Chapter 30

Hwa-Youngs p.o.v.

I can't and I don't want to imagine how much Minhyuk suffers because of me. I feel like a ty person. And I am not the only one. Let me tell you about one afternoon after my physical therapy. When I left the building a boy leaned against the wall. “Are you Hwa-Young?” I grew suspicious immediately. “Depends on who is asking” I said, trying to play cool but at the same time my heart beat as if I just ran a marathon. “That doesn't really matter. All you have to know is that I am a friend of Minhyuk's. Can we talk. Maybe somewhere else?” He asked. At the mentioning of Minhyuk's name I got curious and worried that maybe something bad happened. I pointed at the café on the other side of the road. “Over there?” He nodded in agreement and started walking. “Excuse me.” I said loud enough for him to hear. HE turned around and raised and eyebrow at me. “It would be very kind if you would help me. I can't walk long distances alone.” He looked down, ashamed and started walking towards me. “Sorry. I forgot.” He mumbled, so I had a hard time understanding him. I smiled. “It is okay. I like it when people treat me normal but let's face it. I am pretty wrecked.” He smiled a goofy, true smile. His eyes lit up and shined out of amusement. He looked dashing. He offered me his arm and we linked arms. We walked across the road and sat down in a corner, so we could at least pretend to have a little privacy while talking. Silence. This was all I could hear. Wait no. There was the soft music playing in the background and the buzzing sound of many people talking at the same time. But the silence that came from the boy in the seat across of mine was almost deafening. “Sooooo....” I said. I wanted to know so badly why he was here. If Minhyuk was okay. “What would you like to order?” a waitress asked. We ordered and she smiled and left. “Look, Minhyuk is hurting.” What's wrong? Is there anything I can do? Those questions shot through my mind like bullets but I couldn't say it. No sound escaped my lips. I couldn't make up my mind if it was worse to hear he is awful and I can't do anything or not knowing what's the thing with Minhyuk but the boy didn't give me a chance to decide. “No need for you to look so shocked. He is okay. Well, at least physically. He is hurting on the inside and you are the one to blame for that. Please don't misunderstand. I am not here to accuse you of something. It is just...” He ruffled through his hair. The waitress placed our drinks on our table as quiet as possible. I think she noticed the tensed atmosphere. “Thank you” the boy told the waitress. She nodded, smiled and left. “He is crazy for you. He goes on talking about hours for you. Ever since he really got to know you it became worse. You are the only thing he talks about, even when we prepare for an exam together there will be something to remind him of you. But after you send him the text he crashed and burned. He is a lifeless doll walking around. To be more specific a zombie doll because his exterior clearly shows how he feels. He can't live without you and you are the only one empowered to do something against it. From what he told me about you I like you but the again I never thought you could be so cruel. Fix this.” He stood up, getting ready to leave. “Are you done talking? So you take your things and walk away. I think you owe me to listen to me first.” He looked surprised by my sudden outburst. “Okay then. Talk” he said, while sitting down again. I pulled up my sleeve. A bracelet with a golden uniform button was attached to it. “It has been a month since I send the message and it has been three weeks since I started wearing the button. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Whenever someone said that to me I snorted or rolled my eyes. But when Minhyuk respected my wish and kept his distance I realized. It is true. I missed him badly everyday. No scratch that, with every breath I take I miss him. I want him by my side, tell him what I have been up to, look at him whenever I feel like doing so. But I can't. Cancer is not a disease which magically disappears just because you ask it nicely to leave you alone. I could fall sick again every minute. I don't want to put Minhyuk through this. Because it would be hell for him. And I couldn't stand seeing him like that. I knew he would be hurt but I never imagined he'd be hurt so badly, if I had know I would never have done it. But that is all in the past. I send it and there is nothing I can do about it. But mostly I just don't think I deserve him. He deserves someone better, someone who is out of this world.” I sighed. That was all I had to say. I poured all the emotions I held in for three weeks out to a complete stranger. I saw sympathy in the boy's eyes. “At one point where you got chemotherapy and all that it wasn't sure if you will survive, so he took a picture of you. Only to have something where he can see you. Your hair looks like the hackly fur of a newborn duckling, your skin is pale and you look ill. When we meet he kept on stealing glances from his phone. At some point I asked him what he was looking at and he told me exact those words while showing me his display: The most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Did you know that Hwa-Young means everlasting beauty? It is true. That is what he told me. He really really loves you. You are the one who can bring back his happiness and I beg you to do so. I can't stand seeing my friend going through such hardships only because of a girl.” He took a sip of his drink and so did I. In silence we finished our drinks. “I would like to pay.” I said and I took tentative steps towards the counter. I didn't want to wait till the waitress comes. I wanted to do something and I had to get some distance. Away from the boy and the things he told me just now. Otherwise I would have lost it. Probably I would be a mess, sitting on the floor crying my heart out. After I paid I went back to get my belongings. The boy was gone. Very polite. I sat down for a moment to make sure I had enough strength to walk till the Bus stop. I asked my mum if it was okay if I started taking the bus. I couldn't depend on her all the time. After taking a deep breath I stood up and slowly walked towards the exit. Somebody I opened the door for me and I looked up, it was the boy again. “Should I drop you off somewhere?” he asked. I thought about his offer for a moment, then I smiled and nodded.

He dropped me off one block away from my house, just like I asked him to. I had to practise walking. When I finally made it to my house I felt as if I was dying right there on the spot. With the last amount of my strength I walked to my room and threw myself onto my bed. I was tired enough to fall asleep that instance but I couldn't because the only thing I could think of was the story the boy told me.

That afternoon happened two month ago.