Why does it hurt so much?
Not physically...my body felt fine but something in my heart and my conscience dragged me down, depressing my deep breaths with a sense of drowning.
I had never had an argument with anyone like this before..was this what it felt like to be fighting?
The calm early summer breeze drifted through my bare neck as I gloomily watched people pass by. I probably looked like a bum sitting around by this somewhat empty cafe with my suitcase near me.
         "I hate this.." I murmured to myself as I smothered my face into my hands.
         Ughh. Why did this have to happen? It wasn't my fault that I got mad at him. Of course not! I shouldn't be the one to even say sorry! He didn't even talk to me last night, let alone look at me! So how dare he even pretend to care about who I was dating and just ughhh!!
And what did he say this morning?! That he only let me live in his house because he pitied me?! Is that even an excuse?
       "Choi Seunghyun. You make me sick." I said to myself outside with a grimace on my face.
Even as I said that, there was still worry that I felt. Something called doubt that tugged at the edge of my hateful conscience.
But then what hell were...all those times when we were together? Smiling and laughing. I thought that was real.

      I lifted my head up to take in a breath of fresh air to calm my nerves. Every time I thought of his cold splicing glare, my body was in shivers.
There were just a few people casually walking through the street in front of me. Kids with their moms. Teenage girls with their friends.
Employees that were on break.... Who is that?!
     My eyes opened widely and my fingers wrapped around my suitcase handle as if by instinct.
That calm brown hair, those smiling eyes...Jiwoo?
It was him for sure. Like I said before, I have 20/20 vision. Hawk eyes.
    He was in the small music store, the one with the pastel blue walls, right across the street from the cafe that I was sitting at. Literally in front of my eyes.
I felt my eyes water for some reason, as if he had really been my boyfriend. Come to think of it, he kind of was. He treated me right for most of the time...
I grabbed my suit case and dragged it along across the street with fury in my feet. But then I stopped at the foot of the door.
     No Raena...you can't go in there and punch him. Solve this...diplomatically. With words and hands. Maybe not the hands.
I really look like today though. My baggy black sweatpants and a white comme des garçons tee I managed to snag at a thrift store topped off with a pair of black Nikes.
He probably wouldn't even recognize me.

I parked my suit case in a corner of the shop where the door was and walked in steadily. A funky powdery smell of old instruments hit my nose as I stepped further in. The store was close to empty, maybe about two or three people squandering around the keyboards in hopes to become a famous musician. I could feel it sometimes, the passion in the air. You know how some people get so excited to purchase something that they don't really need and later they don't even use it. Those kind of people went to music shops like this. Real musicians always found a way to play even without expensive instruments.
      Jiwoo was absentmindedly chilling in the corner by the acoustic guitars with two of his guy friends. All tall and thin with endearing smiles on their lips as if they ruled the world.
At my presence behind them, they all slowly turned at once. Jiwoo didn't really look at me but gradually his pupils dilated as his eyes grazed from my shoes...up to my face.
     "Didn't I tell you it was over, Moon Raena?" His words sounded as if he had chewed them up and spit them out. There were obvious bruises by his neck and a deep blood clotted cut by his lip, doing the smiling for him.
My fingers immediately clenched into a fist and let the words slip out of my tightened lips.
      "Why...I just want to know why..." My voice sounded husky and dim in the dusty store. The two guys next to him looked to be enjoying this.

         From the corner of my ear, I could hear the couple by the keyboards pressing random chords with all of their fingers.
 E minor. A major. D flat major 7. E flat. I've always hated E flat.
        Jiwoo's lips forced a small curve to smile and raised his eyebrows in a disturbing way.
      "Why? Why he punched me? Why I even went out with you? Or why we're over?" Jiwoo said with a bit of joy in his words. His kind gentle eyes taunted me. How could someone look so beautifully nice when the words that came out of him were so harsh?
     "You lied to me." My voice came out so innocently naive and childlike. Why couldn't I speak up to him? 
   "Y-You lied to me and-"
   "Yeah I lied to you. It was just for a little fun, get over it." He said bluntly. The sounds rolled off his tongue and landed on the floor in front of me to pick up.
"Okay then. I will. I guess I was stupid to even think that you were different." I said in a more confident voice. "You know I feel much better now. Seeing that your face is all busted and what not." I rolled my tongue against the insides of my cheek
      Jiwoo spaced out at the ground as if he was remembering everything from last night in clear memory. 
"Choi Seunghyun. That sseki. Bigbang's TOP huh?" He sounded disgusted even as he said the name. TOP must have really hit him hard.
      

     "Are you two going out or something? That's ing cute." Jiwoo's kind face twisted off into some unrecognizable sneer.
      I frowned and squinted my eyes as I looked at him.
I have to leave now. Now before I punch him and make a scene.
      But even though my mind wanted to go, half of it was still curious.
     "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked in short of a sigh.
      Jiwoo laughed viciously and gave a glance at his smiling friends. "It's funny, really. All I did was call Moon Raena an ugly, stupid little and he went bonkers on me." He shook his head pitifully.
    My teeth bit the inside of my cheeks and I felt my face burn up.
Literally. If he doesn't stop now, I'll go bonkers on him.
     "Quite hilarious. Some dickhead idol who can't even act for gods sakes...."
     "Are you finished?" I gritted my teeth.
     Jiwoo continued on with a cancerous smile, "Doesn't the idiot know that I could destroy his perfect little idol career with a snap-"
I lunged straight forward at his body and gave a clean satisfying punch right in his jaw.
      Raenimal mode is on.
      I gave about three more punches with my fist as the other hand tightly clenched on to his bruised neck. Two uppercuts right into his abdomen and a final roundhouse kick blow to head had him on the ground.
My head felt completely empty as I victoriously walked over to Jiwoo and stood over him. The store was dead silent except for my heavy breathing.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him slightly up. Jiwoo's cute slim eyes were now half open and teary. Just the way I liked them.
       "Don't..you dare...think about hurting him." I viciously said between my clenched teeth.
 "If I ever...hear about you...next time...I will really kill you." My entire body shivered to get those words out. Every word was painful but all the more satisfying.
I let go of his shirt and pushed him hard back onto the ground. The two guys that were his "friends" stared wide eyed at me with their mouths open.
The sound of the E flat chord resonated in the musty air as everyone in the shop watched me leave.
    In the amidst of the craziness of the fight, I had let myself go.
Then I realized....
     Someone stole my suitcase.