Title : Insecurities

Characters: Donghae x OC

Prompt : image used here. It's from the manga hana kun to koisuru watashi.

Genre: Angst, Romance.

She looked at herself in the mirror. What was she to the world? The average citizen. Maybe not even that.

She wasn't incredibly smart or talented neither was she beautiful. An overall B grader all her life with an occasional A grade which was sheer luck. She sang, but not well enough, she studied but not hard enough, she tried and tried but never succeeded.

Her tangled curls fell over her shoulders and puffed out due to all the frizz jarring the maybe pretty curls. Her face was "charcoal black" as all the ladies in the parlour said due to sun exposure. Large glasses perched on a flat nose above discoloured lips that pursed with dissatisfaction.

Her arms were flabby and fingers wide and manly, she didn't have much of a chest, let alone a flat stomach. No, in fact her stomach expanded and contracted much like a baby's every time she ate much to her disappointment.

Her legs and were marred with stretch marks and she couldn't bear to look at the calf muscles she had built over the years. Large, menacing,manly. She was anything but ideal with her bossy nagging nature and her stubborn will.

She wasn't easy, but neither was she hard to get. Everything about her just made people not want to try.

What would make Donghae want to?

Tears welled up in her eyes as she turned away from the mirror. She always had conflicting thoughts, she had always believed that she didn't need someone else's approval, that she had great self esteem. But there were days that she felt quite the opposite and every time Donghae told her she was the closest thing he had to a baby sister, she doubted herself.

But every time she was around him, she felt like she was perfect and special.

Because Donghae made her feel that way.

She still felt insufficient. She wasn't worth him either way when he was so talented and perfect in so many ways and she was plain.

Much too plain for him.

That was when the first tears began to make their way down her cheeks. Warm and salty, they trailed the contours of her face before hanging on to her chin,  suspended in space before staining the fabric of her tshirt. Her chapped lips opened to release no sound as she stared helplessly at the ground.

She felt miserable as she threw herself onto her bed, burying her head into the pillow to muffle the sobs she knew would escape . Treacherous tears that showed the world of her weakness,  letting it show that everything it said affected her.

She was too weak.

"I'm glad you live near the airport, it's nice to see a friendly face when I get back from tour," His voice drifted into her ears as she buried her head further into the pillow, willing herself not to cry "you do realise it's not safe to leave your door open while you sleep. Be glad its me." He chuckled, clambering in next to her and poking her side.

She squirmed as he continued poking her side, knowing he would wake her up by tickling her. The tears wouldn't stop however much she told herself to stop. One final attack on Donghae's part made her head shoot up in frustration as the wide smile on Donghae's face faded and completely died as he watched the dark kohl smudging around her eyes as tears glistened in them. A whisper of her name escaped his lips as she tried to hide her tears with shaking hands and bleary eyes.

"I'm fine," She said, not waiting for the question to come; wiping the tears off with the heel of her hand "I'm fine." She said, even though she was in agony.

"You're not." He whispered,  crawling closer to her as she backed away, tears still threatening to flood, as she tried to dam them by shutting her eyes.

He was warm like sunshine when he pulled her into his arms. She willngly fell into them because for a few deluded seconds, things would be perfect.

Because reality was harsh.

Because sunshines are replaced by dark nights.

Because love can be onesided.

"Do you want to tell me?" He murmured into her bird's nest hair and ran a soothing arm down her back as she sobbed into his chest and clung onto him like he would disappear. She shook her head. She didn't want him to see her weak.

"You can tell me anything, you know that," he crooned, rocking her in his arms, not caring if his shirt was wet with her tears "you know I love you." His voice was like a lost melody, it always filled her heart up. But when he uttered these words she froze in his arms,  struggling to pull away as he refused to let go like a petulant child.

"Please, I'm not worth it." She struggled, he was much too perfect. He deserved angels and she definitely wasn't one. No, she was too flawed.

"What on earth do you mean by that?" His pitch dropped dangerously. She looked up at him to see his eyes reflecting her sadness.

"I'm too flawed...I'm not beautiful,  I'm not smart, I'm not talented, I'm not ideal and yet I'm in love with you and I know I shouldn't be." Her eyes dropped as she tried to shift away. The emotions within her spun and churned as the lump in swelled up and her heart pulled painfully. He hadn't responded, of course the dream of sunshine and melodies couldn't last that long.

No, the dream had ended. He would get up, wish her luck, and be on his way. More pain. More tears.

His arms wound around her waist as her forehead bumped into his chest. He was still the living breathing walking sunshine that she loved, she revelled in the sensation, knowing it would be the last time she would ever feel it as the salty liquid dripped on to her lap.

"If you don't stop crying, I won't be able to kiss you."

She froze the second she heard those words. Her head jolted up and her eyes met his. They bored down into her very soul as his grip around her waist tightened. He pressed a chaste kiss in her forehead.

"You're blessed with intelligence that makes me wonder where on earth you get such ideas. You're not bound by bookish knowledge. You're beyond that. Your creativity makes a world one can only dream of being in."

His hands grasped hers as he pressed a warm kiss on both her palms. "You draw, you paint, you create and share with these hands. I love these hands because they hold me when I'm down and still do even when I'm not. So don't tell me your hands are not talented."

His eyes drank in her tear stained face tinted with a blush as he leaned closer to whisper.
"You don't conform to everybody's ideals. These curls,  they're as complex a personality as yours is, but each curl ia beautiful because its unique. Your arms are long and warms and I could lie in them forever. Your smile lights up people's hearts. You are you; and you are beautiful. So don't tell me you aren't ideal. You're ideal and beyond to me, which is why I love you."

He bridged the gap between their lips as a gasp escaped hers. Her eyes slid shut as her hands clung at his shirt,  crinkling it. His cupped her cheek as the other, which wound around her waist caressed the small of her back as liquid sunshine flowed through her veins, and blurred her vision with coloured spots. He held her like she was fragile, glad, he had done what he had dreamt of doing for years.

And this time, there were no clouds to overshadow the endless sunshine.