-HYEMI’S POV-

EXO, B.A.P, and I were walking out of the studio to go to a nearby café. But I was interrupted with a call from an unknown number. I don’t like taking calls from people I didn’t know but I had this vibe that this call was important. I hesitantly picked up the phone, “Yeobosaeyo?”

“Hello. Is this Lee HyeMi?” The guy on the other line asked.

“Erm.. Yes this is. May I ask who’s calling?” I asked.

“We are the police. Is Lee SungHa your father? Please cooperate with us.”

“Yes. Is there a problem?” I started to get worried. I blocked everything out of the way. I wasn’t really aware of the fact that there were guys that were in front of me when I bumped into them. I apologized and went back to the call. The guy on the line cleared his throat.

“We’re really sorry to inform you this but Lee SungHa, your father has passed away.” I was speechless. “He was in a car accident. And.. well his alcohol level was pretty high.” I didn’t respond for a couple seconds.

 I found my voice, “Um. You’re not serious right? ” My eyes began to water.

“I’m sorry. We found an account book that’s for you. And we would like it if you came to pick it up. There’s alos some of your father’s belongings that needs to be picked up from the car.”

“Where are you exactly? I’ll be there soon.” I tried my best to keep in the tears. But they were slowly falling down my cheeks, tear by tear.

“We’re in front of a cemetery. It’s in Itaewon dong, YongSan-Gu. Are you aware of this location?” I paused. That’s where my umma is. She’s buried in that cemetary. That’s the only cemetery that’s in ItaeWon.

“Yes sir. I’ll be there soon.” I muffled. I hung up the phone and turned to the guys. “I have to go somewhere. Thanks for today.” I mumbled. I tried to smile but it came out as a weak line forming on my lips. I turned to leave but someone stopped me. I looked up to find DaeHyun looking at me worriedly.

“Let me walk you.” He said. I shook my head.

“I kinda wanna go alone. Thanks though.”

“But-“ DaeHyun said but thankfully YongGuk held him back.

“Just let her go alone this time. I think she needs to be alone.” YongGUk whispered and DaeHyun sighed and nodded.

“Be careful HyeMi-ah” He said. I smiled and left. I called a cab and headed to the location of where my dead father was. When I got there, I saw a bunch of tapes and cones. I then saw a flipped over car and a lifeless body next to the car.  *Oh my god…* I didn’t think and I ran straight to the body.

“Abeoji!! Dad! Appa! SungHa! What are you doing?? Wake up god dammit. You owe me, I didn’t mean what you said. Dad you’re all I have. Appa!” I cried. The police stopped me from getting any closer.

“Ma’am, please stop. You can’t be here unless you’re a family member.” One of the guys said. I looked at him in disbelief.

“Did you not hear what I just en said?” The guy looked at me with wide eyes.

“Let’s not use profanity here. Just please listen to our orders.” He said, ignoring my last comment.

“He is my FATHER, ABEOJI, PAPA, DADDY, APPA.” I yelled in his face. The guy was getting obviously irritated. I looked at his uniform and his nametag read ‘Choi  HanWoo’. “So Mr. Choi HanWoo will you please excuse me so I can see my FATHER.” He unwillingly let me in. In my father’s hands were a bouquet of flowers.

“Excuse me, are you Lee HyeMi?” I heard a familiar voice say. I nodded. “I believe I talked to you on the phone earlier.”

I cleared my throat. “Yes sir.” The cop handed me the account book and told me I coud go if I wanted to or stay. I decided to go home. I got the keys from the cop as well and headed for home. When I reached the front steps I saw a note.

HyeMi~

Please come back home.

Appa

I opened the door to the house. When I saw the house, it was worse than before. Empty beer cans were scattered on the floor. I sighed and opened the door to my dad’s room. In his room, surprisingly it was clean. The bed was made, clothes folded, it was neat. I opened one of the drawers and in it was  several notebooks, my mom’s ring, and important things. I opened one of the notebook and it was a journal. Letters to my mom from my dad. I read one of the journals and it was dated all the way back right when my mom passed away.

June 11, 2006

Dear JiSoo,

It’s been one day since you left me. I don’t know what to do. HyeMi is still young and I don’t know how she’s gonna take this. She’s young and strong I know that. I will do my best to raise her JiSoo-ah. I’m sorry I haven’t been with you a lot because of work. But I hope you know I love you and still do. I love HyeMi as well. Just wait, I’ll make you come back. Or wait for me. I hope HyeMi will be ok, I’m lost. I don’t know what to do for HyeMi. How she’s gonna live without a mom. I’ll write to you soon.

-SungHa

September 31, 2006

JiSoo,

Today is HyeMi’s birthday.Her first birthday without her mom being there celebrating.  I didn’t do anything. I feel horrible. I’m drunk right now and I think I hit her. Why am I like this? She came home and was looking down… so I got mad at her. I don’t know why I’m like this. I want to stop but something’s stopping me. I’ve been drinking every day after you..left. Help me.

-SungHa

I closed that journal and picked up the one that was on the top. I opened it to the last page and began reading.

January 11, 2013

JiSoo,

I’m gonna write a lot to you today. Yesterday HyeMi and I had a fight. She had enough. I poured a can of beer on her and told her to leave. What kind of father am I, telling his daughter to leave the house. She came home a little happier than usual and I got mad at her…For being happy. I was mad that she didn’t make anything for us. I was drunk again and just doing whatever I felt like. She cried so much, I punched her and kicked her. I did every bad thing a father could do. BUT…it’s not my first time doing it. I done it so many times to her never stopping. I need you to help me get back up. I drink every night to ease the pain but when I wake up I know I cause more pain to HyeMI. I can’t help it JiSoo-ah. I don’t know what’s making me do this. She left the house like 10 minutes ago. I don’t know where she is right now but I hope she’s gonna be ok. I’m gonna look for her tomorrow so she can come back home. I have a bad feeling about tomorrow but I guess I’ll find out tomorrow. I am such a horrible father. I will become a better father. I will try to. No not try.. I will for you, for HyeMI, for me. I love you JiSoo-ah and I’m sorry. I love HyeMi too of course. I hope she forgives me one day.

-HanSol

I closed the notebook and started crying. *Why dad. Why did you have to write this. This makes me feel worse.* I was now sobbing. I opened the notebook once again and grabbed a pen.

January 12, 2013

Appa and Umma,

You guys both left me now… I’ve been by myself for about 5 hours and it’s the worse. I miss you guys a lot. Dad… I forgive you.. and I found out that you’ve been saving money for me to go to college and  have a house and a car. Thank you. I didn’t know that and I never thanked you in person. I’m sorry. I will continue writing in this everyday. So you guys can read it. This will be my new way of communicating with you. I hope you guys are happy now. I… love you

HyeMi <3

I placed the pen on the counter and closed the notebook. I pressed against my chest and then put it in my bag.  “This Is not a good way to start the year” I mumbled.

Hey~ How is this chapter.  I think it's been two days since I last updated.. Sorry I was really tired. Still kinda jet lagged so...

But I thought the whole diray/letter/journal think was a little different from other stories so I kinda wanted to try it out :P

It might be gay.. but... too bad lol

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT YOU GUYS HAVE GIVEN ME! i APPRECIATE EAVH AND EVRY ONE OF YOU F OR SUBSCRIBING COMMENTING AND READING. i LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCHH. I HAVE LIKE 99 SUBSCRIBERS AND I STARTED A LITTEL BEFORE XMAS

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