. Why do I feel like such a ing girl.
I've never cried so much in my life before. And I've never had my emotions hurt like this.
It was a feeling that felt completely new...and I hated it.
My tears endlessly slipped out of my eyes as I continuously wiped them with the palm of my hands. I could hear the ticking from the small wall clock above me. I was sitting on the ground, hugging my knees near the wall because I knew I didn't want to get into bed.
I was going to move out tomorrow morning.
My suitcase was messily packed with the most random things I could lay my hands on at the moment.
It wasn't just anger. It was sadness and confusion all mixed into one big pot of frustration.
     But why am I feeling this way?
Because my mom had leukemia and I had to go through this with her? Because Jiwoo...dumped me? Because Jiwoo had been lying to me all along and I would stupid to go along with it? Or because I let TOP into...all of this. He didn't ing care. Why would he do that? He only did it because he wanted me pissed. He looked so perfectly fine ignoring me the entire night.
      Words and questions spun around my head until I finally fell asleep.

My eyes blinked open almost instantaneously when I heard the sound of a car door flowing shut. My ears were fragile like that.
        Crap. Is he here? I was going to leave without him knowing.
I stood up and looked around in a panic. I had changed out of my dress and shoes last night into something more casual. Light blue jeans and a clean grey MCM crew neck paired off with some Adidas.
Much more comfier than a pretty dress. My hair was the same mess it was yesterday but I didn't bother to take it down.
I grabbed the handle of my suitcase and began to bring it down the glass stairs without making too much noise.
Just a little bit more....I walked in large step to get to the gate door before he could walk in. 
      I was right there when the gate swung open with a louder creak than usual.
TOP walked in casually with his hands in his pant pockets. He must have slept somewhere else last night because he wasn't wearing the suit. Just a simple night blue cardigan over a fresh white collared shirt and some grey slacks. His hair was combed cleanly up to reveal those unsettling eyes on me.
       He seemed like he wasn't going to say anything because he continued to walk but then as he got close to me, he froze.
I could smell the fresh cologne on him, making my heart beat slightly faster than normal.

 I opened my mouth to say something but he beat me to it.
         "Last night..." TOP's deep voice grumbled out like raw coffee.
         "What I did last night, I'm not sorry for." I said bluntly as I turned towards him. My fingers gripped the handle of my suitcase.
 TOP turned his body to face me as well. His calm but piercing eyes travelled down to my suitcase and then back up at my face.
         "I'm not sorry either." He said cooly.
       My voice worked up a storm, "It wasn't even in your place to-"
        "My party. My premier. You were just a guest." His face was pure disgust. "I don't even know why I invited you." His voice was cold and suddenly he was about a mile more distant from me.
      I tried to stand up more confidently with my head up high. "Really?" I scoffed, "that's great. You know, I thought we were just about getting along. But maybe I thought wrong. We're too different to live together."
        TOP's eyes squinted. "You think I'm letting you live here because I'm trying to get to know you better?" His words hurt. They were mean and ruthless as if everything that we've done together meant nothing at all to him.
       And then I exploded on him. "Aren't you doing this because you pity me?! Because I'm a pitiful -"
       "On second thought, yeah. It's a pity! It is such a pity that you live like an indecent rude being. It's a pity that you can't even find your own home! It's a pity that your mother even asked me to do this for you!" 

      TOP's face immediately turned into regret. As if he had just said something I wasn't supposed to know.
My mom...? My mom had asked him...to take me in. That's why TOP let me live here. Not because anything else but because he pitied the fact that my mom was like that, the way she is.
His eyes blinked rapidly as he looked at the ground.
       "What the did you say?" I asked in a quiet voice. Everything was still. The air, the sounds from outside and even my heartbeat.
TOP placed his hands back into his pockets. 
"If you don't want my pity...then leave." He said before shifting his body towards the gate and leaving the house.
        My breathing was irregular and came out in little scoffs.
I can't believe this...why was I so stupid to believe anything.
       Without thinking, I left the house too. Leaving the gate door wide open, I walked out. In the complete opposite direction from him.