Title: 9 points

A little plain, but it sums up your story well.

Description: 14 points

Your description does a good job of drawing people into the story.  A small grammar thing: because you’re writing in past tense, “will it” should actually be “would it”.

Foreword: 9 points

Try to keep your foreword as formal as possible.  Emoticons and such are not recommended.

Presentation: 12 points

Italics are okay when used sparingly, but it gets harder to read the more you use it.  Simply putting the letter in a different font is enough; you don’t need to italicize it.

You should also keep all of the text the same size. 

Spelling & Grammar: 16 points

You have a good grasp of English, which is really impressive!  Because most of the fic is the letter, most of the typical grammar rules don’t apply.

In the last scene, you switch between past and present tense, so be careful of that.

Style: 30 points

I was impressed with your descriptive scenes in the letter.  They were really vivid, and I could tell that you put a lot of thought into them.

You do a good job with varying your sentence structures and with using appropriate vocabulary.  There isn’t much to say in this section because I believe that you did a really good job here.

Flow: 15 points

The transition between the letter and the ending scene is a little too abrupt.  The letter is slow, thoughtful, and makes the reader slow down to read it.  On the other hand, the ending scene is fast-paced.  If you add more to the last scene, then the flow will be better.

Characterization: 34 points

Baekhyun: Baekhyun seems like a really introspective character, and he even predicted his own coma.  However, after the caps lock paragraph, Baekhyun’s character seems to shift.  He takes on a more childish tone, which is not bad but a little disappointing.

Jongin: Although you only write Jongin at the end, Baekhyun’s references to Jongin provide just as much character information.  However, as most of the focus is on Baekhyun and the letter, you don’t develop Jongin’s character as much as you could have.

Plot: 55 points

You do a good job making the plot believable.  The only thing that doesn’t make sense to me is the question of why Baekhyun wouldn’t tell Jongin face-to-face that he wanted to get married.  He had a feeling that something was wrong, but he hid the letter in a place that he knew Jongin would almost never check.  If he wanted Jongin to find the letter, shouldn’t he put it in a place where Jongin would be more likely to find it?

Although this wasn’t the most original fic, it had its own charms, which brought the story alive.

Overall: no points here

I could feel the emotions you put into the story, which is the most important thing when it comes to writing.  Good job!

Thank you for requesting a review, and sorry that you had to wait so long to get it!

Total: 194/220 -> 88%