The date of death. Youngjae's date of death.
I had a nightmare. Youngjae was screaming. I tried to help him but I couldn't. I couldn't make any move.
"KATARA!", he screamed. I tried so hard to move but nothing happened. I began to cry. 
"KATARA, HELP ME!", he screamed again. He was on the other side of the room. He was so skinny and pale. Because of fear he was shaking.
"Please...", he whispered. 
"I can't Youngjae...", I said under my sobs. I could only watch how he got paler.
"I don't want to die...", he whispered. 
"Oppa...", a cried. My oppa was about to dying. 'No, no, no, no.'
"Katara please take care of umma." were his last words. Then he fell on the ground and didn't move.
"YOUNGJAE!", I screamed. No reaction.
"OPPA, PLEASE, STAY UP!", I shouted. Again no reaction.
'He's dead', the thought came immidiatlly. 

"It's your fault." A voice said. There wasn't  any other person around me and oppa, but there was a clear voice.
"It's your faul.", it said again.
"No, I didn't do anything.", I cried.
"Exactly.", the voice said.
"No, please...", I couldn't do anything. I couldn't put my hands on my ears. I was just motionless.
"Your fault." it said again and again. Everytime much louder. I couldn't stand it.
"STOP! STOP! STOP!", I screamed as loud as I could and woke up.

'It was a dream, it was only a dream.', I told to myself every second.
I went to school, still in my thought when I crashed in someone's back.

"I'm sorry.", I said and bend down.
"Omo. It's the girl who cried yesterday on the schoolyard.", a  guy said.
I lifted my head and looked around. He was standing with some other kids in front of me.
He was a bit younger than me, but already very tall.
I just gave him a glare and was about to went in the school building when someone pushed me.

I fell down and hurted my led. 
"Can't you watch out.", a familiar voice said. 
I lifted my head and put one hand on my knee. It was Kairi.
'That ', I thought. 
"Listen, I know today isn't your best day. But could you may not stand in the way?", she asked snottily.
I stood up and hobbled to the left.
When she was just about to go, she turned around to me and said:
"Fortunately your brother don't has to see you in this pittifull condition.", she smirked.

I couldn't handle myself and forgot the pain in my leg and the respect I should show her.
I grab her on her collar and pushed she right on the wall.
"YAH!", she sreamed.
"Listen you little ", I began. My voice was so full of bitterness and anger, that she immidiatlly shut up.
"If you dare again, saying a word about my brother, I'll kill you, arasso.", I looked into her eyes. 
At first she was shocked but then a tiny smile came on her face.
"Like your bother?", she asked without any shame.

I forgot myself und punshed her with my fist in the face. Immidiatlly she fell on the floor.
I went on top of her an punshed as hard as I could everywhere.
She screamed and tried to push me away, but I didn't stop punshing her with my fist.

"YAH, KATARA, STOP!", I stopped punching at her and lifted my head up. Around me was a croud of pupils. They looked shocked down on me.
Then a strong hand grab my arm and brought me on my feets.
I looked at this person. It was Yongguk. He was absolutly shocked.
"What have you done?", he asked and looked down. I did the same thing and looked to Kairi. Her face was red and she had some bruisings. On I could see blood and her right eye was also a bit blue.
I couldn't say or do anything, I just could look at her.

The director came and found us like that. 
"What happened here?", he asked serious. His look went to Kairi.
"Yah, Ms Yi, what happened to you?", he asked and helped her to get on her feets.

Yi Kairi was the daughter of Yi Joon. He was very rich and invested his money in this school. So it was logical that director would help her and do anything she wanted.

"She hit me." Kairi pointed on me. I just stood there.
"Is that true?", he asked serious and looked at the crowed. Most of them nodded.
"Is that true?", now he asked directly me. I didn't answer.
"Park Katara, you hit the daughter of our investor and now you don't have the respect to answer my question?!", he went red.
"Park Katara, I refer you of this school!", he announced. Then he turned to the crowed and said: 
"And you others go in your class immmidiatlly, if I see any of you here again, you'll be also refered.", he helped Kairi to get on her feets and lead her to the infirmary.

After Kairi and the director weren't anymore to see, everyone began to talk:
"What has she done?"
"Is she stupid, or what?"
"How could she hit her?"
"Good that he has kicked her out."
Now I began to ran. I ran as fast as I could and ignored the calls of Yongguk.
I just ran and ran after I found a bench, sat down and cried.


Suddenly somebody touched my shoulder and I winced.
"It's just me.", I lifted my heavy head and looked into Daehyun's face.
His eyes rounded when he saw my face.
"Omo, what happened?", he asked and sat next to me, his hand still on my shoulder.
I didn't answer. I just ignored him and continued crying. He took his hand of my shoulder and put it now on my head.
I lifted my head again and looked at him. But he didn't looked at my face, he looked straight.
After a few seconds he said:
"Don't forget, I'm your oppa now."
I just could look at him. My tears were still falling but I wasn't sobbing.
I took his hand of my head and finally he looked at me again. I hold his hand tight.
"Do you go with me to my brothers grave?"




We took the bus and walked 15 minutes to reach the high mountain where many graves were, inclused the grave of my brother. We didn't talk one word. I just hold his arm while we were walking.
When we were only few steps away of my brother's grave I stopped.
"I can't...I can't do this.", I turned around and was about to go, when Daehyun grab my wrist and turned me around.
Then he put his two hands on my shoulders and jolt me slightly.
"Hey, we almost did it, just a few steps. Come, I'm here with you." he incouraged me.
I took some breaths but didn't move. Suddenly he took my hand and press it a bit.
"I'm there for you, don't be afraid."
Finally I took some weak steps to reach the grave of my brother.

Infront of it, I fell on my knees.
"Oppa..", I cried. Sobs and tears were comming and didn't stop.
"Why oppa, why did you leave Umma and me!" I said.
"Why Youngjae oppa? Why did you leave us?...Please oppa, please come back. Please! What should we do without you? Oppa, please oppa, come back.", I could only breath hardly.
"I'm so sorry oppa, I'm so sorry! I wasn't at your funeral and I didn't came visiting you! Miahnae!"
Daehyun just stood there and didn't do anything. I was thankful for it. Yongguk would hold me, saying to calm down and that everything would be ok, but I needed to cry now, to say finally goodbye. 
"Youngjae...Youngjae oppa, I miss you...b-but I-I have to l-l-let you go." I began to sobbing.
"I don't wan't to say goodbye...no...but I have to...I-if I don't s-s-say go-o-odbye, I can't go on.", finally I stopped crying.
"I have to say goodbye, but I'll never forget you. I swear, I'll never forget you, oppa. I love you Oppa..."
I stood up weakly and looked to the grave where his name was written.
"Goodbye my brother, one day we'll meet up again. I'm sure."
I turned to Daehyun. 
"We can go now.", I whispered. He put his arm uncertain around my waist and helped me walking.

We went to a little bar near the graveyard. There were many people. But I didn't noticed. I stopped crying but I was in a trance.
Daehyun ordered soju for him and a coke for me. The waiter put it on our desk and looked at me, then he turned around and took some other orders.
"Do I look so awful?", I asked Daehyun, after I came out of my trance. He nodded. I just sighed.
"Where's your mom?", he asked after a few silent minutes. 
"I don't know...", I said. He looked at me confiused.
"I don't know, she wrote me a letter that she'll come in 2 weeks." I said, then I got a shock.
"But how I'm going to explaine her that they kicked me out of the school?", my eyes filt again with tears.
"What?", he asked, still confiused. I explained what happened at the school and he mad a fist.
"This girl is unbelievable, so sneaky." I just nodded. At this moment I felt so helpless.

My bother was dead, my mom wasn't here, I went bullied and now I'm kicked out of school.

I took the soju of Daehyun and drank it in one shot. Surprised he looked at me. 
"Please order me more." I sat without looking at him.
"Huh?"
"Please order me more, I'm underage and I can't get an alcohol. But please order me some...I need this."
Uncertain he shoke his head.
"Please..", I begged. "I want to forget...only for a while.", a tear felt on my cheek.
He sighed and ordered one more soju. Then one more again...and again...and again.
He stopped at 5 soju bottles and I was rawring drunked.

"Where is my caraoke?", I babbled.
"Psssshh!", Daehyun tried to hold me back when I tried to stand up.
"Aish, leave me alone!", I went out of the bar and tried to stagger home.
Daehyun ran after me and grab me on my wrist.
"Yah! What are you doing?!", he asked annoyed.
"Hoooooooome.", I ponted to a road. I continued staggering, when Daehyun get in my way and bend down.
"Yaaaaaaaah, whaaaaat are you dooooooing?", I began to laugh. He sighed grab my arm and put me on his back.
"Yaaaaaah!", I babbled.
"Oooh, just shut up!", he said annoyed.

I shut my mouth and didn't say anything. 
"Thank you.", I said after a few minutes. 
"For what?", he asked.
"For being there for me.", I chuckled.
He contiuned walking without saying a word.
"But we have toooo taaake the bus!", I babbled.
"Shut up and sleep now. When we're back you're hopefully a bit sober."
"But I like to be drunk!", I laughed and began to move on his shoulder.
"YAH!", he raised his voice and tried to hold his balance.
"Ooooups, sorry." I chuckled and fell immidiatlly in a dreamless sleep.

Then somebody shooke me. 
"Yah, Katara, wake up.", he said.
"Neeeeeh?" I asked.
"Aish, your still drunk", Daehyun shoke his head.
"Wae? What do you want?", I asked sleepy.
"I don't know where you live, would you please lead me?", he asked a bit breathless.
I looked around. We were in front of our school. 
"Oooh, neeeh, this way." I ponited to the street.
He just walked the way.
"Am I on the right way?", he asked.
"Yeah, I think so."
"What?", he asked annoyed.
"HAHAHAHA just continue, arassooooo?", I laughed. He sighed frustrated.

We were only a few steps away from my home, when someone tall came towards us.
'Who's this?' I asked myself.
"YAH! KATARA!", the voice shouted. I got a headache.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?", Yongguk shouted. He glared at Daehyun. Daehyun looked back without giving a answer.
"Yah!, I've asked you somthing!", he came closer. Now he looked at me.
"What's with her?", Yongguk asked.
"She's drunk.", Daehyun simply gave back.
"WHAT? DID YOU GAVE HER ALCOHOL?", Yongguk shouted. Daehyun ignored him and put me off his shoulder.
"YAH, YOU PUNK!", Yongguk grab his collar.

I pushed Yongguk away from him.
"Yaaaaah! Leave him alone!", I hold the arme off Daehyun and pouted.
"What?", Yongguk asked.
"Leeeeave him aloooone! Don't you understand korean?", I tongue-bared at him.
Daehyun tried to hide his laugh under coughing.
Yongguk glared at him, then put his look to me.
"You are drunk. Common' I bring you in.", he grab my arm, but I pushed him again away.

"Yah.", confiused he looked at me.
"Don't dare to touch me.", I tried to glare at him but couldn't because he was so blurred.
"What?", he asked.
"Listen!", I babble. "I don't want you to touch me, arasso!"
"But, what are you talking about?"
"YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR ME!", I screamed, and stagger a bit to the left.
Shocked he looked at me. I never shouted at him so directly.
"Yah, you..", he began but I interrupted him.
"You weren't there for me! I went to my brother's grave!", I told him.
"I've said goodbye!", I continued. He just stood there, and I didn't cared.
"They kicked me out of the school, but you did nothing! Nooooothing!", I yelled and pointed my finger at him.
"You're a bad bestfriend!", I babbled.
"But do you know what?" I asked him and came closer to him. I looked in his, full of saidness, eyes and said:
"He was there for me!", I pointed at Daehyun without looking at him. My look was only at Yongguk.
"He was! Not you!", I went to Daehyun.

Then I did something very, very, very stupid. I put my hands around his neck, hugged him and then gave him a kiss on his cheek.
"Thank you, my new oppa!" 
Daehyun was so shocked, he didn't move. Nor Yongguk. I waved him and went staggered right passed Yongguk.

I searched for the key, Mrs Lee gave me today, and put it in the keyhole.

The first thing, I've done was running in the toilet and to puke.

I would reget what I've done, but now the most importent thing for me was to sleep and to forget all about today.