Birthday, I wonder how it’ll be like. I’d never had this many friends to spend it with. More like, the past couple of years, it had just been me, dad and mom. My friends where leaving, one by one. Saying that I where boring and only had my eyes set on one person, Hoya. But there where right. Hoya was everything to me; to be able to meet him again was the only thing that made me work so hard.

But it also came with a price.

I opened the door to Woolim Entertainment’s practice studio and rushed inside. The cold had already taken a huge grasp around my body and I needed to get warm and a cup of hot cocoa would easily solve that.

It didn’t take many minutes for me to record that it was rather quiet, come to think of it. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone, weird. Well more cake for me. And it wasn’t like I cared that much about celebrating my birthday.

After swallowing the last of the cocoa I placed it inside the dishwasher and went to lie down on the couch again. It hadn’t been that bad to sleep over here. If it weren’t for that the ride to school was longer I could easily move in here.

I must’ve fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes again he was there, in front of my eyes. His usual smirk was there and I pushed my body further away from him, so that I was pressing my back into the couch as much as I could. And before he could do anything more, like kiss me. I sat up.

He must’ve gotten surprised because I heard his low sigh. My heart raced once again. Where was everyone when you needed them the most? Even the oh so annoyingly Sung Jong was welcomed, if that meant that Hoya would stop. I glanced to my left, piercing my eyes into his. He was hurt. I could see it. But it wasn’t anything I could do about it. He had already gotten a second chance, but he threw it away, again.

“I know you love me” his voice was low, though, I could hear that he was upset. He was staring at me intensely, his eyes not leaving mine. “I do” I said sincerely, I weren’t lying. Because he was right, I did love him, but not in the same way as I used to.

He stared at me.

I think he must believe that it was something I just said. That I didn’t mean it and just wanted to get rid of him, which I sort of wanted.

“Y-you..”

“Yes. I love you” I finished his sentence. The shock in his eyes made me feel a bit uneasy. Hadn’t he noticed that already? For so many years, I’d loved him as long as I could remember. “Why didn’t you say something?” he had scooted closer towards me, but I didn’t move away, I where too taken back that we had this conversation now.

“I was about to, five years ago. But you left, remember? And when I finally, five years later found you, you said that you hated me and wanted me out of your life” the words stuck in my throat as tears where building up in my eyes, threatening to escape.

“I know, I’m sorry” Hoya had planted his both hands on my cheeks as he wiped away the tears that had fallen. I let him. All my energy had already left my body.

“I shouldn’t had let you go five years ago” my eyes widened at his words, did he just say that he had been in-love with me for the past five years. I noticed how he leaned in, closer. And as our lips where about to brush against each other the door flung open.

The one and only thing that weren’t allowed to happen did. Hoya must’ve heard the door open as well because he turned around and I could see that he got startled by what he saw. “O-oppa” I stuttered and I saw how he winched at my voice. He backed away from the door, I guess he understood. He must’ve heard it, my confession to Hoya.

Hoya didn’t move an inch when Sung Yeol turned his heal and left. But I did. Without hesitation I pushed away Hoya and ran after him. The pain was unbearable. I wanted it to go away, immediately. But I knew that it wasn’t going to when I caught up with Sung Yeol and grabbed his arm.

He stopped.

We stood there like that a few seconds before he slowly turned around and glanced down on me, his eyes where red and it stung once again inside. “O-ppa I don’t – I love you” my sentence where incoherent and hasty.

“Don’t, just get out of my sight” he brushed my hand away and stomped off, the door was slammed shut and I felt how my legs gave in and I fell to my knees. This was exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I never meant to hurt anyone.

This is so typical life.

You love a person who doesn’t want you. And when he does want you, you love someone else, someone that made you forget about the past and made you happy by living in the present.

I hate this, I want Sung Yeol. Not Hoya.