"Without anyone knowing, I love you. Without anyone knowing, I think of you. It's a love that only you and I know in this world. All day, I remember you. All day I love you. Even if I am in jail, it is okay. If only I have you, I can live."-B.A.P ft. Song JiEun (Secret) "Secret Love"

I opened my eyes slowly, wishing no one would find me here. I could see lights peeking out from the crack of the closet door and I slumped against the wall. Why did I wake up? Why does the sun even raise? There's no light in my life, I can't see any light. I closed my eyes and tears streamed down my cheek again. No matter how much I cry, nothing is going to change. I wanted to drown myself in my tears, maybe that will put myself out of the misery. Even though I love Daehyun and he loves me, our secret love would stay as a secret, no one will know and we will be living in constant fear of exposing it. Then what is the point? If I have to feel fearful of people knowing that I love Daehyun, not Minhyuk, then what is the point of having this relationship? I love Daehyun and it is killing me that I have to hide my love towards him. Both of us know we can't be together without mentioning it to each other. I don't want Daehyun to be trapped here and waste his time on me, maybe he would be better off if he forget about me. Maybe if I begged Minhyuk to let him go, Daehyun will forget about my existence, he will find a normal girl and be happy with her. He wouldn't have to witness me marrying Minhyuk, he doesn't have to feel the pain. He would be happy if I am not in his life anymore, he would be free as air and more importantly, he can live a normal live and fell in love with a normal girl and forget about me and the pain I brought to him. But do I have the courage to tell him that I don't love him? I can't do it. Thinking of it is harder than doing it. Maybe if I tell that to Daehyun he will agree and it will be the end of us. But I want him to be mine. I don't want to him to forget about me, I don't want him to fell in love with another girl. But it would be the best if I end things between us, he would suffer less and that would make me happy. Even though that is for the best, telling him this is killing me in the inside and I just couldn't do it. I realized I was sobbing hard that I was choking while thinking about this. I had to in large breaths of air to calm myself down. But it didn't help much, the thoughts of me telling Daehyun that I don't want him is unbearable. For one second I wanted to kill myself, just to choke myself to death so I don't have to tell Daehyun, even better, if I die Daehyun would be released, he will forget me completely since I no longer exists. Everything is so much better and easier if I am not here anymore. My vision blurred and breathing was difficult for me now, without further thoughts I collapsed onto the ground. It would be better and easier if there's no such person named Kim Heaven.

"Heaven?" A voice echoed. It sounds a lot like Daehyun's angelic voice. I opened my eyes and saw his flawless face grinning at me. I must be dreaming.

"Daehyun?" I asked.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Am I dreaming?" I asked, confused. Daehyun chuckled lightly.

"Why would you be dreaming?" He asked, ruffling my hair.

"I......" I trailed off.

"Are you feeling okay?" Daehyun asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"What happened? Did he hurt you?" He asked immediately.

"I am fine....." I said slowly.

"Did he do anything to you?" He asked. I didn't answer and I held onto to Daehyun's hand. Since I am still alive, should I tell him? Million of thoughts crossed my mind. My heart aches already at the thought of this. But I must do it, no matter how much it hurts, I have to do it.

"Daehyun......" I said, not looking at him. It might be easier if I don't look at his face. It might hurt less.

"Yes?" He asked.

"I....... don't......." My voice was shaky. I felt a sharp pang of pain at my lungs and I winced.

"Heaven, calm down, breathe," Daehyun comforted me. He was shocked to see me like this. I tried to calm myself down as much as possible.

"Daehyun...... I-I don't........ love y-you....." I managed to choke out. Tears already poured out of my eyes uncontrollably. He looked at me suprised at first, then he had a hurted expression on his face. I didn't want to see him like this.

"What do you mean?" He said harshly with a pained expression.

"I-I..... I........" I tried to speak but I ended up choking up.

"What do you want me to do now? Leave you alone? Telling me to continue live my life without you?" He asked painfully and got up. I panicked and grabbed his hands.

"N-No!" I yelped. Daehyun looked at me with the same pained expression that it hurts to see him like this. He walked next to me and hugged me to him. It is clearly not easy for the both of us.

"Dang it. I can't do it," I sighed.

"What?" He asked.

"I can't tell you that I don't love you. If I can then you would live happier," I said quietly.

"Why would I be happier if you don't love me? I would be living in hell," Daehyun asked.

"The only reason you are willing to be trapped here with me is because you love me. If I tell you I don't love you then you will leave and go back to your normal life and live like a normal person," I said.

"Have you think about that maybe I don't want that kind of life? Doesn't matter where I am, even if I am in jail, as long I have you, as long I know you love me, it's okay for me," he said.

"But I want you to live happily," I said.

"I am happy already. Because I have you," Daehyun said.

"So you still love me?" I asked.

"Of course, do you?" He asked.

"Yes," I said and he smiled and gave me a kiss. Even though my plan failed but I feel happy for some reason. Maybe is because Daehyun doesn't want me to leave him or maybe is because I don't have to say goodbye to him. I leaned my head against his chest, the feeling of being with Daehyun again, even if it is for a second, makes me happier than anyone on this planet. 

"You should rest, Heaven," Daehyun said after a while.

"I am fine," I said.

"You should still rest so you can recover faster," he said with a smile.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I am not going anywhere, don't worry," he my hair.

"What about the other people?" I asked.

"Don't worry about them. Just rest for now," he planted a kiss on my forehead. I still didn't close my eyes. I was scared that if I closed my eyes, he would be gone if I opened them again.

"What's wrong?" Daehyun asked. I don't want to bother Daehyun with my silly fear.

"N-Nothing," I responded.

"Nothing?" He said softly and ran his fingertips on my cheeks.

"Daehyun, what if we can never be together? What if our love is merely...... a secret love?" I asked.

"Secret love?" He murmured.

"What our love always stayed as a secret between us? For the rest of our lives?" I asked.

"Even if that does happen, as long I have you, as long you still love me, I can live," Daehyun said.

"You sound easy about this," I marked and he chuckled.

"It's hard to do though, always keeping in mind that even though you are not with me, you still love me," he sighed.

"You don't have to worry about that," I said and he smiled.

"Go sleep now, Heaven. You need to rest," Daehyun said and I closed my eyes. If I have him, I can live too. We might not be physically together, but as long I know he loves me, I can live in this nightmare.

I opened my eyes slowly and found myself still in this room. I searched around the room for Daehyun, but he wasn't there. I started panicking for some reason. I wanted to see him, I only got to see him for a little while, and a little while was not enough for a greedy person like me. It was never enough. To me times passes too fast when I am with Daehyun. There's never enough time. I searched around the room and I looked beside me and gasped.

"Go away!" I yelled at Minhyuk who was sitting in a chair next to the bed.

"Heaven-" he started.

"Leave me alone! I hate you!" I yelled. All the hate for Minhyuk had suddenly surfaced onto my mind and I just want to take out all my anger on him.

"I-" he said.

"I never wanted to marry you! You evil, mean, controlling person! Why can't you just leave me alone? Haven't you driven me crazy already?" I screamed so hard that the sharp pang of pain in my lungs returned. I winced at the pain and scowled at him. Minhyuk looked somewhat apologetic and walked closer to me.

"Go away! Haven't I said enough?" I yelled and coughed. He opened his mouth to say something, then he closed his mouth and left the room slowly. Suddenly I felt kind of bad for yelling at him. Even though I hate him, but what I said was still kinda hurtful. I sighed and slumped onto the bed. Probably two more weeks we are going to get married. Then I will be Mrs. Lee. It had seem to me that this world is so unfair, I have no say in anything. I couldn't object, I couldn't just say I don't want to be Mrs. Lee and be done with it. I wish it was like that.

"Hey," I was startled by Daehyun when he entered the room.

"I didn't expect you to wake up so early," he said.

"How come those guards let you see me for such a long time?" I asked.

"I told them that I know you best in terms of your health condition and they agreed to let me take care of you," he explained.

"So does that mean you will be here taking care of me?" I asked.

"Yes, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" he said with a smile and I nodded.

"But what happened to you? You were gasping like you were strangled by someone," Daehyun my hair.

"I was really depressed and........ I don't know why but I wanted to kill myself....... So I can escape this nightmare," I explained. Now what I tried to do had seem like a dumb idea to me. Why did I even think about that?

"Kim Heaven! How could you?" Daehyun's eyebrows furrowed.

"How could you think about killing yourself? What about your parents? Don't you care about how upset they will be? And what about me? I guess you don't love me enough to live, for the sake of your parents and me. Don't you know that I will be heartbrokened if you left?" Daehyun continued.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight," I mumbled.

"Seriously, how could you even have that thought? It's unthinkable. You decided to marry some stranger just to keep your parents and me alive and safe, and now you want to kill yourself? Then what is the point of even marrying that guy?" he sighed and shook his head. I have nothing to say to this. He was right. 100% right. I can't object to this.

"You are right. I was so stupid. I don't know why do I even have that thought. I wasn't thinking about anyone besides myself. I only wanted to end this for myself. I am so selfish, dumb, reckless, idiotic, stupid-" I said to myself. I couldn't help but to punish myself for thinking of that.

"Heaven, Heaven, Stop!" Daehyun grabbed my wrists and stopped myself.

"Why? Don't I deserve to be punished?" I asked.

"Don't hurt yourself," he said.

"Then you punish me. If you don't want me to hurt myself then you can do it, go ahead," I said. Daehyun pursed his lips and didn't say anything for a while besides looking at me. Then he pulled me in for a hug.

"I can't stand to see you hurting yourself. And I can never hurt you, you know that?" He said.

"But I was being stupid-" I started.

"Because you feel pressured. If I was in your position I would be really upset as well," he said.

"You were right though," I said.

"I said those words because I couldn't stand the thought of you killing yourself, I wanted you to know how much I don't want you to leave me. Those weren't words to scold you, those were actually words to tell you that I can't bear to see you trying to kill yourself. I know you are really going through a lot right now, but I will be here for you. And I will always be here," Daehyun said.

"I thought maybe if I didn't exist in this world you might be able to have a chance to have a better life," I said.

"Babo, my life is already a lot better when I have you," he said and my hair.

"Even in this jail-like life you are living in right now?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"But you are about to see me get married with another man in two weeks," I said.

"But you do love me right? You don't love him right?" His face moved in closer to mine.

"Yes," I said. He smiled and kissed me.

"Even though it is hard for me to see you walk down an aisle with him, I will keep in mind that you love me, not him," he said.

"Promise you won't do anything stupid like me? No matter what you see at that day, never, never do what I did today. Then all my hard work would be wasted and I don't think I can live without you," I asked.

"Promise," he said.

"Promise you won't break that promise?" I asked and he chuckled.

"Yes," he said. His lips were on mine again.

"Pinky promise?" I asked.

"How many promises are there that I still need to make?" He whispered.

"Until you had me convinced," I said.

"Alright, go ahead," he said and continue to kiss me.

"How am I suppose to make you make more promises if you don't even let me speak?" I asked and he chuckled.

"If you remember from a while ago, this is a method I am using now to get you to be quiet," he said.

"Stop it! It's not working anyways," I said with a smile.

"Oh yeah? You want me to kick it up a notch?" He asked and he held me so tightly to him so I can't push him away and locked his lips on mine.

"I see you have leveled up," I said breathlessly and he smiled.

"I had to," he said.

"Are you doing this because you want me to be quiet and stop bugging you about making all those promises?" I asked.

"Hmm..... partly," he said.

"Mostly what?" I asked.

"Mostly because I miss you," he said with a smile.

"You still owe me that pinky promise," I said.

"We are still doing pinky promises? Isn't that something kids would do?" He asked, amused.

"I am a kid," I said.

"You are getting married soon," he said.

"Don't remind me of that," I groaned.

"I am proud of you, for making such a big sacrifice," he said and kissed my forehead.

"Where's my pinky promise?" I asked.

"Okay okay," he smiled and he locked his pinky around mine.

"Okay, do you promise that you will not break our pinky promise?" I asked.

"Do you want me to go on higher levels of my method? Because I can do that," he said and kissed me.

"Is it neccessary?" I asked.

"I don't know. If you want me to go on a higher level, I won't object," Daehyun said.

"What kind of method of shutting me up is this?" I questioned.

"You don't like it? Because I do enjoy it," he whispered and I blushed.

"Okay, I will shut up now," I said.

"It seems like you don't like this method?" He asked, amused.

"It's...... um......." I stuttered.

"It's nice? Okay, since you have no objection to it, then I will assume that you like it," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"Since when did you get to use methods to shut me up? I always let you talk as much as possible," I complained.

"You really think the use of this method is only to make you be quiet? It has a lot more advantages than just that," he said.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like I get to kiss you," he said.

"You already do kiss me," I said.

"Yeah, but then I get to kiss you with a reason," he said.

"A reason? You don't need reasons to kiss me," I said.

"I know, but this method shuts you up too, so I am benefiting a lot from this method," he said with a smile.

"You don't like to hear my voice?" I asked.

"Of course I do," Daehyun said.

"Then you still want me to shut up? You don't get to hear my voice 24/7, so you might as well listen to my blabbering while you can," I said.

"I don't get to kiss you 24/7 either, so I might as well kiss you more, isn't this the same concept?" He teased and I blushed.

"You are hard to reason with," I marked.

"Thank you," he said with a smile.

"Can I sleep now? If I sleeptalk you can use your method if you want, but I most likely won't be doing that," I said.

"Really? You sleeptalk so much," he said.

"No I don't!" I said.

"Fine, you don't talk that much, but how would you know if you really sleeptalked or not? Maybe I just want to kiss you?" He asked.

"You are really wordy today," I sighed and he smiled.

"I know I am. What to try my method to shut me up?" He teased.

"Aigoo, why are you being like this?" I blushed.

"Because I love teasing you," he said.

"Can I sleep now?" I asked.

"Yes, go and rest now, I will be right here," he said and my hair. This had seem like old times, when I get sick Daehyun will always be at my side taking care of me. Even in the worse situation he still manages to make me laugh. Even though being in a secret relationship with Daehyun is hard, but as long I have him, even if I am in jail, I can live.

Annyeong my dear readers~ I am SO SO SO sorry that I updated a lot later than I usually do. Mianhae~ Please forgive author-nim! Anyways many of you know that the wedding is close right? Well, I have prepared a surprise for all of you readers! You will know what the surprise is when I get to the chapter when the wedding will take place. So please continue to read and give lots of love and support to this story! Thank you my dear subscribers for subscribing, commenting, and reading!! You guys are awesome! And BABYs did you listen to B.A.P's new album? Yeah? OMG WASN'T IT JUST AMAZING? KYYYAAAA XD I am going to end my author-nim note here since I don't want to keep you guys waiting for the update of this chapter since the longer my author-nim note is, the longer you guys have to wait to read! So I will see you next time in the next chapter~ Bye bye~