trying to drying her wet hair. She comes to me and sits next to me.

“What did you do when I was taking shower?”

“Nothing”

“Did you smoke?”

“No, I run out of it”

“Did you find any beer in the fridge?”

“Uh, maybe no”

“Let me check” she sniffs my face especially near my mouth. I don’t know why she likes to sniff, not only to me, but to everything she could sniffing at. Mostly to kitchen set as she hates weird smell stuck on them.

I struggle.