Chapter 29

Minhyuk's p.o.v.

When my mobile beeped I didn't know that I would regret reading the message. I was happy because I thought it could be Youngie telling me to meet her. I hoped that something like that would happen. That I stepped into her room and the first thing I see would be my button on a chain. She would wear it on a necklace. When I saw the message was really from Hwa-Young I smiled but tried to keep my excitement down. I was afraid that the content would hurt me. I clicked open. Minhyuk, I don't want to turn down your confession. You mean too much to me. But I can't accept it either as long as I don't know what I feel for you and I think it wouldn't be fair to do so. I respect you way too much for that. Please stay away for a little so I can take my time figuring out my feelings.

While reading my chest felt like somebody cut me open and tore out my hurt. It hurt. It hurt so badly to hear those things. Especially if you hear those things from the girl you love. I fell for her the moment she started joining the martial arts club. She looked so lost on the second day of practise because Myungsoo, her training partner, was sick and she didn't know anyone. I trained with her that day. She probably doesn't even remember that but I do. This was also the lesson I noticed that my heart beat rapidly around her and I got nervous when she was close to me. Her problem at that time was that she didn't like having too much skinship with people which is a clear disadvantage while fighting. But I was selfish. Although I knew her skinship issue I wanted her to join the fighting competition, so I discussed that with the guy who was the vice-president at that time. He agreed. Unfortunately Myungsoo heard our discussion and said that he will join but Hwa-Young won't and we shouldn't even bother asking her. This guy was clearly a little too bossy. It was not his decision. At that time I wanted to tell him off but I didn't because my vice-president held me back. I kept a low-profile and only admired her from afar. But then we practised again one year later, she felt comfortable around me and I took the chance. I asked her to marry me. Okay, kidding. But I was as nervous as I imagine people before they propose. I asked her to train with me. I didn't care that I was perfectly in shape. And my heartbeat accelerated when she agreed. She was so cute, when she was totally worn out after practise but didn't want to admit it. I liked how her cheeks were flushed after running to the practise room. I enjoyed that she ditched Myungsoo for me. All those little thing made me happy. I was keen on doing the sophomore-junior project after hearing about it. She accepted me again. She got comfortable around me and I loved it. But then she fell sick. I was crushed when I heard about it. I didn't know what to do. I spend every afternoon at the hospital with my grandmother because she has a bad heart. She was hospitalized when I was a sophomore due to a bad heart condition. It was unlikely for her to be discharged. But my parents were adolescents when they got me and didn't want the responsibility for a baby, so my granny took me in. I never met my parent but I never cared because the only person I needed was granny. Until she came along and turned my world upside down. I was addicted and she was my drug. At the competition I was close to losing but the mere thought of her gave me the strength to win and then I heard this girl saying things like Hwa-Young doesn't deserve me and I grew pissed. Like really pissed but when I opened my eyes and saw who the girl was I felt utterly happy. I didn't need anything but her in that moment. I never left her side during her disease. Graduation wouldn't have meant anything if she and granny hadn't been there to witness it. It took all my courage to give her my second button. I appreciated her present because it showed that she cared about me. And now this message. I didn't want her to pretend to be in love with me. I wanted her to like me as much as I liked her. One message crushed all my hope. One message made me feel like my heart has been ripped out ans somebody stomped on it. And she was the only one who had the power to do that to me. She broke my heart. I only stared at the screen with a blank face. Then I felt the hot boiling anger and threw my phone across the room. And then I started sobbing uncontrollably. Why do you do this to me?