Now I was alone. I had no one anymore.

I went to my bed and cried. I broke up with the guy I loved the most, but I had to. Soon my father would come back and he would do everything to find me. He would just injur Yongguk. And I knew Yongguk well. Yes, he was often jealous, but he had a good heart. Since we were young, he looked for me, he brought me to laugh and was there for me.

Everything I said to him...I didn't mean it like that. But I had to do this. I couldn't be so selfish and telling him everything and risk that who could be injured because I didn't wanted to be alone.

I hold the neckless of my mom. *Otokae, Umma?*

I bend down and took the letter, I read it again. I had to burn the house and leave Korea. My home.
Then I something got into my eyes:

Only one other person knows about that Katara. I hope he'll support you and he'll take care of you.

He? Who was he? I tried to guess who it could be, but there was no one. We didn't had any male friends. Barely female ones.
So who the heck was 'he'?
And where was he? Shouldn't he be, here with me and support me like my mother said? 
*Hopefully I meet him soon.* I thought *Before I leave Korea.*




I woke up early, because I couldn't sleep. It was only 7 o'clock. And I had to work at 12. What should I do now.
I decided to clean the house. I began with the kitchen until I reached the room from my mother. There were so many bills and letters, that her room just looked like a dirty office. When I was about to clean the room, I stopped.
*If I clean it...it's like she's really gone.*

But did it really matter? I would set the house anyway on fire, so couldn't I just take these things and threw them away?

I groaned and went out of her room. Everything was tidy apart from my mothers room, so what should I do now?
I walked up and down and remembered one thing. I had to pick up the urn where the ash of my mom was.
I dressed some normal jeans and a pullover. I took my jacket and went outside to go to the hospital. It wasn't very could, but I was shaking.

Knowing that my mom was in an urn...this was really too much for me. But I had to be strong. I promised her. And everything I promised, I kept it.

I waited for the doctor until I saw him.
"Good morning Katara." I bow down.
"Good morning...I'm here to... to take my mother with me." I tried to speak normal but my voice cracked a bit. The doctor nodded.
"Please follow me."
We went into his office, where I sat down and waited for him. He took the urn from an other room and brought it to me.
"Here it is.", he holded a blue urn in his hands.
"It's beautiful." I whispered and took it slowly. "Umma likes blue." I smiled a bit. I know it was strange. I talked like my mother was still on earth, although I had her ash now in my hands.
"Katara.", the doctor began. I looked up and his face was full of sorrow. "I'm really sorry, what happened to your mother Katara. But you and your family have to be strong. I wish you all good luck"

I blinked many times. *Family? Which family? I am alone.*
But I didn't said these words out loud. I smiled a bit and bow down. "Thank you were much doctor. I go now."
With the urn in my hand I left the hospital and sighed.

What should I do with her ash? Should I keep it, or bring it to the grave of Youngjae oppa and lean it next to his? Or maybe spread it?
I got an headache again. "Umma, what should I do with you?", I whispered and hold my neckless.

"Umma, Umma, I want to go to the park! Please Umma!", a little boy whined. 
"Arasso, arasso, let's go to the park.", his mother smiled and took his hand.

The park. Of course the park. The park were she, Youngjae and I played so much. The park where we forgot about our problems home and had just fun. This little, but meanful park. I smiled slightly. *Thank you, young boy.*

I had one hour before I would go to work. This was not enough time to say goodbye to Umma, so I decided to do it after work. It was hard, but this time I had to be stronge. Stronger than Youngjae died. I was alone now, so the only one I could trust was myself. 

I walked home again and put the urn in my room. Then I changed my cloths to my job uniform and went outside again.

I reached the work just in time and everyone greeted me. Today was a very busy day and I was happy about it. I could finally focus on other thing apart from my mother and Yongguk. I worked overtime and I was only ready at 10 p.m. It was a really tough day.
"Thank you so much, that you stayed longer Katara!", thanked my boss. "You're so young, but you work already like a strong and tough woman. I'm glad to have you here." I smiled about his compliment and bow down. "Thank you very much."

"But still...", he said, his eyes were strange right now. "Are you ok?" I blinked a few times. "Me? Yes, I am ok." This time I forced a smile. He nodded slowly. "Maybe I only imagined it but...you were so quiet."
This boss, new every of his employees and he always recognized things...also when they weren't very important.
But then he shook his head and smiled. "I'm sorry, I only imagined it. You did a good job! Come home safely!", he waved and went to his office.
He was right, but I was happy that he already forgot about it.

It was very dark today, so walked a bit faster then usual. There were so many strange people in Seoul that I didn't trust the silence.
"Hey Katara!", I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and I saw Jongup jogging towards me.
"Jongup!", I smiled brightly. Since the night with Zico I didn't saw him. "Katara!", he said again and hugged me tightly. "It feels like I didn't saw you for ages!", he smiled. 
"You're right!", I smiled back. "What are you doing here?"
"I'll meet Himchan write now." He looked around and waved. "He's over there. Himchan hyung!", he called.

Himchan turned around and saw Jongup. At first he was smiling but when he saw me his smile disappeared. He walked towards us grabbed my arm all of sudden.
"We talk. Now.", he ignored Jongup who looked very confiused and dragged me away from him. "Himchan, let go. It hurts", I whined.
"Why did you break up with Yongguk?", he asked angry.
"Huh?"
"Don't play dumb, Katara. Why the heck did you break up with Yongguk?"
I avoided his gaze. I didn't want him to get injured because of me, was my real reason, but I couldn't tell this Himchan.
"We don't match together.", I said finally.
"BULL!", Himchan yelled. Then he sighed in frustration. "Katara, I know you two good enough to say, that you to belong together." He sighed again. "He told me what happened yesterday and he really feel sorry about this. He didn't wanted to say these things."
"But he did." I pointed out.
"Yes, but you know him! He is a jealous guy. He was always like this. Why does it bother you know?" I surched for a good reason but I didn't found one. He was right, but I couldn't admit it.
"Please Himchan, let me go. I'm tired. I worked all day long.", I tried to get out his handle, but it only wnt tighter.
"Do you know how much he suffers right now?" He looked away. "I never saw him like that.", he whispered. Then he looked back at me.
"You can't even imagine, how much he suffers." I avoid his gaze.
"He'll get over it.", I said quiet.
"YAH! PARK KATARA!", Himchan yelled, but he couldn't say more things, because someone interrupted him.

"Leave her alone.", said familiar voice. A too familiar voice. I couldn't turn around.
"Fine.", Himchan, let go my arm finally and passed me. "Jongup, let's go."

I stayed there for a few seconds, then I began to walk. "Wait please." I stopped but I still couldn't turn around. I felt a hand on my shoulder, which turned me around to look at Yongguk.
"What do you want?", I said as rough as I could. I didn't wanted to speak like this with him, but I had to. He sighed. "I want to talk."
"There's no need in."
"Yes there is, Katara.", he sighed again took his hand out of my shoulder.

"Listen. I 'm sorry what happened yesterday. I was only shocked that a boy was in your bed. At first I thought he did something to you, but only when I threw him on the ground I noticed you two were wearing cloths on.", he stopped and took on breath.
"I was so unsure because...because of the other night where...where wo both were drunk. I'm really sorry, that I rejected you. I didn't mean to hurt you, but I knew, when we would have keep on, we would have regret it." I looked at his chest and didn't say a word. He was absolutly right, but I couldn't admit it. I would like to, but I just couldn't.
"I was there in the morning to apology. I also made your favourite orange juice, which would make you feel better, after you drank that night too much. But then you left and you came back and I saw how near Daehyun was, and I really don't like this boy...and I...I just overreacted." He sighed again. "And I'm really sorry about this...but what you have said Katara...", he stopped and breath in "was also very hard for me."
He tried to laugh to bring the atmosphere up. "I really hope you didn't mean these words. I know you were angry or you still are, but I hope you take my apology." He stood there and waited for my respond.

"Why should I?", I asked him. 
"I beg you Katara! I'm really sorry. Forgive me, for my rude words."
"I don't want to."
"I thought you love me!", he yelled desperated. 
"You thought wrong.", to these words hurted so much. Stubborn he shook his head. "No you're lying."

"You love me, as much as I love you Katara." He put his two hands on each of my cheeks and forced me to look in his eyes. There were some tears.
"We know each other almost 8 years now Katara. I know you better than everyone. And I know that you didn't mean these words."
What should I do now? I didn't wanted to lie. I wanted to get on my toes and to kiss him. I wanted to say sorry for my rude words and beg for apology. But what if he gets hurt one day. How could I take this responsibility? I didn't wanted to lose anyone anymore.

"Yongguk, please.", I pushed his hands away. "Leave me alone."
"I can't", he shook his head again. "I can't leave you alone Katara. For this...yes, for this I'm really to selfish, I'm sorry."
"Now you see the matter.", said a voice behind me. I turned immediatelly around and looked in a known face.
"What are you doing here?", said Yongguk pissed. I felt reliefed that Daehyun was here right now. He came towars me and Yongguk. 
"I'm here to bring Katara home.", he said simply, like he wasn't talking to my boyfriend...I mean ex-boyfriend...

Daehyun put his arm on my shoulder and whispered: "Let's go"
Now I went angry. Who does he think he is? I pushed his arm away and glared at him. "No thanks I can go home alone!"
I faced Yongguk again.
"Yongguk, I'm sorry but we're done. I hope you'll get soon over it." before I could go Yongguk grab my frist.
"At least...at least let me be your friend.", Yongguk was really fighting for me. It hurted so much.
"When I can't be your boyfriend, then let me be a normal friend. A friend who can support you and who can be there for you."
I got out of his handle and ignored him. I knew if I only would say one thing, my voiced would crack and it would show that Yongguk still meant a lot to me. I left the boys alone and kept on walking.

My tears were coming and I couldn't handle but sobbing. Yongguk really felt sorry. He tried to apology and also tried to convince me that he can only be a friend. *Pabo* I thought said. *Yongguk, you pabo, how could you be only a friend when I love you so much?*

I reached my home and looked at the urn. "Umma, am I doing the right thing?", I whispered. "Hurting Yongguk, to save him. Is there really no other way?"
I changed cloths, then I took the urn and went outside again. It was already 11.30 p.m. but I didn't cared. I had to say goodbye to my mom now, before, I would lose all my courage. I took the bus and walked until I reached the park. This park was full of memories...and now I had to spread the ash of my mom here.
I went to the bench where me and my mom sat the last time. My tears were burning in my eyes.
"Umma.", I whispered. "Why did you leave me?", I cried. "Why did you leave me alone? We both would have find a way. We always did.", I began to sob. "We always managed things together and now you leave me. I'm only 18 Umma. What could a 18 year old girl do in Japan all alone, huh?" I whiped my tears away and tried to stop sobbing. "But I try.", I convinces myself. "I'll try it Umma. For you and Youngjae. I'll try to live on in Japan and hide from father, alone for you two. That you van rest in peace."
I opened the urn. "And I hope before I leave, I'll find the person who knows the truth apart from me."

I spread the ash out and all of sudden a strong wind blow it with him.
"Goodbye Umma. Rest in peace."

I kept on sitting for a few minutes to calm down then I stood up. *Dance* said something in my heart. *Dance the last time for Umma*
I knew that my mom loved ballet so I began to the dance ballet, the last time for her. The moon was shining on me and danced like it was the last time. While I was dancing I felt reliefed. I didn't knew why but, it was like all the burden I had just went away with the wind.

I stopped dancing and a little smile appeared on my face. *Goodbye Umma.*







She looked like a goddess, while she was dancing. Her turns and her balance were unbelievable. The moon was shining at her and it seemed like she was flying in a haze of moonlight. 
It was the first time I saw her dancing like this. This was the first time that my heart beated so fast for someone.
All the time I tried to convince myself that I imagined these races which were in my heart. But now I couldn't lie anymore.
I fell in love with her. And I would do everything I could to help her...like her mother asked me to.



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So here we go! My 22th chapter! What do you think until now?
But I swear it'll get more interesting, just wait a bit ;D
I thought, I wouldn't have the time to write so soon, but I was wrong.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)