Title: 10 points

Definitely eye-catching and interesting, your title fits your story well.

Description: 14 points

The description does a good job of capturing interest in the story. It is a little wordy.

Jongin to Joonmyun is a drug
vs
To Joonmyun, Jongin is a drug.

The second version is more natural, but both versions are technically correct.

Foreword:

There isn’t really a foreword, so I won’t include points here, but I do appreciate the warning.

Presentation: 15 points

Your graphic link is not working, just to give you a heads up. Besides that, everything looks good.

Spelling & Grammar: 15 points

For the most part, the spelling and grammar was acceptable. You should have your beta look through the fic again, however, because there are quite a few things that they missed.

I am personally interested in helping you with grammar because this story is really great, so if you want a second person looking over your work, I’d be happy to do so.

Style: 25 points

You are really good at writing descriptions. When you describe settings and feelings especially, I can easily picture the situations. An ability to use description effectively is a really great tool for a writer to have, and you do a pretty good job with it.

Some of the word choices you use are uncommon. The one that stands out to me the most is “pregnant pause”, which I know means a pause filled with significance. It’s something one would see written in Shakespeare plays, and I wanted to address this as I was reading. It isn’t wrong, so don’t worry; it’s just a little odd.

The dialogue is a little unnatural but serves its purpose. The more you write dialogue, the easier it gets, and I can see it becoming more natural over time.

Flow: 20 points

The flow felt pretty good so far. It dragged a little in the beginning and is starting to pick up pace as you near the end. As long as your characters are growing from their experiences and trying to move forward, the flow of your story will do the same.

Characterization: 35 points

Joonmyun: Joonmyun is a very interesting character. You can see that he has a kind heart, and that is both his greatest strength and his greatest flaw.

Jongin: Jongin’s character is problematic, but I’m glad that your other characters recognize that he is problematic and obsessed with Joonmyun. I’ve loved his character development thus far. The problem that you need to address with Jongin is if he really loves Joonmyun or if he just sees Joonmyun as a toy. You’ve started to address this in your later chapters, but you need to make it clear to the readers that Jongin loves Joonmyun and destroy any hints of doubt that he might think otherwise.

Chanyeol: Chanyeol is a great character. He doesn’t take on the stereotypical second lead role, which is a breath of fresh air. Although not as complex as Joonmyun or Jongin, Chanyeol manages to serve his purpose as a character. It would be great if you developed Chanyeol’s character a little more, but since he is not the main character, it is understandable if you do not.

Plot: 45 points

Believability: With a teacher-student relationship, there are a lot of risks. There weren’t enough risks in the SuKai relationship. I know they were being careful, but you might want to include a few more scenes where they almost get caught. In addition, as people start to find out about the relationship, they are pretty accepting of it, which isn’t quite believable. At the very least, Sehun should be a little more concerned about the relationship to make it a little more believable.

Originality: The plot isn’t exactly original, but you have places where you add your own touch. Good job.

Consistency: Your plot has been very consistent, which is a good thing.

Overall: no points here

Overall an enjoyable story. I’m excited to see how you end this. Sorry for the super long wait, and thank you for requesting a review!

Total: 179/210 -> 85%