***Amber’s POV***

I was staring at my notepad, not sure what to think anymore.

The day so far had been uneventful.

I had been sitting at the information desk since early in the morning since there was an important meeting of the higher managers of SM Entertainment.

I was doodling away on my notepad bored, smiling once in a while as the paper filled with cute animals, beautiful flowers, interesting ornaments, hearts and a “Kibum <3 Amber” here and there.

Just the usual things!

It was nice to be in love.

When you are in love you felt like smiling all the time.

You wanted to hug the whole world.

You felt the desperate need to be around the one you love nonstop.

You loved his voice, his smile, his eyes looking at you.

You wanted to touch him and shout his name from the roof.

Well, in my case you are doodling away his name on a piece of paper next to your own.

Once again I looked at the paper with a smile to take a look at what I was drawing just now, only to widen my eyes in shock.

There it was, a cute small heart with amazing ornaments around it, making it stand out in between all the drawings on the paper.

I had to pat my shoulder mentally at how amazing that one heart looked, but then I was back to staring at the heart in confusion.

Right in the middle of the heart were two letters, drawn in a most careful and caring way.

“A <3 Y”

My heart pounded hard.

“Morning, beautiful!”

I jumped, knocking my chair over, nervously scattering a stack of paper over my idiotic doodling.

I heard a soft chuckle.

“Mianhae, I didn’t want to frighten you!”

I looked up to be met by warm eyes and a small but still beautiful smile.

“W-what are you doing here?”

I felt a flick on my forehead.

“Pabo, greeting my girlfriend in the morning of course!”

I tried to cover up my nervousness with a small chuckle.

“Why, Kim Kibum, if you continue like this I’ll start to think that you are even more romantic than Donghae Oppa!”

For a second I thought he could see right through me, recognizing that my heart was in a totally messed up state, as for a second his smile disappeared and I could see a flicker of pain in his eyes.

I wasn’t sure if I saw right as the smile was back on his lips in no time and his eyes looked as warm as before.

I mentally shook my head.

There was no way he could know what was going on, if I didn’t even know it myself.

It was all so complicated and irritating!

I must have seen things when I thought that Kibum was hiding some painful feelings, almost urging me to walk around the desk and hug him.

No way!

Kibum was a strong guy, snarky most of the time, but still happy!

“Donghae is nothing compared to me!” Kibum whispered and for a moment I felt very cold.

The aura surrounding Kibum was really weird.

His voice sounded soft saying those words, full of care, but his eyes looked like he was suffering.

Once again I wanted to walk around the desk to hug this man tightly, not even knowing what was wrong.

And again in just a second his demeanour changed completely.

He smiled cheerfully at me and then brought out a flower from behind his back.

“See, I even brought a flower for my cheerful girlfriend to make her even more cheerful. As my girlfriend being happy is like the sun, warming me up from the inside!”

I gulped, feeling tears forming in the corner of my eyes as I looked at the small and perfect buttercup in Kibum’s hand and then at the sincere smile on his lips.

He seemed like he wanted to convey some deeper message, but I didn’t really get it.

I laughed slightly.

“Cheesy!”

I took the flower from his hand and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him.

My eyes widened in shock when his lips found mine in a kiss that almost felt desperate.

I was still dazed when he let go and smiled at me.

I blinked a few times.

“Are you crazy? What if someone saw?” I asked when I came back to my senses.

“Yah, Kibum-ah, were you so desperate to see your girl, so you couldn’t even wait for us to reach the underground garage? Jumping out in front of the building might be dangerous, you know?”

My eyes wandered to the rest of the group that was just arriving from the elevators.

Leeteuk’s eyes, as he spoke, showed a mixture between amusement and annoyance.

“Neh, I was desperate to get out of that car as someone couldn’t stop talking!” Kibum said shooting a dirty look in the direction of Donghae.

I smiled as I saw the happy smile on the elders face.

“Mian, Kibum-ah! I’m just so excited! I have a girlfriend now, did you know that?”

I chuckled.

“You only mentioned it about every two seconds in the car!” Kibum snapped and I raised a brow.

No reason to get all mad about that!

Donghae looked a bit taken aback by Kibum’s harsh voice.

“Ah, don’t worry, Hae-ah! Don’t let that insensitive idiot ruin your mood! It’s not your fault, that Kibum isn’t able to be happy for anyone besides himself!”

My heart missed a beat as I listened to the dangerous low voice coming from the back of the guys.

“Yah, Yesungie-hyung, don’t be like that! Really, what’s wrong with you? You seem to be annoyed a lot these days!” Ryeowook stated concerned.

I searched for Yesung with my eyes and when I finally found him our eyes met for a second.

Something flickered in his eyes, maybe something like anger?

I sighed.

Everything was so confusing these days, Kibum’s weird happiness, Yesung’s anger and my own heart.

I haven’t really talked to Yesung ever since that morning he jumped on me.

One of us was always busy, or in Yesung’s case he always stated he needed to rest as the preparations for their Super Show 3 was very tiring.

Sometimes I wondered if he was ignoring me, but then there was no reason for that.

We haven’t been in a fight or anything.

“So, who wants to go out tonight to celebrate my new relationship?” Donghae asked excitedly.

“I’ll pass! I don’t feel up to it! Mian!” Yesung said with a soft smile to the younger before he walked ahead.

“Amber and I are on a date tonight, so we won’t be able to come!”

I blinked and looked at Kibum.

“We are on a date?” I asked irritated.

Kibum smiled at me.

“Neh, that’s what I wanted to ask you before the others caught up with me!”

“Oh!” I stupidly said.

I still felt weird and couldn’t even place it.

Was my heart clenching because I was excited about the date tonight?

I smiled.

“Oh, sure! Just pick me up when you are done for today!”

“Yah, can’t the two of you just date on another day and celebrate with me today?” Donghae asked with a slight pout.

“Yah, Fishy, just let them be romantic tonight!” Hyukjae said rolling his eyes, before pinching his friend’s cheek.

“But you will come, right? Lin and you aren’t on a date tonight!” Donghae asked pleadingly.

“I’ll be there, but I’m not sure about Lin as she is with Heechul-hyung and Kyu for their filming!”

Donghae pouted once again.

“So my favorite hyung and dongsaeng won’t be there tonight, either?”

“Yah, I’m your favorite hyung!” Hyukjae said pretending to be mad.

“Aish, Hyukjae, shut up! I’m his favorite hyung!” Leeteuk said.

Kangin snorted.

“As if! Everyone knows I’m his favorite hyung!”

“Yah, what about me?” Hankyung asked with a soft smile.

“Hyung, you love Kyu more than me?” Ryeowook asked with a slight pout.

Donghae looked from one to another feeling more and more desperate with each sentence that left his friends’ mouthes.

“Yah, Siwonnie! HELP!” he suddenly said and hid behind the tall man.

Siwon widened his eyes.

“Why me? Don’t get me involved in this! After all I’m not your favorite dongsaeng either!”

Donghae punched his friend’s shoulder.

“That’s just because you confuse me! Still not sure if you are my dongsaeng or I am yours! So confusing! Chincha, why do you even need two birthdays?”

Sungmin chuckled.

“Too much for a fish’s brain! Just leave him alone, you know how sensitive he is, he probably will feel upset for upsetting each of you!”

“You just say that because you want to be his favorite hyung!” Hyukjae stated.

“Ani, I’m already your favorite hyung, so I’m quite happy!” Sungmin replied cheekily.

“Yah, what about me? We work together the most, so I should be his favorite hyung!” Leeteuk stated depressed.

Hyukjae blinked a few times.

“I don’t have a favorite hyung or dongsaeng! I love you all the same!”

“So you don’t love me best out of your dongsaengs?” Donghae asked with sad eyes.

“Oh god, all of you are unbelievable stupid at times!” Kibum said vexed before he turned away to walk away in the direction Yesung already went.

I blinked once again following Kibum with my eyes.

Those guys were acting totally dorky and I smiled while I listened to them, almost forgetting about the handsome man in front of me, until he snapped right now.

What’s wrong with him?

“Well, now we all know who doesn’t want to fight for the title of favorite dongsaeng!” Shindong said with a chuckle.

“Aw, or maybe he wants to be Donghae’s favorite dongsaeng too and is therefore upset he wasn’t mentioned at all! Yah, Donghae-ah, you have been the best of friends before, why didn’t you consider his feelings more just now?” Leeteuk asked reproachfully.

Donghae looked at his feet awkwardly.

“Mianhae! Kibum and I are just…” he trailed off and I grew curious.

Did anything happen between those guys?

“We should be going, we are already late for practice!” Hyukjae suddenly said and Donghae threw him a grateful glance.

“Right! Kaja!” Leeteuk said and walked away, followed by the rest.

I shook my head.

Those guys could be so irritating, dorky, funny and loveable.

Loveable?

I shoved away the papers on my desk carefully to find that taunting piece of paper I hid before.

I stared at it once again.

Kibum <3 Amber

A <3 Y

I sighed and threw the paper in the bin beneath the table before picking up my still fallen over chair.

I sat down with a heavy sigh.

I was really in trouble!

***in the evening***

I plopped down on the couch with a sigh.

I was sighing an awfully lot these days, especially today.

I crossed my arms.

I couldn’t help it, but another sigh left my mouth.

“Okay, spill it!”

I pouted as I looked over to Melanie who was furiously clicking around on her laptop.

She didn’t even look at me.

Her gaze was fixed on the screen.

I threw one of the cushions from the couch at her.

I noticed satisfied how it hit her right on the back of her head.

Melanie slowly turned around to look at me with raised brows.

“Yah, what got you so worked up?”

I groaned.

“Not what! Who?”

Suddenly a satisfied smile appeared on Melanie’s face.

“Are you already at the point to break up with Kibum to get together with Yesung?”

I glared at her.

“That’s not a really nice thing to say! Poor Kibum! What did he ever do to you for you to be against him?”

Melanie smiled.

“I’m not against him! I just like Yesung better, especially for you! Whenever I met Kibum he seemed like he had some dark secrets, some issues that are pulling him down! I just don’t want you to get pulled down with him!”

My heart clenched and I had problems to breath for a second.

“So you want me to ditch him, even though you think he might have some problems?” I asked, feeling really sad for Kibum all out of sudden.

Melanie sighed and got up from her chair to walk over to me.

She sat down and looked at me sincerely.

“I don’t want you to ditch him, not really! If he makes you happy then it’s totally fine with me! I’m not the one that is important for the two of you to work out! My opinion on Kibum doesn’t matter as long as you love him and you are happy!”

Did he?

Do I?

Do I really love him?

“He makes me happy!” I whispered.

He really did.

Melanie smiled and patted my shoulder.

“Then everything is fine, isn’t it? Even though I still think Yesung would be the hotter choice!”

Yesung!

My heart clenched once again, remembering his angry glance this morning.

I hated for him to be angry with me.

I seriously couldn’t think of anything that I hated more than for Yesung to be angry with me.

I didn’t even really know what I did wrong.

“I think Yesung is mad at me!” I mumbled.

Melanie smiled warmly.

“He isn’t! Why would he be mad at you?”

I shrugged.

“I have no idea! I just can feel it! Plus he is avoiding me!”

Melanie chuckled.

“He is just busy! They all are! Brina told me that most of the guys are feeling really stressed these days, working hard for their Super Show 3! Did you know that she and Hyukjae got into a fight because he was jealous over Donghae?”

I widened my eyes before I started to laugh.

“Eunhyuk is such a funny dude!”

Melanie nodded.

“Obviously he got jealous because Donghae gained more muscles than him! Well, I would be jealous too, if I were him! Donghae looks way better than him!”

“Yah, he doesn’t! I heard that!”

I turned around to see Lin entering the apartment.

Melanie snorted.

“We both know that Donghae is the most handsome man in the world!”

Lin rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, keep thinking that! I know for sure he isn’t!”

I chuckled.

“You two are unbelievable, always getting into a fight whose guy is hotter!”

“Mine is!” they both said at the same time, making us all laugh together.

“So, why are you already here? Donghae send a message being all upset about you, Kyuhyun and Heechul being not able to come with us tonight!” Melanie inquired.

Lin shrugged and then smiled totally mysteriously.

“We finished early today, since there had been some troubles on set!”

“Troubles on set?” I asked irritated, especially with the amusement on Lin’s face.

The door flew open and a fuming Anja walked in.

“I’M GONNA KILL HIM!” she yelled in frustration.

Mel and I blinked at each other.

“Who…” I didn’t get to finish my sentence.

“HOW DARE HE SAY MY LINES ARE TOO CHEESY FOR HIM TO ACT THEM OUT PROPERLY?!?!? It’s his god damn job as an actor to just act whatever the script says! Too cheesy? Oh, Cho Kyuhyun, wait till I’m done with the rewriting of the scene! You will wish you would have never complained about the original scene!”

Melanie snorted and I giggled, while Lin was biting her lips.

“Already trouble in paradise?” Melanie asked amused.

I chuckled.

The whole situation between Kyuhyun and Anja was just too funny.

When Anja had told us what had happened between her and Kyuhyun the other day we couldn’t stop laughing.

On one hand because of Kyuhyun’s totally macho behavior and on the other hand because of Anja’s totally shocked face, when she told us about it.

It was so ironic, how Kyuhyun picked Anja for his scheme against Heechul, Anja who was madly in love with the young game addict ever since she first came to know about Super Junior.

If I hadn’t known it better I would have thought that we all were in a hidden camera, or it was just a joke, but seeing the irritation in Anja’s face for the whole night yesterday, it really must have happened.

Well, there could be happening worse things than the guy of your dreams kissing you and asking you to become his girlfriend, even if it was just a fake one.

One could have some fun with this situation.

“Trouble? Oh, you have no idea! I kinda feel like ripping off his head!” Anja said with an angry frown on her face.

“Don’t do that, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to kiss you anymore!” I said.

Anja blushed.

“You are aware that we are not really dating, right?”

I smiled.

“Who cares? If I would be you, I would kiss him every chance I got! He can’t do anything about it, since he is your “boyfriend”!”

“Yes, and he won’t might it think weird that I’m so keen on kissing him, even though we are not together for real!” Anja mumbled annoyed.

“At least pinch his as often as you can! Even if you are not in love with him you would want to do that, believe me!” Melanie said.

Anja blinked at us.

“You guys are impossible! Besides he is an arrogant ! He made fun of my script the whole day, stating that it’s too girly and too cheesy!”

Lin chuckled.

“He just wanted to tease you! He likes you or he is pretending to like you!”

Anja looked at her like she was out for a kill.

“Nice way to show that you like someone, for real or pretended!”

“Aish, sometimes he is just a little kid, so you just should forget about it!” Lin advised.

“Well, sorry, but he is no kid anymore so therefore he shouldn’t act like one! You know how I can feel insecure about my writing!” Anja muttered.

Melanie, Lin and I all smiled and tried the best to hide our laughter.

“You are just insecure because it’s him!” Melanie stated.

“Yes, well, whatever! The next time he is complaining about my script I will just kick his and tell him to it up and be more professional! Little brat! Gosh, I’m so mad that…”

Her sentence was cut by a small knock on the door.

Lin walked over to the intercom to check on who was interrupting them.

“Yoboseo?” she asked.

“Uhm, Lin-ah, it’s me, Kyuhyun, can I come in for a second?”

Melanie and I raised our brows and Anja snorted crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Lin rolled her eyes and opened the door.

A smile appeared on my face when I saw a very awkward looking Kyuhyun standing in the door, holding a bouquet of flowers.

I nudged Melanie’s side.

Oh god, this was so cute.

Kyuhyun rubbed his neck in a shy way before he looked at Anja with a sheepish smile.

Lin stepped aside to let Kyuhyun in, but he just kept standing in the doorframe.

He held out the flowers.

“Those are for you!” he stated and looked at Anja.

I could see the blush on Anja’s cheek.

“Uh, what for?” she asked sounding totally irritated.

I chuckled.

“He probably wants to say sorry, dummy!” Melanie said with an evil grin on her face.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes.

“Neh, mianhae! I think I kinda acted a bit…uh…”

“Childish?” Anja helped him out with a piqued note in her voice.

Obviously the momentary shock of him being in front of her with flowers faded away and she remembered being mad at him.

“Uhm, I wanted to say like an , but if you prefer to call it childish, it’s fine with me! I’m still kinda young, so I’m allowed to make mistakes!” Kyuhyun said with an adorable smile.

I watched Anja’s reaction.

I smirked.

I was sure she just fell harder for the adorable idiot standing there with this handsome smile of his.

“So you came up with flowers? Isn’t that a bit cheesy for you?” Anja asked sounding like she had to force herself to stay mad at him.

Kyuhyun shrugged.

“Well, I’ll take it as practice as your girly mind obviously came up with a lot more cheesy stuff for me to act out in your drama!”

Anja glared at him and I rolled my eyes.

Idiot, Kyuhyun!

“Girly mind?” Anja asked, before picking the last cushion from the couch (the other I threw at Melanie before) and threw it right at him.

Kyuhyun dodged it skillfully.

“Yah, why are you throwing things at me? I’m the one apologizing with flowers here!” Kyuhyun said slightly annoyed.

“Ah, maybe my girly mind doesn’t think that the flowers are cheesy enough for me to accept your apology!” Anja said matching his annoyed tone.

Melanie snorted, Lin (god bless her) took out her iPhone to film the whole scene and I just couldn’t help myself, I had to laugh so hard at Kyuhyun’s dumbfounded face.

“What? Google said flowers would work and they do in all the dramas!” Kyuhyun stated totally convinced of his knowledge.

Anja blinked.

“You googled how to apologize to a girl?” she asked incredulous, temporarily forgetting her annoyance.

Once again Kyuhyun was back to his shy self.

“Well, it kinda has been long ago since I last dated so I just thought it might be a good idea to look for some advice!”

Oh god, he was so adorable!

I watched Anja’s face softening.

Go, Kyuhyun, soon you will have her!

“So, please, forgive your stupid boyfriend who has no idea of dating and even has to google “how to apologize to your girlfriend”! Even though I still think your script is cheesy!”

Anja’s face darkened once again.

Not good!

Kyuhyun noticed his mistake and was quick to carry on.

“BUT even if it’s cheesy, it probably will be a grand success with the audience, since obviously not everyone is so rational concerning cheesiness as me! Donghae might think it totally romantic, most girls probably will too, especially since I’m the male lead! Girls totally will fall in love with my cheesy romantic handsome acting and therefore I will get more fans and so I probably should be thankful to you! I mean, it’s totally unlike me to be that cheesy and so fans will come to know a new side of me, which I actually don’t possess since I’m not cheesy at all! Probably they will start to call me RomanceKyu, even though I think it’s more cheesy than romantic! Hopefully I won’t be called CheesyKyu! That would be no nice image! But since I’m a very forgiving boyfriend I still won’t kill you even if they’ll call me CheesyKyu, so therefore you could find it in your heart to forgive me to, don’t you think? Can you say no to that handsome face of mine?”

Wow!

I blinked.

Melanie blinked.

Anja blinked.

Lin chuckled.

“I think I never heard you talk so much!” I said in awe.

“I’m confused! Did he apologize in that long rant about his own awesomeness?” Melanie questioned.

“I have absolutely no idea!” Lin said with a chuckle.

“Seriously, girls are sometimes slow! Of course I apologized, so can you accept my apology?” Kyuhyun said impatiently looking at Anja.

Anja snapped out of her irritation.

“I’m really not sure if that was a proper apology, but since I’m afraid you will start another rant that no one will get, I will accept! Guys are really not good with words at all!” she said, walking over to Kyuhyun and taking the flowers out of his hand.

“Yah, I’m good with words!” Kyuhyun said a bit irritated.

“No, you are not! Every time we meet you are talking nonsense! I really don’t get you!” Anja stated amused.

Kyuhyun pouted childishly.

“I’m not talking nonsense! I apologized in a totally understandable way!”

We all snorted.

“Yeah, suuuuuuure!” I said amused.

Kyuhyun glared at me.

“What do I have to say for you to understand my apology?” Kyuhyun then said slightly annoyed looking at Anja.

Anja smirked.

“How about: I’m sorry for bashing your script like that!”

Kyuhyun groaned.

“I didn’t bash it, I just said it’s cheesy and girly and…” Kyuhyun stopped and looked at Anja, who glared at him.

“Fine!” Kyuhyun snapped.

“I’m sorry for bashing your script!”

Anja smiled.

“Thanks! See, that wasn’t that hard!”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes.

“Seriously I already apologized before and…”

“I think you better shut up now, Kyuhyun-ah!” Melanie chirped next to me and I nodded agreeing with her.

“Seriously, girls are so weird and…”

Kyuhyun, luck seemed to be on his side, was cut off by another voice coming from behind him.

“HELLO, BEES AND FLOWERS, WHAT’S UP? DID YOU MISS ME?”

We all looked at the beautiful guy showing up behind Kyuhyun with confusion.

“Bees and flowers, hyung? Really?”

Heechul rolled his eyes in an impatient way.

“Really, Kyuhyun-ah, you aren’t that young anymore, did no one ever tell you the story about the bees and the flowers, with the bees representing the males and the flowers representing the females? No? We can have that talk if you want to!”

We all chuckled, especially as we saw Kyuhyun’s frightened and disgusted face.

“No, thanks! I really don’t want to have that kind of talk with you!”

Heechul pouted.

“Sad! I have a lot of information concerning this topic!”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that!” Melanie said amused.

Heechul’s piercing eyes found Melanie, staring at her.

“From what I heard you have some information on that topic, too!”

I blinked and looked from Heechul to Melanie.

“None of your business, Mister!”

Heechul smirked.

“Well, you might be a harder opponent, sadly for you Donghae isn’t! Which is actually good for me! You know, we just had a talk and…”

I raised a brow when Melanie blushed hard next to me.

What was going on?

“Oh, you are evil! Seriously, leave my innocent boyfriend alone, he can’t put up a fight against you!” Melanie said trying to hide her embarrassment.

“Not so innocent anymore, I guess!” Heechul piped.

Melanie blushed and I widened my eyes.

“Okay, this is getting good! Keep going Heechulie-hyung!” Kyuhyun stated with a smirk.

“You better shut up and don’t interfere with the adults, kiddo! At least not before you didn’t kiss your girlfriend to say sorry!” Heechul said with an evil smile.

Oh, he was good.

He probably would use every chance he got to discover that Kyuhyun was actually lying about his relationship to Anja.

I looked from Anja, who took a nervous step back, to Kyuhyun, who smiled at his hyung like he had no care in the world.

I watched with wide eyes as Kyuhyun grabbed Anja’s wrist and pulled her against his body.

I kinda felt awkward watching the scene, but I couldn’t help it, there was no way I would be looking away, as Kyuhyun slowly leaned in to kiss Anja in what seemed to be a rather sweet kiss.

He nipped softly at her lips and I heard Melanie next to me sigh.

“So romantic,” she said with a smile.

I had to agree.

It looked very romantic, for a fake couple.

Kyuhyun ended the kiss and caressed her cheeks slightly.

“Forgive me?” he asked softly.

Anja just nodded.

I smiled.

They were being so cute.

“Great, now out with you! The others are waiting for us to go out and have some party for Donghae’s and Melanie’s first…”

Melanie gasped and Heechul smirked.

“…day as a couple! Kyuhyun, bring your girlfriend, we have to introduce her properly to the other members, don’t we?”

Oh, Heechul was really evil.

Before Anja could protest, Kyuhyun intertwined his fingers with her and pulled her out of the door, the flowers still in her other hand.

Heechul looked at Lin, who almost jumped.

“Already gone!” she said and basically ran from her apartment.

His gaze found me.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

“I won’t leave! For one I know you want to talk to Mel about something interesting, so I want to hear it too and for two I’m not coming with you guys as Kibum and I have a date tonight, so I will be waiting here for him…”

Heechul’s stare intensified and I swear he just send me to either the Antarctic or to the Sahara just with his eyes.

I gulped.

“Or I will meet Kibum in the coffee shop around the corner” I mumbled.

“Good girl!” Heechul said with a smile and I immediately found myself running from the apartment, too.

***later that night***

I had a fun night with Kibum.

We had been to a very horrid stage play, which his manager suggested Kibum to see.

Luckily Kibum thought it just as bad as I did, so we poked fun at it the whole time, having the time of our lives.

Later on we went to his favorite coffee shop only to run into his best friend since childhood, Park Ji Min, who was a really fun guy.

We sat together the whole night, laughing and joking with Ji Min telling some embarrassing stories from Kibum’s childhood.

It was really adorable to see Kibum so happy and at ease.

I smiled seeing his carefree face.

I guess I never saw him like that before.

“Ji Min, stop it, my girlfriend will break up with me, because of your stupid stories” Kibum mumbled embarrassed as Ji Min was about to start a new story.

“Arasseo, I will keep it a secret that you still believed in Santa Claus till you were fourteen!” Ji Min said teasingly.

I laughed out loud.

“You really did that?”

Kibum blushed.

“I did not! I knew he wasn’t real!”

“So why did you still prepare a plate of cookies and a glass of milk!”

“Because I thought Appa might be hungry and thirsty while decorating the living room over night!”

I chuckled.

“Uh hu, sure!” I said in a teasingly disbelieving voice.

Kibum blushed.

It was really an adorable side.

“You two are idiotic! I will head for the toilet to give you time to compose yourself again! And Ji Min, you better don’t tell her more embarrassing stories!” Kibum warned.

“Sure thing! I won’t say a thing!” Ji Min said with an innocent smile.

Kibum glared at him before he walked away with a happy smile on his face.

I watched him go and sighed.

It was good to have such a great night out with him, setting my mind at ease.

I didn’t even think about…

No, Amber, don’t think about him!

“I’m really happy he found you!”

I was brought back from my thoughts by Ji Min’s sincere words.

I looked at him in irritation.

“Why do you say that?”

“I can see that you make him happy! I haven’t seen him that carefree in a long time! Ever since that stupid incidence with Donghae, he wasn’t the same!”

My heart started to pound hard in my chest.

Incidence with Donghae?

Think Amber, think!

My first instinct told me to leave this topic alone as it seemed to be something Kibum didn’t want to tell me about.

My second instinct told me to ask about what Ji Min meant, but maybe he wouldn’t tell me, since he probably would want to protect his friend’s secrets.

So I went with my third instinct.

“Yes, he is way better now!  I think he might be over the whole Donghae thing!”

Oh, you are so good Amber!

My heart beat frantically as I watched Ji Min nod.

“I always told him, that it probably was just a phase, because the two of them hung out so much and didn’t have a lot of contact with others!”

My mind worked overtime.

What exactly was Ji Min trying to say.

“Yes, just a phase!” I agreed trying my best to smile.

Ji Min laughed.

“In a few years he probably will laugh about having ever thought about being in love with Donghae! He was troubled so much by the possibility of him being gay! But look at him now, he is so affectionate with you, he probably already dismissed every thought about it!”

I smiled.

I smiled to not break out in tears.

I felt like someone emptied a bucket full of icy water over my head.

Being in love with Donghae?

Possibility of him being gay?

Oh god!

I felt sick!

“Hey, I’m back! Did he tell you any more lies?” Kibum asked with a smile, before sitting down and kissing my cheek.

He intertwined his fingers with mine.

“Ani, we just talked about this and that!” Ji Min said and all I could do was nod.

I didn’t really follow their conversation anymore.

I was deep in thoughts.

I watched Kibum smiling happily, playing with my fingers, throwing a sweet glance at my direction once in a while.

Being in love with Donghae?

Being Gay?

Suddenly everything clicked.

Everything fell in place.

There was an explanation for Kibum being distant concerning Donghae.

There was a reason for him snapping whenever Melanie was mentioned.

There was a cause for him to withdraw from Super Junior activities for a long time.

He wasn’t cold and acting like an before because that was his character.

He didn’t look hurt because he knew of any feelings I might have for Yesung (damn it, face it Amber, you do have feelings for the turtle guy)!

There was a reason behind everything – and that sole reason was one Lee Donghae, former best friend of Kibum.

Kibum was in love with Donghae.

It all made sense!

I felt tears welling up and tried my best to blink them away.

I glanced at the handsome male next to me and for the first time I saw him clearly.

Beneath his cold and strong appearance there was a confused and frightened guy.

Kibum looked at me and I finally noticed that the love I thought I was seeing in his eyes wasn’t quite as pure as it appeared.

There was a hidden sadness in them that almost broke my heart.

Poor Kibum!

All this time he was suffering alone!

He lost his best friend when he realized he probably would never have a chance with the Fishy Prince, who so obviously wasn’t gay, what with him desperately wanting to have a family and now being madly in love with Melanie.

He tried to spare himself some pain by withdrawing from Super Junior activities, only to earn hurtful comments by fans and being treated kinda distant by his band members.

I thought about some of the hurtful words Yesung had thrown at Kibum, saying he cared just for himself.

My heart clenched.

All this time Kibum had been nothing but selfless, preserving the innocent Donghae from pain, by telling him what was going on with him.

I’m sure Donghae would be heartbroken if he ever would come to know about the pain he caused his former best friend.

Donghae was just sensitive and innocent like that.

He had been selfless when he suffered in silence, trying not to get any of the members involved in his mess.

He had been selfless when he stayed away for a while, trying his best to forget about his feelings and to move on.

Who could blame him if he slowly became more and more distant, more and more cold if he had to fight all those problems by himself for so long.

I squeezed his hand tightly for a moment.

I really felt for him.

Kibum looked at me and I couldn’t help it, I leaned in and hugged him tight.

“Yah, what’s with you?” Kibum asked with a chuckle.

I felt stupid.

I chuckled too.

“Nothing, just suddenly wanted to hug you! Do you have a problem with that?” I asked.

Kibum smiled and kissed me quickly.

Suddenly the kiss didn’t feel like a real kiss anymore, it just felt more like a friendly gesture.

“None at all! You look pale! Are you tired? Do you want us to go home?”

I was totally confused by everything I heard and by what I was feeling.

“Neh, I’m actually really tired!”

Kibum smiled and pinched my nose.

“Then let’s get you home!”

I nodded.

We said our goodbyes to Ji Min with the promise to meet up again soon.

Kibum walked me back to his car and drove back home.

I was silent the whole way, pretending to be asleep.

I felt in pain.

So much pain!

I felt sorry for Kibum and for the secret he had to keep by himself!

If I’m hurting so much for him right now, how much more must he be hurting?

“Amber?” he called out carefully.

I lifted my head from the window and looked at him.

He smiled.

“We are home!”

I looked out of the window to see that he was right.

“Oh, well…uhm…you want to come up with me?” I asked slightly nervous.

Kibum shook his head and there was quick flicker of discomfort in his eyes.

I finally could understand all these weird signals his eyes were giving me.

Either he felt awkward because he might not really feel attracted to me in the way a guy should towards his girlfriend, or he felt bad for probably using me as his way to get over Donghae or he might simply be afraid to run into Donghae.

Whatever the reason was, I didn’t really have to know, I finally could understand the trouble Kibum had to go through and I felt for him.

Poor Kibum!

Poor Kibum was all my mind could come up with.

I leaned in and kissed his cheek before I pulled back and smiled at him sincerely.

“It’s okay, Kibum, everything! I’ll be here for you from now on! Good night!”

I quickly stepped out of the car before he could question me about my weird words.

I entered the apartment building and watched as Kibum drove away.

Suddenly I felt cold.

Cold and alone!

I felt heartbroken for the guy that had to suffer so much!

I felt heartbroken myself as the guy I thought I’m in love with never really could be mine!

I felt heartbroken for myself since I finally knew that I was in love with someone else, but couldn’t possibly be with him as long as Kibum needed me.

I felt so sad and badly wished for a shoulder to cry on.

I stepped into the elevator that brought me up to the level of my apartment.

I slowly stepped out and walked along the hallway, passing the door that probably contained the one person I actually really missed and wanted to see right now.

I sighed.

But probably this time my heart would encounter one-sided love as the one person that made my heart feel troubled probably didn’t feel the same.

I tried to be strong and just go to my apartment to sleep away all my problems, but that door had a magic pull to it.

Without me intending to I found myself knocking at the door.

I didn’t need to wait for long before the door was pulled open.

I looked up at a cute sleepy face and I found a smile forming on my lips.

It was obvious that Yesung had been sleeping, judging from his tired eyes, his messed up hair and his wrinkled clothing.

“Amber? Something wrong?” he asked worried.

I shook my head and took in his whole appearance.

He was really a handsome man and damn hot, Melanie definitely is right!

I watched as his eyes slowly cleared up and changed from looking worried to something dark, almost angry.

“You shouldn’t be here!” he murmured.

I didn’t care.

I knew that this was a stupid idea, probably more than he knew it.

I was the one in love with him after all!

I was the one in a relationship I couldn’t ever possibly end!

I was the one having to keep secrets that weren’t my own!

“I…I just…I needed some company” I mumbled, becoming nervous beneath Yesung’s stare.

He didn’t say anything.

I bit my lip.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

Yesung groaned and stepped aside.

I walked in and headed for the living room until I noticed that he wasn’t following me.

Yesung stood, with his back to me, still at the door.

“How was your date with Kibum?” he suddenly asked.

My heart dropped and I faked a smile.

“It was lovely! Kibum is a really good boyfriend!”

I jumped when suddenly Yesung’s fist collided with the wall next to the door.

***Yesung’s POV***

I had enough.

Being a good hyung and friend .

I hated myself for constantly being angry at everyone.

I’m the nice guy, for heaven’s sake!

I’m never mean!

I’m a caring hyung, a good listener, a happy guy!

But I seriously had enough.

“You need to stop showing up here!” I said determined as I retrieved my fist from the wall.

This had to end.

I couldn’t be Amber’s friend while she was dating my dongsaeng.

“What?”

“You have to go!” I said and swirled around to look at her.

I pointed to the door.

Amber looked at me with her eyes wide open.

“What? Why?”

I groaned.

“Because I can’t take this anymore! I hate myself the way I am!”

I stiffened when Amber walked over to me.

“Oppa, are you ill? This isn’t like you? Why are you so mad all the time these days?” Amber asked worried and tried to touch my forehead.

I grabbed her wrist to stop her.

“Just, I beg you, Amber, go!” I pleaded.

Her proximity made it hard for me to resist.

I could feel the soft skin of her wrist and I instantly let go.

“Oppa, what’s wrong with you?” Amber asked once again.

“Just go” I whispered hoarsely, trying my best to hold back.

Suddenly Amber’s eyes showed a stubborn determination.

“No! Not before you didn’t tell me what’s up with you! I can’t stand you being angry at me! So tell me, what I have done!”

I groaned.

Such a stupid stubborn girl.

“Please Oppa” she asked pleadingly.

I snapped.

“You want to know, what’s wrong with me?” I asked dangerously.

I watched her gulp nervously and then she nodded.

Damn her and her wonderful innocent trusting eyes!

I suddenly grabbed her arms and swirled us around making her back coming in contact with the wall.

Her eyes widened in shock and she gasped.

Her sweet lips opened slightly and I couldn’t help it anymore.

I leaned in to capture her lips with mine.

She once again gasped making it possible for my tongue to enter without any difficulties.

I noticed the sweet taste of , the soft way her body melted against mine, the small noises that left her mouths and her hands finding their way into my hair, playing with the strands in a relaxing way.

I groaned.

I never imagined our first kiss to be this intense, that passionate and aggressive.

I wanted it to be sweet and romantic.

I pulled back slightly and saw her heavy breathing, her lips slightly parted and her eyes still closed.

She was beautiful.

Romantic!

I promised myself to make this a romantic moment as I let go of her shoulders and cupped her cheeks between my hands carefully, caressing her cheekbones with my thumbs.

I slowly leaned in, placing my lips on hers in a gentle probing way.

Our lips just brushed against each other in the lightest way.

Our tongues searched the other’s in an almost frightened way.

Every brush and move was slow and careful.

My heart beat like crazy and I could feel hers beating just as fast.

“Sungie” she moaned softly as I pressed my body closer to hers.

I stopped as I could hear the irritation and sadness in her voice.

There was no emotion her heart could hide from mine.

I slowly let go of her and her eyes fluttered open.

“I…I’m sorry…but…”

I smiled.

I knew what she was going to say.

“You have to go?” I asked suddenly feeling all calm.

She nodded.

“Uhm, good night!” she mumbled, before she broke free from my touch and quickly headed for the door.

“Jaljayo” I whispered watching her go.

I felt mad and restless for the last few weeks, but now I felt calm.

My heart calmed down as it knew what her heart was trying to tell me before.

Our hearts spoke the same language.

She loved me.

For the first time in a long while I went to bed with a smile on my lips.

I listened to my heart beat.

The same heart beat as hers.

People might call me crazy or weird, but I knew that our hearts belonged together.

They beat for each other.

The smile disappeared from my lips.

Kibum!

There was still no way I would hurt my dongsaeng!

I never could be the one responsible of his heartbreak!

_________________________________________

DUN DUN DUN!

Okay....what do you think?

Hate it?

Love it?

Hate me?

I'm sorry *does the sorry sorry dance* to all Kibum fans! T_T

It wasn't planned from the beginning...it just kinda happened!

JUST LEAVE A COMMENT to tell me what you think and to prevent me from doing more stupid things :P

Brina