“Cheers!” I lifted my glass in the air for what must have been the thousandth time. The room swirled hazily around me as I tilted my head back for another swig. “Be happy, girl. In two more days, you’re going to be married.” I spoke as if I were sober. As if. My best friend giggled and climbed onto the tables and started gyrating to the music.

                The men at the club hooted and attempted to stare up her skirt, which if I may point out, was already starting to ride up her toned thighs. That . The vehement words were enough to slap me out of my drunken stupor and back to reality. In two days, my best friend would be marrying the man I introduced her to. In two days, my best friend would be marrying the man of my life.

                The thought only caused me to totter on my own brink of mental depression and I pounded my shot onto the table. “Give me another go at the tequila.” Jessica happily obliged and jumped staggeringly down.

                “Tiff, thank you for planning this. Cheers,” together we knocked back shots of the burning liquid fire.

                As it neared the ungodly hour of one, the designated drivers began one by one to take us back. I was the last to leave because I had to pay for the damage. It didn’t hurt that I happened to live in one of the condos nearby. As I was walking out the door, I waved to the barman and called out, “Wish me luck in getting through the next two days, and the rest of my life!” He nodded to humor me and I stepped out into the cold, crisp air.

                It was autumn, much like the time when I first met him. I still remembered being a freshman on campus and feeling lost in a big city. I had walked in on an ethics class, and being a medicine major, had no idea what the law jargon meant. He stood up good-humoredly and walked me to the right theater. It was kind of him, even though it meant skipping off on a lecture and potentially pissing his professor off.

                His name was Jaejoong, he had introduced and I happily grasped his hand, eager to make a new friend. At the time, I was too dazed to appreciate how beautiful he was. For days afterward, we met under a tree to talk about being away from home and being alone in a new world. I saw him as my confidant, my best friend. That is, until Jessica decided it was her turn to conquer the big city.

                When she came, she immediately latched on to me and demanded that I introduced her to everyone and everything I knew. I did. And I never thought for a second to keep Jaejoong as my secret. They hit it off immediately and by the end of the day, she was declaring him as the man of her dreams. That was nice honey, except he’s in my dreams.

                I had quietly, but resentfully, helped her set up dates with him. He took me along to shop for presents for her and I could only swallow the hurt and smile cheerfully as he wondered which color she would like better, chartreuse or periwinkle. I wanted to tell him that she would hate all of it, that she didn’t deserve him, but of course I couldn’t.

                When they announced their engagement, I wanted to kill her. I contemplated going out and buying a rifle and loading it with all the bullets I could load it with. I imagined pumping all the bullets into her and saving one for him. But then the rage faded and I was resigned to my fate as the maid of honor.

                In the nights, I had to listen to her tell me about making love to him. I had to endure hearing her gushing over his perfections, and ranting about his imperfections. All of those were not new to me, and I hated that she also knew this part about him. The silent resentment never went away. It just sat and festered until I decided that unless I wanted to combust, I might as well get over it.

                On the way home, I stopped in front of one of the few houses on the block. My hands strayed to the piece of paper I had haphazardly shoved inside my pockets. I took it out and stared at it, innocently rumpled in my hand. The windows were dark, he wasn’t home yet. I stood outside and felt the rush of the alcohol start to really drain my system.

                Without realizing what had happened, I felt my head land on the concrete and I was down. The world spun for a bit and I closed my eyes, wanting to just drive the pain away.