Hey guys! So one more chapter and i am done with spy my heart. Wow this book has to be my longest one yet. At first when i first started it was just gonna be Lee Joon and Alex no drama with Jongup or Jr...but a few chapter's in i was just overcome with idea and exploded on paper. Thus creating the lenghthy book spy my heart...

I hope you enjoy this chapter even though i cried while writing it. Note to self: Do not hear depressing songs when writting a sad scene. I was to emotionally invested in this chapter. I found myself in denial..I was like 'damn it whyyy'. I wanted to change it, but then i remembered not every story ends happily.

Please don't hate me for this chapter

Alex point of view

                “Damn it!” I grumbled under my breath as I spat blood onto the street. I glared at Lee Joon with annoyance. An arrogant smirk filled his features. “Don’t you think that was too much?” I hissed wiping my bloody lip.

                “Did you not want it too look real?” He breathed out as he circled me. “You have done worse to me.” Lee Joon lifted a dark eyebrow lifting his hand up he pointed to his now blackened cheekbone. I scowled at him completely pissed off. I felt my now black hair stick to my sweaty face and neck. My curls tangling into a hot mess. “Are you sure this is going to work?”

                “I know that bastard more than anything! I can sense the Agents on the roof with sniper’s pointing at us. Now make it look real so we can end this!” I growl launching at him.

                This is all part of the plan. What plan you are asking? Well, my ingenious plan! It is fool proof. The guys tried to talk me out of it saying it was dangerous. Saying that this won’t work. But I know it will. This will work. You know why? Because I am a ing boss that’s why. No not really. This will work because I know Jr. I know how he thinks. I know what he will do. What was the plan?

                The plan was simple. Lee Joon and I are bait. We will pretend that Lee Joon came here to finish his mission. We will fight in the middle of a crowded street trying to kill each other. We have to go all out or Jr will suspect something. While we fight Jongup will take the South Korean Agents up to the roofs trapping Jr up there. The South Korean’s have enough evidence to arrest him on attempts to attack their county and ours. How did we get the South Korean’s here? You are just ing full of damn questions aren’t you!

                Remember yesterday when I told Lee Joon to make a call? Well the call was to South Korea. I knew we couldn’t do this alone. We needed back up and that back up was them. Smart right. I have been known to be quite the genius. The South Korean’s arrived this morning, Jongup picked them up along with Daesung and debriefed them while Lee Joon and I caused havoc. Which is what we are exactly doing right now. We cleared this street not that long ago with our gun fight. Oh the beauty of ignorance. We weren’t gonna hurt them.

                “They can’t hear us!” Lee Joon yelled at me in rage as he went to hit me. I quickly dodged ducking down then swiping my leg under his feet. Calculating my move he jumped up making me miss.

                “I know!” I yelled back standing back up. I leaned back doing a backflip to avoid a fist he sent flying towards me. This whole time we were putting up a play. Yelling at each other about some stupid knowing that Jr doesn’t have audio on us. I am pretty sure at one point I yelled at him that I wanted a freaking doughnut and I even started crying. Which sadly, I do want a doughnut. I should so get one when this is all over. Chocolate glazed! Yes! Do they have dunkin doughnuts here? “We have to end this! Jr is waiting for you to kill me first then he will kill you. Or I kill you then he kills me. Either way he will kill both of us.”

                “So might as well go out with a bang!”

                “What you mean!” I asked confused. I ran towards Lee Joon throwing a punch towards him. Lee Joon quickly dodged with almost animal like grace. “What the hell? Are you a panther?!”

                “There is something I need to get off my chest!” Lee Joon yelled. I watched his face in confusion. Is this an act? But he looks so serious! His dark eyes stared right at me with sincerity and a fire of determination. “I am so angry that you kissed him!”

                “Kissed who!”

                “Jongup!” Lee Joon roared. Oh ! His hands at his sides. My eyes widen in shock as I froze in place. What the hell? “I do not normally use foul language, but what the hell! I am ing pissed Alex!”

                “Lee Joon! We talked about this!”

                “No! You talked about this! Not me! You did not let me say !”

                “Are you serious, right now?” I exclaimed lifting my hands in emphasis. “We can’t do this right now!”

                “Yes! I am serious! And I am doing this right now!” He took a step forward. I stepped back in caution. His eyes blazed with purpose and irritation. I felt my heart quicken. Is it wrong that I am finding him extremely hot right now? Damn it, Alex! Focus! “You do not see how much I love you!”

                “What!” My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I forgot all of my problems. I watched completely frozen in place like a statue as Lee Joon walked towards me.

                “I have never told you this before! Actually, I do not believe I have told anyone this!” Lee Joon breathed out. He looked down thinking something over. I muttered out his name staring at him with caution. We can’t do this now, Lee Joon. We have like fifteen sniper rifles aiming towards our heads. I can’t do this! “I love you! It pained me when I saw you kiss him.”

                “Lee-“

I couldn’t finish what I was going to say because this bastard immediately got terrifyingly close to me. I felt his warm hand slink around my waist pulling me towards him. We were chest to chest. I felt his warm coffee breath fanned my face. I narrowed my eyes at him ignoring my racing heart and the sparks igniting through my body. This bastard lied to me this morning. He told me he went out for a run not for coffee. I wanted some. He could have brought me a damn doughnut. I was about to open my mouth to argue with him about his lies about this morning, but at that moment I felt his free hand caress my right cheek.

“I love you, Alex. I do not want to lose you. I know it may be selfis-“

“L-Lee Joon, this is not the time.” I stuttered.

“Yes it is. Frankly I believe I will not get another opportunity to tell you how I really feel about you.” We searched each other’s eyes. I felt my eyes water as I silently pleaded him not to do this. I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve Jongup. I don’t deserve any of them. I am a . I am a horrible person. I deserve to be alone. Both Jongup and Lee Joon deserve a better girl than me. “I love you.”

And with that he closed the distance between our lips. Fireworks erupted into the sky as the earth shook under us. My heart hammered out of my chest. I felt his hands pressed me tighter against him. Our lips moved furiously against each other with passion. I let out a soft moan as I lifted my arms wrapping them around his neck. God what am I doing? I am going to have my own special place in hell for doing this! But I can’t stop. The same thing I felt with Jongup all these years I feel with Lee Joon. I feel sparks ignite through my body as it heated up into insane temperatures. My heart hammered as if it was trying to break out of my chest. It couldn’t handle all this. It couldn’t be torn between two men. I have never noticed these sparks before in those two weeks Lee Joon and I were together. Maybe because I was too focused on other things. Ugh I don’t even know. I deepened our kiss tangling my fingers in his dark silky hair. Then I heard shots.

. I pulled away from Lee Joon in panic looking up at the roofs. I can see Agents scrambling.

“What’s going on?” Lee Joon breathed out. “Is it us?” Another shot fired. I watched as someone went down. I shook my head breathing heavily. Another shot fired. It’s not us.

“Something went wrong!” I exclaimed as I went to move forward running towards the building. I can hear shouting as well as running all around us. There are Agents on the ground. I turned in shock to see Ailee with a small army of men coming near to us. They ran towards a building. Everyone looked completely frantic and panicked. I can see Jay Park look at me with panicked eyes. “What’s-“

Another shot echoed through the air. Everything happened in slow motion as I looked towards the roof were it came from. My eyes widen in horror as I saw Jr stand on the edge of the roof with his gun aiming towards me. The shot is for me. I don’t even have time to move.

“Nooo!”

“Alex!”

I heard everyone’s voices echo through my ears. I was frozen in place just staring at Jr with a horrified expression. This is not a part of my ingenious plan. I guess I am not getting that doughnut. I closed my eyes waiting for the bullet to make an impact on me, but it never came. I snapped my eyes open in shock. I’m not dead? The gun was aimed right at me. I touched my chest in panic not feeling any holes or even blood. No pain? Why the gun was aimed right at me? As if answering my question I heard Lee Joon yell out a name.

“Daesung!” His voice rang through the air as he ran to my side falling to his knees.

My chest clenched in fear. A heavy lump formed in my throat. I felt my body shake in fear as I looked down slowly with wide eyes. No. I let out an anguished cry as I fell to my knees. No. No. This can’t be happening. I looked down at Daesung’s fallen body with tears streaming down my face. With shaky hands I touched his body moving him to face me. His brown eyes is flooded with his tears as he stared up at me. His blonde hair scattered across his forehead.  He seemed to be choking on his own breath. He is struggling to breathe.  I looked down at his chest to see the bullet went in his stomach just below his ribs. It was full of blood. God! There is so much blood!

“No. No!” I cried as I frantically pressed my hand on his wound to put pressure. His blood oozed out covering my hands in the warm red liquid. I felt the hole under my fingers making more tears come down my eyes. “No. Please. No! You annoying pain in my ! You can’t!”

 I need to stop the bleeding. Daesung groaned in pain upon feeling my hands. Seeing the situation and my panic Lee Joon quickly ripped off his shirt revealing his bare chest. I can hear him tearing his shirt apart. 

“Alex?..... You’re… ok!” Daesung wheezed out. He let out a groan rolling his eyes back then back to me. His face contorted to that of pain.

“You ! What the hell were you thinking?” I yelled as I continued to sob. “Why did you run in front of the bullet?”

“Wanted…to ..save the day.”

“!” I sobbed. “I should kill you!”

“Already…getting there.”

“No! You’re not! Not on my watch.” I yelled. I turned towards Lee Joon to see him moving towards me holding his torn shirt up. I nodded my head and helped him wrap Daesung. If Daesung is to survive he needs to go to the hospital now. “Get one of these cars that is abandoned and take him to the hospital. I will distract them long enough.”

“No-“ Lee Joon went to argue.

“Don’t ing argue with me, Lee Joon!” I roared. I motioned towards one of the cars. It was a large green minivan that the drive left open in quick haste on running away during our gun fight. It had a path safe enough for Lee Joon to speed out and race towards the nearest hospital. I grabbed Daesung’s gun behind his back making him groan. I switched off the safety and made sure it was loaded. I turned back towards Lee Joon to see him still there. I let out a menacing growl at him. “I said go!”

“The blonde is down.” I heard Jay Park inform to other agents. I snapped my head towards him furiously. They planned this. This was all their plan. I felt myself shake in rage as all I saw was red. With a loud yell I started to shot at the agents. “Alex is ing pissed! She is shooting back. I repeat! We are taking fire!”

“Alex! We are not your enemy!” Ailee’s voice echoed in panic. “Hold your fire. Everyone hold your fire! Don’t shot Alex! All Agents take out, Jr. I repeat all Agents take out Jr.”

I continued to fire at them ignoring their pleas for me to stop. I ignored the fact that they weren’t shooting back. They just dodged the bullets hiding behind abandoned cars. I can hear Lee Joon start the minivan and screech away from the scene. That didn’t stop me. I continued to shoot them. I was pissed. I will kill every last one of them. They deserve it. And if…If Daesung doesn’t make it. I felt more tears go down my face as I clenched my jaw. If he doesn’t make it. I will kill every last one of them then find them in hell.

It was chaos here. Gunshots echoed through the sky along with my yells. Then I was empty even so I still clicked the trigger just letting the noise of the empty barrel click through the air. I breathed heavily as I bent down feeling my anger leave me. All I felt was sadness and anger. I dropped the gun to the ground. Why did he jump in front of the bullet? He is such an idiot! Other gun shots echoed, but it wasn’t aimed at me. Then all at once they all stopped. This was not part of the plan. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Sure I expected Jr to shoot us, but Jongup was supposed to arrest him first. Man I am such an idiot. I can’t believe I thought this plan would have worked.

“Alex?” I heard Jay Park’s voice say out loud cautiously. I refused to look up. “Alex we need you! We are sorry about your friend, but we need you.” Everyone dies or gets seriously hurt around me.

“Alex! Please! Kris…Kris!” Ailee sobbed out. I snapped my head up. The lump on my throat got bigger as my chest clenched tighter. I shook my head no. It had to be a lie. As if showing me to come back to reality I look at Ailee and Jay Park. They were crying like full out. Red nose and all. “She’s gone!”

“W-who?” I choked out. Even though I knew the answer I still wanted to know. I felt like I couldn’t breath as I was shaking furiously. My heart was beating in fear. This is no time to cry over this, Alex. You have to get revenge. For Kris. For Daesung. For everyone. I immediately locked away my emotions only feeling rage course through me.  Ailee and Jay Park stayed silent. This pissed me off. “Who!” I yelled.

“Jr!” They answered.

“Give me your gun!” I breathed out. They stared at me with wide eyes. “Give me the gun now!” Jay Park quickly pulled out his pistol placing it on my extend hand. I clutched the cool metal for dear life. “I want all the injured Agents taken care of. The rest of the Agents are to head back to base and prepare to go back to the States. I want you to contact Hyori and debrief her on everything that has happened here. Where is she?”

Both of them just stared at me wide eyed bewildered then they slowly lifted their hand towards the building I saw Jr standing on. Without hesitation I ran towards it, but not before hearing Ailee give my orders to the other Agents. I guess I’m in charge now that Jr is down. It was a two story building of some bakery. I took the stairs two at a time ignoring the different Agents I passed by.

 I busted the roof door open. A scowl filled my features as I stared at Jr being handcuffed by South Korean Agents. Everyone stared at me in silence. I can see them shiver upon feeling the anger radiating off of me. Noticing my glare, Jr looked up at me. I let out a growl as his lips lifted into a smirk. I marched forward thinking of sticking the gun up his and shooting.

“Alex?” I looked down to see Onew lying on the ground. He used his elbow to prop himself up. .

His face was completely red and stained with his tears. He had blood trailing down his nose as that area blackened. I stared at him in shock to see that his knee was shot. There was a trail of blood behind him showing he crawled. His brown eyes looked lifeless as they stared up at me pleading. He held her in his arms.

My breathing quickened as my eyes trailed down to her. All the walls I put up immediately fell apart. I walked slowly towards them taking staggering steps. My hands extended towards her. She was completely pale. I mean Kris was pale before now it was sickly pale. Her lips weren’t as pink as they were before. The glow of life left her completely. Her eyes were closed. I shook my head as I sobbed out her name. Upon seeing me so broken, Onew started to cry again. He clutched Kris’s lifeless body close to him.

My vision was completely blurred by my tears. This isn’t happening. She isn’t. I bent down next to Onew dropping my gun to the ground. I grabbed her hands to only feel them freezing cold. I sobbed her name again while I leaned over her. I can’t feel her heartbeat. I can’t feel her heartbeat!  

“She’s gone!” I hear Onew sob out.

I felt his arms wrap around me as we continue to cry. I can feel the eyes of everyone on the roof on us. Like I give a what they think about me now. My best friend is dead. Then I felt it like a tsunami slamming against a building. You know those stages of grief. They hit me hard making me feel like I am suffocating. First denial.

“No.” I moaned pulling away. “No. She can’t be dead.” Since I joined the Bureau I was always trained to accept death of other’s automatically. My job was surrounded by death most of which I caused. I always did as I was trained, except one other time. When Jongup died. “She’s not dead!” I sobbed looking down at Kris.

“Alex.” I heard Onew breath out. He went to hold me, but I forced myself away from him. I grabbed Kris’s shoulder’s shaking her lifeless body violently.

“She’s not dead! Kris wake up so I can slap the hell out of you for doing this to me. Wake up! Damn it!”

“She isn’t going to wake up, Alex. She is gone.” He went to grab me, but I just thrashed everywhere sobbing out in pain. I kept screaming no as I still tried to wake Kris up. Onew finally trapped me in his arms. We were both laying on the ground next to Kris since Onew couldn’t move his leg. I know he didn’t care about the pain. He was to broken inside to care about the outside. I tightened my hold on his shirt just crying into his chest. I kept saying no. She’s not dead. She can’t be dead. She was fine. She can’t. She is just joking now. So that I can be pissed off. She is trying to get on my nerves. “She’s gone.”

“No.” I moaned.

Second Anger.

 I pulled away from Onew snapping my head towards Jr. He was watching us with complete amusement. It’s his fault. I grabbed my gun. I sniffed as I stumbled towards him never taking my eyes off of him. I glared at him with pure loathing. I felt some of the South Korean agents stand in front of him protectively trying to keep me away.

“This is your fault! This is all your fault! I am going to kill you.” I bellowed. “You killed her. You hurt Daesung! You killed Kris! You son of a . When I am done with you. You will wish you were a model citizen.”

I ran towards him going to aim my gun towards him. In quick haste an agent ran towards me to stop me, but I only pistol whipped them to the side. Another agent ran towards me. I yelled at them to stay out of my way. I knocked down five agents before all hell broke loose. Agents went to hold me back as I yelled profanities at Jr. I tried to escape from their hold, but more agents came to hold me back. There was at least fifteen or twenty agents holding me back. I went to lunge forward towards Jr screeching at him, but all the agents pulled me back. They all yelled at me to stop.  I felt hands try to pry the gun off my hands with no avail. Shots fired into the air as I kept trying to aim the gun at Jr. I sobbed out my anger not caring anymore. Jr just looked at me laughing his off. I let out a growl lunging forward again. I am going to wipe his smile on the ground. The Joker is going to want to copy his look when I am done with him.

 I felt arms wrap around my waist. By the sparks going through my body I instantly knew who it was.

“Alex, calm down.” Jongup whispered in my ear. I immediately stopped yelling and relaxed in his hold. Letting out a soft hiccup from all the crying, I turned in his arms. His face covered by a hoodie making it hard to see his face from the darkness. But I knew it was him. Only he and Lee Joon can make me feel like this. Lee Joon’s at the hospital so I know it’s Jongup.  Jongup lifted his arm up to caress my cheek. “He is not worth revenge. Trust me. He is not worth it. Your friend wouldn’t want this.”

Finally acceptance.

“She’s gone?” I said with a shaky voice. Fresh tears slowly made their way down my cheeks. He simply nodded. Without wasting more time I wrapped my arms around his neck burying my face on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Kris! I’m so sorry.” I choked out into his chest. I felt Jongup’s hand rub my back in comfort as he whispered that everything will be ok in my ear. “I didn’t protect her! I’m sorry Kris!”

For what seemed like hours I stayed in Jongup’s arms apologizing to Kris. I was sorry about her death. I was sorry that I couldn’t avenge her. I was sorry I couldn’t protect her. I was sorry for not being with her. I cried till I was out of tears.