My father was a bastard. I knew that before I even knew what the word meant.

He quickly grew bored of things. He was very interested in a beautiful woman he met at a restaurant, and he married her. She lived with him for five years, and gave birth to his first child -- me. Kim Aeyoung. When he became bored, he divorced her and took me away.

When I turned five, he left my mother, the kindest woman I knew. A woman who tried so hard to be loving and sweet and gentle to everyone, even if she lived in a filthy, rundown neighbourhood right in the middle of the red light district, where prostitues walk down the streets and drugs were sold at every corner. A place so bad the police didn't even bother trying to control it anymore.

I remember crying when he grabbed my hand and pulled me away from my mother.

"Where are we going? Why isn't mommy coming with us?" I remember crying to him.

"She's not your mommy anymore. I'll find you a new mommy. A better mommy."

He married another woman when I was six, this one not so kind and loving. A drug dealer. They already had a child together, who was only two years younger than me. Even before I knew what the words meant, I knew that my father was cheating on my mother before their actual divorce.

I was prepared to hate my four-year-old half-sister, Kim Aecha. Hate her for being the devil spawn of my bastard father and new, druggie mother.

But the second I saw her, I loved her. She looked like me. She had my slender face, my dark eyes, my little nose. She had my lips, my eyebrows. I loved her the moment our eyes met. 

She loved me too. She cried whenever I left the room. She tagged along behind me like a baby chick, holding my hand or clutching the back of my shirt. She cried when she had to leave me.

**********************************

When I turned eight and Aecha was barely six, our father got into a huge fight with our 'mother'. A huge fight. We could hear plates crashing and non-stop screaming from downstairs. We were hiding underneath our bedcovers, shivering and trying to block out the noises with little success.

Aecha was silently crying, hiccuping every once in a while. I gently wiped away her tears.

"Don't cry, Aecha. It's okay. Unnie's here, unnie will protect you. Nothing will happen to you while unnie is here, okay?"

Aecha nodded and held out her pinkie. "You promise? You'll always be there for me?"

I smiled and linked pinkies with her. "Promise. I'll always be there for you, Aecha. Forever and always."

***************************************

I loved my sister.

Kim Aeyoung was the only thing that mattered to me.

I hated living with our father, who cared about us only to the extent of letting us live in his house.

I hated the women who came and go. Sometimes he married them, sometimes he dated them. Sometimes they were just one-night stands.

But he always grew tired of them in the end.

I often wondered what he would do if he ever grew tired of us.

Would we be kicked out onto the streets like he did to so many women before?

Aeyoung told me not to think that.

"He wouldn't dare," she told me. "I wouldn't let him. And don't worry, when you turn 18, we'll both be legal adults. We can leave him. We can go live on our own."

"Do you really mean it, unnie?" I asked her, my heart swelling with hope.

"Promise." She held out her pinkie. "Forever."

I entertwined my pinkie with hers. "Always."

******************************************

He married a new woman, this one a bubbly lady with an oversized bust who worked in a hostess club. I didn't like her at all. Aecha didn't either.

"Aren't you two so adorable?" She cooed, pinching our cheeks with her sharp, long fingernails. "Such cutie-pies!" She turned to Aecha. "Can you call me mommy?"

Aecha scowled. She was already seven and clearly didn't appreciate being treated like a baby. She defiantly slipped her hand into mine and said, "She is my mommy."

The new woman frowned in puzzlement. "But she's your sister. She can't be both your sister AND your mother."

"Yes she can!" Aecha said, holding my hand tightly. "She's the only one who's ever been there for me. She is my only sister, my only mother, my only everything. I love no one else but unnie."

Aecha pulled me out of the room. Before leaving, I turned back to the shocked woman and smirked. "Do you wanna bet?"

"Bet?" She repeated cluelessly.

"How long you'll last. If you are into weird , you might last longer than the last one. I'd say two, maybe three years tops."

Then, smirking at the sight of her shocked face, we burst into laughter and ran upstairs to our room.

************************

When Aecha turned eleven, I felt like she must have gotten puberty early or something, because she was suddenly interested in kpop, clothes, makeup, and boys. Especially boys.

"Unnie, unnie!" She giggled. "You know that boy in your class? The hot one?"

"Which one?" I asked as I flipped through my textbook.

"There's only one hot guy in your class. Can you see if he likes younger girls? Can you? Can you?"

I sighed and laughed. "Aecha, I don't think a thirteen-year-old will consider going out with an eleven-year-old. Why don't you wait a bit until you're a bit older to try out this whole dating business, okay?"

Aecha pouted and leaned her head against my shoulder. "Fine, fine. Just because it's you, unnie."

I held out my pinkie to her. "Forever?"

She smiled softly and laced her pinkie through mine. "Always."

*******************************************************

"Aecha, what are you thinking, hanging out with that guy?" I shouted at her.

"There's nothing wrong with having a bit of fun!" She said defensively.

"He's a gangster, Aecha! He does drugs, I can SMELL it off of him! Do you seriously want to date a guy like him?"

Aecha looked almost in tears. "You can't tell me who I can or cannot date, unnie!"

That was the first time she ever screamed at me or directly disobeyed anything I told her.

I sighed and lowered my voice. "I just........think you deserve better than a guy like that. "

Aecha looked crushed. She immediately ran towards me and hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, unnie. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

***************************************

Aecha fell desperately in love with a boy in my class.

I didn't even get how that happened. She spoke barely two words to him a day, and besides, she was too young to understand what real love is. She was only twelve, for god's sakes.

"Ugh, just get over him already, Aecha!" I groaned, after yet another super-long discussion about how cute he is or how long his eyelashes were.

"You wouldn't understand, unnie!" Aecha sniffed. She had taken to wearing short, tight clothes. I didn't like this new look on her at all. Eyeshadow glittered on her lids, and her lips were a bright fuschia colour. I thought she was much more beautiful in her normal self, not when she tried to dress so flashy. But she refused to listen whenever I told her.

*******************************************************

The boy asked me out.

I was completely stunned. Nobody had ever asked me out before, not on a date. Nobody's ever LIKED me before. Sure, I was friends with just about everyone, but I was never in a romantic relationship before.

I knew I should have refused. I knew my sister liked him. I should have said no.

But I was shocked, flattered, and curious.

And I said yes.

*****************************************************

I hated her.

I hated my sister.

How could she?

How could Aeyoung go out with him when I already told her how I felt about him?

I hated her.

I wanted revenge.

She always got everything. She had a beautiful face, a y body, a nice laugh, an even nicer smile. Everyone wanted to be her friend. Guys threw themselves over each other to be near her. She just never noticed.

Out of all the guys she had to date, why him? Why him?

I wanted revenge.

I wanted to see her suffer for her choice. I saw my father do it before, I saw the women he dated, I heard what they did for revenge.

I wanted to try it too.

*************************************************************

"Aecha? What's wrong?" I asked, confused. Aecha barely talked to me ever since she found out I was dating that guy.

Honestly, dating is not all it's hyped up to be. We were only fourteen, so the most we ever did was hold hands and eat lunch together. To be honest, it was boring, dating him. He always wanted to try things like kissing and , but I never let him. I didn't even like him as much as I thought I did. I had half a mind to break up with him.

"Unnie! Help me, please! Help me! Unnie!" Aecha wailed desperately into my cell phone. "They got me, they have me in the warehouse behind the Hysteria Club! Please, help me, unnie! Please!"

I jumped to my feet. "Don't worry, Aecha. I'm coming! Hold on!"

I shoved my shoes on and took off running. I felt anger boiling all over me.

Gangsters took my sister. I didn't care if I was only fourteen. I didn't care if they had weapons. I didn't care if I was clueless about any sort of martial arts. I didn't care if they killed me, but if they so much as gave her a bruise, I will kill them.

I found the warehouse and wrenched open the door. "Aecha!" I yelled out. "Aecha!"

I heard someone step up behind me, but then a baseball bat collided with my head.

Blood trickled down my forehead, and I could feel hands grabbing me, pulling my hair, hitting my stomach. They were laughing.

"Such a clueless !"

"So, all we have to do is beat the out of her?"

"That's what the chick said."

I struggled and fought back. "What did you do to my sister?" I yelled through a mouthful of blood.

They laughed even harder. "Your sister is the one who hired us!"

"No...." I gasped. I couldn't believe it. Aecha? Why? Why would she do this? Was this revenge?

I grew angry. I fought back even more. I managed to punch one in the stomach and kick one in the balls.

"What's with this ?"

I lunged at him, scratching and punching and kicking every bit of him I could find. He was yelling in pain and anger.

"This --"

I felt something sharp slice through my cheek. Blood splatter the ground. I slowly collapsed to my knees.

"Ah....." I managed to say, before falling to the ground. I heard someone screaming, but I was quickly losing consciousness.........

***************************

I hired gangsters to beat her up.

I didn't mean for it to go this far.

All I wanted was to make her look ugly enough that he would break up with her.

I stared in horror as one of them took out a knife and gouged a deep cut into her cheek. I screamed.

"UNNIE!!!"

I pushed him aside and ran to her. "Unnie!!!"

I turned to him. "WHAT DID YOU DO?? I NEVER TOLD YOU TO DO THIS!!!"

"It was ing self-defense, the was attacking me!" The guy said angrily.

"IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GET YOUR MONEY, THINK AGAIN! BEAT IT BEFORE I CALL THE COPS ON YOU!!!"

The gangsters shot me dirty looks, but left.

I grabbed my cell phone and phoned 119. I stared in horror at what I did to my own sister. To my Aeyoung.

It was all my fault.

All my fault.

"It's not....." I whispered tearfully, tears falling down my cheeks. "Not my fault. It's not my fault."

I felt all sense of reality disappear. I began to laugh, breathless and shaky.

"Not my fault.....ha ha.....she deserved it, she's a boyfriend-stealing, ugly ."

All my fault.

"Ha......it's not my fault. She deserved it."

All my fault.

"She's not even my sister, really."

All my fault.

"What does it matter to me if she gets hurt? What does it matter to me if she cries?"

All my fault.

"I hate her, anyway. I've never considered her my sister."

I knew I was acting delusional. It was like I went insane. All I could do was repeat to myself, it wasn't my fault.

And, by the time Aeyoung managed to get out of the hospital, I had already convinced myself I never once loved Aeyoung.

All memories of the eight years we spent together was gone, replaced with figments of my imagination.

The only thing I was sure of now, was that it wasn't my fault.

And it became my life mission to make her as miserable as possible.

***************************************

When I left the hospital, I had a great, big, ugly, vivid red scar across my face.

Suddenly, everyone avoided me. He broke up with me. Nobody talked to me anymore.

Any guy I ever liked in middle school and junior high had the decency to talk back to me. I became close with a few of those boys. It could have worked out.

But every single time, Aecha, in all her tight, revealing clothes and makeup glory, would appear and steal him away. And every time she dated him, she dumped him almost immediately afterwards.

"Why do you do this to me?" I once yelled at her through my tears. "Why are you doing this to me, Aecha?"

She had an odd, blank look in her face as she stared at me coldly.

"Because it's all your fault," she said. "Because you're so ugly. It's not my fault you have such a hideous, ugly face and a hideous, ugly scar. Everyone hates you. No one loves you. NO ONE!!!"

I hid in my room, sobbing and crying. Aecha was still yelling insults at me through the closed door, sounding a bit insane and -- if possible -- desperate, as though she was trying to believe those words herself.

"NO ONE LOVES YOU!!! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE!!! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! YOU WILL BE FRIENDLESS, BOYFRIENDLESS, MISERABLE, AND ALONE, FOREVER!!!"

"And always," I whispered to myself.

*****************************************************************

It will continue into part 2 :)