Her mind screamed, never again! It was like her greatest nightmare happening again. Scenes from the last time she was left alone started to creep into her mind like a malignant cancer, eating away at her fragile sense of self.

“Kim, I need you to let me go...” Matthew said, holding her hand.

The scene was from three years ago, their anniversary...

“How can I let you go if you’re holding my hand like that?!” Kim said sarcastically. She didn’t really mean to snap back at him. It was just a defence mechanism...for her self preservation.

Matt instantly let go of her hand. He looked down and breathed a disappointed sigh. “You still managed to joke in a time like this...”

“What did you expect me to do, Matt?” Kim said, exasperated. “You’re breaking up with me for another girl...did you think it will just be okay?”

“Kimmy, I really didn’t mean it to happen...” Matt explained.

The solemn restaurant they were in started to stir, ears were adjusted, eyes began to peer through the shadows.

“Didn’t mean it to happen?” Kim snapped back at him. “Matt, you had an affair...could you tell me how the hell that you didn’t intend it to happen? Did you just wake up one morning and realized, oh shucks, I have an affair! Or is it like a virus you just contracted? ”

“Kimmy, calm down, let me explain, it was just an accident!”

“Accident?” Kim eye’s started to drip hurtful tears. “Matt, a truck running into a car is an accident! Having an affair...is a conscious decision. It is as pre-meditated as...murder!”

“Kimmy, it’s not like that,” Matt begged. “The truth is...we fell in love! I love her!”

That’s when her world turned into the bleakest part of her life. Imagine having a man you have long imagined loved you and nobody else, admitting in front of your face that he loved somebody else? He could have just killed her then. His words “I love her” reverberated in her mind...each time, eating a part of her away.

“You are so cruel Matt! Get the hell out of my life!” Kim shouted, shoving him away as Matt attempted to hug her. "You disgust me..."

“Kim, I wish you could forgive me...someday...”

The nerve of him. He just trampled upon every bit of self worth she had, now he expects her to forgive him? Kim’s cheeks burned with embarrassment, she felt she had to act.

Matt moved in closer once more, trying to give her a kiss on the head. Instead, Kim landed her palm on his left cheek. The blow was so hard, he staggered from his seat. Matt was shocked. The emotional blow stunned him as did the physical pain. He felt his cheek...it was burning, very warm from the contact.

“I’m sorry, Kimmy!”

“Matt, I loved you...” Kim said woefully. “I wish you had thought about the years we spent together. You wasted it, Matt. I’m so sorry that I wasted my time on you....”

With that, she left the restaurant crying...

To this day, she wonders, if she was the one who left him in the restaurant that night...then why the hell does she feel left out. Why does she feel like she was the antagonist who was in the way of true love?

She stepped out of the darkness and into the rain. That was the day she was at her loneliest and that was the day Kim Tuazon vowed never to be left alone again.

Behind her the neon signs buzzed lightly from the rain. It gleamed, “The Blue Room.”
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Kim walked drearily into their home, clutching to the little gift Thomas gave her. As she stepped into their house, a small sprightly figure jumped at her!

“Ate, you’re home!” It was her sweet and affectionate younger sister Lilly.

“Hi, Lilly! “ Kim greeted. Lilly brought an instant smile into Kim’s face. She hugged her sister back. She felt almost instantly rejuvenated by her sunny nature.

“Did you bring a pasalubong (gift) for me?” Lilly asked.

“Of course,” Kim said, pulling out a toy robot out of her bag. “I could forget everything else, but I will not ever forget your gift.”

“Wow, ate! This is nice!” Lilly jumped in glee.

Kim really knows what makes Lilly happy. IF you give her a dress, she'll frown at it. You bring her a doll, she’ll play it for a day, max. But bring her a robot or a car, anything shiny, she’ll love you for life. She wasn’t a tomboy at all, in fact she moves too gracefully for her sake and she is naturally sweet. But there is something about the destructive nature of boys’ toys that she finds totally appealing.

“Oh, look at this, Lilly! My little friend gave me this,” Kim added, showing her Thomas’ gift. “His name is Thomas...”

“Why did he give you a toy car?” the eight-year-old asked.

“Hmmm...because he thought I helped his dad..” Kim said as truthfully and as vaguely as she can. She was too tired already, she didn’t want any more probing, she’d had enough of that from Thomas earlier.

“Why did you help his dad?” Lilly asked once more. “Was he sick?”

Kim groaned. You can never underestimate sometimes ways in which kids can get to your nerves. “Lilly, I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow. Ate is too tired to speak right now, okay?”

She nodded, then added, “Why are you tired? Did you have a hard day at work?”

Kim swore she was in hell right now and the form of torture given to her was to answer eternally the questions of an overeager toddler. She was about to scream when her mom came in. It was a good thing that Lilly turned her attention to her new toys, leaving Kim some peace at last.

“Oh, Kimmy, you’re here!” said Aling Josie. “You’re a bit early, iha...”

“My boss gave me an afternoon off, mom!” replied Kim. She immediately took her heels off her very tired feet. She sighed at the momentary relief.

“Good, just in time for dinner!” she said. “Dress first and after that call your father for dinner on the way down, okay?”

“Yes, mom...” Kim said, dragging her sore feet behind her. She slowly went up the stairs only to collapse on her soft, worn out bed.
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At dinner, the situation was a bit more jolly, as it always was. The four of them were happily munching on their simple dinner fest. Kim was really spent, she just ate quietly. Fortunately, all the attention was focused on Lilly.

“Lilly, how was your school today?” Charlie asked, his eyes full of pride.

“I got 5 stars today, dad!” she beamed, showing off her bunny teeth.

“Wow, that’s my girl!” Charlie chuckled.

“Smarty pants...” Kim hissed jokingly.

“Oh...our little Kimmy is jealous!” Josie bantered.

“You’ve been my number one girl for a while now, dearie...” reminded her father. “It’s Lilly’s time to be number one now, you know that!”

“Yeah, I’m number one...” Lilly rubbed on, humming a tune, her body contorting lightly.

“Plus, you’re no fun now,” her dad added to a get a rise out of her. “You’re much too sad these days...”

“Dad!’ Kim playfully protested. “Thanks, Mr. Sensitivity...you made my night!”

“Mr. Sensi...what was it, Ate?” Lilly echoed.

Kim smiled dryly at her dad and then turned to her mom and said, “Mom, remember from before? I told you I wanted a brother?”

Lilly stopped dancing, looking at Kim. Her mom and dad stared at her as well, gauging her reaction.

“What? It’s a joke,” Kim replied. “Geez, can’t anybody joke around here?”

Lilly was the first to laugh, followed by the rather lacklustre laughing of her parents.

“Mom, could I cut my hair? I want a boy cut...” said Lilly, a bit forlorn. “I want to be a brother...”

Kim almost choked on her food.

“No, dearie!” Kim’s mom said in alarm, then looking at Kim as if to say, “see what you’ve done!”

“Lilly, Ate was joking. Your hair looks really nice like that!” said Kim commenting on her smooth, silky hair.

“Thank you, ate!” Lilly smiled sweetly. When Lilly smiles like that, it melts everyone’s heart. There’s no heart in this world cold enough to resist against Lilly’s charms. Kim included.

“That reminds me,” Josie interrupted. “What time can you come home tomorrow?”

“Mom, probably five the latest...” Kim answered. In her mind she was thinking she could leave the office early. That will give her more time to dress up for her movie date with the Garcias.

“Could you take care of Lilly that night?” asked Josie. “You’re Tito Randy’s son from abroad and his new girlfriend are here in town. Your Tita Vangie insisted that your dad and I be present in their engagement party.”

Oh no! Disaster! A lump started to form in Kim’s throat. Not tomorrow! Of all days, please not tomorrow!

“Mom, does it have to be tomorrow?”

“What kind of a question was that, Kimmy?” her dad said. “Of course it’s tomorrow. It’s not our decision to set which time!”

“Dad, again...” Kim bantered. “not appreciating the brutal insensitivity...”

“Kimmy, it’s only for a few hours. “ Josie pleaded. “We’ll be back before midnight anyway!”

“Uhmm...I sort of...made plans tomorrow!” Kim announced.

Everyone looked at her in shock. IT’s been years since she had gone out for something, her parents were utterly surprised. It was almost too bizarre for them to hear it.

“Plans?” Kim’s mom muttered. "You...have plans?"

“My friend invited me to a night out!” Kim answered casually.

“Friend?” Charlie asked.

“A friend I met earlier...we're supposed to watch a movie at their house.”

“A boy?” Josie excitedly hunched.

Kim nodded, blushing heavily.

“Boyfriend?” Lilly interjected. “Ate has a boyfriend!”

“No, he’s not a boyfriend!” clarified Kim. “I just met him!”

“Frankly dear, your dad and I don’t mind if you’re going to have a boyfriend!” Josie added.

“Yup, let him come over sometime so we can play basketball or something!” Charlie mused.

“Dad! I told you he’s not my boyfriend!” Kim objected.

“But, you’re going on a date...?” Charlie probed.

“NO...it’s just a harmless date!” said Kim absent-mindedly. Somehow she couldn’t bring herself to say to her parents that Gerald has a kid. She conveniently left that tiny detail out.

“But, a date nonetheless...” Charlie teased.

“Okay, okay” Kim surrendered. “But, couldn’t you guys take Lilly along with you?”

“No, dear!” Josie answered. We’ll be up till late at night. I don’t want Lilly to stay up that late! Couldn’t you just take her with you?”

“Mom...seriously?” Kim said in dismay.

“Why not?” asked Kim’s dad. “It’s just one night!”

“But, Ate, I want to go with you!” begged Lilly.

“See, cased closed...” Charlie once more. “Besides, Lilly is a well-behaved girl. She won’t bother you and your boyfriend one bit!”

“Mom, Dad, you really don’t know Lilly....” grumbled Kim, snapping a carrot stick into two.

Lilly beamed. She started dancing on her seat once again. Kim seriously thought that at times, Lilly acts more active than a child her age should. She often wondered maybe she had A.D.H.D....
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“Wow, ate, is this their house?” Lilly exclaimed.

Kim looked over once again the address on piece of paper. It was the correct address. She got her confirmation. This was indeed Gerald’s house...almost a mansion to her. She looked again at the breathtaking abode! It was so humungous. The house itself was at least three story tall, and the exposed beams extending out into the patio lends a particular charm to the place. They waited outside the grilled fence. A sprawling front garden and lawn added that suburban feel to the otherwise modern house.

Kim suddenly felt apprehensive and tentative. She expected them to be rich, but not this rich. Self doubt started to creep into her. She looked back at the taxi they came with, but it sped away as she was about to call him back. At that same time, without Kim’s consent...Lilly rang the doorbell.

Out of the house came an excited little boy and his father after him, almost too excited too.

“Tita Kim, you came!” greeted Thomas.

Gerald opened the gate. It was as if a dog has been released from his cage. Thomas lunged himself to Kim, almost knocking her thin frame to the ground.

“Hi, Tommy!” Kim greeted back. “I promised you I’d come!”

“You should have seen him all day!” Gerald said. “Almost every hour he would ask, ‘what time is Tita Kim coming?”

Kim smiled to the boy, avoiding Gerald’s appreciative gaze. “Did you miss me?”

“Yes I did!” Thomas replied, hugging her by the stomach. “Dad missed you too!”

Kim looked up at Gerald. He was scratching his head. Though she blushed, she was amused enough to say, “Hi!”

“Hi!” Gerald replied.

He moved in forward to give her a kiss on the cheek. Kim was slightly taken aback. He then retracted lightly. Too forward, he thought. Awkward moments passed. They settled for an even more awkward handshake.

“Don’t believe him!” Gerald referred to what Thomas said. “He didn’t get his nap this afternoon...he’s a bit hazy...”

“But you said so yourself...” Thomas added but Gerald grabbed him by the shoulders to cut off the rest of his sentence.

Kim laughed knowingly. She knew immediately how that sentence ended. It was music to her ears. He missed her...the older Garcia, that is. Kim’s heart throbbed as their eyes once again met.

“Ehem, ehem” interrupted the neglected Lilly. She was smiling, her hands behind her back.

Thomas, upon seeing Lilly, had a bout of shyness. He immediately hid behind Gerald’s back, slightly peeking at the other lady visitor.

“Oh, sorry...” Kim said. “This is my younger sister, Lilly. I hope you guys don’t mind having an extra guest, do you?”

“We certainly don’t mind, the more the merrier!” Gerald answered. “Hi Lilly!” he greeted her, extending his hand to Kim’s sister.

Lilly readily took his hand.

“How are you?” she said smartly.

“I’m fine, thanks!” replied Gerald. “Lilly, this is my shy son Thomas!”

Gerald tried to coax him out from his behind, but the little boy held on firmly to his thigh. “Thomas, this is Lilly!”

Thomas bobbed his head from behind him and said in his trademark husky voice, “Hi Lilly!”

Lilly smiled back. “Hi, Thomas!”

Kim smiled at the cute boy, who once in a while kept peering over to Lilly.

“Sorry, this is his first real encounter with a girl his age,” Gerald explained.

“Lilly, don’t you have something for Tommy?” Kim reminded her.

“Oh yes...” Lilly said, fishing out a small gift-wrapped package from her small shoulder bag.

Lilly then went around Gerald and personally handed the gift over to the bashful toddler. Thomas was at first wary of the peace offering but decided his curiosity was way more important than his shyness. He readily tore the gift package revealing a small model car. His eyes widened like saucers!

“Smart!” Gerald said admiringly to Kim. “Looks like you did your research!”

“Oh, he gave me a toy car yesterday too,” replied Kim. “I just thought of returning the favour...”

“He did, eh?” Gerald asked.

“Uh huh! Sounds like he’s done that a lot?” Kim asked.

“Yep! Apparently that is his way of choosing my wife for me. If he sees anybody he likes, somebody he thinks is good for me...he gives away his most precious toy car...”

“So, you mean...” Kim didn’t have the guts to finish her sentence. Gerald nodded in agreement nonetheless. She blushed profusely.

Meanwhile, Thomas completely came out of his hiding. HE was showing off his new car to Lilly, who is as interested in it as he.

Suddenly, there was a crack of thunder. Thomas was a bit alarmed but Lilly calmed him down. It was about to rain. Lightning darted across the skies.

“So, should we go inside?” asked Gerald.

“Sure, let’s go guys,” Kim replied.

Thomas immediately ran into the house past the lawns. He was so excited to show off his home. Lilly ran after him. Midway to the expansive front yard, she caught up with him. She immediately took hold of Thomas’ hand. They ran rest of the way, hand in hand. Kim and Gerald looked at each other, wondering if they should do the same.

“Shall we?” Gerald said, holding out his hand.

Kim readily took it. He squeezed her hand lightly as he smiled at her. Kim smiled back, reciprocating the squeeze. Then, the showers came.

They ran hand in hand like the kids did. The other pair meanwhile waited by the covered patio steps leading to the main door. They both looked at each other knowingly, as if reading each other’s mind. They grinned heavily as they saw Kim and Gerald running hand in hand.

By the door, all four were laughing. Thomas dragged Kim inside. Meanwhile, Lilly tugged unto Gerald shirttails.

Gerald immediately knelt down to face her. “What is it, Lilly?”

“Can I call you, Tito Gerald?” she asked.

“Sure, Lilly!” Gerald happily replied. “I’ll be your Tito Gerald!”

“Are you my sister’s boyfriend?” Lilly asked candidly.

Kim could have died right then and there. She felt her cheeks burn up in shame. Gerald looked at her knowingly, finding no words to answer an eight-year-old’s question.

It was Thomas who provided the answer.

“Yup, she is my dad’s girlfriend!” Thomas interjected, his young voice as booming as ever . “They met yesterday, and they had a date yesterday too!”

“Now, try to deny that!” Gerald challenged Kim, who is now redder than ever.

Now, it was Kim’s turn to be speechless. How could she deny that? The four year old had just verbalized the deepest, guiltiest desires of her heart. Lilly impatiently looked at her. She can’t lie now. And she has never lied to anybody before too.

“We’re here to watch a movie, right?” Kim said. Deflection! That was all she could think of.

Gerald picking up her clue said, “Guys, why don’t we move over to the den?”

Kim let out a sigh as the two kids ran and disappeared into the basement. All the while, Lilly was following Thomas, the little boy almost proud to be leading a girl around his house. And what a house it was! The ceilings were high and the layout was spacious. The furniture settings were minimal but sufficient. Too manly, Kim observed. The wall decors were strategically positioned, bringing in the much needed splash of color into the house. Being the borderline obsessive-compulsive that she was, Kim immediately thought of how much she loved his place. In her mind, she instantly pictured herself living there. More so, her imagination strayed further and she pictured herself lying in Gerald’s arms, in front of the crackling fire, nothing but a warm blanket enveloping their otherwise bodies....

“Kim...” Gerald cutting off her fantasy. “Let’s go...”

“Oh...okay” she said following Gerald, still blushing from the naughty thought.

Gerald led her to the basement. There, Kim was even more amazed. Their basement alone was almost as big as their decrepit bungalow. On the main wall hang a 56 inch plasma TV. To a side is a bar, which Kim inferred, probably was seldom used. In the middle of the room was a large sectional sofa. At that particular moment, Thomas was jumping up and down the couch. Lilly watched him in glee, wanting to try it herself.

“Tom, stop jumping off the couch!” ordered Gerald.

Kim could not help but laugh at the irony of the situation. “I hope he won’t go around professing his love for somebody, up and down the couch...”

Gerald thought for a minute, internalizing what she said. Then realizing her joke, he sniggered. “I hope he doesn’t find Katie Holmes right away, he’s much too young!”

Kim laughed. The two kids now settled on the carpeted floor.

“Where are the other people?” Kim asked. She was in fact expecting more people to be there. His parents, siblings...anybody.

“It’s just me and Tommy most of the time. My parents live in the states with my brother. Once in a while they visit, but it’s mostly me and Thomas...and the maids of course.”

“It's a very big house...yet there's just the two of you?” Kim was amazed. “How many rooms are in here?”

“Six bedrooms, four full baths...” Gerald said, putting on a dvd on the device.

“Wow, such a waste of space!” Kim said inwardly.

“I designed it...” Gerald boasted. “I’ve always wanted more people in the house, that’s why we always try to get company whenever we can. It’s quite boring if it’s just me and Tommy.”

“You must have brought a lot of women here then?” Kim mused.

“You wish!” Gerald said. “Actually not a lot of people are allowed in the basement. IT’s our secret sanctuary...only special people are allowed down here.

Kim blushed at Gerald’s subtle hint.

“Can we start the movie now?” Thomas said impatiently.

“Okay, okay...” Gerald winked at Thomas. “Thomas, reminder...okay? What is it again that I always tell you if two grown ups are talking...”

“Don’t listen in...” he answered.

“And what else did I say about Daddy and another girl talking?” Gerald added.

“Don’t in...” Thomas groaned.

Kim almost choked laughing. Thomas naughty grin was just too precious. Gerald laughed too. Lilly just looked on Kim. She can see the words, “You can’t say “”, right?”

Kim motioned her to let it go, which she caught on and focused herself on the opening credits of the film playing up. Both Thomas and her lay on their stomachs, munching on a bowl of popcorn Kim assumed was already there.

“See, he’s so well trained.” Gerald marvelled.

“I can see that,” Kim observed. “I’m starting to doubt now what you said yesterday!”

“Which one?”

“The one wherein you said you are not using your son to score on women...” Kim answered. “He does take on after you, skirt-chasing wise...”

“Oh no, no....not in that department.” Gerald said, settling himself on the middle of the sofa. “I got smooth moves of my own...”

“Shhhh....” Thomas hushed them as the movie started.

Kim thought of where to sit. She could always sit on the far end, as far away from him as possible. She started to walk over to the left section.

Gerald, seeing where Kim intended to sit, motioned her to sit beside him. “Here, this is the best view in the house.”

How could she complain against that?

She sat on the couch gingerly, next to him. But the couch being so soft, it brought her even closer to him than what she intended. There was just a throw pillow in between them but Kim could swear she could almost feel his heart beat, or so she imagined.

The movie played on and on. Kim could almost feel the seconds tick by as she found it hard to concentrate on the movie. They were watching the animated movie, Incredibles and the kids were screaming in delight. Kim however was very aware of his presence. She mused herself by sniffing the luscious scent that emanated from him. It was clean and fragrant, like a baby’s smell.

Gerald too, could not concentrate. Kim’s presence was overwhelming. As their bodies once in a while touch each other, it was as if he was jolted by a thousand volts of electricity. He liked having her close. He never felt like that for anyone...not even his ex-wife.

The movie finished and Gerald played another one. Gerald brought in some snacks and some drinks too. The kids happily munched on scrumptious sandwiches and milk. Kim ate a few, she wasn’t too hungry. She had Gerald for dinner in her mind all night long.

By the end of the second movie the kids fell asleep. They lay on the floor, as peaceful as they can be. Gerald pulled out the tape. He looked at the clock. It was only 9:30. Too early for them to go home, he thought. He didn’t like the notion of Kim leaving one bit. If only she could stay longer...say, forever?

“We’d better go...”Kim suggested.

“No, please not yet.” Gerald pleaded. “I think we have room for one more movie!”

“Okay...” Kim said excitedly, not even thinking about it. “What are we going to watch?” she asked, looking at the sleeping kids.

“I don’t know...”Gerald answered. “Why don’t you choose? I guess it’s visitor’s choice...”

Kim moved towards the right side of the room where there was a cabinet holding an expansive collection of DVD’s. Some of them still neatly covered by the original plastic. She slowly perused the selection, hoping to stumble upon a good title.

Kim looked back briefly on the sleeping boy. She remembered something and she turned to his dad. “Did you know that yesterday, Thomas asked my help...”

“Help with what?” he asked.

“Help with you...”

“What did he say?” Gerald said, smiling back at her.

“He said that you are lonely and depressed by your wife’s passing...he asked my help to make you happy...” Kim confessed.

Gerald grew silent. On his face ran countless emotions. Kim regretted her momentary lack of sensitivity.

“Did you agree?” asked Gerald.

“I guess so...” she answered. “Thomas was too convincing to refuse...”

“So you’re only doing it for Thomas’ sake?” he probed.

Kim didn’t answer. She continued looking at the DVD titles. She could almost swear, she could see him grinning like a four-year-old behind her back.

“So, do you have a secret battle plan?” Gerald asked. “Something mapped out in that cunning mind of yours...”

“Okay, What makes you happy then?” she asked back.

“I’m not going to hand that out to you on a plate!” he challenged her. “ That will be too easy. You have to work for it, miss. You agreed....”

“I’ll ask Thomas...”

“You should do the all the research that you need. I’m open for one on one consultations too...if you like...” Gerald said suggestively.

“Hah! Sounds like a plan...” Kim said sarcastically.

“I’m a very complex man, Kim.” Gerald rambled. “you need a solid plan to make me happy. I’ve been miserable all these years, you gotta do better than that...See Thomas, he’ll be very disappointed if you fail. The feelings of a four-year-old and his miserable dad are on the line here, you see...”

“Are you underestimating my abilities?” Kim answered, her hands on her hips. “Hey, mister, you haven’t even gone through phase one yet! You ain’t seen nothing yet!”

“Phase one?” Gerald wondered.

Kim pulled out a DVD from the shelf. She moved slowly towards the DVD player.

“Phase one of my mission is ...PURGING!” Kim announced.

“Purging? I don’t like the sound of that!” Gerald protested.

“Hey, mister. You agreed to undertake this with me, “ Kim reasoned. “I need to know first what I’m up against. I need to know your emotional capacity...”

“Sounds devious to me...” he answered, smiling wryly. “What is it?”

She smiled naughtily as the screen lit up with the film she chose. The main title came up...

“The Notebook?!” Gerald said incredulously.

“Hey, don’t underestimate the powers of Allie and Noah!” said Kim, happily settling down again beside him.

True enough, by the end of the film, Gerald’s eyes were filled with tears. He obstinately rubbed his eyes, trying to stop them from producing the proof of his weakness.

Kim looked on him with both wonder and regret. “Sorry...I told you...that's why it's called purging.”

“Damn that movie...” he said, smiling at her, still teary-eyed.

Kim shook her head. It looks like she had a ton of work ahead of her. He didn’t lie when he said he was a complex man. Kim can only imagine the work she has to do. But she willingly got herself into it. And she made a promise. She is now in too deep. There is no backing up now. She needs a more complete battle plan, like he suggested.

She looked at her “test subject.” He was coyly assessing her reaction. HE smiled once more, melting Kim’s heart in the process. She asked herself, “Is he worth all the trouble in the world?”

Her heart undeniably and irrevocably said...”YES!”

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will edit later. Enjoy!