Title: 8 points

Good. My only suggestion would be to consider choosing either the Korean title or the English title and deleting the other. Some readers cannot understand Korean (myself included), so the Hangul title, while pretty, only seems like extra.

Description: 15 points

Short, to the point, I like it.

Foreword: 8 points

I like the short excerpt, but the ambiguous pronouns (e.g. “he wasn’t there because he hadn’t saved him”) make it a little difficult to understand.

Presentation: 14 points

Everything is more or less good. However, in your flashbacks, instead of bolding words that you want to emphasize, you should simply unitalicize them.

Spelling & Grammar: 19 points

Besides an occasional grammar error here or there, you’ve done a good job proofreading your fic.

Style: 24 points

You focus a lot of your writing on the descriptions of the members (e.g. “platinum-haired boy”, “raven-haired boy”, etc). While it’s okay the first or second time, it gets repetitive, especially when the members start having the same colored hair. After the first or second time, you can just remove these descriptions altogether because they don’t provide any extra context for the scenes. It’s okay to use descriptions, but it’s also okay to use names.

Besides that, your descriptions are very detailed, which is great because it helps the readers imagine the scenes better.

Flow: 14 points

Of course, since this is a oneshot, the flow is going to be a little fast. The last scene is a little short which makes it fall a little flat. You should expand on the last scene to fully take advantage of the emotion that you’re building.

Characterization: 30 points

Taehyung: A well-written character. His internal thoughts really help the readers understand him. His struggle between holding Jungkook’s hand and the realization that Jungkook will disappear if he does is heartbreaking and real.

Jungkook: In the flashback, Jungkook sounds like a six-year-old child. When you write his dialogue, you use exclamation marks and cutesy nicknames a lot. This is fine if you’ve intended to write him as a small child. However, if you want to make him older, limit the exclamation points.

Plot: 45 points

Your plot is interesting, and you did a good job making it believable.

Just a thing to consider: You should mention why the firefighters were nowhere in sight. Does Taehyung just accept it? To make the scene realistic, you should include firefighters.

Overall: no points here

Just consider expanding a little on the last part of the story. Overall, it was an enjoyable read. Thanks for requesting a review, and sorry it took so long!

Total: 177/220 -> 80%