FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Title: 5/5
Crossroads. At first, I thought the title would somehow be said in the story, but of course, my guess is wrong. I really like how you came up with the title and how it correlates with everything that has happened in the story; especially towards the end, where the two are having a hard time to meet up like they did before. Because it seemed very appropriate and it gave a huge impact to me, which I guess would translate to new readers, I gave you this score.

Description & Foreword: 3/5
There was a brief description, about a sentence or two, which is also included in the story's poster so I thought it was redundant. There was also a character description in the foreword section. I am not really a fan of chara description's, but since it's a short story, I'll consider it to be useful. Nonetheless, you have a prologue! I liked how you relate your brief description to the prologue's end.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 3/5
The poster is well made; though a bit plain, it instills the meaning of the story and it screams sadness. I am not pro with photo editing and stuff, but I do know a bit. With that, I say, you should really thank the creator of the graphics you have because it's great. However, I would really appreciate it if you justified the paragraphs; it would look neater. The font size, too, seemed too small but I understand that it is according to your preference.


WRITING STYLE

Grammar & Vocabulary: 6/10
I noticed a few errors here and there on your composition. Mostly, it is about awkward sentence structures. I found sentences that are wordy whereas you could have split it to two or more sentences so it won't look dragged and rushed. It would also help if you use the right punctuation marks on the appropriate places. I'll cite a few from your story as examples.

Note: strikethrough – remove, bold – replacement/suggestion, ¶ – new paragraph, (text) – comment

Kyungsoo's was 21 twenty-one and is currently on at the last year if of his university life, while Jongin’s was 20 twenty who is one year behind him.

Despite the several hours of dancing, Jongin's done he still wasn't tired enough to not to run at the speed of light, which made it harder for Kyungsoo to keep up.

Jongin pressed play on the stereo, making the music fills the air, and as if on cue, his body startsed to move according to the music. He let himself get engrossed in the music, slowly letting go of the reality he was in. His feet moved gracefully along with his hands, reminding himself the exact position his body parts were supposed to be. If anyone were looking, they'd be too enchanted to speak and just stare in awe at the boy with their mouths open, trying hard not to blink because they were witnessing sheer perfection. He stopped immediately, noticing he made a mistake and played the song again. This time he danced much more furiously and passionately. He closed his eyes to become more focused; he moved more accurately this time. ¶He was too engrossed in his dancing that he didn't realize his hyung came in. Kyungsoo noticed that his presence wasn't acknowledged; and he continued to sit quietly on the floor in his usual spot and stared at the dancer. Jongin didn't leave Kyungsoo's sight at all after he started staring; he was completely enchanted at his (underlined: misleading pronoun, to whom does the following pronouns refer?) movements along with the music that was playing. This wasn't that the first time he saw his performance, but his reaction was the same every time anyway.

He felt (remove the comma) showing this sort of side to Jongin. He was vulnerable and sensitive, and he's never cried like this in front of anyone like this before.

Kyungsoo ran swiftly towards Jongin but damn the dancer was fast; it was an obvious a trait he had (wordiness, replace the phrase) and Kyungsoo has seen his quick movements many times when the boy dances.

He copied his hyung's actions as the warmth lasted, and then they felt it;(use colon instead of semicolon for the subsequent isn’t a whole sentence but a phrase) the spark.

Jongin stopped laughing although never stopped smiling and opened his eyes to see his hyung laughing on and off, his cute giggles made Jongin smile even brighter. (Sentence revision is needed)

Jongin planted multiple kisses on Kyungsoo neck, causing Kyungsoo to blush like crazy again

"Well, yeah," he said reluctantly. (I noticed this at almost every dialogue; after the whole thought has been delivered inside the quotation mark, you must use comma if there is a next sentence describing the dialogue. You will only use period if it is otherwise.)

The nurse was reluctant to talk. "She's in a better place now." The nurse half-smiled but Kyungsoo didn't agree (with what? It’s a dangling verb).

I also hoped that you have used more words because some appeared to be redundant already. If you have trouble doing so, you can always consult the dictionary or the ever-reliable Google.

Writing Style: 13/15
Amidst the grammar errors and lack of vocabulary, I admire your writing style. It’s very descriptive, which makes the story attractive and real. It is very important to use imagery and figurative language to make the composition colorful and genuine but still vivid and comprehensible. You also used third person, yet there are times where you put your thoughts as a narrator (using the pronoun I, when you describe a few things). You could have written those sentences without including yourself, to be more formal. Moreover, you described every situation well that sometimes the sentences become wordy, but it’s quite bearable.


DIGGING DEEPER

Characters: 20/25
You put your characters very well. In this case, there are only two characters, plus surprise appearances from Sehun, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol. I liked how you wrote their personalities in such a cliché but spontaneous way, which makes them stand out from the stereotype leads.

Kyungsoo: He’s timid, soft-spoken, reserved, and all the synonymous adjectives. He has a passion for writing (i.e. letters for her mom, song writing) and quite expectedly, he has a talent for singing. I’m impressed on how you make him imperfect by making speaking and expressions as his weakness. The only thing I am curious of is how did he manage to become friends with Jongin whereas he’s a timid guy?

Jongin: He’s a very talented dancer, and a very affectionate dongsaeng to his hyung. I can also note that he is a very understanding person; whenever Kyungsoo acts unusual or something, he always understands. He’s always the cool and level-headed guy, too (although sometimes he just snaps like a normal teen). If anything, he’s almost perfect. However, he also has this weakness: this fear of people leaving and forgetting him. Isn’t it ironic that he was the one who left Kyungsoo?

Overall, I like your characters, especially Kyungsoo where I can totally relate with his thoughts. I witnessed their growth from young and immature teens to somehow wiser men even just a short period of time, particularly Kyungsoo wherein he realized a lot of things in the epilogue. You tried to write them as if they are real, which I hope they really are (especially Kyungsoo again).

Plot: 22/25
The story, for me, is quite fresh. Even if the base plot is the usual, ‘two best friends falling in love and falling apart’, I like the idea of adding your own twists. Just like what I have said, it’s very realistic in such a way that you incorporated scenes that support the character’s personalities and backgrounds. The so-called love present throughout the story is very ideal and real, it’s not the very romantic and ‘I’ll do everything for you,’ which is very overused and unrealistic. The theme is refreshing; I also like the way the story somehow revolved around those words in the description. However, the part wherein they really need to audition at SM or something kind of distracted me. It could have been other reason or some sort, but knowing how talented the two are, I guess you really have the reason to add the idol thing.

Flow: 2/5
You did not switched point of view's since you are using the third person. However, you tend to include yourself to the story by describing such events with the pronoun 'I', which is only for first persons. You could have rewritten the sentence without the need to put the 'I', it would make the story consistent. Nevertheless, I guess the flow of timelines are okay. It wasn't slow or fast, however it could have been better. The inclusion some scenes are a bit choppy; like I am reading paragraphs wherein Jongin and Kyungsoo are stargazing then on the following scene, it would be about Kyungsoo's history. It would have been alright if the stars or destinies are somehow corelational with Kyungsoo's dark past, but I found none.

FINALLY

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Setting aside all the flaws, I guess I did enjoy reading your story. It's light, well in a way that there isn't any or action, but there's drama... and angst. I love angst so much. I particularly liked the story as it goes on its end, wherein they broke up and Kyungsoo realizing things. It is good and I would love to recommend it to my friends who love these types of stories.


TOTAL: 79/100 (B)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Hello! Please pardon me if it took a long time before I got a chance to finish this review. Anyways, it's done! Better late than never, they say. Please follow the rules, thank you, and have a good day!~