One week had passed since the start of mine and Sung Yeol’s relationship, though I hadn’t told anyone about it. Not even Yeon Ji. It was something I wanted to keep for myself, at least for a little while.

Though the relationship’s first week had been quite dull, not because Kirin was boring, No, it was because they where preparing for their comeback and that meant no time to spend on having fun. Instead all his time was spent on practicing dance routines and hitting notes. But I wasn’t complaining. At least I got the chance to see him every day.

At least Howon wasn’t invading my head all the time any more. Well to tell the truth. I didn’t really have the time to think of him. Of course snippets of memories would come to mind. Even his face and voice would too. But that was only when something was troubling me. And it bothered me, a lot.

Because I wanted Sung Yeol’s face and voice to show up instead, I wanted to get rid of all the Howon feelings. But it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew that more than well. He was my first love. And deep down in my heart he’ll always be someone special to me, even though he might not see me as someone who’s special to him.

My mind traveled back to the kiss and I felt how my heart pounded harder.

It had been my first, the one and only kiss that I probably would remember for the rest of my life. Well maybe not the only one. But it was definitely going to be one of those that I’ll remember the most, that along with the one on my weeding. Well that’s if I’m going to get married of course.

His lips that fit perfectly onto mine, like a two-pieced jigsaw that got completed when our lips met into a sensitive yet passion filled kiss. Yes it may sound cheesy, but to be honest it was probably the best ‘first kiss’ one could get. And I would never ever hesitate to kiss him again if I got the chance, definitely not.

On the night that day I’d been lying awake in my bed, thinking about the kiss for numerous of hours. I can’t recall how many hours it was, just that I saw the sun rise outside the window when I finally fell asleep.

When I woke up later that morning guilt was filling every part of my body, Howon’s face came to mind and I found myself bothered by the fact that Sung Yeol and I where officially dating. Had I made the wrong decision? Hopefully not, because if I did then I’d not only hurt my own feelings. But Sung Yeol’s as well. And if it was the wrong decision then I would definitely suffer, because then probably all the people around me would leave. Yeon Ji for hurting her brother, Kirin for breaking his heart and the rest of the Infinite members for making one of the members suffer, psychically.

But, you can’t force feelings upon a heart. It decides for itself regarding who you fall in-love with, it’s nothing you decide. It just happens. And if you’re lucky, the person who your heart is beating for feels the same then you are practically complete. Of course you can learn to love a person, but that’s not the same.

Though I don’t see mine and Sung Yeol’s relationship like something I’ve forced myself into because I want someone by my side. No. It’s because I have sincere feelings for him that I want to develop into true love. That sort of love that I once felt for Howon, the one that made me feel special and also that the time I spend with him would never end. But it did. And he left.

He left his personality and his true self when he left for Seoul. Because the person he is right now is not the one I love – loved – love.
I don’t even know anymore what my feelings for him are. I’m so confused. Would it be wrong if I love him even though I know I have Sung Yeol? That I’m dating the giraffe Sung Yeol and not the dance machine Hoya. I guess it’s wrong. Well maybe not wrong, but definitely not right. To none of us, especially not Sung Yeol who doesn’t even know about the past relationship between me and Howon.

Would it even be the right decision to tell him?

I don’t know.

Heh, Sung Yeol doesn’t even know where I live; maybe it was time to finally let him enter my life a bit more. Though I doubt he’ll be impressed by the small apartment of mine.

~~~

I flipped the phone open after that I’d fished it up from my bag; I was going to send a text message to Kirin. One where I would ask how he was and if he had time to come over, though I believe that I’ll get a negative answer on the last question. But it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?

The reply from Sung Yeol soon made my phone vibrate frantically and I found myself smile as I read the text that he’d written.
‘I’m tired D= I would if I knew where you live ;P’

Snap, I forgot that he didn’t know where I lived, in a swift motion I started to type in my reply message on the phone. ‘Ah, you don’t have to but if you want we can meet up outside Yeoksam subway station, if you have time?’ after pressing send I placed the phone on the small kitchen table and went to clean up around the apartment, just in case Sung Yeol decided that he wanted to come.

Twenty minutes later I was practically all pumped out, all that because Kirin had a couple of minutes after my text sent one back that he more than wanted to meet me. And it wasn’t like I wanted to show my unorganized self. Not now at least.

After taking a quick notice on the clock hanging over the door I made way towards the bathroom and a shower I felt that I badly needed right now. My shirt was prickled with sweat and thus making it stick onto my back like glue and it was disgusting.

The shower felt like heaven and at some points I didn’t want it to end. I hated to bath, but I loved to take a shower. I don’t know why. It’s something with the feeling when bathing that I dislike.

My new set of clothing was a pair of black fake leather leggings, a white plain shirt under a gray pullover with a hood. It was nothing that stood out in any sort of way. I finished it off with a pair of plain black shoes with small decorations in white and then my favorite jacket to make it perfect. It was a jacket that I got from Howon in Christmas present the year I turned fourteen. Yeh don’t ask. I practically stopped growing around that time, which probably also explains why I’m so short.

Okay, enough of me and more walk to the subway station. It was only ten minutes left until I was going to meet him, Kirin and his oh so deliciously tasting lips.