SELFISH SECRETS
INFINITE Relationships
Christmas Eve at the Kims’ Mansion was merry and bright as the boys celebrated it with glee and exchange of hearts. Mr. and Mrs. Kim arrived home by 2:17am and hinting that the children are already tucked into their beds, they didn’t bother to check their guestrooms and just decided to cross dreamland too. But little they did know, none of the boys are asleep yet as well.
“ Knock! Knock! ”
“ Who’s there? ”
“ Sungkyu ”
“ Sungkyu who? ”
“ The Sungkyu who’s going to cut all your allowances if you don’t open this door. ”
Myungsoo immediately stood from his bed and opened the door for his hyung. “ What is it? Guess you’re not sleepy like me too. ”
“ I wouldn’t be barging into your room if I am sleepy. ” Sungkyu rested himself on his brother’s bed. “ Don’t you want me here? ”
“ Geez old man. You’re so grumpy. Just like how Sungyeol – ”
“ Yeah I got it. Just like how your boyfriend teases me. If you aren’t teasing me as well, then he probably won’t be doing the same. ”
Myungsoo came from the bathroom after brushing his teeth this late and soon joins his brother on bed. “ May I ask now why aren’t you sleeping as well? Because I think it’s either you are bothered about something or you want to just talk to me through lectures. ” he asked while grabbing a pillow and hugs it.
“ You know me well Myungsoo. ” the older said with a sigh as they both lay down on the bed.
“ Surprising isn’t hyung? We’ve grown to get to know each other even though we’re apart and different when we used to be young. ”
There was silence before Sungkyu turned to faced him. “ Myungsoo? ” and his brother hummed as answer making them both facing each other.
“ We clearly know each other. And gotten closer to one another. So why are you still hiding it from me? ”
Myungsoo’s eyes scrunched a bit and Sungkyu swore he saw his brother gulp in apprehension. “ You . . You knew? Or are you just trying to catch something from me? ”
“ Mommy told me. Dongwoo might be her favorite compared to us her own sons, and you are his babied and pampered son but I am still her first born. ”
Nervous as he is, Myungsoo suddenly felt like sweating inspite of the cold breeze brought by the aircon inside. He trusted his mother with this secret and he should have known that everything he says would be delivered to the one who looks after him the most – his Sungkyu hyung. He shifted into his position and changed the direction of his sight towards the ceiling.
“ Don’t blame mommy. She wanted to hear my opinion as well. ” Sungkyu continues and followed to sit down, “ Myungsoo, I know you know how much of a complication this would cause. Although both parties will be involved, think carefully of what you feel. ”
“ What I feel . . is like a battle I’m clearly going to lose. And I would give up if I could but I am beginning to be delusional. ” “ Is it wrong hyung?” he finally answers but questions at the same time.
“ Mommy thinks no. She said it’s okay and just follow what you truly feel inside. ”
Myungsoo positioned himself to sit up too. “ And you? ” and he sees Sungkyu’s eyes tell differently.
“ It’s not bad. But it’s not good either. ”
“ What is not bad but not good either hyung?! ” Suddenly, it felt like Myungsoo lost his composure as he hit the pillow with his fists but Sungkyu was fast and he pinned him down back to his laying position, making him on top of his brother.
“ It’s not bad for you to grow a liking towards Sungjong but it’s not good to have a realization like this when you’re in a relationship with Sungyeol! ”
“ But Sungyeol mentioned before that he used to have a crush on that Woohyun and he has this feeling for his brother – ”
“ Wait what? Sungyeol likes Woohyun? Is that the reason why you started liking Sungjo – ”
“ You’re deaf hyung! I said Sungyeol used to have a crush on Woohyun for far too long. I started liking Sungyeol’s brother when he slipped and confessed to me. Yet he said he’s not going to go any further because he is Sungyeol’s brother. ”
Sungkyu turned away from him. “ You’re . . Myungsoo, you’re impossible. Just because Sungjong said he likes you, you suddenly hit a light bulb that you like him too? ”
Myungsoo pulled over his blanket and turned his back against Sungkyu. “ I am just stupid. This will soon pass. ”
“ Don’t you get my dear brother? ” Sungkyu rested his back on the headboard. “ It might be, you like Sungjong even before. But you knew you are so in love with Sungyeol and the fact that he told you how he used to like his brother as well – made you think to keep Sungyeol to yourself and Sungjong away from you. What I am trying to say is, I think you have this liking for Sungjong even when before he hasn’t confessed. And it suddenly popped when he told you he likes you. I will not blame you though. Sungjong is likeable. But so, what’s your plan now? ”
“ I will be honest with Sungyeol. I will tell him that his brother confessed to me and I’m conflicting with the boy. ” Myungsoo tilted his head to take a glance at his hyung. “ Then after the classes ended – that is in three months by the way, Sungyeol and I shall take a vacation outside the country. Away from all the distractions; where it’s just going to be the two of us. We still have that townhouse in Vancouver, right? ”
“ Okay brother. Admit it then run away from it all. But like you said, that is still in three months time. There’s a lot of things to happen. Good luck with you. ”
“ Goodnight hyung. ” Myungsoo replied in a cold voice.
Sungkyu arranged the pillows around Myungsoo as he stood up. “ Just don’t put Sungjong into such situations. Think about Sungyeol as well. A harm done to those two is equivalent to a danger from their hyung. ” and he left his brother’s room, closing the door.
As he walks back to his room, he suddenly overheard a loud laughter coming from the left alley. He knew that the only room there belongs to Dongwoo. “ Yes, of couse. Dongwoo has his own room in my parents’ house because Mommy likes him. ” he sighed as he moves towards the door. “ If Dongwoo is laughing, it means Woohyun is still awake. ”
He leaned his ear onto the door – technically eavesdropping. But he can only hear laughter coming from the twins because the conversations were quite vague. “ Ah, forget it. ” Sungkyu just chose to go back to his room and sleep instead.
“ Still not going to tell me, my Dongwoo hyung? ” Woohyun continues to wrestle with his twin and even tickles him making the latter laugh out loud. “ What have you eaten that made you decide to buy Myungsoo a car? How much would that cost? Probably a lot hyung. ” He tightened his hold on him. “ Where did you even get the money? ”
Dongwoo uses his legs to pull down Woohyun and he succeeded and have them both ended up falling down on the floor. “ Gyu hyung doesn’t allow Myung to get a car. Or to even drive it. ”
“ Exactly! And maybe because – ”
“ Maybe maybe baby Woohyunnie. But Myungsoo can do it. Besides, the kid deserves all the good things in life. ”
Woohyun bended over the bed to grab a pillow then begins to hit Dongwoo. “ Who would want bad things? Of course no one. ” But his older twin’s reflexes were good – blame the dance skills, so he only dodges every blow.
“ Are you jelly my Woohyunnie? ”
Woohyun gasped and accidentally dropped the pillow. He literally stomped his feet and sits down on front of the table dresser. His eyes caught sight of pictures sticked on the mirror; pictures of them together when they were kids. There’s even a frame on top of the table – it’s their family picture; their father wasn’t smiling though but his hand was on their mother’s shoulders while standing. As he and Dongwoo seats down; him being in front of their father and his brother on their mother.
“ Admit it Woohyunnie. ” Dongwoo speaks from behind the seated Woohyun yet he can see him because of the mirror in front.
Woohyun smirked. “ I am not jealous with it hyung. ”
“ Not that. ” Dongwoo places both of his hands on Woohyun’s shoulders. “ Admit that you do miss our parents. ”
“ Ah excuse me? Mom only, okay? ” he looked at the frame again. “ I wonder . . how . . what . . has happened to her. ”
“ Shall we visit home tomorrow? Oops. I mean later since it’s dawn already. And since it’s Christmas. ”
“ I don’t know. I do wish to see her. But not unless you tell me on why Myung – ”
“ I want to be the hyung to Myungsoo that I have never been to you. ”
Shocked, Woohyun stared at their reflections by the mirror. “ What are you talking about? ”
“ It was always you at my front, my back, my right and left. You always shielded me. And I am being so immature, and childish and too playful – maybe because of the . . thing I had before that had damaged my mental mind. You are more like a hyung than me. ”
“ Stop! Will you stop? Quit feeling about these stuffs. If you badly wanted to get back on me, do the showering of love and presents on me and not on Myungsoo. My God! You’re stressing me. Oh my wrinkles. ”
Dongwoo laughs at him and massages his twin’s temples. “ Tomorrow . . I mean, later. We will have a surprise visit at home. Side by side with you Woohyunnie. ”
“ You still haven’t answer my question hyung. ” Woohyun pouts and sways his head cutely. “ How did you get the money from buying that car? We barely have our personal savings from last year and even if Sungkyu pays for everything including our schools now, don’t give me the crap that all of it came from the salaries you got from working on the bar. ”
Dongwoo smiled. “ A bit from it yes. But I had help from Auntie. ”
Woohyun already knew how bestfriends his brother and boyfriend came to be. Even the fact that his boyfriend had been friendzoned before. But seeing how close Dongwoo must be to even gain help from Mrs. Kim; it brings a sense of awe and wonder for Woohyun.
“ She knew it would be of great help and Myungsoo might be more responsible compared to before. ” Dongwoo continues, “ A little secret too, Auntie owns the bar. ”
Woohyun stood up in disbelief. “ What?! The one you and Hoya-ssi works at? ”
“ Yes. But actually, Auntie gave it to me as a high school graduation gift. Since I am still young at that time, I can’t manage it yet. So the manager for Midnight Autumn Bar is In Guk hyung but the ownership is under my name. That makes the money and how I make money. ”
“ But you and Hoya are working there – ”
“ You can say that the customers’ money is given to Hoya as a worker and to me as an owner. But I am not paid there when I performed. I do it for free. ”
“ Well you should be hyung! Since you own it. ” Woohyun still can’t believe it. “ Does . . does Hoya knows? ”
“ Hmm. Nope. Neither Gyu hyung nor our co-workers there. It’s only Auntie, In Guk hyung and you are the only ones who know about it. ”
Woohyun nod at him and plunged himself on the bed. “ What a day. ” Dongwoo did the same too and switched off the lamp shade.
“ Goodnight Woohyunnie. ” and hugs him in a spooning position.
“ Goodnight hyung. Oh but one more thing, seriously how much is the car? ”
“ 1 415 000 dollars?! ” Sungyeol and Sungjong gasped at Hoya who found some shaving cream and a razor at the guest room they are in; and so he shaved some of the beard visible on his perfectly shaped jawline.
“ Yes kids. $1.415 million. ” he looks at them before going to the bathroom to wash his face. “ That’s what Dongwoo told me a while ago. I did ask him how much the cost of car is. And he said he got it discounted because the original price was supposed to be $2.4 million. ”
Sungyeol and Sungjong both stared at each other. They all decided not to ask any further questions. Sungyeol removed his socks and threw it somewhere and he then joined Sungjong on the bed – laying his head on his brother’s lap. “ I miss how we used to be rich as well. ”
Hoya came out of the bathroom with a towel on his waist. “ Next week we will be. ” catching the two off-guard again. “ I have enough money for me to buy us a new house. It’s way bigger than what we used to live at. But not literally a house though, more like an apartment-condo-dorm type. ”
“ Hyung . . ” Sungjong spoke softly as he caresses Sungyeol’s head on his while the latter just stares into nothing.
“ It has two bedrooms, a kitchen with a dining table, even completed with a sofa couch big enough. It has a flat screen tv and wifi too. I budgeted the monthly payment and it would suffice our expenses for food, electricity and water. Including your school stuffs as well. ”
This time, it was Sungyeol who made a comment. “ Hyung, you are going to study too. You need to. ”
“ I can do that by day and still go at night by work. And don’t worry – ”
“ Don’t worry?! ” the youngest blurted out. “ University schedules would be hectic hyung even if you start as a freshman. Then what? You will leave by late at night to work until dusk then go to school with no sleep? Hyung! ”
“ I can manage it Sungjong! The place is close to an hour bus trip to your university and the school Sungyeol got me is a walk on only. I will give you transportation fees and even allowances as well. ”
“ So . . are we moving out ? ” asked Sungyeol.
Hoya grabbed any shirt available from the closet. “ Apparently yes. That is still on next week. But it might be prolong since I haven’t talked to the landlady. We have to discuss this as well to the them. We can’t just leave without notice. Why .. why don’t we go to sleep for now? ”
Sungyeol leans closer to Hoya. “ On the side note, tell us a bedtime story hyung. ”
Hoya’s face was dumbfounded, but seeing Sungjong’s bright smile and Sungyeol’s wide grin, he asks “ The heck kind of story do you like? ” Remembering how he used to do this to them when they were young. He would tell them stories about Gladiators, Scorpion King and the Trojan Wars. That’s how Hoya filled their childhood.
He didn’t notice his siblings eyeing one another. “ A love story hyung! ” Sungjong suggested in glee.
“ About how a broken-hearted man find his way back into love with the brother of the person who dumped him. ” Sungyeol crazily laughed at his own ment which earn him a kick from Hoya. “ Seriously hyung, how did you end up with Dongwoo? ”
Hoya’s ears begin to red. “ It’s . . it’s not like we are in a relationship of sort already – ”
“ Hyung . . ” Sungjong cuts him off, “ Please. Not what I am thinking about. ”
“ Thinking of what? ” Sungyeol asked in curiousity and Hoya looks at him sternly.
“ Don’t use Dongwoo hyung as a rebound. ”
Somehow, it felt like their youngest words hit a spot on Hoya. It is true that Dongwoo helped him to move on from that heartbreak. And every moment he gets to spend with the older, he can’t help but to express a surreal feeling coming from within. And he is always glad to have him around. He explained it to his siblings that he is not going to use Dongwoo and have him hurt with blighted hopes.
“ But – yet, I have this kind of . . pang ? Yeah. When I get to see him with him. ”
“ Pang . . ” Sungyeol searches over his phone for the dictionary – “ Pang . . means pain? Wait. You feel hurt when you see him and him? Like Woohyun-ah and Sungkyu-nim? ”
Sungjong gave in a deep sighed and lay down. “ Why does it have to be twisted? Hyung! Get a grip on yourself. ” he sits back again. “ Woohyun-ssi is for Sungkyu hyung. Vice versa. And you should be with Dongwoo hyung. To be honest, he is far more greater than his twin! ”
“ Hey ya, Lee Sung Jong! Woohyun is a good guy too. Although Dongwoo is more approachable and soft and gentle, Woohyun is no difference. He has mixed emotions, kind, thoughtful and warm-hearted as well. ”
“ That’s because you have known him for long that’s why you’re siding him. ”
“ Where’s your logic kid? Woohyun is a better man when in love. If Dongwoo is really into our Hoya hyung, then he would proclaim it and be vocal with it. Look what Woohyun did to Sungkyu-nim. ”
“ And look what it brought to Hoya hyung. Dongwoo hyung is wary of his actions because he only wants to be sure that Hoya hyung is really sure himself. ”
With the going heated conversation of the two, Hoya just looks at them one by one.
“ Dongwoo is nice. I get it. ” Sungyeol exclaimed, “ But to be honest, I do want him for Hoya hyung. It’s just that, Woohyun is better in so many ways. ”
“ Let’s finish this off hyung. ” Sungjong reprimanded. “ It seems to me you know more about Woohyun than your bestfriend Myungsoo. ” he scoffed at the end.
Sungyeol’s face begins to be down. “ I love the way he smiles, I love the way he laughs. I know everything good about him, I know everything bad about him . . . I just don't know . . . why he is with him and not me. ”
Sungjong patted his ears if what he heard was right and Hoya knew it’s all doom for them as he asked, “ You like Woohyun? ”
And Sungjong’s scream can be heard all throughout the room. “ Aish! Sungyeollie hyung! ”
“ Relax, brat! I am in love with my boyfriend and even if I confess everything, it’s not going to change anything. Besides, Myungsoo knows it and we’ve talked about it . . we’re cool with it already. ”
“ My ever so loving Sungyeollie hyung, listen to me. ” Sungjong cupped his brother’s cheeks. “ You and Hoya hyung should leave Woohyun-ssi with Sungkyu hyung. And Hoya hyung should get more closer and clear to Dongwoo hyung. Then . . you . . just be with Myung – your boyfriend. Stay by his side. ”
Before Sungyeol could answer in return, the young siblings turned their heads to the snoring hyung on the lower bottom part of the bed, sleeping soundly.
“ Did he faint when I said I used to have a crush on Woohyun-ah? ” asked Sungyeol but soon ignored Hoya and turned to Sungjong instead. “ Ignore. I need to tell you something Sungjonggie. ”
Sungjong gulped. “ Me too. I hope nothing’s going to change between us hyung after I tell you my share. ” He decided to tell him that he is liking on his boyfriend.
“ Me too Sungjonggie. I hope it doesn’t change our rekindled relationship as siblings as well. I hope you won’t think wrong of hyung okay? ” And Sungyeol plans to confess to his brother about the uous emotions he used to feel around him. When he received a nod from him, he continues. “ Okay. Here it goes. Sungjonggie . . When I became classmates with Woohyun on high school, I begun crushing on him. But ever since . . ever since the day we lost our parents, from that day . . even the time Hoya hyung started to work day and night for us, I felt like I have to take care of you more and more. And with that, I think, I’m only doing it because you’re my younger brother. But I was wrong, while falling for Woohyun, I am liking you in a wrong different and uncanny way. ”
Sungjong breathing began to raise. He held onto Sungyeol’s hands, “ Hyung . . ” he said with a croaked voice.
“ I know. Then when puberty strikes at you, your attitude and behavior is ing unbearable. And so I have this imbalance liking for you and Woohyun. But I knew I had to stop it. When Myungsoo confessed to me, I came to a realization of what ifs. What if it’s him? And yes, it has been him all along. I fell hard for my bestfriend. Am I an octopus who have three hearts? I would even wish to be just a jellyfish instead who has no heart. ”
“ Hyung, can you do me a favor? ”
Sungyeol felt nervous. “ Is he going to stay away from me? ” he thought. “ What is it? Anything for my maknae. ” he faked a smile.
“ Sungyeollie hyung? Can you keep Myungsoo with you and just be with him always? ”
A ponder to wonder. “ Of course, I told you I love him so much. But, why’d you say? ”
“ Hyung, I like Myungsoo. ”
It seems to Sungyeol that all the formulas he hates from Physics, Chemistry, Math, Geometry and Statistics were suddenly thrown to him. “ My baby likes my baby? ”
“ Huh? ”
A smirk was coated over on Sungyeol’s face. He leans to kissed Sungjong on the forehead, “ Goodnight Sungjonggie. Don’t think about it for too much. Love ‘yah. Let’s sleep now. And be careful not kicking our hyung. ”
The latter didn’t dwell on the confusion since fatigue from staying up late is eating him already. He lays down to sleep, facing Sungyeol with Hoya by their feet, who has been awake all the time.
They say secrets aren’t meant to be kept. The truth will come out no matter what.
For the time being, all thorns from their hearts have been picked. But are roses beautiful with or without these thorns?
Without wanting to feel a burden, they keep their minds away from troubles and misperceptions. Every little detail needs a conclusion . .
Sungkyu is selfish. He has been busy with his eyes, heart and mind on Woohyun, and keeping him away from Hoya that he lost track of his brother’s feelings these days. But now that Hoya is on Dongwoo, he questions this relationship if it’s out of revenge or in return? He doesn’t want his bestfriend, Dongwoo to be hurt and felt use. A broken Dongwoo leads to a damaged Woohyun. As for his brother, he is set to keep Sungjong away from him. He thought at first that Myungsoo might have liked the younger even before but was only focused on Sungyeol. But what if he is seeing the wrong side of the slope? Sungjong confessing to Myungsoo bothered and confused the latter. It might be off and wrong to meddle with other people’s business, but this is his brother who’s on the line. So he plans to keep Sungjong away in a not so obvious manner.
Dongwoo is selfish. He believes that Hoya will be with him one day. The younger started to opened up to him each day. On the back of his mind, he does feel too that he might be for use only and not for keeps. But his heart feels the other way around. Is it greed for longing? Because no matter what, he is happy that he is receiving the attention from Hoya. And he can’t get jealous over Woohyun. Even as effortless as his twin is, it seems like all the guys goes for him. Likes him here and there then everywhere. But what is important for him is Hoya only. Nothing more, nothing less. He is extremely happy that he is being showered with Hoya’s affection. He feels the younger’s actions are genuinely true, so it doesn’t bother him.
Woohyun is selfish. He thinks his older twin Dongwoo is too nice for everyone. Especially to their younger ones – with him buying an expensive gift for Myungsoo, being so overly protective and spoiling Sungjong a lot and being playful around Sungyeol that they would be mistaken as brothers because of their closeness. But at some point, he feels a different look with Dongwoo being Sungkyu’s first love and being Hoya’s guy. His Dongwoo hyung knows too much about Sungkyu even more than the brother, Myungsoo. And never once it was mention by his twin. It surprises him as well to suddenly find out that he is dating Hoya. Whatever did Hoya has done to come up to this? Therefore, Woohyun will search for his place tp stand – as Sungkyu’s boyfriend and Dongwoo’s younger twin. The two are best of friends, so why break them apart when he can just stand between them?
Hoya is selfish. He likes Dongwoo and has been thinking about him but there are points where his heart would tell unlikely. Honestly speaking, he can’t get Dongwoo out off of his mind – it even leads to wet dreams and a morning wood. He even asked himself if all these were just ual attraction but no. He really likes Dongwoo. He just can’t say he’s in love with him already. So what questions him is why is he feeling unsure? They say you shouldn’t use a rebound after a heartbreak. But how was he supposed to move on? Acceptance. Accept that Woohyun can’t be with anymore. And Dongwoo did a great job helping him. He clarifies his mind. He would soon fall in love with Dongwoo. Hoya won’t force it because he can see it coming. He just needs to accept reality more and more.
Sungyeol is selfish. He is in love with Myungsoo yet he goes on liking Woohyun and much more worse, his brother, Sungjong. But it’s different and gone. Because he is now deeply in love with Myungsoo only. Lightning don’t strike the same place twice. After he pulled the fishbone stucked on his throat of telling his brother he likes him, the younger suddenly jab a cactus heart announcing he likes his boyfriend. What a world! Now his brain is malfunctioning and starting to make weird processes. He is letting Woohyun go. He doesn’t want to be involved in that traffic jam for Woohyun’s heart anymore. Let Sungkyu, Woohyun, Hoya and Dongwoo go chase around their own tails. Because Sungyeol is taking a U-Turn towards a different lane but with a new direction. One word that contains three minds, three hearts and three bodies that will lead a three-way relationship . . . .
Myungsoo is selfish. He will accept everything if it means anything as long as he gets to keep Sungyeol to him only. When Sungjong slipped a confession for him, he is willing to throw it away, to just ignore it. Because it might taint his relationship with his boyfriend. But wasn’t it Sungyeol who dirtied it in the first place by admitting to having a liking towards Woohyun and even Sungjong? He care less. That was all in the past. Sungyeol is in love with him now. But what is this seed he sees growing into a beautiful flower? Is this for Sungjong? Like he said, he will deny everything. Besides, flowers are pretty but shall soon fade. Resembling to this feeling for the youngest.
Sungjong is selfish. He likes someone but he will let that person go. It was really Dongwoo who had knocked his heart from the start. From the moment this angel rescued him from the pit of darkness. But he was to shy to cut the tie of a good hyung-dongsaeng relationship. So he turned another page of the book and found himself, liking Myungsoo. But he was on the wrong fairy tale story again. That’s why he chose to just close the book. He thinks he never fitted here anyway. One is for one, while the other is for the other as another goes to another. There was never a place for him in the beginning. He is young yet stucked on a game called “Pair It Up” and when the emcee proclaimed, “ Group yourselves into two! ”, whom does he runs to? No one, since everyone got their own already. What choice he has to make anyway but rather than be a decoration admired by everyone yet not allowed to touch. He can be seen, but can’t be felt. So Sungjong thinks it’s best to walk away.
With these conclusions, will they be able to set a goal for the definition of love?
Next chapters will embark the rollercoaster beginnings towards the blissful endings as the new year rises with them.
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