Title: 6 points

The title does not really connect to the story.  Most of the story is about Minho and Kibum's angst over living far away from each other, whereas your title makes the story seem like a happy story.  If anything, you should probably change "laughters" to "laughter", as "laughters" is not a real word.

Description: 13 points

You don't really have a description; you state the main characters' ages.  You might want to add a little snippet of your story in the description so that readers have some idea of what you're writing about.

Foreword: 9 points

Your foreword is good up until the "(laughs) omfg" line.  You should keep your foreword as formal as possible, so you might want to remove that line.  At the very least, make it an author's note, and make it a smaller font.

Presentation: 14 points

In your story, the spacing between your paragraphs is too big.  Don't space out your paragraphs; you should probably press the enter key once (or twice at the most) when shifting between paragraphs.

Everything else looks good.

Spelling & Grammar: 14 points

Spelling looks good.

You have the occasional run-on sentence, and you sometimes get confused between commas and semicolons.  I saw consistent errors in your dialogue, which I will explain:

Words like said, exclaimed, mumbled, etc, must have a comma after it.

E.g. He said, "Do you wanna go somewhere to eat?"

However, words like smiled, laughed, shrugged, etc, must have a period after it,

E.g. He shrugged.  "Dunno.  Where do you wanna go?"

Other than that, I saw errors here and there, which can easily be fixed by copying and pasting your story into any word processor (Microsoft Word, for example, but you can also use Google Drive, etc.)

One thing that word processors cannot detect is the use of idioms.  Be careful with your idioms, as I saw a few strange ones in your story.  For example:

"You know the gist" -> "you get the gist"

Style: 7 points

Diction: You tend to use the word "orange" a lot, which makes me think that you should change your title to something related to oranges.

Also, could "scrapping his thong" mean "scraping"?  I'm unfamiliar with farm tools, so I don't know if a thong is a tool?

Syntax: You could probably vary your sentence structure a little more.  There are three types of sentences, and you tend to stick to one type for the most part: the simple sentence.  To fix this, I would reread your work out loud.  When you read your work out loud, you can tell which sentences could be edited.  For example:

Jonghyun went to the park.  Then he saw a beautiful girl.  She was about his age.  He had already fallen for her.

vs.

Jonghyun went to the park and saw a beautiful girl around his age.  He had already fallen for her.

You can see that the second example conveys the same message but in a shorter and cleaner way.

Imagery: Sometimes, you should not bother with imagery.  When you describe clothes and other physical things, do not feel like you need to describe it.  The reader understands.  The point is, if you can understand the story without the description of something, then edit it out.  On the other hand, places with heavy emotion, like when you describe Minho at the end, wondering if Kibum is the Kibum, I would've liked it if you included more description there. 

Dialogue: The conversations between the young Minho and Kibum are good, but there is not much progress from the conversations between the children and the conversations that Minho has as an adult.  As people mature, their dialogue matures with them.

Flow: 5 points

The problem with flashback stories is that sometimes, it is hard to tell when the story is in a flashback and when the story is in the present.  The constant switching between past and present makes your story more complicated than it should be.  When Minho wakes up in his apartment in the city and boils the water for his instant ramyun, he reminisces about Kibum.  Then, all of a sudden, Minho is in another flashback of his time with Kibum.  You should probably put your flashbacks in italics and keep the spacing between paragraphs constant to fix this problem.

Characterization: 25 points

Minho: Minho is a very interesting character, stuck in his past memories of Kibum, the orange-haired boy from next door.  He finds the country boring, but he goes so that he can see Kibum.  His life practically revolves around Kibum, though you never specifically mentioned the reason behind Minho stopping his visits to the country.  However, this is what Minho lacks as a character: the fact that his life revolves around Kim Kibum.  He has no other passion, hobby, or motivation if it doesn't involve Kibum in one way or another.  Thus, the reader naturally questions why Minho just can't go back, especially if he cars for Kibum that much.

Kibum: Kibum does not officially appear until the very end; the only information we get about him is through Minho's flashbacks.  Kibum's character suffers because of this.  His character lacks substance.  He acts like a diva, which is how television portrays him.

Plot: 20 points

Believability: i understand that your story takes place in an alternate universe, but there are still some facts that are too cliche to be believable.  Kibum moves into the busy city of Seoul, and Minho just so happens to be in the club where Kibum's family had gathered outside.  Minho is at he door when he hears the name Kibum, a pure coincidence.  I did enjoy the farm bits and the citrus smell, though I's arguet hatth e citrus smell should come from the trees instead of Febreeze,  The inclusion of Febreeze kind of ruins the romanticization of the farm setting that you had set up.

Originality: This section goes with believability, so you can just skip this.

Consistency: I am going to talk about point of view here.  Your problem is what my creative writing teacher likes to call "head-hopping".  You constantly switch between third person omniscient and third person limited.  The difference between the two is that omniscience is when you know the thoughts and feelings of all of the characters while limited is when you only know the thoughts and feelings of one character.  Your main point of view is third person limited, told through the thoughts and memories of Minho.  However, the readers can occasionally view Kibum's thoughts and feelings too.

Relation to prompt: I said I was only going to do this for my contest's participants, but since you have provided the prompt in your foreword, I will talk about it.  You do a good job of following the prompt, though I'd argue that that is your weakness.  Because you've focused on following the prompt, you've turned your characters into robots.  Minho can only think about Kibum because that is what the prompt says.  A prompt is only a springboard for your creativity; never feel like you have to follow it exactly.  Just make sure that the readers can still see the presence of the prompt, and your story will turn out fine.

Overall: no points here

I did not read the shorter version that you posted.  Good luck with the contest, and sorry that this review took so long!

Total: 113/220 -> 51%