The doorbell rang and you went to open it. You didn’t know who you were expecting but you sighed inwardly when you saw who it was. Donghae stood outside with his arms stretched into a large heart and his head was cocked and smiling at you. You forced a smile on your lips and ushered him in.

                “Hi Donghae.”

                He ran at you. “Hey, baby! How have you been?”

                “I haven’t changed since the last hour when you called me. I didn’t know you were coming. You should have told me. Then I could get ready.”

                He winked. “Naw, and ruin the surprise of it? I think not. So, what do you want to do today?” He plopped himself on the couch and you winced. You had just spent hours trying to get rid of the creases in the dark leather. You shrugged and he pouted. He swung his legs over your lap and looked at you. “Something’s bothering you. Tell me. Go on, sweetheart. I’ll try to fix it.”

                You shook your head. “Nope, come on, let’s go watch a movie or something.”

                He shrugged and nodded. “Whatever you like.”

                At the movies, he couldn’t keep his arm away from you and was constantly leaning in and hugging you possessively. You smiled at the people who gave you envious looks and wanted to shrivel up and cry. He was so embarrassing. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw someone staring at his arm around you and you tried to wiggle away. When he was feeding you popcorn, his fingers brushed across your lips every time. You sighed and tried to concentrate on the large screen but he tapped you on the arm.

                In his mouth was a popcorn and he leaned in, obviously meaning to pass it to you. You moved to accept it only to see the same man looking at you and dropped it. You giggled nervously, and Donghae patted your cheek. But your gaze fell on the man again and you sighed.

                When the movies was over, he took you to the park and swung you in the air, hollering happily, openly declaring his love for you. You held onto his shoulders tightly and tried to keep from falling. There, standing in the middle of the crowd of people who had gathered to watch was him again. His handsome face was open with an acute pain and you hit Donghae’s shoulder.

                “Oww, what was that for?” he placed you down on the ground.

                You took his hand and led him out of the park. “To get you to put me down silly.”

                When he made love to you that night, you could only think about the constantly appearing man. You could only see the way his hair fell into his eyes, and the way his mouth moved with a certain pain whenever he saw you and Donghae together. When Donghae collapsed next to you, you absentmindedly his head and pictured the other man’s silky locks underneath your touch.

                When you woke up the next morning, you saw Donghae hunched over an open book. You recognized the purple ink and felt your heart skip a beat. So this was how things would go. He didn’t look up when you walked in. Rather, he kept his head down but the raw anguish was clear in his voice.

                “Who is this? How long have you been seeing him?”

                You crossed over to stand in front him. You didn’t feel like explaining anything to him, but you did owe it to him. “A while. Maybe six months? Donghae, I can’t do this anymore. I love him. He doesn’t need me the way you do. He can love me like an equal.”

                Donghae looked up at you and you nearly reeled back in shock. His normally clear eyes were darkened and a red ring had entered it. They were bloodshot from the tears. He gritted his teeth and in one swift motion threw the book at her.

                “How can you do this to me? You promised me you would always love me. All that time when I couldn’t come see you, you were seeing him weren’t you? Tell me!” The veins on his neck popped and strained as he shouted, pouring all his hurt into his words.

                You stood, defiant. “Yes.”

                He walked around the corner so he was standing in front of you. “Did you ever love me?”

                You shook your head. “A long time ago. But that was so long ago, I don’t even remember why. I hate how constricting you make me feel. You’re always publically telling me you loved me, always telling me that I was perfect. Well, guess what? I’m not.”

                He grabbed you by the hair and snapped your head back. “I thought the world of you. I guess I need to really sharpen my judgment skills because I was wrong, so wrong.”

                You teared up. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to go this way.”

                He laughed coldly. “It wasn’t? Well, I guess you can’t always get what you want in life, can you?”

                “Donghae, I’m really sorry. You deserve someone better than me.” You let out a small cough. “I never was the girl you wanted. Trust me. I would only hurt you. You don’t deserve an ELFish like me, and you certainly don’t deserve a girlfriend like me.”

                He raised an eyebrow and you continued. “I did love you, once. But you wanted too much commitment and that scared me. I couldn’t handle it.  I don’t want you to do anything to change. I don’t want you to be anyone but yourself. I just wanted space and equality. I didn’t want to treat you like a son. I wanted someone who loved me, and someone who saw me as their equal. You love me. But sometimes I feel like I’m taking care of my younger brother.”

                He smirked, all remnants of the little kid gone. “I guess you wanted someone manlier hm? Well congratulations.” He turned to walk away. Right before he stepped out the door, he turned back. “When were you planning on telling me you were pregnant with his child?”

                You swayed and held on to the door for support. You never expected him to know.

    The next day you went to SM and walked into your boyfriend where he was practicing. “Hey,” he greeted you. You hugged him and buried your face in his neck.

                “I did it. I finally did it.” You told him and he stiffened.

                He swore softly and you pulled away. Standing in front of you guys was Donghae. He had a gun in his hands. You grabbed onto your boyfriend and shoved him behind you. Donghae’s hands were shaking as he lifted the gun in your direction. There was a long silence as you waited, with your eyes closed.

                Donghae laughed softly, and your boyfriend gripped you tighter. “Don’t sacrifice yourself.” But you shook yourself. You would deserve it for hurting this beautiful man.

                He prepared the trigger and brought the gun to his head. “I loved you,” he whispered. There was a loud bang and you screamed. The mirrored walls shattered and you were knocked down protectively.

                A slip of paper fell near you and you shakingly picked it up.

                Hey beautiful,

                You broke my heart. Now hope to die.

                You picked your head up and stared at the lifeless body a few yards away and cried. He had killed himself instead. Donghae knew you well. Your guilt would kill you better than any gun could. 

That is it. This is pounded out in half an hour, but I think this is pretty damn good. Because this. Hurts. 

I no longer know what I'm mad at. But this fits.