I don’t know why, but I felt a bit happy when I noticed that the Infinite boys where at the studio singing. Maybe because then I wouldn’t have to be so lonely.

“Ah, Kirin” I blurted as he, jackass and maknae strode inside the room where I was, since I came to think of the present I bought. But as soon as I opened my bag I saw that it wasn’t there, ah don’t tell me I forgot it at home.

“First Hoya and now Sung Yeol, are you trying to hook up yourself with every member or what” jackass snorted as he slumped down in the couch opposite from me, maknae and Kirin soon fallowed and sat down as well while the latter one looked at me with curiosity, he was probably wondering why I’d called him in such a informal way. It wasn’t like we where close.

“Shut up will you, and don’t mention his name” I snapped back as I put my hand to my temples and sighed. Why was jackass making me so furious and angry?

“Ah diva, maknae I think you got a new friend over there” I glanced up and stared at him smirk, god how I wanted to wipe that smirk away with a punch in the face. But knowing that Tablo might rip the contract, it felt a bit unnecessary. “Anyhow, I bought you a present since I was rather rude yesterday for leaving like that” I said after shifting my gaze from jackass to Sung Yeol who was smiling and thus also showing his somewhat chubby cheeks. To tell the truth, it was quite cute.

“Oh, already boyfriend and girlfriend”

*Can’t that boy shut his mouth or what* I murmured in my head as I shot him a death glare and then told him that I had no intensions in wanting to be anyone’s girlfriend, okay that besides Howon’s, but that I didn’t tell him.

“Hyung, you’re making noona angry”

“N-noona” I stuttered and felt myself blush ever so slightly, why did I suddenly become so embarrassed when maknae called me noona, it’s not like no one had done that before. Though any bit of redness disappeared when the door to the room flung open, and thus revealing Howon, whom must’ve arrived just now because I hadn’t seen him earlier.

“Hoya this is..” Sung Yeol began but before he got the chance to end it, Howon had already closed the door again, which caused every one of the three, including jackass to stare at the door. Why did I get the feeling that he knew who I was but that he didn’t want to see me?

“I’m just going to…” I pointed at the door instead of ending the sentence because I wasn’t too sure what I was going to do. I could feel how the stared after me as I exited the room and looked around, trying to locate where Howon had went. Chancing I turned right and walked along the hallway until I heard that oh so familiar voice in the room right in front of me.

I slowly tip-toed over to the door and pressed my ear tightly against it since I didn’t want to barge inside if someone else was there to. Carefully I listened, but the only thing I could hear was his voice, as if he was talking to himself.

After taking a deep breath and with that, I really mean deep I lightly knocked on the door as I waited for some sort of reply. Whatever it being him opening the door or shouting something.

“Yes?” he half shouted and I felt myself tense, okay, should I go in there or run for my life? My inner thoughts where fighting with each other in an attempt to come to a conclusion of what I was going to do. But to my fear, the door opened before I even got the chance to decide what I was going to do.

It felt as if someone punched me in the stomach when seeing him standing there, just a meter away as memories started to flood back to me. Our first meeting when we was five, it had been Christmas Eve that day and we had been invited over to their house for dinner. We had immediately clicked, not only because of his interest in music, dancing and singing. But it was something with him that enthralled me. He could make me smile and laugh like no one else could.

“C-can we talk?” I murmured and saw how his mouth twitched a bit as a sigh then escaped his lips before he muttered something I couldn’t make out.

He didn’t say anything more and did exactly what Kirin had done back at their house, stepped aside to let me in. I had been right; it was no one there besides us, which caused me to wonder since no music had been played when I stood out there. Something had to be wrong, why was he acting so strange all of a sudden.

“Howon I…”

“You know I don’t like being called that” he stated back as he closed the door behind and made his way over to a chair that was placed along one of the walls as I stood frozen on the same spot after that something inside me had snapped because of his statement.

Why, because he always said the exact same words when I said Howon to him, I knew that he preferred Hoya over Howon but I wanted to see if he really remembered me or not.

“You remember, but why? Why did you stop replying to my letters, calls, and messages?” I questioned as tears started to trickle down my cheeks, but I hurried to wipe them away before he could see them, I didn’t want to show him that I’d missed him so much without him telling me that he had missed me as well.

“Because I don’t like you” he said in a stern voice as he looked straight into my eyes as my heart officially broke.

“Y-you don’t l-like me?” my chest was hurting and thus making it hard to both breath and talk, as I stared at him with more glistering tears streaming down and hitting the floor beneath.

“No” he simply replied as he then stood up and made his way past me, I could then hear how the door opened before it slammed shut, which caused me to jump a bit startled. If he only knew how much I care for him.

I could hear a light knock on the door before it opened, which caused me to turn around so that the person wouldn’t spot my tears and red eyes. God I was going to get panda eyes.

“What happened?” it was Sung Yeol’s soft voice wondering and I found myself smiling a little bit, knowing that someone actually cared about how I felt even though he had nothing to do with this.

I explained to him that nothing was wrong as I heard how he took a few steps closer to me, though I still remained as calm as possible so that he wouldn’t notice my crying self. I wasn’t a person who cried easily, and if I did. The thing that caused me to do so had to be something that hurt me deeply. Just like now.

“Then why is Hoya upset?”

Why would he be the one upset? I hadn’t done anything to make him upset, it was more the opposite. He had said something that hurt me. Not the way around, stupid boy, trying to deceive his own members as if I was the bad person in this. I had waited like a fool for five years to meet him, and when I finally do so, he tells me he hates me.

“I don’t know” I replied and then turned around so that I could get the hell out of there, why was it that everything seemed to fall again. Five years ago my world fell apart and now when I’ve finally re-built it he destroys it yet again. Maybe it was time after all, to move on.

~~

School is starting tomorrow "cries masses" and that means that I'm not going to have as much time to update anymore. But I'm not going to abandon this story so rest assure ^^