"She seems to be doing very well- her blood flow is normal, her heart rate, everything is okay." The doctor assured me as she lightly flipped over some papers.
       I nodded as I peeked a bit into the curtains where her hospital bed was placed. My mom looked like a pale ghost lying there on the small bed with her eyes closed. She had just gotten a check for her next surgery that was coming up soon but the only problem was that she had a very specific immune system that was too weak to get a transplant now.
I felt more at ease regarding the money and all. My debts were getting paid and also for the hospital, thanks to Lee Hi's new album release, in which I had taken part of making 7 of the 9 tracks included in it.
Who knew that just 7 songs could change a life so quickly..?
       I thanked the doctor and went to tend my ill mother. The way she had her eyes closed..as if she would never open them again made me feel sick to my stomach. The world seemed so unjust.
Just about 15 years ago, she was perfectly healthy. Or so I thought she was. My mom was a painter, free spirited and open minded. I remember her bare feet perched on the cool soft grass as I watched her paint the customized doors for her clients.
I was still in elementary school back then. Everything seemed so perfect at the time. But then my dad, a taxi driver who I never was quite close with left the year after my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia.

He just couldn't afford the costly surgeries as well as providing for his 9 year old daughter. Like the coward he was, he left without saying a word. No "sorry" or "good bye".
The house felt so empty and it felt as if I had no one. My mom stayed at home but most of the time she slept. Her multi assorted paint cans and brushes dried into un renewable dull colors. I even missed my dad. His scruffy stubble peeking out under the shadow of his grim Red Sox baseball hat. When she transferred into the hospital, I was completely alone. It's a wonder I hadn't been taken away by child care because I grew up on my own.
The only source of family I had was always lying behind the curtains, resting mindlessly under her white sheets. When her eyes were open, it was truly a celebratory moment. But that was rare.
      I stood up to leave after about two hours but then a nurse came by the room and handed me a note.
      "Somebody was just here a few hours ago and he told me to give this note..." She said.
It was a little piece of paper that came from the small calendars at the main floor. A scrawny hand had written in barely legible writing.
 ((It's been a while. 
We should talk, I have somethings to say.)) the note read along with an address.
On the bottom, there was a scribbled name that I had to squint to make out. I felt suddenly alert when I realized who it was.
My father..?

Thousands of words reached across my mind but I couldn't let them out. "W-What did this man look like?" I rapidly shot a question at the nurse.
     The nurse frowned a little to try recalling him. "He was about this tall...and skinny. Looked kind of upset. Oh and he had this hat on..kind of old lookin."
     I gasped a little. "Red sox?"
She nodded quickly with enthusiasm.
 It can't be...he left years ago with anything. W-Why would he..?
I thanked the nurse and ran outside haphazardly. My mind went awry as I frantically looked around, hoping that I would find him just before he left out of sight.
Why now? Of all people...
But then I realized that there was an address on the note. Barely legible but still there. The place wasn't that far from here.
I looked at my phone to check the time. 9:48 p.m.
     Maybe he wasn't busy right now. Where ever this address led me to...
I quickly got onto a town bus and began my way navigating to this address. My entire body felt nauseous and frightened but also intrigued. I had so many questions speeding through my head. Surprisingly, the address led me to a very normal neighborhood of houses. A single average sized home with red brick walls surrounding it.
The lights were off in the house but I could see a dark figure standing by the front door.

       He stood framelessly by the brick wall with his hands in his pockets. An old dark blue wind breaker and a scrawny face.
My breath was taken away at my recognition of him. The same look even after so many years. My hands began to sweat and my mind went blank.
Thankfully I was in a spot where he couldn't see me. 
Should I go up to him? What would I say anyway?
Thanks for abandoning me when I needed you most. You were great!
      "Oh appa*! You were waiting outside?" I heard a bright girl's voice distantly behind me. 
I quickly moved to the side of the house beneath the shadows.
It was a girl about 14 years old with a boy who looked about 10 years old walking along with someone who seemed to be their mother.
    The woman smiled as they walked closer to the house. "Jagi-ya, you didn't have to wait outside. I called you saying that we'll be coming home soon."
I felt a headache coming. Jagi-ya...? Was this woman his wife?
MY father's wife?
     My face distorted as a rush of pain overwhelmed my heart.
     And then he spoke. "Ohhh my soccer star son! Minno-ya, I saw you kick that goal in today!" He said in a very "father" like voice.
A voice that I had never heard in my life.
That means....those two kids. The teenage girl and the boy...they were his kids. The girl seemed about 14 years old..14 years ago was when he left me and my mom. 
He left our family for a new one. 
-----
*appa- dad

The little boy high fived his father and they all laughed heartily. I felt pity and scorn coming out all at once but my face felt frozen with misery.
I was about the little boy's age when he left us.
     I felt something cold run down my cheeks. My fingers went up to recognize the wet tears rolling from my eyes.
Was this some kind of sick joke? I had cried myself to sleep when I was young, wondering where my dad was when he was here just a few miles away living with a warm happy family.
I guess he couldn't deal with having a sick wife and a lonely daughter as family.
      I bit my cheeks to stop crying and my twisted in sadness.
"Appa, did you see this?" The teenage girl pulled out a piece of paper from her back pack.
     "My daughter got straight As again?!" The foreign man said excitedly as he pat the girl's head.
Just go inside...god damn it. Go inside!
I felt as if I could burst any moment. My heart was too fragile to watch this sight.
      I looked up at the dark sky to roll the tears back in my eyes and realized that there were no stars up in the sky.
Without the courage to confront him, I miserably walked back to the bus station to go home.

I was completely broken down, my mind and heart scattered across in little pieces, unable to be mended together.
What the hell did he even want to talk about? Did he write the address just so I could see him and his family?
I couldn't cry because I was too angry but I couldn't yell because I was too sad. My poor mother left all alone in the hospital..
And me..
No one really did care about me did they?
     I guess I was stupid to even think about "family" when I was young.
I sulked inside the house without even realizing that the lights were on. TOP was casually eating a small salad on the kitchen counter when I walked in.
      He looked at me intriguingly, "Did you eat something bad?" TOP joked as he stabbed his fork into his bowl.
      I didn't hear him the first time so I didn't respond.
     "Moon Raena..." TOP said a little more seriously this time.
I heard him call my named and looked up with my eyebrows raised.
    "Huh?" I said disheartedly.
I quickly looked away when I realized that I probably looked like I was crying. My eyes were red and my face felt lucid with paleness.
    I grabbed my wallet off the table and trying to not making eye contact, I waved a hand at him. "I-I'll be back."

I sighed as I decided to leave the house again. I couldn't stay in there because I felt lost. I just needed to be alone...just as I had always lived my life.
I sluggishly left the house and went to a small bbq restaurant, mainly just to get a few drinks. The restaurant itself wasn't anything big...just one of those late night stops where drunk people came to get even more drunk. The cool and casual atmosphere was donned by the small plastic stools and cheap looking tables, along with a tent over the place so it could block the wind away.
I ordered two soju bottles but I couldn't get myself to drink them. So instead I just sat there moping around, looking at the people next to me.
A man and a woman talking quietly to each other having some kind of hot soup, two college students having a drink together, a middle aged business man looking drunk as hell and me, sitting alone.
Maybe I should sit with the drunk guy.
       The drunk guy suddenly stood up slightly off balance.
No I was kidding I don't want to sit with you! I quickly looked away and took a sip of my drink.
       "AAHMUMaaa~" the drunk man yelled in a slurred voice. He held up one of the empty bottles and waved it in the air.
The ahjumma running the place stood up, "No I don't think you should have more tonight. Why don't you start heading home? I'll call a taxi-"
     "YOU DONF KNOW WHAT IVE BEEEN THROO." He threw the bottle on the ground and let it shatter to pieces. 

My eyes opened widely. This...bastard.
The drunk man raged on. He lifted the table, letting the 6 or 7 empty bottle fall to the ground and all of them shattered on the ground. He threw the table while he was at it to.
Without thinking, my body stood up and went to defend this store.
Way to go Moon Raena.
      "She said she'll even call you a taxi, what the hell do you think you're doing screwing up this place?" I confidently said as I pushed him on the shoulder.
Bad move.
     "Yah.." The drunk man laughed oddly with his finger pointing at me. "Gizibe...thinking you're cute...or are you a guy?" He asked.
Now that pissed me off even more. I rolled my tongue against the inside of my cheek and braced myself.
     "Then what kind of bastard are you?" I asked with a scoff.
    "W-What?!" He roared as he raised a hand up high to strike me.
   At that moment, I wasn't ready to fight. And so I flinched. But just a little. Moon Raena never flinches in a fight.
    But suddenly, right before that hand fell down to smack me, another hand grabbed the drunk man's wrist. The long fingers tightly grasped around, making the guy unable to move.
I looked up at the tent light to see who it was. A khaki colored hat covered his deep set eyes but I could clearly see his thin lips and that sharply defined jaw underneath the shadow of the hat.