Title: 9 points

It would be better if you capitalized every word in the title.  Your title does a good job of describing the story, and while the Chinese makes the title look prettier, it doesn’t serve much purpose beyond that.

Description: 12 points

I liked the translation and the dialogue.  I also feel like each individual segment can stand alone as a description and that when you put them all together, it doesn’t work as well as it could.  The character profiles are not necessary, assuming that you introduce all of this information in the story itself.

Foreword: 10 points

You link the reader to the song twice, but everything else looks good.

Presentation: 12 points

The presentation of the chapters themselves is fine.  However, the layout of the description and foreword could use some cleaning.  It looks decent on mobile but strange on desktop.  Some of the writing bleeds into the background image.

Spelling & Grammar: 20 points

With the exception of a few mistakes here or there, your spelling and grammar is good.  Good job!

Style: 29 points

You do a really good job with imagery.  You describe your scenes beautifully.  The details are especially amazing.  The scenes come alive for the readers, and the Chinese words really add to the story.

A small thing that you might want to consider fixing is the spacing between the dialogue.  Each new character gets a new line of dialogue.  For the most part, you do this, but there are occasional times when you fail to do this.

Flow: 20 points

The flow is a little slow, but it seems necessary considering the events that happen in your story.  By taking things slow, the readers are allowed to see more of the characters and their interactions.

Characterization: 40 points

Lu Han: He has everything, and yet he doesn’t.  I’m interested to see how his character progresses as we continue through the past and into the present. 

Xin Ru: Xin Ru tries to protect Lu Han until the end, until she realizes that she will die if she doesn’t end things with Zhi.  You did a really good job portraying Xin Ru as a mother, even at the last moment the readers see her, when she had to give up her child in exchange for her freedom. 

Lu Zhi: You do a really good job making his character dislikeable.  Nonetheless, he is quite interesting.  I’m interested to see what else you reveal about him in future chapters.

Yixing, Kai Ling, Yi Fan: All three are interesting supporting characters, so I hope to see more development of these three as you continue to write.

It’s still too early in your story to judge characterization, but I like where your characters are headed.

Plot: 60 points

I loved the historical aspects of this story.  I could tell that you know what you’re talking about, and you did a good job of defining terms at the bottom of each chapter.  China has such a rich history, and your story does a good job of reflecting it.

I also like how you included a line from the aunt’s letter at the beginning of each chapter, and how you tie it in to the theme of each chapter.

One thing that concerns me as a fellow writer is that you do have a lot of plots.  You’ve been doing a really good job keeping up with all of the plots so far, so I think that you’ll do a good job with them in the future.

Your story is just starting, so I can’t give a complete review of the plot.  However, from what you’ve set up so far, I think that your plot is really interesting.  For future chapters, I’d like to see present day Lu Han as soon as possible because while the backstory is interesting, Lu Han is searching for his mother.

Overall: no points here

I know you asked for a harsh review, but there isn’t much to criticize.  I enjoyed reading your story, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be of much help.  Maybe when you complete the story, you can ask me for another review?  I could do a more in-depth analysis of your plot and characters if I see a little more of the story.

Thank you for requesting a review, and I’m sorry that it took so long!

Total: 212/220 -> 96%