Title: 8 points

Your title is interesting and original.  However, even after looking up the words “picturesque” and “supernova”, it does not seem to have a direct connection to your story.  I will elaborate on this in the foreword section of the review.

Description: 14 points

Your description is very concise, which I like.  You have the ability to draw the reader in with a few sentences, which is not something that many writers can do. 

I do not think that the comma between “ugly” and “Junhong” is needed in either of the places where you use it.  The two periods before “then” are not necessary either.

Foreword: 8 points

I do appreciate the trigger warnings.  Overall, your foreword gives a decent overview of the fanfiction.

However, you provide a brief explanation under your title: “an explosion of beauty; of which is a creation of beauty” which, no matter how many times I turn the phrase around in my head, has little to do with the subject of your story.  By using the phrase “an explosion of beauty”, you imply that Junhong achieves his goal of becoming beautiful at the end, which is only somewhat true.  In reality, judging from the reactions of the other students, Junhong has done the opposite: he has become frightening.  Likewise, analyzing the second part of the explanation, “of which is a creation of beauty”, suggests that by sewing Taeyeon’s face onto his face, that Junhong has created beauty.  Yet everyone knows the truth.

Picturesque Supernova is a beautiful title, but I wish that you would’ve explained it in a different way. 

Presentation: 14 points

Unless the use of the orange highlighter is completely necessary to the story, I’d suggest getting rid of it.

Your graphic does a good job of setting the mood for the story.

Spelling & Grammar: 12 points

There are spelling and grammar errors here and there.  For spelling, you refer to Taeyeon as “he” instead of “she”.  Also, instead of “sew”, you use “sow”.

You have verb tense issues. 

Original: Why can’t he be handsome like all of his classmates?  It was his turn to be the swan.
Correction: Why can’t he be handsome like all of his classmates?  It’s his turn to be the swan.
Explanation: I included the sentence before to show how you use a present tense verb “can’t”, yet you switch to a past tense verb “was” in the next sentence.  It gets complicated, however, because you constantly switch between present and past throughout the fic. 

You also have comma errors.

Original: He didn’t want to see his face, or anything beautiful ever again.
Correction: He didn’t want to see his face or anything beautiful ever again.
Explanation: In this case, you do not need a comma because the second half of your sentence, “or anything beautiful ever again”, is not an independent clause. 

Original: His head is racing at a thousand miles per hour and all the things he’s never thought of, think.  The wonders he’s never wondered, wonder.
Correction: His head is racing at a thousand miles per hour, and all the things he’s never thought of, he thinks.  The wonders that he’s never wondered, he wonders.
Explanation: In this case, you need a comma before the “and” because the second half of the sentence is an independent clause.  These sentences are still slightly wordy; you might want to read the sentences out loud to check for wordiness.

These are only a few things; you might want to find a beta reader who can explain and fix the grammatical things better than I ever could.

Style: 25 points

You use a lot of fragments in your fic, which is okay but not recommended.  Click here to be redirected to a website that explains the use of fragments in writing.

Diction: You use your vocabulary very well, which enhances the story.

Syntax: You might want to consider varying the lengths of your sentences more.  A few longer sentences can make a greater impact than a bunch of shorter sentences can.
Original: If he can’t make his body more beautiful, then he’ll reshape it.  Meal by meal.  Pill by pill.  Cut by cut.  Now that he’s started he can’t stop.  He won’t stop.  Not until he’s the prettiest of them all.
Possible correction: If he can’t make his body more beautiful, then he’ll reshape it: meal by meal, pill by pill, cut by cut.  Now that he’s started, he can’t stop--won’t stop--until he’s the prettiest of them all.

Imagery: You do a good job of using imagery appropriately, which is fitting because of the genre.

Dialogue: You also do a good job with the dialogue.  It’s natural, which helps enhance Junhong’s character and makes him especially frightening.

Flow: 20 points

The pacing of your fanfiction is just right: not too slow or too fast.  Good job!

Characterization: 40 points

Zelo: You do a good job of showing the insecurity behind Zelo’s actions and how a common Korean standard (being beautiful) can really take a toll on teenagers, especially those with low self-esteem.  You do a good job of showing how one’s desire to become beautiful can lead one to do things they normally would not do.  You do a good job of showing how people do not believe others who call them beautiful, simply because society has told them otherwise.  Zelo is a beautiful nightmare; you’ve portrayed him wonderfully.

note: because Taeyeon does not play a major role in the story, I will not analyze her.

Plot: 54 points

Believability: The story was very believable because of the dialogue and the imagery, as well as the fact that Koreans desire to become beautiful and get bullied if they do not conform to the “standard” beauty.  The only thing that took away from the believability of the story was the old woman that sold the mirror to Zelo.

Originality: I am impressed with this oneshot’s originality.  There isn’t much to be said here.

Consistency: I am also impressed with the consistency, though as I mentioned above, I feel like the old woman scene was not vital to the plot of the story.

Overall: no points here

The content was amazing.  It gave me chills as I read it.  One thing I think you could improve on is the spelling and grammar section, as that was your lowest score in the review.  Excuse me for my ramble about your title.  Thank you for requesting a review!

Total: 195/220 -> 89%