She looked at the clock and groaned. He was going to be back home any time. She wanted to bar the doorway and keep him from coming in and tainting her peace. After three years of watching him come and go as he pleased, after three years of staying up and waiting for him, she was finally tired.

                When they first dated, Donghae had warned her. It was like every fanfiction line repeated to her. “You need to know what you’re getting into. It’s hard dating a celebrity.” And like any foolish girl in love with her boyfriend, her answer had been a devoted, “Of course. Anything for you.”

                And she had tolerated it. She made him dinner when he came home and made sure that he always had her support. When he was up and crying over something an anti said or just upset because SM was treating Super Junior unfairly, she was doggedly loyal and always comforted him. Because that was her job, and she had signed up for it.

                But now, three years later, she senses a growing discontent. She no longer wanted to be hindered by what he dictates, and quite frankly, his problems were the same every time and she was getting tired of it. Sometimes, she just wants him to stop, take a step back and let her complain. She didn’t want to be strong for him anymore. And that’s why she turned to Chanyeol.

                Chanyeol was easy. He was new to the scene and he was always happy. His motto was, “No matter what happens, I’ll always be a smiling fool,” for goodness’ sakes. He had a deep voice and a kind heart. She wasn’t attracted to him in that way. He was just her confidant. But she knew from the way he acted around her that if she didn’t cut it out, she would be soon breaking her heart.

                Maliha ran her hands over the dustless table and sighed. She really didn’t want him to come today. Yes, it’s been two weeks since she’s last seen him but it was two weeks too short. Her heart no longer jumped and skipped when she saw him. Instead it was cold and just a little bit dead.

                Donghae stood on the other side of the door and contemplated just slipping down the porch and call her with some lame excuse. Maybe the plane was delayed or maybe SM planned a sudden schedule for him and he just couldn’t make it. He raised his fist again and placed it on the wooden door, fighting to lift it and let it drop back to create a sound. But he had no energy.

                He ran a hand over his hair and sighed. Since when was life so complicated? A few months ago, he would be dying, charging through the door and bursting with anticipation to see her. He wanted to go find Sigmund Freud’s spirit and ask him, without any ual connotations, why exactly his brain was working this stupid 180. Because he was really confused.

                He remembered back when they first started when her voice was all he needed to get through the night. Coming home to her arms was all he ever dreamed about. He liked listening to her talk and loved to hear her, make her laugh. And then suddenly all the magic faded and he was stuck. He didn’t know what to do.

                Donghae didn’t want to think of himself as a cheater per say, but when he saw Jessica sitting on the couch, he didn’t try hard enough to prevent himself from walking over to her and exchanging flirty, casual banter. Maybe it was something new, but the thrill didn’t fade and he knows that he doesn’t really like Jessica, but anything was a change from Maliha. Anything.

                He drew up her face in his mind and tried to find the warm fuzzy feeling in his heart. But instead, it was just a slight indifference, a cruel rejection. He shuddered. Seeing her face made him annoyed. He sighed and decided to be a man.

                He raised his fist for what seems to be the hundredth time and rapidly knocked it before he could change his mind. She opened it as if she’s been on the other side, waiting for him. Her eyes were not welcoming even though her smile says otherwise. She robotically lifted her arms and he stepped into them. It was a quick hug and there was no passion, no love, no warmth. It was simple, purely platonic and that scared him.

                He tried to change things, to erase the past few weeks so he kissed her and whispered, “I missed you.” But the words had a hollow ring to it and he could taste the bitter after taste in his mouth. His lips twisted and she didn’t look at him until a few heartbeats later.

                “Yeah, I miss you too.” She whispered, softly, as if she didn’t really want to say it but was obliged to.

                They stood there in front of the door awkwardly, both shuffling as they thought of things to say. They were both thinking the same thing. Had this been any other time in the past, they would have long closed the door and been racing each other up to the bedroom. But this was now, and that was then and at the moment, they had nothing to say.

                “Er, I made food. It’s in the kitchen,” she started walking away.

                “Oh, I thought we were going to go out to dinner.” He rubbed the back of his neck. Normally, they rushed through dinner and was back up the stairs. And his suggestion meant that things would go differently today. Not that it wasn’t already.

                She shrugged. “Okay, it’s not like I made much. I sort of forgot and had to rush. I’s only sandwiches. Let me go change.”

                This was his cue. His cue to smile devilishly and tell her that he’d much rather get her out of her clothes rather than into new ones. And she seemed to hesitate, but he let the moment pass.

                Maliha sighed. They were both changing and she felt it. She didn’t even expect a hug from him anymore. It was just going to be a friendly distance. And if she was going to be honest with herself, that was just fine.

                They walked into the restaurant, and he was gentlemanly. He pulled up her chair and asked for her order first. But in the lull where they were waiting for their food, they were back into that uncomfortable zone of the first date. Without the feelings.

                “So.” She tried to find something, anything. “How was your tour?”

                He shrugged. “Same old, same old. We released news that we’re having a new album soon. They didn’t want us to clash with EXO’s debut so we were pushed back a bit. How have you been?”

                “You know, just working and doing schoolwork and trying to get that degree. Tests are coming up. I’m glad you’re having fun.”

                He nodded and once more they were back in that deeply skin crawling embarrassing quiet. The food came and they dug in eagerly, glad for some sort of distraction, an excuse to stop talking. At night, she took a shower and climbed into bed first. She had her back turned in, so she was facing out. When he came out from the showers, Maliha opened her eyes to see if any of the spark was there.

                He was shirtless and he was still good looking but she no longer felt any spasm of desire. Instead it was just a chant of, “Put on a shirt, Donghae. Put on a damn shirt please and go to bed.” It was a chant of annoyance, annoyance that he had to be so good looking and she so disinterested. Annoyance that he was keeping the lights on and keeping her from sleeping.

                When the lights were off and the bed creaked under his weight, she tensed, waiting for his touch. Which thankfully never came. They both fell asleep in an uneasy slumber.

                When she woke up, she saw that he was gone. She turned to sniff his pillow and didn’t even smell his normally lingering scent. Maybe even the house is trying to erase all traces of him, she mused. She got up and saw that he had made breakfast.

                Her nose wrinkled. He made eggs and toasted bagels. She hated toasted bagels and she hated sunny-side eggs even more. He had already finished and was on the phone with someone. She heard a high pitched giggle and concluded that as hyena like Leeteuk’s laugh was, he was definitely not talking to s and was talking to a girl.

                She waited. She waited for that ping of jealousy, that breathtaking sweep of envy and insecurity but none came. She ate her breakfast hurriedly before washing with orange juice and rinsing her plate in the sink.

                There was a knock at the door and she opened it, only to step back in surprise. It was Chanyeol and she nearly had a heart attack when he waved, “Hi noona!”

                Donghae came to see who it was and looked just as shocked as she did. She had forgotten he was coming and Donghae had no idea how his girlfriend became so well acquainted with the rookie that he was making house visits.

                “Hyung!” he bumbled happily and walked in, not feeling the tension, not knowing that he had stirred up trouble. Donghae looked at Maliha and narrowed his eyes. He was deciding whether to be mad, whether to feel territorial but instead he was relieved. He was relieved that this happy virus was here to take away from their awkwardness, to add some sort of life into their home.

                When he left, after devouring more breakfast, and talking happily with them, Donghae continued to compose his newest song. There was silence until, “Donghae?”

                He looked up and saw Maliha walk towards him with her hands in front of her, clasped tightly as if she didn’t know what to do with them. “Hmm?”

                “This, this isn’t working out is it?”

                He was shocked by her question. They both knew it wasn’t but for the past few weeks they’ve been dancing around the truth and it was shocking that she would say it out loud. He actually dropped his pencil and they flinched when it rolled off the table and hit the wooden floor.

                “I don’t know.”

                She sighed. “Let’s face it. You don’t want to come home and I don’t want you here. I think it’s done, isn’t it? Do you even feel anything for me?”

                He looked at her. Really, truly looked at her. And felt nothing. “No, I don’t think so,” he admitted, hating that the words had to come from himself, hating that even when saying it, it did sort of hurt.

                She nodded. “That’s what I thought too.” He waited and she let things drop.

                The next day, he had to go back to China for another concert. But this time, he had cleaned the entire house of his belongings. She was quiet as he packed, not once commenting that he didn’t really need all of his pajamas when he was only going to be gone for three days. She watched and she felt a slow lightening as the house slowly became emptier.

                At the airport, Jessica was there and she took his arm, tugging him away to the terminal. Chanyeol was there as well, waving good bye to his noona and promising that the moment they came back, he was going to treat her and Donghae-hyung to barbeque.

                Donghae came over and hesitated. Maliha held out her arms, knowing that this would be the last time. He was quiet but moved into them and this time, he genuinely hugged her. He hugged her to him and she felt something. But it was too late. So she squashed that tinkling feeling down and hugged him back.

                “Do over?” he whispered.

                Maliha took a step back and shook her head. He looked at her before nodding. Tipping his head, he melted into the sea of celebrities, and she watched him get on the plane. No farewells, no goodbyes were said. After all, there’s no point in letting go of something that had long been nonexistent.

                Instead, she turned and walked out of the airplane, breathing in the fresh air. She had a letter of apology to give to Chanyeol and then she was gone. Her plane ticket to America was safely in her pockets. She was about to be her own person. In a new place.

                Donghae slid in next to Eunhyuk on the plane and took out the promise ring he had brought back. He had bought it for her, thinking that by giving it to her, he could change everything. But he knew that nothing could have salvaged their relationship. So he put the ring in his pocket and hoped that there was a return policy. He leaned back against the headrest and smiled because Miracle just came on.

                Life just couldn’t get better. 

Well, you wanted angst and you didn't want an antagonist. So I made you both at fault. I really hope you liked it.

I loved writing it and if you think I'm sadistic or something, I just may be. 

Love you~