Chapter 15

I woke up feeling the coldness of an empty bed. My eyes shot open. Was last evening a dream? Was it possible that Myungsoo didn't visit? I closed my eyes again. I don't want to wake up like this. I'd rather be fast asleep and dreaming about Myungsoo then. I couldn't fall asleep, so I just laid there with my eyes closed waiting for Myungsoo to materialize out of the void. Unexpectedly I felt someone laying down next to me. It took all my strength not to smile. Feeling his eyes on me I tried my hardest to convince him that I am asleep. I just wanted to see his reaction. I soon felt him stop staring at me, so I decided to 'wake up' just in case my feeling failed me and he was still staring at me. I think I looked quite realistic. Unfortunately nobody got to see my acting skills because now Myungsoo had his eyes closed. I think he pretended to be asleep. I studied his face and noticed his wet hair. So when I woke up he was showering. Good to know I am not insane! Noticing that Myungsoo shifted I closed my eyes again. Myungsoo chuckled. I could hear it. And once again I was attracted to his voice. He should really stop messing with my head I can't cope like this. My feelings are this close to exploding but I can't tell him. He doesn't feel the same way about me and as long as he doesn't he absolutely can't know that I like him in a way that is way more than friendship. Sometimes it is actually quite shocking to see how much I care for him and sometimes it even scares me. Do you know that feeling? Being shocked and scared about the depth of your own emotions? And why is it always so easy to give a friends an advise if they have problems but you can't hold your own life together? And I know that those are stupid teenage problems. So what will happen if your are released in the world and you are all by yourself and every single problem has to be solved by yourself? If I think about this things I just want to hide under my bed/table/... and never come out again. Maybe I am a second peter pan and won't have to grow up? But I would miss out on so much! I am torn once again. It seems that wherever you look there are always choices and those choices define you but everyone of them makes you sacrifice something. You can never have it all. “I know you are not asleep” Myungsoo said, jerking me back into reality. The clever thing about this statement is that if I had been asleep I wouldn't have heard it and hence nobody ever knows. Pretty clever. Typical for Myungsoo. Since I didn't know if he actually knows or if he is trying to coax me out of my shell. I decided to just keep my eyes shut. I regretted this decision because Myungsoo tickled me like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't stop laughing, I wasn't even able to defend myself, so all that was left to do was trying to get away. I tried getting to the end of the bed but Myungsoo pulled me back. “You didn't actually think I would let you go just like this, did you?” he smirked. I tried to answer but I couldn't because I was laughing so hard. My sister came to my rescue when she was barging into my room to tell us that we could eat breakfast now. I hurried after my sister because luckily Myungsoo released me after my sister left. I have to make sure to thank Hee-Young for that later. When I came into the kitchen I said good morning. Afterwards I looked at my family. My mum had a wide smirk on herb face and my sister was smiling as well. Okay, something was fishy. The only one acting normal was my father. He was working. Okay, maybe he doesn't count because he isn't home but it is still an normal act. I sat down, so I was facing my sis. Myungsoo entered the kitchen. “Good morning” he said. Even he was smiling. Did I miss something? Maybe. I don't care. My Oppa is here and that's all that counts for now. I started smiling as well. But I still noticed that my mum elbowed my sis as a response Hee-Young rolled her eyes but she elbowed mum back anyway. I pretended that I didn't notice but I made a mental note to ask them what this was all about. “Enjoy your meal” my mum chirped. “You too” I answered trying to imitate her voice. She gave me a confused look and shook her head, while I tried to stiffen my laughter. I gave a reassuring smile and started eating. Little did I notice that Myungsoo was watching me with a very tender smile stretched across his face. But even if I didn't see his reaction it didn't go by unnoticed. My bubbly little sister actually caught his reaction and was now smiling to herself, thinking what a perfect match her big sister and Myungsoo would make. Suddenly a phone started talking. No kidding a cute baby voice announced that the owner of the phone just got a message. My guess is it was my sister's phone. I was right. She smiled apologetic and pulled out her phone and started typing away. I looked at her in disbelieve. Phone at the table was she insane? My mum will surely freak out. The smile slowly yielded a disapproving frown. Uh-oh. I didn't want my lilsis to get into trouble, especially if I was in a good mood which would be ruined pretty much the second my sis and my mum start bickering. “Don't tell me it slipped your mind that there are no cellphones at the table.” I said it in a bright voice but I didn't miss the chance to give her a meaningful glance to tell her to put it away. She looked at me, at my mum then back at me. With a sigh she put her phone away. “It was very urgent!” she complained. I could only smile at her compunctious face. I continued munching my toast. She can be pretty annoying at times but I truly adore my little sister. I sometimes wish that this whole puberty thing would stop because it isn't hard to see that she is slipping away from me and I don't want that. I want my cute little sister back who wants to play with dolls with me. I liked those times and I honestly miss them. Having someone who understands me doesn't sound as bad either. But my sis is still far from understanding me although she makes an effort and thinks she is quite good in understanding me. Little does she know... However I like it the way it is. We finished our breakfast in a comfortable silence with everyone absorbed in their own little world.

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I know it has been a while... But I was pretty busy. Good news is a have a little free time the following week, so I hope  be able to update daily.

Thanks for bearing with me.

And happy birthday Lotta (a friend of mine who reads the story) ;)