I couldn’t tell Sung Yeol about my feelings for Hoya, the ones that I thought had disappeared. But obviously they hadn’t.

“You okay” Yeon Ji’s voice brought me back to reality, a reality that had become more real than ever. Because I couldn’t deny that Hoya still had a huge spot in my heart. I nodded in response, I didn’t want to trouble her with my problems, and especially not when it was about Hoya. Not when she thought I had feelings for Sung Yeol. Which I did, but there was a slight problem, I had feelings for Hoya as well.

“Okay, so how’s everything going” even a stupid person would understand what she wanted by asking that. She wanted to know about Sung Yeol and me. And I was going to tell her, that we were going out. Though I didn’t know when the right time would be, now, later or never?

But that wasn’t my biggest problem right now, because that was Hoya and my fake girl/boyfriend relationship that still had three days left. And to make everything even worse, he’d become a totally different person. He’d become the Hoya that left me five years ago to pursue his dream, which meant trouble for me.

Because that lock around my Hoya feelings were slowly breaking, and I feared the worst. That it eventually would break and I would throw myself at Hoya. Then all my efforts would be shattered, just like our friendship.

“Earth to Mi Yeon, hello” Yeon Ji was waving her hands in front of my face, I’d lost myself in my thoughts, again. But who wouldn’t when their life was like a weird dream. A dream that took new directions every day and somehow never seemed to stop. It was a never-ending nightmare that was torturing me. And the only thing to stop it was to end all this. To end my suffering, otherwise it would turn out into more people suffering.

“S-sorry” I managed to stutter out before I apologized myself, telling that I needed to be somewhere, and that somewhere was meeting Hoya, time for more Mnet Scandal filming. Why did it have to be him? Why couldn’t it be Sung Yeol, it would’ve been so much easier for me. Then I wouldn’t have to keep myself cool and always have to worry about letting Hoya enter my heart and mind.

Who am I kidding; I’ve already let him in.

~~

The subway ride must’ve been the longest ever, it felt as if where traveling to the end of the world, because it took really that long.
Did that mean I was looking forward to meet him?

No.

“You came” his voice was cheerful, which was weird. The cameras weren’t one yet. I smiled weakly in response as I told him that I didn’t have a choice. I had signed a contract, which meant that I had to fulfill the filming, whatever I liked it or not. All thanks to my mother. Why can’t she do something right for once?

“How’s school?” he asked, and I could hear his carefulness, as if he doubted whatever he had the right to ask me that. And he hadn’t. But then, why did I reply? Because he had showed that he still cared. “It’s okay I guess” I replied and moved my lips upwards, into a small, almost insignificant smile.

“You, how are you?” I hesitated, I where afraid to hear his answer. That he was fine and happy without me. But he didn’t get a chance t answer, because in the next second a camera was shown in our face, which only meant one thing. The filming had started and we couldn’t talk about personal matters anymore.

“We’re going to Seoul Tower”

I’d never been there so it was definitely a place where I wanted to go, but I could never imagine that it would be together with Hoya. More like, I thought it would be Sung Yeol taking me there for a date, but now it was Hoya. Though, if I where going to be honest, I weren’t that bothered about it, it was not like it was a real date. All this, it was just set up. Like those dramas showing on TV.

The sun had already set for tonight, much to my despair since I started to freeze really easy, luckily for me was that Seoul Tower weren’t that far away. Maybe a five minute walk. I weren’t too sure since I’d never walked in this area of Seoul.

I felt something warm brush against my skin before it slid into my hand; I glanced down and fallowed the arm before I ended up staring at Hoya’s smirking self. A smirk that sent shivers down my spine.

*Think about Sung Yeol, only Sung Yeol. Not Hoya. Can’t you see that he’s just playing with you? Of course I see it. But the feelings stalled inside doesn’t.*

“Mi Yeon sshi?”

STOP, don’t use sshi. You know me. So just stop with the act. You’re just making me even more confused, even more afraid that this is just an act. That when this is all over in three days, that you’ll turn back to the person that hate me. I can’t take that. Not one more time. Not when I’m opening up. Not when my feelings for you are so sincere and that you’ll crush them. Just like five years ago.

I still love you.

I’ll always love you.

Even if you might not see it, even if you don’t not want to see it, but they are there, the feelings in my heart, because I can feel them.

A heart beating so fast.

Eyes only on you.

Me.