A SONG IS A LOVE LETTER
INFINITE Relationships
Myungsoo never would have thought that his relationship with Sungyeol would come to this. He was puzzled, confused and totally doesn’t know what to do. His love for Sungyeol blinds him that he is willing to listen and try to understand the latter’s explanation.
“ So . . ” he started. “ Who is it going to be? ”
Sungyeol moved closer to Myungsoo, hugged him and let go. He grab on to the younger’s arms. “ Of course it’s you. Weren’t you even listening to what I just told you. I like Woohyun but I love you. ”
“ I . . I just don’t know. ” Myungsoo escaped from Sungyeol’s hold and sat on the bed. “ You are saying that you love me and you only like Woohyun but you got jealous for him – and to think it was Sungjong? Your brother? ”
“ I’m sorry Myungsoo. I know you are mad as shocked as you are – ”
“ I am not mad! ” Myungsoo didn’t realize that he raised his voice. Sungyeol sat down beside him. “ I am not mad, okay? I am just confused. I find it complicated as to ‘Why does someone tends to like more than one?’. I need the answers to my whys Yeol. ”
Sungyeol never tames his mouth. Even when he was a kid, he used to be on the top list of the noisy students. But why does it feel like he wants to be left alone, quiet, at this time. It was never his intention to hurt anyone – create confusions for Myungsoo and even Sungjong whom he has thrown harsh words to earlier. He laid and rested his head onto Myungsoo’s thighs, facing sidewards. After a while he felt Myungsoo’s hand on his head, simply his hair.
“ Myungsoo? ” Sungyeol’s voice cracked a bit.
“ Hmm. ” Myungsoo only hummed softly.
“ I have liked Woohyun since the day I met him. ”
He said it. Sungyeol has drop a bomb. And it exploded on Myungsoo’s heart.
‘ . . since the day I met him’ Myungsoo thinks that all the years he had spent with Sungyeol as his bestfriend, none of those moments has made Sungyeol attracted to him. And when instantly Woohyun came in the picture, Myungsoo thought that maybe Sungyeol fell in love at first sight. He continually caresses Sungyeol’s hair. Trying to just be understandable as he can. When he didn’t say a word, Sungyeol move on with his.
“ I find Woohyun-ssi caring inspite of his arrogant behavior. His smiles lighten up my day. Apparently he makes sense. He knows how to handle problems on his own. ” Sungyeol sit up and looks at Myungsoo. “ If I have known that you like me back then, maybe . . maybe things would be different. But you see Myungsoo? You only realize that you have fallen for me this time. It only means that we aren’t meant to be with at that time. Maybe it’s now. And look, my feelings for Woohyun have subside. ”
Myungsoo let out a sigh. So Sungyeol cupped his cheeks and made him looked at his eyes. “ I love you Myungsoo and I have a feeling that you’re in a doubt. But do keep in your mind that I really do love you. ” Sungyeol paused for a while. “ And keep me in your heart. ”
“ How about Sungjong then? ” Myungsoo finally asks – which made Sungyeol dropped his hands from Myungsoo’s face.
“ To be even more super duper ultimately honest with you, what made me like him . . in this different way . . was because he’s so vulnerable and fragile, like I just wanna hug him tight and keep him in my arms forever. ”
“ Now ain’t that sweet. ” says Myungsoo sarcastically.
“ Don’t be jealous anymore. With Sungjong and I, it’s definitely not going to work. He would grossed out on me and imagine Hoya hyung’s reaction if I ever fell in love with Sungjong. So please forgive me Myungsoo. If you need time to think – ”
“ I do. ”
Sungyeol knew he screwed up. So he slowly walks away and as he grabs on to the doorknob upon leaving, he turned to face Myungsoo. “ I will wait for you Myungsoo. Because you have waited for me too. ” and left with a smile.
Myungsoo let his back fall on the bed. He messes his hair, grunting and rested an arm over his eyes. He just wanted to sleep the time off while he awaits for dinner later when he suddenly stood up on his feet.
“ I have an idea. ” he announces. Crazily as it seems, he went to the bathroom and washed his face.
“ I believe in Sungyeol. Because I love him. So I will do everything just so he won’t be confused in the future.” he said while looking at his reflection on the mirror.
“ Woohyun needs to be in a relationship now. Sungkyu hyung has to make a move, thus it’ll make that Woohyun off of the market. I don’t even know what’s with that guy and everyone drools for him? Duh. He captivated my bestfriend, my brother and even my driver? ” he asks himself.
“ Oh no. The driver I am referring too . . would be my in-law. That’s it! ” Myungsoo bumped fist with his reflection. “ Hoya-ssi shall be automatically my in-law because he is Sungyeol’s brother. ” He held onto his chin, as if trying to analyze the situation. “ Why not make Hoya auto-automatically my in-law? Yes. Yes. Maybe I shall start pushing Sungkyu hyung . . towards . . Hoya instead! ” damn he even clapped at himself.
“ Yes! Love is like a photography. ” he smiled at his reflection. “ If you so happen to click at a scene wherein it resulted to a bad shot, you just have to retake the photo. And that is what I am about to do. Sungkyu hyung and Hoya-ssi shall realized the natural art of photography. And it is not the beauty they are looking for in Woohyun. ”
Myungsoo’s monologue made him see Woohyun as a threat compared to Sungjong. He knows the younger one can be taken care of especially with latter’s older brothers around. He knew it even back, he felt a pang of anxiousness when Woohyun befriended them during high school days. And he should have just listened to his instincts. But it’s all in the past now, he thinks. He needs to focus on the present time, for their future.
“ Exclusively for the Kims and the Lees. ” he quietly looked around the bathroom, blinking his eyes. “ And a Jang. But no Nam. Tssk. I am glad Dongwoo-ssi’s father decided to not name him under Nam or else he will be out of this picture too. Haisst. I am selfish. But we are all only in love. And as much as I trust Sungyeol . . I don’t on Woohyun. Who knows he might hurt my brother too. That’s right Myungsoo. ” he continued talking to himself. “ You’re only protecting your brother. The grease master is also planning to spill his greasiness on the Lees’ youngest sibling. He took him out? Gees and Cheese. If Sungjong believed Woohyun’s sweet-a*s of words, he will get hurt. And Sungyeol will be too. Tssk. I am the best. ”
He started to fix himself and plans to reconcile with Sungyeol immediately. “ Sungkyu. Hoya. Hoya. Sungkyu. The grandpa meets the grandma. Sungkyu hyung acts even more mature than daddy. And Hoya is moody like a grandmother. Myungsoo. Sungyeol. Sungyeol. Myungsoo. I will be the father while Yeol is the mother. And Sungjong is our baby. If am feeling good, I might hook him up with Dongwoo. Sungjong is way mature than Dongwoo but Dongwoo is a softy and sweety. He can calm Sungjong too.” giving a smile.
He went out of the bathroom but soon goes back in and pointed a finger at his reflection on the mirror. “ Job well done Kim Myung Soo. ” he nodded and off he went to find his lover.
Sungjong has never cried for months now. The last time he did was when Hoya vented his anger on him. And this time, it was Sungyeol who made him cry again. Sometimes, he does feel like a burden to Hoya and Sungyeol. Because he is weak.
But he understands them whenever they shout or even curse at him. But recalling and hearing his hyungs’ angry voices made tears fell down on his cheeks. He is currently at the the storage room outside the Kims’ house. He found this place for a long time now. He comes here whenever he just wanted to feel alone and think – whenever he sees Sungkyu and Woohyun sweetly making afternoon snacks on the kitchen while Myungsoo and Sungyeol cuddle on the sofa in the living room, watching their favorite show together and Hoya and Dongwoo aren’t always around because they have work as dancers-slash-bartenders.
Sungjong wiped his tears and suddenly caught sight of a cassette player on a table. It was his first time spotting it since he only sits on the floor, doing nothing whenever he barges in here. It cassette player doesn’t look old-fashioned, only dusty. He searched around for a rug and dust it off. He opened the front holder and sees a tape inside. “ I . . IRONY . . by Vic - Victoria . . Ho . . ” he squinted his eyes as he reads the note description plastered on the object. “ . . Horvejkul. Victoria Horvejkul? Pretty name, I wonder who she is.”
So he untied the cable cord and inserted it into the nearest plug. Hitting the play button, as soft piano intro was heard.
“ To my beautiful blessings, Sungkyu and Myungsoo . . ”
“Ehh? Thi – this is for them? But who could it be? ” Sungjong asks himself. This tape has been hidden here in the storage room. There must have been a reason, of course.
“ . . and to my dear man . . ” The voice of the woman felt like a lullaby and it made Sungjong connect himself to the song.
“ I feel that walking has become another chore, I don't think I can go on walking anymore.
Forgive me for those words, I know they're but a cliché to you but life is tiring, my feet are feeling sore.
Forgive me for those words, I know they're but a cliché to you but life is tiring, my feet are feeling sore.
I wish that I could have a bit of time to heal the ache that's growing stronger all the time.
But I know time stops for nobody, let alone me and so I go inevitably
.
Whenever things are going rather happily it turns out life is just playing a trick on me.
It's slightly shameful to admit the truth, I end up in tears and so returns the same old melancholy.
I miss when life was just simplicity and misery wasn't always chasing after me.
It's pretty obvious now, I should have left my regret but I held onto it so foolishly.
Maybe I overreact a bit it hasn't destroyed me yet has it but everything I desire is always just too far to get.
Honestly it's just me, brainlessly, so silly, always hoping for good to be.
If that's the case then just hear my plea – pick me up and drop me into unfaltering sleep.
You say to look hard for a solution but wouldn't that depend on the person?
So I could never – no I could never, believe a word anyone says.
I know that everyone has their hardships, it's fairly clear to me that I'm not alone.
But how is it that they can just leave them, I just don't know at all.
Often I'm told I need to clean up my act, although maturity is something I lack.
And so when some simple little problems arise, I overthink them over and over again.
It seems that the world is just a troublesome place so sometimes I think that I should just end the pain.
You're sick aren't you dear, I'm sick of the tears. Why can't everything just end simply?
Everything I aspired to be is nothing that will become of me if my expectations are too far-fetched then just what am I to do?
Give a sign, give a sign, a reason not to die, give me a chance to prove my worth.
I constantly search for a place to cry. Why won't these tears just stop pouring from my eyes?
It's hard to constantly think of the same things, it's just unnecessary to think too much.
You always told me stars would guide me back home although they only show at night.
You always showed me so much kindness, I don't deserve it, I have failed you too much.
I think my tiny heart is going to split, just leave it be for now.
Step back from me. Please leave me be. This so deceitful road that I stumble on is never going to end.
It's getting difficult to maneuver and it's just worthless to try and run away.
So I'll just hold my hands over my ears and block out all this noise.
How can I live not knowing what life is? Sometimes my dreams seem to be more realistic.
Obviously I can't be called happy, then what am I after all? ”
But I know time stops for nobody, let alone me and so I go inevitably
.
Whenever things are going rather happily it turns out life is just playing a trick on me.
It's slightly shameful to admit the truth, I end up in tears and so returns the same old melancholy.
I miss when life was just simplicity and misery wasn't always chasing after me.
It's pretty obvious now, I should have left my regret but I held onto it so foolishly.
Maybe I overreact a bit it hasn't destroyed me yet has it but everything I desire is always just too far to get.
Honestly it's just me, brainlessly, so silly, always hoping for good to be.
If that's the case then just hear my plea – pick me up and drop me into unfaltering sleep.
You say to look hard for a solution but wouldn't that depend on the person?
So I could never – no I could never, believe a word anyone says.
I know that everyone has their hardships, it's fairly clear to me that I'm not alone.
But how is it that they can just leave them, I just don't know at all.
Often I'm told I need to clean up my act, although maturity is something I lack.
And so when some simple little problems arise, I overthink them over and over again.
It seems that the world is just a troublesome place so sometimes I think that I should just end the pain.
You're sick aren't you dear, I'm sick of the tears. Why can't everything just end simply?
Everything I aspired to be is nothing that will become of me if my expectations are too far-fetched then just what am I to do?
Give a sign, give a sign, a reason not to die, give me a chance to prove my worth.
I constantly search for a place to cry. Why won't these tears just stop pouring from my eyes?
It's hard to constantly think of the same things, it's just unnecessary to think too much.
You always told me stars would guide me back home although they only show at night.
You always showed me so much kindness, I don't deserve it, I have failed you too much.
I think my tiny heart is going to split, just leave it be for now.
Step back from me. Please leave me be. This so deceitful road that I stumble on is never going to end.
It's getting difficult to maneuver and it's just worthless to try and run away.
So I'll just hold my hands over my ears and block out all this noise.
How can I live not knowing what life is? Sometimes my dreams seem to be more realistic.
Obviously I can't be called happy, then what am I after all? ”
The song ended with a sound of tears coming from this Victoria Horvejkul. Sungjong can clearly relate to her pain. He assumed that the lady took her life when he heard the sobs turned into crying painfully. But why was she hurting and what has it got to do with Sungkyu and Myungsoo?
“ I shall not interfere other people’s business. ” He reached out for the player and turned it off. But when he pressed the stop button, a small thin case came out.
“ Okay. This is creeping me out. ” he slowly picked it up and removed the cover – a cutter blade.
“ Oh my. I can feel my heart coming out. Is this . . – was this the one she used? Or maybe I am just assuming things.”
Sungjong carefully looks at the cutter blade he is gripping on his right hand. Absentmindedly, he lifted his left arm and gaze at his wrist. “ I miss my mom. ”
Dongwoo wiped his tears when he heard a knock from outside the room. He opened it and found Woohyun with a confuse look.
“ Are you okay? ” they both asked.
“ Why are you crying hyung? ”
“ What happened to you? ”
“ Hoya gave me a letter. ” Woohyun laid himself on the bed. Dongwoo only looks at him. “ Hyung ? ”
“ He gave me one too. ”
“ Is he the reason why you were crying? What does his letter told you? ”
“ Well something like . . like a . . ahmm. ” Dongwoo breathes out heavily.
Woohyun stood up and hugged him. “ I understand you hyung. More than anyone else can. Because you are my twin. ” He lets go of the hug. “ Whatever he has written for you and me . .let’s keep it for ourselves . . for now. Because I can see that . . we’re both unsure if we . . if we are going to share this between us. ”
“ I’m sorry Woohyunnie. But I want to do this on my own. And yes for now. ”
Woohyun smiled at his older twin and left the room after. When he got down, he heard Sungkyu calls for dinner. He didn't notice if Hoya was there or not but he just declined Sungkyu’s offer and said he just needs to meet up with a childhood friend and will be back momentarily. The older took the bait.
In reality, Woohyun walked his way. Wearing a hooded sweater covering his head, hands on the pocket, he rode a bus to a certain place.
An Italian restaurant to be exact. This is where he treated the Lee siblings along with Myungsoo months ago. Who knew Mr. Time has wings. It sure does flies. He sat on the seat they had taken before. With Sungjong and Myungsoo sitting together at his front. And beside him was Hoya and Sungyeol respectively. A waiter approached Woohyun and asked for his order. He said he needs some moment to think for it. And the man excused himself.
And Woohyun is really thinking. When he and Sungjong got back from their playdate this afternoon, Hoya met him at the entrance of the Kims’ house; handing him a letter and soon left without even saying much except for the ‘Can I talk to you?’.
The letter – there are traces of teardrops on some part of it and Woohyun knew that Hoya cried when he was writing it.
“ To : Woohyun
Hi there! Everyone thinks I am so manly. Because of how I look. But here I am like a boy writing a letter to someone. But you aren’t just a someone to me, Woohyun. You are the one. Our first meeting was very unlikely. We were teasing each other a lot. And I hated how you are so full of yourself at that time.
I remembered going home and you opened the door for me. I wasn’t mad but just worried what could have happened to my siblings because there’s a stranger on my house. Do you want to know where I came from during that day? I went to an office that time. I was hired by the man you are now in love with. Kim Sung Kyu.
Nevertheless, I tried to be nice to you because you are my brother’s friends. That includes Myungsoo – though I didn’t know at first that he was the one I will be driving with. Anyway, your cheesy antics . . just so you know. It hit me. That’s why I always block your words because if I didn’t, I might fall for a stranger.
Then I stop considering you a stranger. I called you a thief.
And you exactly stole my heart.
But I don’t want to take it back anymore. Keep my heart with you. The heart who beated for you. I know I will find other heart donors hehe. Whatever happens, I will be always be thankful to you : )
Don’t worry. I know it’s my mistake – for waiting by myself, for longing by myself . . for loving you by myself. I am so dumb to fall for you when in fact we barely had time spent together. But see? I was afar and you managed to capture me. What more if we get near? But those are all false hopes and wishful thinkings now.
Thank you. Be happy Woohyun.
The one who just loved you,
Hoya : ) ”
“ So . . Hoya let Woohyunnie go? ” When Woohyun left Dongwoo on his room, the older kept on reading the letter Hoya gave him over and over again. The letter was short but precise. And it’s making Dongwoo smile then feel sad that Hoya must have took so much courage.
He unfolded his letter again.
“ Dongwoo – my dance partner. Hoping we could be partners in such ways . .
Did you know that the many casual relationships without sincerity, made me write frivolous lyrics? That also made other girls approach me.
And I drifted away even more from true love. To you – who approached someone like me, I have no purity to show.
Please don’t be curious about me. Please close your heart which floods into mine even when I try to push you away.
I’m afraid that I’ll get hurt from hurting you ‘causeI’m selfish – that I would give and lose myself. I’m afraid that once I’ve opened my eyes to love, I’d become blind. You shine more without me.
If you’re okay with someone like me . .
then I’ll try.
Hoya – your dance partner who wants to be part of your music. ”
*Oh gosh >.< The song Sungjong found was called IRONY.
A one line from Hoya's letter to Woohyun was from SNSD's Mistake.
And the one for Dongwoo was a rap really written by Hoya himself on his cover of the song Crucial Love.
The lyrics fit them I think.*
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