Chapter 18

The whole Sunday I was laying in bed watching films, dramas or reading a book. I did nothing. And believe me I really needed such a relaxing day. It was medicine for my soul. Once in a while I just needed a day just for myself. In the evening I convinced my family that we haven't played and games in ages and just like that I made them play all kind of games with me. I think everyone enjoyed it (although my sister said she hated it. But she smiled way too much for hatred). When we decided to call it a day it was 10 p.m. Already but since I haven't done anything the whole day I wasn't tired one bit. I didn't want to lay around doing nothing. I decided to call one if my friends. Bom? She was like the big sister I never had. She was easy-going and protective over her friends. She was dependant and you need a “rock” in your life. A person who will catch you if you fall. Imagine you are climbing on a climbing wall and you loose your grip. There is always one person who secures the rope you are hanging on. They catch you if you fall and make sure nothing bad happens to you. Bom is this person for me. But right now she wasn't the person I desired to speak to. I scrolled through my phone. There it was. Myungsoo aka L <3. I stared at the name. Today I didn't think about him again. Not once. I clicked on editing and erased the heart behind his name. As long as I am not sure what I feel for him I didn't want to have the heart there. It would only remind me of loving him. I didn't want to love him out of a habit. He doesn't deserve that. I loved him as my best friend. I don't know if it was more than friendship and he deserves someone who truly loves him. I wish the best for him from the bottom of my heart. But before this gets too corny I stop now. I stood up and looked through my books on my shelf. I looked at the section where I placed the books I wanted to read but didn't had time so far. I walked down the books four-times before realizing that I was indecisive. I gave up trying to find THE book and randomly grabbed on. The unbecoming of Mara Dyer (BTW awesome book. Started reading it ;) ). I laid back down opening the first page. Within a few minutes the book had captured me and I couldn't tear my eyes away from the book. The next time I looked at my alarm clock it was 3 a.m. ! I have roughly three hours before my alarm goes off. I put away my book and turned off my light. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was fast asleep.

When my alarm clock woke me up I felt like I slept for merely an hour. It was like somebody else was living my life and doing those things for me. It was as if I was watching my life from the outside. I felt lifeless and dead. I walked into the kitchen. “You look like a zombie!” my sister stated the obvious. On my way out of the door I felt so tired that I can't even take one more step. With my last strength I went down halfway of the corridor. Then everything went black. I fainted. When I woke up I still felt tired. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was concern written all over my mothers face. “I already called your school and told them you wouldn't attend class today. Do you know how much you worried me when I heard you breaking down. Do you want to go for a check-up to the hospital?” my mum kept on talking. I smiled slightly. “I am fine I just slept too little and are dead-tired. Nothing wrong with me, okay?” She looked at me sceptically but didn't volley back. The feeling of gratitude overcame me as I fell back in the dreary state of unconsciousness. The whole day my mum kept on nursing me. She fed me porridge and brought me everything I wanted. Like this my whole day passed by. I spend a lot of time with my mother and we started to get closer. I was glad because I missed her quite a lot. I know this sounds weird but let me explain. When I gone through puberty I secluded myself from my family. I even wanted to runaway once or twice. Slowly mum and I are getting closer again and I enjoy that. I know it is normal that you distance yourself from your parent in puberty but afterwards it is quite hard to accept you cast them out.

* * * * *

The next morning I felt better and started doing my usual routine. Strange, my body was blotched with bruises. It was probably from playing around with the kids in the park on Saturday. Why didn't I notice them earlier? I shrugged and proceeded towards the kitchen. “Good morning. Are you feeling better today?” my mum asked, her voice full of concern and anxiety. I smiled reassuringly and nodded. “Good. But I'd like you to stay at home for today. Just to be sure you are okay.” my mum told me. Her voice made it very clear that a didn't have any right to object. “Whatever you wish for.” I sighed in defeat “but at least let me help you a little. I don't want to feel completely useless.” Judging from the look in her eyes she was going to give in. “But don't overdo it” my mum warned. I smiled brightly and smiled at her. “I will prepare Hee-Young's breakfast.” I exclaimed, eager to have something to do.

I helped washing laundry and cleaning the house until 12 o'clock. But between every activity I had to rest for a little because it was so tiring. After cleaning the living room I put away the vacuum cleaner and went to the kitchen. My mum was preparing lunch and was currently cutting vegetables. I took a knife and started helping her. After 10 minutes there was only one last piece. My mum and I reached out for it at the same time, causing us to look at each other smiling. As soon as her eyes landed on my face she let out a shocked scream. That caught me off-guard and I dropped the knife I was holding in my hand. While falling the knife cut into my palm. Blood started flowing pretty fast and my wound wouldn't stop bleeding.