Title: 9 points

I do like the implication of everlasting love that your title brings, and I feel like you did a pretty good job of linking your title to your story.  However, your fanfic is more of an angst fanfic, and “Petals of Eternity” gives off a wistful romantic vibe.

Description: 10 points

The poem you have in the description is nice, but it does not really relate to your story.  Perhaps a one-two sentence summary or a short excerpt from your fanfiction would be better suited for your description than the poem. 

Foreword: 9 points

The foreword does a decent job of introducing the readers to the story.  The way you phrase some of the lines in the poem makes it slightly difficult to understand, but I do love the meaning behind the poem.  When using punctuation in poetry, however, treat it as you would treat regular sentences in a paragraph. 

Presentation: 14 points

You could probably get rid of the Myungsoo and Suzy .gifs and get a poster instead. 

Spelling & Grammar: 10 points

Spelling seems consistent throughout your fanfic, which is good.  Your grammar needs a little work:

You don’t use your semicolon properly.  Semicolons link two independent thoughts together.  For example:

I went to the store; there were lots of Christmas decorations.

You can also use a comma to join these two thoughts, but you must join the two with and, but, or, so, or yet:

I went to the store, and there were lots of Christmas decorations.

In your fanfic, you write:

Original: “They waited for their turn; but Suzy was rather impatient.”
Correction: “They waited for their turn, but Suzy was rather impatient.”
Explanation: When using a semicolon, you do not need the word “but”.  In this case, using a comma would be better.

I hope that my explanation of commas vs. semicolons made sense!  I’m not the best at explaining things.  For a more detailed grammar analysis, you might want to find a beta reader who can explain things in a better way.

Style: 18 points

Diction: Your vocabulary is consistent.  However, some words, such as “confabulate” seem out of place within your story.  I would avoid a thesaurus and stick to words that you know.

Syntax: You do a good job with varying your sentence structures, which helps enhance the flow of the story.

Imagery: I feel like you focus on describing things that are not central to the story.  Other times, I wished that you would’ve spent more time describing the scene.  One scene I think you could add more detail to is when Suzy first bursts into Myungsoo’s hospital room and sees him for the first time.  You say that he looks “frail”, but can you go into more detail? 

Dialogue: You can work on making your dialogue more natural.  When Myungsoo says “I don’t bite, dear” in the first chapter, he sounds more like an older woman than a teenage boy.  Also, when he says “I could use a companion” instead of something along the lines of “I could use someone to talk to”, he sounds like an elderly person rather than his age.

Flow: 17 points

I thought that the pacing near the ending became too fast for the pace you had set up for yourself.  Maybe you could consider making the ending feel less rushed?

Characterization: 10 points

Myungsoo: Out of the two of them, Myungsoo is supposed to be the more mature one.  You portray Myungsoo as the typical “bad boy is actually really nice once you get to know him” stereotype, which isn’t bad, but I wish that you’d gone a little farther.  Myungsoo seems childish, especially when he asks “why fate is being so mean” in his letter.  Also, he does not even scold Suzy for jumping to her death; instead, he welcomes Suzy with open arms.

Suzy: Suzy actions are even more childish than Myungsoo’s.  “I will follow you wherever you go” implies that she cannot live without Myungsoo.  Near the end of the fanfic, she gives off a Bella Swan sort of vibe; Bella, who can’t live without her Edward, jumps off a cliff in hopes that she might be able to see the illusion of him again.  Likewise, in your fanfic, Suzy kills herself just so that she may end up with Myungsoo again. 

Another couple that the Myungsoo-Suzy dynamic reminds me of is Romeo and Juliet, though I won’t go into detail about that.

To make your characters stronger, I would change the ending of your fanfic.  Instead of letting your characters fall, help them develop.  Make Suzy realize that Myungsoo will always be an important part of her life, but that she can move on because she is strong.  You mention that Suzy describes herself as a coward, so why not use Myungsoo’s death as an opportunity for her to grow as a person instead of following Myungsoo blindly into death?

Plot: 40 points

Believability: Your characters make the story less believable than it should be.  Your facts, for the most part, seem to be right, which is crucial if the main character has a disease.

Originality: Your plot is common, though I do love how you included the concept of rose-giving.

Consistency: The fanfic was consistent up until the ending, where I felt like you could’ve taken things a different way. 

Overall: no points here

Your story has a lot of potential.  I’m impressed that you were able to fit a whole plotline into two chapters.  Maybe the rushed feelings at the end felt that way because your fic is only two chapters?  Thank you for requesting a review!

Total: 137/220 -> 62%