I’d already left the house before they woke up, the situation between me and Howon was beyond awkward right now, and to tell the truth. I don’t know whenever I could ever face him again. Well sometime I had to, I knew that. But not that soon after what happened the previous night.

Which also had caused me to have trouble with falling asleep; I couldn’t get his words out of my mind, why was he acting so strangely? Why couldn’t he just tell me if something was bothering him?

Anyhow, it was back to school again. And now was not the time to lose focus, the mid-terms where soon coming and I really needed to study for the English part. Because it was one thing that Tablo had said to me before I signed the contract and that was; ‘you have to pass your classes in order to work here’. So if I couldn’t pass then I weren’t allowed to be there.

Right, I almost forgot. Infinite was going to make their comeback soon; I think it was in the middle of October if I was right. And that probably meant that they would have to practice a lot now, since it was barely two-three weeks left. Maybe I could take this time away from them to sort out my feelings? Yes, I would do that. I needed to make up my mind.

Howon or Sung Yeol.

~~

“MI YEON” I didn’t need to look up to know who had shouted that, because I knew too well who it was; Yeon Ji and her giraffe legs was running towards me again before I felt how she slung her arm around my shoulder and brought me closer to her body.

“So how’s your love life going?” she pinched my arm lightly as I shot her a look of disappointment, my love life was, how should I put it, nonexistent. That’s probably the only word that fits my situation right now.

“Kirin likes it rough” she said right out of the blue with a sincere and serious tone and I could only gawk at the choice of words she’d used. “You did not just say that” I cried, how could she say something like that?

“Oh, please I know you like him” she laughed an amused laughter and I felt my heart pounding harder inside my chest. Was it really that noticeable, that I liked him? But I liked Howon too. Was it really true, that you could love two people at the same time? It feels as if my heart is divided into two countries, one Howon while the other Sung Yeol.

“Mi Yeon” I heard Yeon Ji call my name in a sing-song voice that brought me out from my thoughts as I turned my head and looked at her. Her smile had faded a bit and been replaced with a small thin line.

“There’s someone else isn’t it”

How could she know? She’d barely known me for a month yet it felt like she knew everything about me. But I guess that’s what friends are for. To know when the other is troubled and need help. Though I have a hard time believing that this was one of those problems that anyone else besides me could do anything about, the situation between the three of us was something I needed to sort out myself.

After giving a light nod as reply she asked me who it was, if it was someone she knew. Well it wasn’t like I knew if she and Howon were friends or on the other hand had ever met each other. “It’s Howon” I murmured almost inaudible and I saw how she winced a bit when I said his name.

“Hoya?” she said his name in shock, as if she didn’t believe me, well somehow I didn’t want to believe it either, because just by uttering his name made my whole body ache. To some points I even wished that I’d never fallen in love with him in the beginning, but now it was too late to change that because I already had. The only thing I could do now was to slowly clean out the feelings I have for him and start loving someone else. Which I sort of already did, Sung Yeol.

Though my feelings for him wasn’t as strong as the ones I have for Howon, which on the other hand isn’t that shocking since I’ve known him far longer than I’ve known Kirin.

“Well I think you need to make up your mind, I know by fact that Sung Yeol doesn’t like to wait, he’s one of those impatient Kirins.” She patted my shoulder and then walked off to her first class, which was History. Luckily for me, I hadn’t chosen that class because I, to put it simple; at history.

But she was right, I really needed to make up my mind, and I could understand Sung Yeol. Who would like to wait forever for someone to confess, I know that I wouldn’t. Though I don’t know why I’m still clinging onto Howon and waiting for him like the fool I am, it’s been five years already. And with him making no effort in even trying it’s for the best to forget. Because you can’t have everything you want in life.

~~

The classes had gone past rather quickly, even though I’d only had English and composition today I still felt tired. Well I had barely slept anything the previous night, all that thanks to Howon. As I where walking towards the subway station I felt how my cell phone vibrated in my pocket, and after fishing it up I glanced at the sender; Kirin. With a heavy heart I opened the message and read it inside my head.

‘Do you have time? Can we meet?’

I had all the time in the world, but it felt wrong. Like I where going behind Howon’s back if I met Sung Yeol. *Stop thinking about Howon for god’s sake, isn’t it time for you to start living your own life*a voice inside my head stated and I couldn’t agree more. It was time. It was time to say goodbye to my feelings for Howon once and for all.

‘Sure =) where do you want to meet?’ I typed in and then pressed the send button as I then waited for the reply that arrived soon after. ‘At the same spot were we meet when you gave me the camera’.

‘Okay’

It was probably the best to meet there since it was not only close to my house but also because there where few people that visited just that part of the Park, which meant that we’d probably didn’t have to worry about being interrupted by fangirls of Sung Yeol.