I know it’s a bit childish to get piercing on this kind of age. Sometimes people just told me that piercing is for teenagers and young-adults. I don’t care. I got 10 piercing, 5 on each ear. Somehow being pierce is to remind me that I somehow still alive, not slowly turning into a walking dead.

On top of my chest, exactly where my heart is beating, I inked it.

Yours

Yours, Fany, it’s yours.

–

Jessica offered to accompany me to her wedding. I thought I don’t want to attend the wedding, but Jessica said to show her that I had already moved on. That would be something that makes her happier and relieved.

Fany’s happiness, all my life I tried to do that.

I love you Fany. Even if you’re not mine anymore.

–

“Taeyeon!” Tiffany was so beautiful in a wedding dress. So pure, so—so beautiful.

Her hug was always warm. I look at Jessica, I want to cry, so much. Jessica held my hand, thankfully.

“Co—congratulation, ba—Fany” Almost. I almost said something I will regret.

I can’t do this.

She’s smiling from ear to ear. It’s so pretty.

I hug Jessica.

“Please, Jessica, let me go home”

“You can do this, Taeyeon”

“I—I can’t”

“Do you want to clear your mind for awhile in the balcony? Or washroom?” Jessica’s hug was little bit warm too. Just a little bit. Because she’s different from Tiffany. Her hand was rubbing my shoulder, somehow that soothing me for a bit.

“Can we go?”

“Where to, Taeyeon?”

“Anywhere, just anywhere”

“Okay”

I rest my chin on her shoulder, releasing a long breath.

“Thank you, Jessica”

“You’re welcome, Taeyeon”

So we ended up in the balcony, she close the door behind us and hug me again.

“You did a good job”

“I didn’t”

“You did, she’s happy to see you”

“I can’t let her go. I can’t move on”

“Time will heal everything”

“I have tattoo. On my chest. Where my heart beats. the word is ‘yours’. It meant that my heart is hers. Forever, Jessica, forever” my tears won’t stop coming out.

“Oh, Taeyeon”

“I have a tattoo on my lower scalp that spelled her name, ‘Tiffany’. It meant that I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m so ed up”

“No, Taeyeon, you’re not. You’re life not messed up. You just—“

“I just too love her. I love her Jessica, I love her so much. If she tells me to jump from here, right now, I will do that. I trust her, I want to make her happy”

“Then, if she tells you to move on, will you do that?”

“I’ve tried, many times, but they are not comparable with Fany, even for a tiny bit. That’s the only request I can’t complied”

She rubs my back softly. Somehow it still can’t help to erase this pain on my chest. The tattoo somehow feels like its burning.

Yours, Fany, my heart is still yours

–

The ceremony ended up smoothly. Jessica can’t seem to let go of my hand after we come back from the balcony.

I know she pity me. I’m so pathetic, I know.

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