Blankness.

For some reason, this was what Chae Rin felt the whole time as she was staring at the same spot for the last 10 minutes. She couldn’t believe what happened.

If this is what it feels like, I rather die.

“Are you alright?”

Chae Rin raises her head and looks at Kwon blankly. He sat beside her and gave her water. She took the bottle and looked down. It was obvious that he was stealing glances on her and there was this awkward silence.

“Oppa—“

“Chae Rin is there something wrong?”

Both of them talked at the same time. She looks at him blankly while he was wondering on what happened to her.

“Is there something wrong? What can I do to help?” he asked her.

“Hyung, so there you are, Changmin-hyung was wondering if you already arrived, he wants to discuss something with you.” Jinwoon, suddenly went in the studio. 2AM’s leader glared at their maknae who in return stared at Chae Rin and back at his hyung in confusion.

Chae Rin stood up, as she was about to leave, she looked back at Kwon and muttered a silent “Thanks for the time oppa”, she then looked at Jinwoon for the last time as she fled the room.

*******************************

“Chae Rin!” Shi Hyuk PD called her. She wanted to glance back and greet her mentor but sadly she couldn’t let him see her in that vulnerable state. You must separate your personal issues from work Chae Rin, she told herself. But because of the great respect she has for her mentor she looked back and smiled at him as she turned around quickly to leave the building.

A smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, was all Shi Hyuk PD could ever think of the moment she looked at him and smiled. What is wrong with our Chae Rin?

******************************

“Oppa~ I need to see you now…”

“Oppa~ please can we talk about this?”

This was the 10^th voice mail she had ever sent him. She was sitting in her room that night trying to call the person who caused her so much pain. Why does love have to feel this way? What have I done to deserve this? She stared at the window looking out in the cold night. Funny, even the weather feels the same way. She looked at the phone in her hand and dialed that number again.

“Oppa~ I want to see you” she said as she finally choked up and tears made their way out.

******************************

1 new voice mail…

“Chae Rin ah, what is the matter with you? Why did you have to leave a hundred messages on my phone? Wasn’t I clear the last time that I want to break up? Alright fine, let’s talk. Meet me later at the usual place, but after this, we should never see each other again.”

******************************

“Do it again…” Shi Hyuk PD told Chae Rin once again through the speaker phone. It has been a week already and everyone around her could sense that something is wrong. She wasn’t in her usual cheery self. They were at the studio recording a promotional song, but Shi Hyuk PD could sense that something is wrong.

The song is supposed to be portrayed by a person happily in love but why does it seem that there is something wrong? Shi Hyuk PD thought.

“I’m sorry” she bowed down in shame. I shouldn’t be like this. I should be a professional.

“That’s okay, from the top. Now get it right this time.” Shi Hyuk PD told her once more.

Chae Rin sighed and started to sing. I never knew I could feel like this. You are the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life. Let’s be together forever. As she sang this tears starts to well-up at the corner of her eyes.

******************************

“Thanks for your hard work.” Chae Rin said later that day. Singing that song was a struggle for her but she pulled right through the end. Everyone just smiled and said their goodbye to her not daring to ask her what the problem was.

She walked into the hallway, ready to face the real world once again. I wanted to bury myself in work but I guess I can’t escape everything.

“Yeobo~ I want to see you. I miss you so much.”

“You are always busy….”

Chae Rin looked at the direction of the voice. To her surprise she saw Kwon sitting and talking to someone on the phone. He looked so happy. It feels so nice to experience being loved by someone. She thought. She looked the other way as the scene before her brings tears to her eyes.

“Let’s plan our trip okay, with just the two of us?” Kwon said slyly.

She was about to pass Kwon without him sensing that she heard the whole conversation but to her dismay, he saw her.

“Oh, Chae Rin ah you are here…” he said looking at her, he turned back to the person he’s talking to and said gently, “Let’s talk later okay? I miss you.”

Chae Rin could hear the person at the other line shouting and she absentmindedly chuckled. Must be Ga-in unnie. She thought. She was surprised at herself for smiling. That was the first time in days that she felt good.

Kwon turned around shyly and said quietly, “I love you…” he thought that Chae Rin wouldn’t hear that but she heard it perfectly.

Kwon turned to her again, his smile never leaving his face. She looked at him and thought I wish I had your smile. She looked away to stop the tears forming in her eyes.

Kwon looked at her worriedly. “Are you alright Rin ah? I noticed that you aren’t in your usual cheery self. Is there something wrong?”

“Oppa, its nothing.” She said as she continued to look away. If I look at Kwon oppa right now, I might break down and cry. I want to forget all about Joo Bin oppa. Kwon continued to search her face but for some reason, she was trying hard to mask her feelings.

“Hyung…” 2AM’s maknae said.

Kwon looked at the direction of the voice and looked at his watch. “Crap, I knew I forgot something.” He then turned to Chae Rin and said “Remember if you want someone to talk to, I am available.” He smiled at her and left.

Chae Rin looked at Kwon and smiled. Even though Kwon wouldn’t admit it to the world, she knew that him and Ga-in were kind of together, He is really nice. I hope him and Ga-in unnie last forever.

She was about to leave when she sensed that a pair of eyes was watching her. She looked at Jinwoon blankly and left. Jinwoon stared at her back and shrugged.

******************************

“Ugh. A vacation with just the two of us? Is he mad?” Ga-in said as she slammed her phone on the table.

“Oh, Chae Rin ah you are here…” Kwon pauses and says back to her “Let’s talk later okay? I miss you.”

“Whatever.. I have to go…” Ga-in said, chicly.

“I love you…”

“yea~”

“Earth to Son Ga-in! Why are you spacing out?” Seulong said from behind her. He looked at her and smiled mischievously. “Are you thinking about Kwon?”

She glared at him. “Sometimes I wonder Ong why do you waste your time teasing about our relationship? You are like this annoying kid at kindergarten.” She looked back at her script.

He sat beside her, “You know Ga-in ah, sometimes it’s better to be this innocent bystander looking into the lives of the people in this world and reflect upon it.”

Ga-in looked at her friend and squinted her eyes. “By ‘lives of the people’ you mean me and Kwon?”

“Basically.” He said grinning.

“Ugh.” She groaned. She looked back at her script only to sense a pair of eyes watching her intently. She looked at her friend and shook her head. “What now?”

“You know, if you are really missing Kwon-ah, I’m stopping by at the studio later. Do you want to come?” he said grinning back at her.

“Yah!” she said glaring at her friend.

******************************

I can’t believe this kind of pain exists in this world. I want to rip out my heart and burn it with all the memories I have of you.

Chae Rin walked towards the studio’s direction. The moment she was about to get in, she suddenly stopped. I couldn’t let anyone see me in this state. She walked to the garden and sat by the bench. She closed her eyes and all she could see is that moment. I want to forget everything.

“Oppa~” she walked in at their favorite restaurant.

“Chae Rin we need to talk.” He looked at her grimly that she had goosebumps.

She looked at the woman beside him and was shocked. “Mina-unnie, why are you with Joo Bin oppa?”

“Rin, let’s clear this up once and for all…” Joo Bin started.

Chae Rin looked at her cousin and back to the person who gave her so much pain. “What is going on?”

“Rin ah, let me explain—“ Mina was about to start when Joo Bin stopped her.

“Don’t tell me you were the one oppa was in love with?” she said as she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

“Rin ah---“

She slowly stepped backwards. He saw what she was about to do and said, “What are you doing? This is the reason things couldn’t be clear for us, you always escape.”

“I can’t believe you two betrayed me…” she stepped backwards once more, looked back and broke into a run as she left the restaurant admidst the other two’s protests.

“Liar---“ was all she could think about as she escaped.

Chae Rin shook her head to clear it from the thoughts of what happened a while ago. Even though she didn’t want to think about it, she couldn’t stop. Tears were slowly forming. Nobody should see me in this state, she thought. She wanted to go but oddly enough, her feet couldn’t drag her home. She buried her head on her arms and silently let the tears flow.

“Chae Rin?”

She looked up and saw the last person that should see her in that state. “K-kwon-oppa?”

*****************************

Where should I take yeobo? I want to ski again or maybe a hot spring? Kwon thought as he almost skipped out the studio to his car. He was excited to visit Ga-in at the set. He was tossing his keys when he glanced at the side and saw somebody sitting at the bench. Isn’t that Chae Rin? He walked to greet her when he noticed that she buried her face and was breathing heavily. Wait a minute, is she…crying?

“Chae Rin?”

She looked up to him. “K-kwon-oppa?” she wiped her tears and smiled at him.

“Is there something wrong?” he asked.

“No, nothing’s wrong. Everything is perfectly fine.” She smiled at him and he looked at her weirdly. Don’t look at me that way, oppa.

“Chae-Rin…”

“Everything is fine. The song is doing well, everyone is good at me. Everything is perfectly fine.” She smiled but tears suddenly escaped. One by one, they started to fall and it was hard to stop them.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it, but don’t surpress what you feel inside.” Kwon said.

“Oppa, why is love so hard?” she said stammering.

“Just let it all out.” He said as he hugged her.

She just looked at him and let the tears fall out freely for the first time that day.

******************************

“I can’t believe you talked me into this…” Ga-in said to Seulong that day.

“You don’t have to hide it my dear friend. I know you are missing a certain ballad group leader.” Ong said as he started to .

“Just say Kwon, why are you talking in codes? Are we in some CSI movie or something?” she said irritated, but deep down she was excited to meet Kwon after a very long time.

Ong stopped the car in front of the studio and said to her, “Wait here. I guess he is still in the building. Everyone might be suspicious of you in a JYP sudio.”

“Why won’t they be suspicious on why I’m sitting in a car of Im Seulong then?”

He looked at her and shook his head. “Everyone knows that we are friends, but no one really knows that you and Kwon are together.” He opened the door and was about to get out when he looked back at her. “Remember to wait here”

She saluted back at him. “Whatever you say, Ong” she laughed as he growled at her. She watched him walk in the studio. She looked in her friend’s car. At least he had the sense to have a clean car, unlike his room. She chuckled as she thought of the room she went in when she visited 2AM’s dorm or the first time.

She tapped at the window sill, Ah I’m so bored. When will he come out? She looked out and saw Kwon sitting with girl and talking to her. With her eyes squinted, she looked closely. Is that Chae Rin?

She was about to get out to greet them both when she saw Kwon suddenly hugging and comforting her. Ga-in saw them as they got up, went into Kwon’s car and drove off.

******************************

“Yah Son Ga-in it seems like Kwon got home early…I guess…” Ong was about to finish when he saw that the passenger seat was empty. A note was the only thing that was there.

Author’s Note:

I just wanted you guys to get a glimpse on Chae Rin’s life. How would she fit into our protagonists lives?