The past weekend had been a nightmare; I couldn’t get a hold of Sung Yeol. He had changed his phone number, which meant that the only way to talk to him was either by calling Yeon Ji or some of the boys. And I couldn’t. I wanted to talk directly to Sung Yeol without anyone knowing. God, Yeon Ji doesn’t even know that I’ve moved back home again. But it was just a matter of fact before she would.

I didn’t know what I where going to do, and it wasn’t like his phone number could be found through Internet. He was an idol, not a normal citizen. It was so frustrating, to not know what I should do.

I had been home for one week, exactly. Yeon Ji must think I’m sick since she hasn’t called, or maybe she doesn’t want to call. Maybe she knows what I did to Sung Yeol. That I hurt him dearly and she hates me for doing so.

Everything was back to normal again, almost. I had no one to talk to. Dad was on an overseas conference in France. Mom had only been home once in a while to shower and occasionally sleep, though I would always keep myself out of the way, just for in case.

But one time, she had got me. She had just arrived home late after being out with some of her friends. And she had been drinking, a lot. Because she could barely stand on her legs as she stalked inside the house and spotted me. Immediately she began shouting at me. I feared for the worst and planned my escape, something that I didn’t succeed with, she had grabbed my hair from behind and pulled me towards herself. As she then slapped me across the face. But it didn’t stop there. She started using her fists and hit me so hard that my lip cracked.

I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t hit back. She was my mother.

She stopped a few minutes later when she collapsed herself and fell asleep on the floor right at my feet’s. I stood there, frozen to the ground like some statue and only stared right into space. I could feel blood running down my face, but I just stood there, unable to move.

It took me quite a while to get myself together and walk away; unconsciously I returned to my room and grabbed my phone. After flipping it open I stared at the picture of Sung Yeol’s smiling self. I cried, and cried and cried for several minutes until I finally feel asleep.

The day after, I woke up with dried blood all over my face and on my pillow. Later when I had cleaned myself up I saw how much damage my mother had done. My lips where cracked, my left eye had a huge bruise and so did my both cheeks. She had really hit me hard, that’s one thing for sure.

Luckily dad wouldn’t be home for at least one more week, hopefully all the bruises would be gone by then or else he would surely wonder. I wonder how he would react if I told him that mom had done this, would he believe me?

Probably not.

~~

I heard how my cell phone sounded, a call, someone was calling me. Hesitantly I picked it up and stared, wide-eyed at the ID. It was Yeon Ji. My heart was beating frantically.

Breathing out I answered, I was quiet. Waiting for her to say something, and god, I didn’t have to wait long for that to happen. Because now it was her turn to practically shout at me. But it wasn’t like how mom had done. Yeon Ji was sensitive in her tone. She spoke sincere and nicely.

“What are you doing, do you think running away will make everything better”

She was right, I where running away. But I had to. I couldn’t take it anymore. To see someone I love so dearly in so much pain. It was maybe for the better if we all forgot about this and lived on with life.

“Sung Yeol, I’ve never seen him this depressed before. And yet he has had girlfriends before, but they have never made Sung Yeol feel like this when they broke up. He’s a zombie; he shows no emotions what so ever. He’s never smiling. Not even when he is with the other members. He loves you. And I think that if you just talk to him, you can sort this out. Right, Hoya was here, he wondered where you were”

My grip around the phone tightened and I closed my eyes shut.

“He told me everything, about your past and what he has done to you. And that he regret it. So please, come home. Everyone misses you, even MyungSoo”

Tears had made their way down my cheeks and I cried, they miss me, but how can they miss someone who have done this to all of them. I’ve made them suffer so much. “I can’t” I said and pressed the phone closer to my ear so much that it hurt. I wanted to go back. It was not that. But I had already sold the apartment and had nowhere to live.

“Mi Yeon, he loves you. And I know you love him to”

I know, I love him, but that was not the problem. It’s whatever he truly loves me, now. At this moment.