I arrived at the premier which was taking place at a large Seoul plaza hall that had a movie theater inside it. It was obvious that a movie premier was taking place even from far away. The place seemed packed with dazzling spotlights, busy photographers and fans looking around to catch a glimpse of their favorite celebrity.
The red carpet area where the photographers took thousands of photos was right in front before I could go in.
       I tucked a small strand of hair that was falling out back into the bun and waited as I watched a line of celebrities walk onto the photo spotlight.
     It's a really big movie I guess...
     Big name celebrities walked by the the spot and posed for a few seconds as the camera lights flickered away.
Park Bom and Dara are here....Tablo and his wife....Yoo in na... Woah lot's of YG family people.
      But where's bigbang?
Right at that moment, TOP walked onto the spotlight with someone holding on his arm.
    Son Eunsuh.
The two walked right in front and stood there with a magnificent stance. My mouth slightly opened in fascination. 
Was that really him..?
      TOP looked...really good. He looked as if he wasn't the TOP that I knew inside the house, being a serious goofball.

The flash bombing off everywhere reflected on their faces, giving off a strangely beautiful glow. They looked amazing together, standing side by side.
His slick slightly vampish look and Eunsuh's gorgeous goddess like dress, falling down to the red carpet like a cape. Their smiles were truly captivating, just like movie stars.
     But god damn, could those photographers lay off the flash?? My eyes were getting pretty annoyed.
 After a few other celebrities walked past, I saw Youngbae and Daesung go up together at once. I immediately smiled when I recognized who those handsome jokesters were.
    Youngbae was dressed in a formal hip hopish style that looked unique, just like his personality. His whitish hair was styled off the the side and hung down by his temples like a tidal wave. Daesung on the other hand was dressed in a semi casual and semi formal suit. Just as usual, he donned his brilliant smile and waved brightly at the cameras.
    After a while, I got sick of the camera flash. So I walked inside giving the person at the door my special ticket to get in.
I did feel pretty alone, walking around trying to find my seat already when people were still outside giving interviews.
     Finally I saw Youngbae and Daesung talking with a small crowd of people I didn't really recognize.
     "Daesung-ah." I called out as I began to walk towards them. My feet were finally getting adjusted to them.
The two glanced at me with admiration. Daesung awkwardly smiled and gave a small nod. "Annyeonghasayo." He greeted me formally.

Why so formal?
      I smirked and gave him a nudge in his side. "What the hell?"
Daesung and Youngbae froze for what seemed about a millennium and looked at each other.
      "Moon Raena?!" They both shouted at once.
 They didn't know who I was? Why does no one recognize me??
Oh right, I was wearing a dress after all.
      "Oh Mother." Daesung said out loud with a confused look on his face.
       "Woahh.. W-Woahh." Youngbae just stood there, his eyes rolling at me from top to bottom.
I nervously smiled and waved. "Guys...come on. Stop."
       Daesung's eyes were bigger than I had ever seen them before. "Is this really you? I thought you were one of those side actresses that never get noticed except on internet blogs." He said a little too detailedly.
Youngbae held a thumbs up and smiled with his eyes curling just like his lips. "Wow...you look great. Really good." He said in smooth English.
     I looked down at my shoes and smiled. "Thanks." I looked up and around. "Where's the others?"
They knew that I meant the rest of bigbang when I said "others".
Youngbae put his hands in his pockets and straightened up. "Jiyong's in Japan right now with Remi and um...Seungri..."
He looked at Daesung questioningly, "where is Seungri?"
      Daesung frowned trying to recall something. "I think he said something about China last week. I don't know. Seungri, he has the busiest schedule out of us. He makes schedules himself."

"I don't even think Seungri knows where he is. Being in bigbang is probably his part time job." Youngbae joked and we all laughed.
Oh seungri...he was a different one.
      "Oh. Hey we should go in." Daesung gestured towards the theater  which was starting to get packed.
We sat down near the middle row of seats, only the best place to watch a movie. I watched intensively as the movie began.
It amazed me how TOP himself was in it. It wasn't normal that you lived together with a movie star. The film itself was a conglomerate of action, romance and comedy. I never expected TOP to be in such films like these, it was really different. But nonetheless, it was pretty good acting I had to admit. His facial expressions and the emotions in his voice really captured the essence of every scene.
      When the movie was over, everyone clapped loudly as the actors and actresses walked up towards the screen to sit on the stage.
 They talked for a while answering questions and photographers went crazy every time their target even let out a breath of air.
     Everyone from YG family were all sitting in one section of the theater and then I realized why they called it YG family. It felt good to be part of a "team" and having somewhere to fit in.
When TOP spoke, we all kind of had a familiar smile on our lips. I'm pretty sure every one felt the same proud feelings that night.
Before the premiere was almost over, the actors and actresses were saying their final words.

"Son Eunsuh-shi! Can you say anything about TOP?" One of the reporters said with a nasally voice.
        Everyone on the stage paused for a moment. The flash from the cameras seemed to brighten the large theater room several notches.
        Eunsuh took a breath in with a smile and then looked at TOP.
She slowly but surely grabbed his hand and locked it with hers.
Wait a second...is she planning to...?
       There was a look of surprise on TOP's face. One as if he didn't know what was going on either.
       "Actually...Seunghyun-shi and I have something to say." Son Eunsuh smiled and looked at TOP again who looked speechless.
      The cameras fired away like bullets.
       Daesung whispered, "Is Son Eunsuh going to..."
      At that moment, she stood up, still holding onto TOP's hand.
"Seunghyun and I are in a very serious relationship." She said with a pleased look on her face. The shutter sounds went crazy at her words.
For some reason, I felt my heart drop. I didn't know why I was feeling this but my entire body covered itself in shivers that couldn't explain what was going on. 
      From the corner of my eye, I could see Daesung looking at me with concern. "Are you okay Raena? Do you want to go outside for a moment?"
      "What's hyung going to do now?" Youngbae said from the side. "This is going to get huge. I thought they weren't gonna go public about this"

I didn't respond. I just sat there with my eyes blurry with strange tears. My heart felt confused more than my mind did. Why was it that I felt so...crushed. My lungs felt as if I had been kicked to the point that it was difficult to even breath.
Every breath that I forced to take in were like tiny ice spears daggering inside my throat. I could feel my body shiver with confusion.
Why did I care? I already have a boyfriend! TOP's just someone I live with. It didn't have anything to do with me that they were going public about this.
But...why did I feel so..hurt?
    The only thing I stared at with my blurry vision was TOP.
His glimmering eyes were widely open, looking lost into the white flashes of the cameras as if he was searching for something.
Who is he looking for..?
     I had a feeling. I knew exactly who.
His hand...the same hand that zipped my dress up, the hand that grabbed mine so tightly that one night when we washed the laundry together, the same exact hand that locked perfectly with mine....was now clasped in the ever so beautiful Son Eunsuh's.
But his clear eyes...they weren't on Eunsuh that night.
     My breathing halted when I saw his dark marble like pupils set on mine.
He was looking at me.