She just wanted to go home and forget about everything. The entire week has been hell and nothing was going her way. She wanted to scream, to punch a hole in the wall, to bite someone’s head off, all of the above because she just couldn’t cry. She didn’t mean to be affected so deeply, but she suppose it is the trade of the heart. It is meant to feel, to hurt and bruise.

                She closed her eyes and waited for the 7 train to vomit out people and got on. It was only two more stops and a bus ride. Then she would be in the safety of her home, with nothing to worry about. In fact, if she was lucky, Heechul should be awake by now. She tingled at the excitement of being able to see him again.

                She blasted her music to drown out the thoughts in her head and earned herself disgusted looks by the passengers. Oh well, this is public transportation. I can hear your music, you can hear mine, she thought. She was just intent on getting home and drowning her sorrows with Heechul and cookies.

                She unlocked the door slowly and swung it open, smiling brightly at… empty space. The hopeful high that had dominated her thoughts came crashing down as she realized that no, her yeobo was not home. She closed her eyes and tried to fight back the unnatural rush of tears.

                She crawled into her bed and pulled the covers over her head and started sobbing. The tears were ridiculous and she just didn’t understand how she could be affected like this. The past events of the entire day rushed at her.

                She’s lost a friend, felt the pressures of a test, gotten sick and had to deal with cleaning up all the messes that was her life story. Her mother wouldn’t stop nagging, and her teachers, goodness, that’s not even an option to think about. They were driving insane. She wanted to feel the comfort of someone, anyone. But all her friends were either still at school or no longer talking to her.

                She tried to cover her ears, and closed her eyes, fighting off the rush of painful memories. She didn’t want to think anymore. Life was already difficult enough. She got up and fumbled along the kitchen for a glass of water. Her hands accidently touched a glass plate and it tumbled off the counter, splattering into a billion tiny pieces. Each shard was crystal cut and horrifyingly sharp, reminding her that life has its cruel edges.

                “Damn,” she cursed and tried hard to resist the urge to throw more glass on the floor. The sharp ringing had been refreshing. The loudness of it finally stopped the voices in her head from bothering her. It wouldn’t be too much to ask for another distraction would it? Her hands trembled as she reached for another plate. It came into her fingers, inviting her almost, to just drop it on the floor.

                She let go and let gravity do its work. The sonorous shattering made her smile, a tiny maniac curve of her lips. Craving more release, she swept her cupboards clean of anything breakable. Surrounded by the broken china, she finally allowed herself room to breathe. But before her conscience could kick in, she ran into the living room and pulled off all the pillows off the couch.

                She went into her room and eyed the posters critically. Funny how they irritated her so much now. Every polished, photo shopped, airbrushed photo reminded her of how fake society was, how perfect life wasn’t. She reached up for her GD and TOP poster, feeling a satisfying rip as the hard photo paper came apart from the wall and a perfectly jagged line separated the two idols’ faces.

                She went about methodically, around all her walls and tore all the pictures down. All except one, the one where Heechul gazed out at her in all his amazing glory. That she couldn’t bear to destroy. Or she should. After all, he had let her down. In a brief moment of rationality, she decided to keep it. She would regret it later.

                So she went about throwing her books on the floor. The floor was now littered with shreds of colorful paper, remnants of her past. She squatted down and shifted through, trying to fit the pictures together like a puzzle. Some matched, others didn’t, lost in the array of torn posters. It made her head hurt.

                She grabbed a Sharpie and went to the walls. Doing something she hadn’t done since childhood, she began to draw. Happy scenes, gruesome scenes, tiny doodles, little words here and there, it didn’t matter. She just needed a release. When the Sharpie dried she tossed it over her shoulder and walked back into the kitchen.

                Her foot crunched on the glass and she winced, loving the jarring dissonance that met her ears. Chaos was good. Chaos was realistic. She likes realistic. Then, she finally took in what she has done. Her mind strayed to the ruined pictures, never able to be brought back. Her eyes widened in horror as she surveyed the glassware she has now ruined. Oh, the onslaught of ruin and trouble tackled her again.

                She sank to her knees, ignoring the glass that cut into her skin and started to cry.

                “Lia? I’m home! What is this? Where are you? Did someone enter?” a loud voice speared into her incoherent thoughts. Whether it be her mother or Heechul she did not care.

                “Lia? LIA!” a hand landed softly on her shoulder and a warm arm wrapped her in its embrace. Not caring who it was, she buried her face into the mystery person’s chest and nearly recoiled in shock. It smelled like Heechul. Could she really let him see her like this?

                She felt herself being picked up and the crunch of broken glass under his feet brought her to her senses. He must think I’m insane. She started thrashing, fighting for him to put her down. He should never has seen her like this.

                “Lia? Are you okay?” he gazed at her, his open eyes filled with concern. He placed her on the bed, not once looking at the mess that she had made.

                She immediately dove into her pillow, refusing to look at her. Instead of being his normally pushy self, he her hair and waited. And waited. He waited until night fell and she was exhausted. Oh the irony. She woke up and felt tired. So tired. Then she saw that Heechul was standing in the midst of the disarray, looking at the lone poster on the wall, and touching the outline of his own face.

                “Hee-Heechul?” she croaked. He turned and the look on his face was enough to make her choke up again. It wasn’t fear or rage or fury, it was pain. He was in pain because she was in pain. That made her feel like a horrible person all over again.

                He silently reached up and touched a hand to her forehead. This one touch eased the crowding noises in her mind. He didn’t smile, but just stared at her until she literally melted, and relaxed. When she felt comfortable enough, she raised her arms just enough so he would get the hint. He climbed in next to her and wrapped her up in his delicious protective cocoon. She breathed in the fresh, clean scent that reminded her of clean laundry, and freshly baked cookies.

                There was a pang in her head. Cookies. She wanted cookies. He rested his chin on her hair and rubbed her arms. Goosebumps rose even though it was meant to have the opposite effect. She leaned against his solidness and waited.

                “Heechul, I’m sorry you had to see me like this. I wasn’t thinking. I came home and you weren’t here. I freaked out. It’s not an excuse, but I ruined everything. My mother will kill me and the posters. Oh my gosh, the posters.”

                He whispered into her ear. “Your mother will have to get through me first. In fact, I’m going to say I did it. I’m clumsy, and I did it. As for your posters. You still have me. I’m an idol. It would be a piece of cake for me to replace them. But what’s important right now is you. And how you are and how you feel. I could care less about what your mother is going do.”

                She nodded, already lulled by his control of things. He was a captain, the captain of her ship and she was almost sinking. Until he came and helped her. She felt it in herself. She didn’t need the other one anyway. Nothing else mattered. If people wanted to abandon her, they could. It didn’t matter.

                What mattered now was that she had Heechul. She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him down for a kiss. His soft petal lips landed on hers and she felt herself open up, allowing him to explore her. When they broke apart, she smiled.

                There was a peace within her. And she knew exactly why. All her life she has been trying to look for someone who would take care of her the whole way. All her life she has been looking for someone who would protect her, comfort her. And here he is. Right in front of her. Forever and ever.               

Originally, I had a bright happy idea of fireplaces, and warmth and cuddling. But I think this is better. I love you ♥ And the ending is lame, but whatever. I had a of... inspiration this morning? And the picture... I don't know. It was what's on my mind the entire time I was typing. 

I love you. From one emotional teddy bear, I present with you your other.